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Not possible to be relaxed AND aroused at the same time?
  • hakuna1hakuna1
    Posts: 22
    Hey guys!
    I think my first post might have been a bit too long, so I´ll start over with a small, little question: 

    Does anyone know how I feel? 
    It´s like that: My Aneros is inserted and I´m lying in my bed - relaxed. Now I may watch some erotica or I´m so horny that I´m just thinking about women and Sex aaaaand - I´m tensing my muscles. ... So i recognize it and relax into "the feeling", try to relax fully. But then the feeling fades away and I´m relaxed again but the arousal decreased. It´s like a cycle, once i get aroused again, all of a sudden i´ll feel that i tensed my muscles again.

    I´m thankful for every comment, have a nice day :)
    hakuna matata 
  • It takes practice, but yes it's possible... this is part of the rewiring process. I've been at it for almost 2 years and I'm still working at the relaxing into the orgasm. It's just the inverse of the way the male mind receives it's erotic pleasure.
  • EhmEhm
    Posts: 117
    Try imagining you're the woman that's being fucked(by you),it is the passive receptivity side.The side that has to be fully relaxed to open up and take the pleasure to the hilt
  • PommiePommie
    Posts: 991
    @Ehm,
    I do believe you are on to something here.

    I think it was @Darwin who first suggested we should imagine being a woman being fucked by a penis and that what we feel by using a prostate massager is what a woman might feel when a penis makes contact with her G-spot.

    I like that analogy and it seems to ramp up my responses during an Aneros session.
  • hakuna1hakuna1
    Posts: 22
    I´ll try tonight, thank you!
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 479
    Ehm said:

    Try imagining you're the woman that's being fucked(by you),it is the passive receptivity side.The side that has to be fully relaxed to open up and take the pleasure to the hilt


    I did that to great success. But it may help to have already had a lot of sex with woman and a strong capacity for empathy... Otherwise I guess you would just be stuck with fantasies, that may help arousal but not help finding the proper way for your body to react.
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 479
    By the way, hi hakuna1 !
    To answer your message : no, not German. Thanks for the nice comment.

    If that might help, try to concentrate on the small pleasurable reactions, I mean almost subliminal reactions... They are ramp for a P wave to kick in. First thing is being able to notice them (which might not be easy if they don't have time to build up), second you need to learn to react to them properly (I.e. not with brutal tension). It is like a fire, sometimes you need to blow on it to make it grow, sometimes you need to let it burn naturally otherwise it'll die from the excess. In short the right reaction is the right at that time, so go slow with your reaction see if it benefits or deter to the sensation and adapt.

    Here is what I'd suggest :
    first do whatever you want that helps getting a good sensation, then try to push very slowly like you we're at the toilet and relax to ease it, then relax totally, do not authorize yourself the antagonist muscle to rebalance, jus be fully relaxed, like fully asleep, then notice sensations, if you don't notice anything you can focus your mind on one body part examining sensations then switching to whatever other body part (don't use always the same parts) until you find whatever positive reaction you can find, it may be extremely light and tiny, doesn't matter, stop searching, do nothing, relax, let your body react in whatever way as long is it is light and slow and involuntary, you might get a small build up or not at all, -if it is the small build up then by all means don't rush it, do nothing and savour whatever small amount of pleasure that is, it might get even bigger as you stay relaxed and patient -if it is no reaction at all, examine how long the sensation stays before it dies when you do nothing, hopefully you'll be surprised it lasts longer that you'd thought, let it die anyway and redo from start, the second time you'll be better and more confident at this all, also you will have more confidence in the lasting of the sensation when unsustained, so this time if the sensation doesn't build up by doing nothing for a moment, try to encourage it before it dies, one in many ways to do that make a slow but powerful inhale and slowly and progressively lengthen your spine, very slow, very little movement and not repetitive, the sensation probably builds up weither you notice it or not, now the strange part : let this sensation command a full body reaction (some help ? The idea is that this sensation wants to get bigger and wants you to react but it's voice is almost subliminal, let yourself be guided by your intuition it might trigger eyes closing, eye opening, opening mouth, a smile, increased breathing, or what else, the key is that this reaction be not forced, and not fully voluntary if at all), practicing only this for some time should make you better at it and enjoy it more.

    The two things you want to learn from this is : 1-being better at noticing the slightest pleasure sensation and 2-getting more aware of your reaction and learn to go with the flow instead of having the typical excessive muscular reaction that'll numb and kill the sensation.

    Once you find the way to create and build up on 3 or 4 P Waves in a row (sensations die in between let them, never force sustain them) there might come a time when the next P Wave will come without any stimulation at all and then you are in for the ride. Be patient to get there, and also be patient when you are there, every wave has its ramping rate, its intensity and its duration, not much you can do to it other than kill it. If you are to encourage it, do it in the least rushed, the most gentle and close to involuntary way.

    Enjoy !
  • didymusdidymus
    Posts: 100
    I can't seem to find the discussion that gave me my most helpful tip about relaxing.  
    It had do do with letting go the muscles that we tense up when we want to stop from urinating - almost the opposite of of doing a kegel.  The trick is to keep the "almost about to pee" feeling as the pleasure builds - it produces the most amazing orgasms - occasionally resulting in an actual wet orgasms even though my penis remains flaccid
  • EngorgedEngorged
    Posts: 49
    You know you're doing it right when it just takes over. Spams upon spasms of glorious sensations; all automatically.
  • AneRicoAneRico
    Posts: 309
    Deleted by author
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 479
    AneRico said:

    Totally possible.


    Read my post in this thread, then tell me what you think:


    Well, to me these are good tips for relaxing... But what about staying highly aroused at the same time?

    For me a lot effort on relaxing tends to diminish my arousal too.
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 479
    Canacan said:

    Ehm said:

    Try imagining you're the woman that's being fucked(by you),it is the passive receptivity side.The side that has to be fully relaxed to open up and take the pleasure to the hilt


    I did that to great success. But it may help to have already had a lot of sex with woman and a strong capacity for empathy... Otherwise I guess you would just be stuck with fantasies, that may help arousal but not help finding the proper way for your body to react.

    It seems that mirror neurons are involved here ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirror_neuron ). Making it possible for you to kind of tune in someone else's sensations.

    And don't be afraid to get some help for this from the very specialists: the vaginal girls. Just ask them tons of questions to get the feel of what it is they feel and do. Extremely helpful.
  • dmiketdmiket
    Posts: 33
    Oh canacan...The paradox of arousal and relaxation.
    I too have been struggling with this very concept myself and have just recently reached a significant breakthrough.
    I realized. .for myself that is...that I need stimulation for awhile. .say 30 to 60 minutes. This would be intentional contractions, working the device with the muscles, sustained contractions. ...whatever it takes to reach that point of high arousal
    Then I can relax and let my device, in effect and in theory, float in place and That's when I can be relaxed yet aroused, because the small, subtle movements I'm in tune with can then take me away.
    At this point I've tuned out the world and am completely absorbed in the feelings being generated in my pelvis.
    Amazing is all I can say about that point in the ride.
    A point to consider is that at that height of arousal I can completely relax all musculature involved, but then find that the incredible feelings self generate within a brief time to waves and beyond.
    Exquisite.