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Make love to yourself?
  • ineverknewineverknew
    Posts: 1,173
    Could this be why so many of us have problems reaching great success with aneros products?  I have always thought of masturbation/Aneros use as mechanical, a means to an end.  But just very recently things have changed.  I yearn for the feelings I get from my aneros, I crave it.  I am beginning to enjoy my time during my sessions, lightly stroking different parts of my body, playing with my nipples, and all of this seems to be producing great results.  I am not there yet, but I am just wondering if this may be one of the missing keys in this large mysterious puzzle.  To put it another way, I'm a guy, you just rub your dick and boom. Aneros use is very different, in the sense that you cant just rub something and then the boom.  I wonder if you have to actually wine and dine your own body, get it in the mood, make love to it just like you would your significant other.  Let me know what you guys think about this theory.  Thanks in advance.
  • Theme_GasmTheme_Gasm
    Posts: 776
    You are 100% correct!

    TG
  • mackmack
    Posts: 33
    I think there is a lot to be said about this I feel that after we get over the main goal to have an orgasm we begin to enjoy the real pleasures.I also have begin to enjoy the different phases of each session to relax and give your self up,as a male we have a history in making love as being the active one,this is something that we have to change during our sessions.
  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 923
    What a remarkable thread. Yes it would be brilliant To actually love your body, look after it and enjoy its company. It is the closest earthly friend we ever have. What an opportunity for a real intimate relationship. Just think of the magic when two people who love their bodies get together the borderline between each would disappears and the celebration would blur self to self, self to other, other to self. But yes I want to love my body, I am beginning to make it nice. I cut back some of the scrub yesterday, it looks good. Hurray for Aneros. It is an amazing facilitator. It think it is because it aids in releasing deep seated joy and is not just focused on sexual release.
    To love ones body would release a sexual energy that is profound, life affirming, healing, bringing our warring part together into a wholeness. I must stop hear my mind is running away from me, by body is clicking its heels ...... About time!
  • TurnrowTurnrow
    Posts: 156

    Great Thread, ineverknew.

    For the last five years or so I have tried to do just that with the big M, stroking, edging, and savoring the wonderful feelings in my body to up my libido and overcome the effects of aging. I even called it making love to my body in my mind.

    I am glad to see your thread on this subject with the aneros.  Although I am only in the training wheel stages, relaxing and savoring the feelings, making love to myself focusing mentally have given me the most results in this rewiring, non penis journey.

  • braveneworldbraveneworld
    Posts: 1,086
    @ineverknew And now you begin to see what only the rewired experienced of us see! Well done, now you begin to understand why all us experienced guys can say is "sit back and enjoy the ride"," Let go LUKE let the force (aneros) guide you" (starwars)
    It only makes sense once you get a sniff of it correct?

    I am not sure where I heard this but it rings true to "Making love to yourself"

    MOVEMENT IF LIFE.
    Movement creates pleasure. Yes movement is mechanical like you said but that is just the driving force. 
    We are designed for pleasure from movement inside and out.
    Just swallowing food causes pleasure if you think about it. Your gullet moves to pull the food down to your stomach. It does actually feel good unless it is too hot and then it feels BAD real Bad.

    This brings forth the age old question "is being a vegetable in a hospital bed living" ?
    I would rather be dead but you could argue that your heart is moving and your lungs are too, even if they are being forced to. 
    If its not doing it by its own then????????

    Movement, the feeling of movement enjoy it before its gone.
  • BigOluverBigOluver
    Posts: 244
    You are 100% right. I have a year of aneros experience under my belt now and I now knows what it feels to bring self love to ones self. I can rub my belly or just rub my chest or my inner thighs and get so hot and bothered but in a good way. I actually can say i make love to my self every night.
  • darwindarwin
    Posts: 1,304
    If you really want to run with this...

    Get out some oil, maybe olive oil, stand in front of a mirror naked, maybe with candlelight, and use the oil to make your body a little slick.  Now start making love to your whole sensuous body with your slippery hands.  Your hands are those of a partner, or yourself, who is discovering the beauty of your body, appreciating it, and getting turned on by arousing you this way.

    Another component to this is to allow yourself to envision your whole pectoral region as an extended part of your nipple, like a male breast that needs loving similar to that of a woman.

    Finally, once really aroused, wipe off excess oil and hop into bed for your session.

    Darwin
  • brinebrine
    Posts: 301
    GREAT perception, ineverknew. I agree. This is a whole different ball game in a million ways. I think you hit on one of the wonderful distinctives of the Aneros journey. 

    Love the awakening this process gives us all - including the paradigm shift of looking and and experience things in such different and exciting ways!

    brine
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 629

    I wonder if you have to actually wine and dine your own body, get it in the mood, make love to it just like you would your significant other.  Let me know what you guys think about this theory.  Thanks in advance.


    This is genius! (period, exclamation mark, light bulb and all)
    You are definitely onto something.

    I managed to do it only for a few brief instants but it sure struck home.
    You brilliantly put it with the title : "make love to yourself"
    Kind of hard to make sense of it maybe.
    But be simple. Give love.
    It changes everything...
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 629
    I had been wrong earlier in my journey by trying to fuuck myself... How limited, ugly, tensed and stupid that was!... Loving and mating is so much more.
  • ineverknewineverknew
    Posts: 1,173
    Great responses so far guys.  I guess this does kinda make sense in a way.  Now the hard part, how to achieve this.  I've come close a few times, maybe it just takes time.
  • Your best sex organ and the largest is your brain.Use it to create a scene that makes you want sex.Focus on your prostate,not your penis.Contact with other body parts is good,leave the cock alone. This has worked well for me,take your time and go slow.Try different positions,you can't tell what will trigger the big one
  • awired50awired50
    Posts: 132
    @aneros_user54626 Your best sex organ and the largest is your brain.Use it to create a scene that makes you want sex.

    Well said !
  • AneRicoAneRico
    Posts: 308
    Deleted by author
  • brinebrine
    Posts: 301
    AneRico - 

    There is so much to agree with in your statement! 

    A healthy individual, one who loves him/herself, is the best guarantee of a healthy relationship.

    I am so grateful for my Aneros journey and how it has augmented my self-love. As a result, all of my relationships have improved. 

    Brine
  • ineverknewineverknew
    Posts: 1,173
    @Anerico, deep stuff for sure, thanks for your reply.  This is definitely giving me some stuff to think about and work on since I have never thought of it in this way.  
  • PommiePommie
    Posts: 1,008
    @AneRico,
    This is what Tantric practice is all about.

    Any description of Tantric love is replete with expressions like the ones you have listed; honouring, cherishing, respecting etc.

    Have you by any chance, dabbled in Tantric lovemaking?
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 629

    @Anerico, deep stuff for sure, thanks for your reply.  This is definitely giving me some stuff to think about and work on since I have never thought of it in this way.  



    Funny... Cause you wrote it yourself. Only you couldn't read it as clearly.
  • AneRicoAneRico
    Posts: 308
    Deleted by author
  • devajonesdevajones
    Posts: 157
    I've been following this thread since it was started however I never felt the urge to comment. That changed today.  So far I have agreed with everything said thus far.  Now not to hijack the thread or change topic I'd like to add another dynamic if I may, which may make a few things more clear to those who will read this in the future.

    The reason the this thread caught my eye was 1 it was started by @ineverknew he's a great guy, so I was interested in it for that reason and 2 the title struck me as love making always sounds good to a woman...but the idea of a man making love to himself...even better in my opinion 3 it enabled me to reference it to 2 other guys who i feel just really needs to take their time with themselves.  So as I kept up with it in my mind i thought maybe men are FINALLY getting it!!! 

    I think the art of love making is one that it usually takes men a while to get the hang of.  I should be more clear and say making love to another person (in my experience a woman).  Ever wonder why women LOVE foreplay, love for you to take it slow and cherish us??? I think you guys that try this method out for yourselves find that it heightens the pleasure and enjoyment.  It is the same for women...thus proving that men and women are not really that different in a lot of ways.  

    Now to add to what @AneRico said, lots of times women just want to be sensually made love to because we feel in the moment that the man is into us even maybe in love with us.  That we are beautiful and can conquer the world...thus it boosts our self love.  Now...let me say this because SOMEBODY will read this and think I"m suggesting that women find their self love in a man or sex...thats NOT what I'm saying as I DO NOT believe in that crap...I think self love should come from within FIRST.  However, with that being cleared up, I honestly feel that a woman who is well loved (emotionally and physically) by herself and her partner does have a certain "glow" that i dont notice in other women who are not.

    So I'm saying all that to say, great work guys, let the lessons here carry into the rest of your lives.  I truly think this concept of love will better the world, but a select few have to start by putting that love out into the world.  I honestly think the gems found here have and will continue to spur on a revolution of some sort...
  • PommiePommie
    Posts: 1,008
    @devajones,
    Agree absolutely!

    Thank you so much for stating the woman's perspective. We really need more people like you in this forum.
  • devajonesdevajones
    Posts: 157
    @Pommie thanks so much for your beautiful compliment, I really appreciate it.

    I mentioned in chat that I didnt really convey what I mean.  I'm a night owl, and now that it is well into the morning my mind is able to wrap more clearly around what I was trying to say.  

    Yes women love to be loved on, and how it makes us feel GREAT.  I think the same is true for men (lets be honest what man doenst like to have somebody lavishing their attention and affection on him??? really only the self conscious have a problem with this), and it is very vital for a man to love himself as well.  Now if that starts as physically by making love to himeself and it carries over into other aspects of his life I think he is better for it.

    I honestly feel that if guys take time to just enjoy themselves instead of just jerking madly until all the skin falls off their penis (its a joke ok, dont be so uptight whoever you are reading this and getting hot around the collar), they would truly see and feel how sexy they are.  With that comes confidence and self worth.  When those come into play one's life takes off in a very major way.  Relationships with others are better (or the bad people in your life get lost...which that is a plus too, i know that from experience), life feels better, you project what want effortlessly with out shame or ill ease etc.  Its just a snowball effect.  

    To go further on the point that a well loved person has a glow, if you think of the guys that always get the girl...he probably has that glow.  Thats what attracts women to him, he's comfortable in himself and what he has to offer.  I'm saying this to say whatever you have to do to get that glow do it.  It only benefits you and those around you.  
  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 923
    @devajones,
    Agree absolutely, thank you so much for sharing something so precious. Pity many males grow up so ridden with confusion, social condemnation, and hangups we really are not allowed to explore our sexuality with joy and happiness and freedom.
    You are indeed a treasure.
  • LinumLinum
    Posts: 227
    For a long while now, I have used the expression "to make love", rather than the altogether more utilitarian, "to have sex".  I think there are a small percentage of men who know and use "make love" innately, but for others it is only learnt - often painfully, and often very slowly.

    I think this concept has been my biggest asset in making progress with the aneros, BUT I am not entirely sure which came first, because if anything, my multi-orgasmic experiences have reinforced and enhanced my belief that in an ideal world we should ALWAYS "make love" whenever we have sexual experiences, whether to ourselves or to anyone else.

    Good thread this, and wonderful posts from all.
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 629
    I always made love to my female partners (well I can think of only two times it was not the case) not have sex or fuckk. It's funny I was the only one I didn't do it to.

    I just want to clarify a thing I had the impression was not so obvious from reading others. In "make love" the word that matters is love... Really doesn't matter if you do anything or nothing the most important is the feeling. It is not you make things to yourself in a "love-like" way. No, it is feeling deep love, surging desire rooted in fondly bonding that gets you somewhere else and might make you instinctively, compulsively "make" things... but out of love only. It's like love puts you on autopilot. Not just do things in a lovely way. To me, better not doing anything anyway.

    Maybe some can realize, loving another as always been loving a part of oneself anyway. This is not fundamentally different. It is loving the other in you and loving the you you usually seek in others. In a word: reuniting.

    You dont want to masturbate, you want to mate.

    Good luck figuring the mental puzzle juggling.
  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 923
    @Canacan,

    Quoting "It is loving, loving the other in you and loving the you you usually seek in others. In a word: reuniting."

    Remarkably profound
  • AneRicoAneRico
    Posts: 308
    Deleted by author
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 629
    @AneRico Exactly.
    And I don't think you are hijacking the thread, because the two subjects are deeply interconnected.

    We usualy get love totaly wrong because of these "needy" and "self-rejecting" views we tend to have. I guess the key is realising there is no absolute-self and absolute-other, it is always inter-connected and inter-included. The taoists gave us the ying-yang symbol (aka Taijitu) to remind us of this.

    This is recent for me. I am still working on it. But I had glimpses and intuitions giving me something to hold on. I now tend to believe loving yourself is a prerequisite before loving anybody else "in a positive way".

    And by the way, this "needy" state of mind also acts negatively on many other subjects, starting with the aneros journey milestones. So better learn to move on to another state of mind.
  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 923
    "Love your neighbor as you love yourself"
    That is: the capacity to love another is limited by the capacity of our love of self.
    The critical point is love of self. (Overlooked but pretty obvious)
    A bit simplistic in the company of such giants as AR and C
    I am drowning is such bliss..... Thanks
  • TomasheenTomasheen
    Posts: 224
    I have found this thread very exciting. It is IMHO, opening the mind to freedom from inhibitions and ingrained fears from religious indoctrination. Self love is essentially selfish.You ought to be ashamed of yourself! The elements of guilt, shame, fears of being considered odd, weird are dispensed with and melt away, cast into a black hole!  I read into these posts," Go on man, enjoy, That's what its for!. Don't hold back. You deserve it"
     I loved reading these posts. Thanks.
  • TomasheenTomasheen
    Posts: 224
    I have found this thread very exciting. It is IMHO, opening the mind to freedom from inhibitions and ingrained fears from religious indoctrination. Self love is essentially selfish.You ought to be ashamed of yourself! The elements of guilt, shame, fears of being considered odd, weird are dispensed with and melt away, cast into a black hole!  I read into these posts," Go on man, enjoy, That's what its for!. Don't hold back. You deserve it"
     I loved reading these posts. Thanks.
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 629
    Ok... Something is not working here for me.

    I'll put on my experimental cap once again. Please forgive the nonsense if any.

    @Tomasheen
    I dont really see much against most religious faith here. Most of them will warn you against narcissism... which this is not.

    Love towards others shouldn't be needy. Love of self shouldn't be needy either.

    I'd be interested in @DevaJones' take on what AneRico and I have written from a christian point of view. From what I understand (I have no religious education at all... might be wrong), by doing this, one should find god and god's love within himself and be at peace with the world. How could that be considered "not good".
  • AneRicoAneRico
    Posts: 308
    Deleted by author
  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 923
    @AneRico, I think that phrase only survived in a written form because it was misunderstood. "That seeing they will not see, and hearing they will not hear"
    I found a fascinating couple of lines in the Bhagavad Gita that I will post when I can type it out. This has been my mantra over the last few days as I grapple with this refreshing awakening of love of self
  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 923
    The following phrase 'shimmers' for me.  It is a direct translation without the usual padding for western readers.  For me it is a Sutra: truth embedded in a phrase.

    "Raise self by self, let not the self droop down;
    "for self's friend is self indeed, so too is self's enemy.  (RC Zaehner, The Bhagavad-Gita 6. 5)

    As, who we think we are  becomes who we really are:  reuniting @Canacan = becoming whole = state of bliss = Orgasmic.  It is perhaps the orgasmic energy that give the joy of wholeness. Zaehner creates his own word "Enstacy"  the burst of joy travelling inward rather than outward as in ecstasy.
    - isvara, has dropped a cog, ah well, this too shall pass!

  • BigGlansDCBigGlansDC
    Posts: 865
    Love is both a noun and a verb. Love is a word that is freighted with energy that causes the union of bodies and souls. We feel this energy when we love someone, that longing, that ache. We all have felt it.

    The Aneros was originally invented as a medical device for men to promote good prostate health without having to go to urologists for a prostate massage.

    When I began using the Helix Syn on that fateful Sunday evening, June 3, 2012 for the first time after months of fear and trepidation, I began an amazing journey. I was pleasantly surprised when the Helix Syn slipped in so easily then because I had absolutely no experience with anal play then.

    I use currently Helix Syn, Helix Classic, Eupho Syn, Eupho Classic, Progasm Junior, Maximus, Progasm Classic, Progasm ICE, and Tempo on a regular basis. These models sit on the front bench of my Aneros Team! I get horny just thinking about them.

    The Aneros in its various models has unlocked and gotten me in touch with my body. There is POWER in the awakened prostate! This Aneros power is the sexual energy or buzz emanating from my awakened prostate. This Aneros energy courses throughout my body and permeates my consciousness. This energy is the basis of my ongoing rewiring and my 24/7 Aless which is so blissful yet for me so male! The Aneros makes me glad that I am a man! Just thinking about this makes me horny, almost like a randy teenager! ;) Oh ok, as an aging baby boomer, I can easily control this teenager randiness. ;) :D :D

    For all extensive purposes at age 65, I am a confirmed bachelor, yet the Aneros has made me a more caring man.

    The most wonderful thing is that having 24/7 Aless is so subtle and in the background most of the time. But I can tap into it, make it more overt through meditation, relaxed breathing, subtle Kegels, or just by thinking about it. This Aless is so sweet, laden with pleasure. Now Aless leads me to my Aneros sessions and my Aneros sessions lead me back to Aless. Aless for me is the delayed "bang" I receive from Anerosing, and I have proof in a pulsating prostate. ;)

    There is nothing so sweet and sublime as to let "anal muscle memory", as @braveneworld calls it, lead me to the Aneros autof**k when I get out of the way and allow me to engage in some Aneros loving of the Aneros autof**k!!! ;)

    Thom./BigGlansDC 
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 629
    @BigGlansDC
    Did you confuse this with another thread? LOL
  • BigGlansDCBigGlansDC
    Posts: 865
    No, @Canacan. LOL ;)
  • EhmEhm
    Posts: 177

    Canacan said:

    I had been wrong earlier in my journey by trying to fuuck myself... How limited, ugly, tensed and stupid that was!... Loving and mating is so much more.




    A lot of references to romantic love and tantric and taoist practices. At the moment I'm reading this book by James Clavell 'Tai Pan' all these differences between east and west. One of them was that the Chinese (didn't?) don't have a word for the concept of romantic love like in the west. They also had many wives etc, ironic....
    There is of course the yin and the yang energies and that's  what the mating really seems about.
    So homosexuals(according to the taoists) don't get the full benefit of the erotic practice coz they don't get the yin/earth energy
    It seemes even if there's 'love' in homosexual relationships it's completely irrelevant to taoist thought.
    So it seems to be more about exchanging yin and yang energy, love is completely irrelevant(nonexistent) to the Chinese.
    As a westerner the belief in love does make it tangible.
    So like horoscopes in a way, belief makes it real and it has real effects on body and psyche. Without the belief it doesn´t exist
    I´d like to believe, but in my case it´s probably better to delude myself with other things. What´s certainly the case is that belief is ´welly´ powerful

  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 923
    Perhaps romantic love for the masses is one thing that the West offers to the evolution of human kind. Sure it is over done. The relative safety and wealth has enable most people to form more secure relationships that in turn has allowed romantic love to flourish. It pushes 'love' beyond the need base. In the east punitive measures still exist to discourage romantic love.
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 629
    Love existed in humans all over the globe long before the invention of romantic love. Let's not confuse the two.
  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 923
    My point was that romantic love adds a dynamic to love. Building on what @ehm noted that "believing makes it real". That expressing a belief reinforces the belief etc.. So I am suggesting that western romantic love adds an energy to love, gives it life, makes it more real, increases its opportunities but as in most things increases the risk of abuse. So in loving myself if I add expressive words, reinforce belief, then my love of self takes on a reality that was not there before. (Candles and anointing with oil). My earlier quote from the Bhagavad Gita is very remote but lacks liveliness, but when I add a degree of romantic love I can apply it and enjoy love of the self that I think I am and become more of who I really am.
    I am just searching for that which is beyond words.
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 629
    @isvara
    Your quote was truely great.
    It's this romantic thing I don't see you going very far with. It lacks simplicity and truth. I think one better finds some truth in oneself by experience than in concepts, cultivating beliefs and stage plays.

    It seems to me beliefs work wonders with arousal, vizualisation and pleasure... Less with insight and self devellopement (if at all).
  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 923
    @canacan, I think it is a word meaning difference. Perhaps "romantic" isn't the correct word. Perhaps devotion may be better. Love that is dynamic. I do not want to use the word emotional as that lacks substance. So I will not persist.
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 629
    @isvara I like the word emotional in this context. Was mainly disagreeing on the cultural narrowing aspect. To each one what helps him. I didn't mean to criticize (really wouldn't make any sense).
  • devajonesdevajones
    Posts: 157
    @Canacan...yes I'm late to the party.  What you said about loving yourself does speak of finding God's love.  I'm not a typical person when it comes to spirituality.  I dont believe in religion (the practices and rituals of a particular faith), there are lots of reason why I dont believe in them lots of it has to do with my culture but thats not for here...if you are curious send me a message.  In my life I speak to God directly.  I dont need some "prophet" or person to interpret things for me.  I just ask God.  So in conversing with God he's let me know that the love He as for you dwells within you.  Tapping into that is tapping into him and all the abundance that he offers...and yes it is NOT bad, honestly I think that is what MOST people I know lack.  They dont love themselves completely, thus it bleeds over into EVERY aspect of their lives.  Love is positive...however when people act out of fear that is a complete contradiction to LOVE.  When one is afraid to do or say something its fear...that is NOT Godly.

    The thing that comes to mind most is all these people who are in and continue to be in shitty relationships...and they do it (when it all boils down) because of fear, and a lack of self love.  What you want in your life is important...once you realize that you are not a bad person for wanting those things and going after them...that is a TRUE manifestation of self love.  Also LOVE and chaos do not coexist well together.  Thus once dwelling in a mindstate of love you will take on a peaceful vibe...thus being in peace with all and everything around you.  I'm not saying I'm a monk I'm not i get pissed like the next person...however my episodes of that are FAR less than they used to be.  However I constantly work to stay in a mindset of I love myself, that mindset feels good to me and the negative mindsets dont...I like to feel good...I mean i'm on the Aneros site right???

    Food for thought and tip for those who struggle with being loving and happy...does angry/pissed off/sad etc feel good to you??? If it does seek medical help, most people report that negative emotions to not feel good....so why go there??? Why dwell in it??? When you feel yourself getting to a point negativity (the opposite of love), do your best to find a mantra or focus on something that makes you feel happy or pleasant and get out of that mood as quickly as possible.  Also remember negative people around you will bring you into negativity, a negative person that has NO desire to stop feeling that way will take a toll on you...get rid of ALL people who are like that in your life...it doesnt matter who it is. Hell i'd rid myself of my own mama if i need to (its happened...shes more positive now after i let her know i WILL NOT let her negativity bleed over into my life).
  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 923
    @devajones, astounding and spot on, I just did not expect this. ...... .
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 629
    @devajones Thank you... You don't disapoimt.