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Are your wives ok with you using the Aneros
  • JohnGeauxJohnGeaux
    Posts: 5
    I just bought my first one and have not told my wife. She is kind of a prude and makes false assumptions. My wife would immediately go into "are you gay" because she is not very educated sexually and she is hard to talk to about sex. She was not always like this but has become like this. 

    I do not like keeping secrets but how do I share this with her? How do I begin?
  • rumelrumel
    Posts: 2,492

    You are definitely not alone in your dilemma as many fellow Anerosians would attest. I would suggest you approach telling her about your Aneros use from the standpoint of prostate health benefits and perhaps even have her read up about it on the HIH website.
    FYI, High Island Health LLC is the parent company & manufacturer of the Aneros ® brand of prostate massagers. This patented device was originally and is currently offered for sale as the Pro-State ® line of massagers on the High Island Health website. The HIH website is primarily oriented toward the health aspects and benefits of prostate massage in accord with Oriental medicine for prostate related issues. A forum for users to discuss practice with these devices also exists on that website, I encourage you to check out that site to learn more about the health benefits. You may also be interested in reading about the ongoing Columbia Medical School study using the Pro-State massagers. The High Island Health website also contains testimonials from users regarding their experiences using these wonderful little massagers. That website also provides links to additional information on prostate health, the Aneros® website, by contrast, is oriented toward the sensual, pleasure aspects of prostate massage.
    image Good Vibes to You ! image
  • Es0422Es0422
    Posts: 4
    I ordered and played bit with it just to make sure I would like it.  Then one night left it in while sleeping and had some true fireworks, woke up and made love the like a raving madman to her.  The next day I did tell her all about it and did send her some info from the wiki.  She now requests I use it for sex, it helps me with control and love the sensations.  Also she likes how much more I produce, and I mean is like 3 times as much!
    She and I have played some before but she is now into helping me insert and play with it during foreplay.  Nothing gay about it!  I have also noticed even when I don't use it I can feel an oncoming orgasm lower in the system and slow down and hold off a bit extending our lovemaking. I had read that as a possibility from other men here is like more feeling of the entire area now and I have only had a month!
  • Alex_xxxAlex_xxx
    Posts: 575

    Well, my GF loves it. She loves hearing about my adventures, SuperO`s and now she even loves playing with me while I use it.

    All I can say is what I did to ease her into it....

    I took a slightly negative perspective to it and that I was kind of reluctant to try it. But that I owed my self to try it based on all the experiences from people. Then I slowly added my positive experiences up to my first OTEsuperO. She was sooooo intrigued! And now she loves it, as long as it doesn`t interfere with the attention I`m supposed to give HER :)

    Good luck man!
  • Secrets aren't good in a marriage however I would advise trying it out for a little while before letting anyone know. I told my wife about the aneros around six months ago. I have been using it seriously for around two years. I felt like I needed to learn the product and get really comfortable with myself before I could introduce her to it. In the end I just really wanted to be able to include her and enjoy her with such an exceptional product that I had found. Because of that I felt like I was beaming with confidence when I mentioned it. She was a little bit shocked but in the past six months we have had a lot of fun and on a different level. Good luck and don't sweat it. When the time is right you will be able to tell her. And if she finds out early the I say tell the truth and you can't go wrong.
  • GilmanGilman
    Posts: 125
    I haven't shared it with my wife. She would be neutral, at best, and most likely be disapproving. As it is now, I only use it when she is not around. I don't excuse myself from family or other obligations, but rather take advantage of time opportunities as they present themselves.

    I don't finish sessions with a traditional orgasm, so I am capable of intercourse with her if that is how the evening progresses.

    I certainly enjoy my time with my Aneros collection, but must admit I feel a little deceptive since I am keeping it all secret.

    I hope to be able to share this more openly in the future and will take the "health aspect" approach as others advised.

  • PommiePommie
    Posts: 1,008
    @JohnGeaux and @Gilman

    I honestly believe that many (if not most) men begin using Aneros tools for their therapeutic advantages, concentrating particularly on benefits for prostate health.

    It shouldn't be forgotten that they can also help in the control of haemorrhoids. HIH originally introduced the Peristal, (Peridise) range specifically for that purpose.

    I have discovered that most other Aneros models also help to control haemorrhoids, so you have a further good reason for using them.
  • Armon-neatArmon-neat
    Posts: 257
    Honesty is the best policy--trite but true.  My "demographics": 63 years old; married, happily (!) 43 years, and counting; about 15 lbs overweight and finally getting serious about exercise; some mild prostatic symptoms--occasionally  getting up to urinate, some decreased stream, occasional urgency and frequency;. About 9 months ago, I found out about the Aneros prostate massage, which I thought might help my prostatic symptoms, and was looking forward to the "side benefits" as well.  Over the last several years, our lovemaking has really suffered---my "aging" and my wife's unfortunate, but thankfully victorious battle with major breast cancer (Chemo/Surgery/Radiation) have been the major factors.  And the breast cancer followed removal of her uterus and ovaries 7 years before because of severe bleeding that left her suddenly menopausal and all that implies for sexual intercourse.   I had, myself, been experiencing reduction in quality of erections and pleasure from intercourse that may be both psychological and pathological (I am, BTW, a physician).  Anyhow, I told my wife about the Aneros (Helix Syn) soon after I got it last October.  Before I was anywhere near having "interesting" sensations from it, I was actually having a real downturn in my libido and erections and sought medical advice.  My testosterone levels, it turns out were border line normal, and, since my prostate gland was actually small (!), I was having much less ejaculation.  My urologist recommended erectile dysfunction medications and they have helped.  But since I have begun to have consistently very pleasurable sessions with the Helix Syn, my libido, my erections and my wife's pleasure have all benefited.  Well, I have now also had intercourse with the Helix in place, and, I must admit, I have NOT told her of it.  At this point, I do not think she minds, and, with the added benefits to both of us, it has really helped revive our love-life, which I hope we shall be fortunate to share for years to come (sorry if that sounds "sappy").  I have, I must also admit, used the Aneros in bed on "off nights" when she's already asleep.  I use a mostly "do nothing" technique and so I don't make a "spectacle" of myself.  I have had multiple mini-super-O's (as I call them) with plateaus of pleasure that have lasted well over 15 minutes at a clip.  I do advocate honesty in marriage.  I think that's perhaps one of the reasons we've made it this far...  Wishing you all, all the best and success with your Aneros experience.
  • HellyesHellyes
    Posts: 37
    I told my wife and explained the benefits as isvara stated.  She found this forum very quickly and read the Women's perspective post and the Wiki. 

     Those references convinced her that there was more to it than me going out and buying a sex toy based on some failure on her/our part to have a satisfying sex life.  She then was okay with it.  

    It has been a year plus and she does not inquire about my use or have any interest in incorporating it into our love life.  I am working on that.   

    For me it was key to explain that it was in addition to our sex life and a tool for me to explore and try something new, not me withdrawing (less sex with her) and compensating for some failure (need more or better sex).

    Email her some links and see if she is willing to read up.  Good luck.   
  • diemdiem
    Posts: 36
    Bringing the subject with the health advantage perspective is one thing. Its another thing is to tell her you are actually using it for your own pleasure also.
    I believe you are using the aneros to try something new and would like to share your experience with her. Couldn't you try something new with her she would likely accept? I bought dildo for my girlfriend and she enjoyed the experience. It opened her mind for new sexual experiences and it was very exciting to use the dildo to give her incredible orgasms. That's how she was introduced to sex toys. Then you can easily open the subject on sexual toy for men and their heatlh benefits.
  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 1,036
    Its complicated:
    I think it is important to be sensitive to our female partners. My partner is very happy with my aneros journey and is happy with "what ever works for you".  She does not want to know the details, as they don't relate to her. She is just not interested in the details.  I suppose it could the same with me - in the sense that I am every so grateful for all the input on the forum but if I actually met a fellow anerosian I would not be happy to go into the details of anal cleansing over coffee and muffin!  I make no judgement on others here it is me simply trying to get into my partners head. So I think in some situations it may be counter productive for us to expect our female partner to be really interested, after all she is built quite differently - some might add  "thank God"!

  • PommiePommie
    Posts: 1,008

    You make excellent points.
    I told my wife about my use of Aneros thingies a couple of years ago and even once demonstrated insertion of my Eupho prior to us having sex. She didn't seem particularly impressed and we haven't discussed it much since.

    Suffice it that she knows that I have Aneros sessions but I don't think she is all that interested.

    Meanwhile, we seem to have a sex life that is satisfying to both of us!
  • HellyesHellyes
    Posts: 37
    Great points.  We cannot force our wives to be active members of our Aneros experience.  I am just glad I discovered Aneros and have taken the journey and that she knows about it and is okay with it. Perhaps she will join me at some point or even better will embark on a journey of her own.  

  • awired50awired50
    Posts: 173
    My wife enjoys exploring new avenues with me. She loves to see me in euphoria :-O.100 times the intensity of a normal orgasm.  :D 
  • devajonesdevajones
    Posts: 170

    Resident woman dropping in.  I whole heartedly agree with what @rumel said.  If you educate her first then she will be more willing to understand...or at least thats what I think.  @awired50 his wife and I must be related because  I am the exact same way when it comes to seeing my hubby in euphoria.  I also love helping him get there.  I think for those that its a little hard for them to relax on their own, it helps if their partner is with them.  I think it helps it feel more like a "traditional" sexual situation, as well as the presence of ones partner can raise the eroticism level a bit by caressing, giving you the visuals you might need, and even inserting your aneros. 

    @Hellyes, I know you posted a while back, and I hope your wife does start her own journey as I have, and I am absolutely loving it.  Any questions you may have let me know.

    Now about this gay business because us exploring your prostate...just a tip.  Sometimes I think guys are so nice and soft to their women (not saying to become a wife beater just follow my logic on this one trust me), sometimes there is a way to quiet down that uncertainty about your sexual preference.  Hence this is my solution, if she says that to you then take it with a grain of salt, but the next time you do have sex with her bang her brains out.  After she's cum a few times nonchalantly ask, "What was that about am i gay???" she should get the point (my i like to be dominated side is showing lol).

    For all the guys who their wives dont care, or dont participate, i just hope they wake up and understand its not all sexual, and they can derive LOADS of pleasure from it.  For me participating in a session with my husband creates a level of bonding because its not the normal sex session.  I have to stay away from his penis (which is the easiest way to get him aroused), and do other things to simulate him such as kissing, caressing, etc.  I also can't rush, I have to take my time, be gentle, relaxed, etc...  There is such a wonderful feeling a woman gets from participating in his sessions (i'm not saying all of them), the energy transfer is crazy, sometimes its like i can feel his pleasure move through me.  The sex at the end of a session is much better to me at least because instead of 3 minutes of rushed foreplay I look at the session as 1-2 hours of my arousal building, so by the time we get to sex (if we do indeed have sex) i'm already about to blow my top. 

  • awired50awired50
    Posts: 173
    My wife is very supportive and intrigued ! She loves watching the effect it has on me ! Allot like the orgasm a woman experiences I would guess ! :))
  • HeizenHeizen
    Posts: 50
    I am 58 and initially started using my helix syn for the therapeutic benefits with the full support of my wife. Getting up thru the nite to pee and a slow urine flow were the first symptoms and both of these problems have benefitted from aneros use. The supers are delicious icing on the cake for me and a revived sex drive benefits us both. We are having more sex now than we have had for years.
  • XilehXileh
    Posts: 392
    I started out for the health benefits related to BPH. After a bit, I told my wife and she was very supportive. It is often included as part of our love making and she checks for it and will gently manipulate it if present. She especially loves the added sensitivity it has caused in my nipples. It has added a lot to our foreplay.

    She has her toys so this wasn't a threat to her.

  • xtimedt69xtimedt69
    Posts: 700
    @JohnGeaux I chuckled .... the first thing my wife asked was if I was turning gay. LOL! I said gay guys have penis orgasms and don't turn straight!

    So I sent her:

    After about a month, I was more sexual and more interested in her. Several months later I went through a lull and stopped. A couple months went by and she started encouraging me to resume my massages. 

    Only you really know her. 
  • cj187cj187
    Posts: 68
    My wife knows about my aneros collection. I must admit it's not often I'll ride with her though, mainly due to the prep involved which kills the spontaneity.

    However the times I have used with her have been absolutely incredible. And she found it really arousing.

    The stigma regarding male anal play was a bridge we crossed way before I got into aneros use, the way I explained it is it's the person you are indulging in the activity with rather than the activity with that defines the sexuality of an act.
  • brinebrine
    Posts: 311

    My wife has known about my Aneros since before my Classic Helix arrived over six years ago. I told her all about it; after turning 50, I began researching prostate health which led me to the High Island Health and Aneros sites. 

    When it came, I played on my own for several sessions. When I began to understand what was going on, I had a session while in bed with her. I held her hand and described what was going on. She was very interested and encouraging. We have had several lovemaking experiences while I was riding. 

    She has never said anything that caused me feel ashamed or uncomfortable. And, she has certainly benefitted from my Aneros journey. Our sex life has improved many fold. 

    As a rewired man, I am able to Aneros-lessly have all sorts of orgasms. My wife is very used to me bucking and squirming like a maniac when we are playing with each other. I don't often ride with her now. But, if I did, she'd have no qualms. 

    I'd say talking with her about my Aneros use has been one of the best decisions I've ever made.

  • artformartform
    Posts: 1,488
    My wife of 45 happily married years and I went together to the store get out new toys/tools, after talking about what we would like to explore next erotically, sexually, amorously. I got my first Aneros, my MGX and she got her Gspot massager and we got some related books and vids.

    I agree completely with friend rumel in his post above. I had talked about the health benefits as a major immediate need of mine, and my BPH therapy sessions with my aneros models does a great job for the health of my prostate and freeing the urine flow regularly.

    I also agree with friend brine, that as a thoroughly rewired man, I experience most of my ecstatic dry multiples in LESS sessions, not riding, solo and with my dear wife. The exception to that being when we go to our favourite Wedding Band position and my wife fingers my prostate to extraordinary Super-Os in great chains of multiples, while I am massaging her Gspot/prostate, and at times now her clitoris at the same time, to her great chains of dry multiples, both Active Body and Still Body!!~~!! ~~!~~!~!~!!!!!!~!@@@@!!~!!@!@!!!!!@!!!~~~~!@@!!QQ!Q!!!!!!!!!! :D :D

    My wife was and is a conservative by temperament, yet enjoys each new benefit/technique I can share with her, or innovate with her!! Start from the beginning gently introducing step after step of this transformative practice!! Cuddle up and chat often.

    all the most exquisite hetero-partnered and same-sex-partnered mutual prostate adventures all


    as we rewire
    we are all reconnected

  • BadgerBadger
    Posts: 777
    My wife is kind of 'don't ask, don't tell' on the whole matter; she knows that I use the Aneros, but it kind of creeps her out a little, so she doesn't want to know or see them anytime.

    Sometimes she's altogether too hypocritically prudish.
  • Armon-neatArmon-neat
    Posts: 257
    Just want to express my appreciation to all the contributors. This thread is one of the most important for all married aneros community members along with the previous one started by RickyDSmith who was "afraid to tell his gf" and the thread about spouse involvement. The participants, especially our resident female voice, devajones, have had excellent insights and advice. Thanks to all.