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A Wife's Perspective
  • rumelrumel
    Posts: 2,254
    Hi IlyenaMiranda,

    Welcome to the Aneros Forums, your best source of information for learning about the multiple benefits and joys of using the Aneros prostate massagers. Rather than steal from one of our Aneros Guru's please let me refer you to 'BF Mayfield's introductory post to another female member. Being female, you are obviously in the minority on this site, however, please do not feel intimidated by the swirling pools of male testosterone. There are numerous insights into the male psyche to be had here by observant women. Some of your sister members, such as 'Alana', 'Boston Babe', 'buttercup', 'happygirl', 'hiswife', 'Lilylol', 'lynn2694', 'midnitebelle51', 'musicman', 'NunyaGA', 'nurselady', 'Yoshiko' and 'zaneblue' (Marenna Lindberg – Author of “The Orgasmic Diet” for women) have contributed their own insights as well, so you are definitely not alone here.

    Just so you don’t feel in any way left out of the Aneros learning experience may I also suggest you checkout the Peridise model for use by yourself alone or during concurrent play sessions with your S.O. This model was developed for both men and women’s enjoyment. In spite of its diminutive size this little jewel is quite a potent stimulator.

    P.S. I sent you an introductory PM with some additional hints and tips to help your man get started. This pre-written text is intentionally addressed to males but hopefully you will convey this information to your man.
  • IlyenaMiranda, as Rumel noted you are not alone - there are a some other women around on this forum. Welcome!
    Nurselady
  • I'm so glad to find such an open community- it's really helpful. I'm buying one for my husband...he's 40- I'm a bit younger, and we've been together for about 10 years. We've always used and enjoyed toys- but they're almost always for women. I want him to have that "peel me off the ceiling" legs shaking, toes curling, screaming orgasm like I have. So I bought the MGX model for him. He's very quiet, and he's not a prude, he just never really introduces anything to spice up our sex lives either. It's always at my insistance. He's never brought anything home, or even said "hey this looks interesting". I really don't relish the idea of inserting anything into his anus- nor does he want to recprocate (I've offered on a few occasions). It's just not our scene- I'm sold on the health benefits, and pleasing my man. I'm dealing with the anal part because that seems to be the way to do it.So anyway- I bought the MGX, along with a sleeve for our Magic Wand, and some Tenga Eggs (it's his birthday). My plan was to open all of the packages and place them in his nightstand. He knows that it's coming, and I told him that he should fly solo with it for a few times so he can get used to the sensations on his own terms. There's almost no chance he'll discuss it, so I'm left wondering what to do. I just don't know how to encorporate it into our bedroom activities. I'm thinking let him insert it, and then proceed as usual- at least for the first few times, and then see how it goes? I'd love to watch him have a super o, but I think that will probably take a while and some practice. I'm looking to get us both into the idea of adding even a small bit of enhancement into our sex lives, and building from there.Does that sound reasonable?Also is there a lube that works better than others? We generally have a thin water-based lube around at all times. Does he need something thicker?
  • RJT
    Posts: 41
    Happywife, you have one lucky hubby - I hope he realizes that!

    Much has been written here on lubes. My personal favorite is slippery stuff gel, it's relatively safe (not all lubes are safe for anal play) and very effective. There is also a lube applicator for sale on the Aneros site that you may want to investigate (it's basically a 5ml syringe with a nozzle suitable for applying lube directly to the rectum).
  • Happywife,

    I agree with RJT, your husband is lucky. I'm happily married and my wife knows all about my Aneros use. She encourages it. It has improved our sex life in many ways. One suggestion: When he has his Aneros in, avoid stimulating his penis. The prostate orgasms the Aneros generates are completely different and separate from penile orgasms and ejaculation. Penis stimulation during an Aneros "session" can disconnect the prostate pleasure your husband will experience. That has been my experience. And believe me the prostate pleasure and orgasms are pretty intense. Expect a pretty exciting time experiencing his journey. Let him solo so he can get used to the whole thing. Being together when he has it in is a whole other realm of experience.

    Have fun!!

    Brian
  • Thanks guys! The luck goes both ways...the reason I went shopping is to make him as happy as he makes me. I love the idea of a paradigm shift away from the standard "insert somewhere warm, preferably moist, thrust, repeat". It never gets old (at least for me)- but there just has to be something else for him too. Hopefully this is it, or at least the start of an interesting journey.

    I got a pm from Rumel with all sorts of helpful info- hopefully I can use it to start a dialogue.

    at Cottonpicker- The sexual response of a woman isn't that much different than a man's- we have erectile tissue too, it just looks a bit different. It is a "use it or lose it" type of thing though- if the blood flow isn't making it's way down there then her response will be stunted enough for her to think "why bother". There are some arousal creams that do work for that, and plain old suction to get the blood flow to the area works too.
  • B MayfieldB Mayfield
    Posts: 2,077
    Happywife,

    I would hold off on abstaining from penile contact as one user suggested for the time being. If husband is a little stand-offish about anal play to begin with, it's often a good idea to incorporate that which is new with something more familiar. Besides, as you surmised, he will require some solo time to explore the non-ejaculatory applications of this device anyway. For couples I generally recommend exploring a different path, that of using the Aneros to amplify a traditional orgasm (ejaculation). Give Rumel's introductory PM a read and don't forget we have a fairly comprehensive WIKI here as well.

    You can always post any questions that you might have or PM the members directly as well.

    Cheers!

    BF Mayfield
  • tj246
    Posts: 9
    thank you ladies for your imput on the aneros
    i been using mine on myself for month finaly i did get some clear liquid discharge
    i am in chastity
    my wife does not like nor care for sex but she does not want me looking,masterbating or looking at porn
    im 60 wife is 59 an the chastity came into play i use to use butt plug to massarge my prostate but took to long to sore an get tired
    i likethe aneros very much an hands free which is much better
  • i'm 61 wife is 61 also.she's very accomodating as her sex drive is all but gone(menopause).she really likes to be with during sessions and gets a real kick out of my OOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSS. and watching me cum.hang in there!!!!
  • After reading this... I LOVE YOU SIOBHAN!!!! My sincerely awesome girlfriend of 5 years, friend for more than 10 and wife in two months is open minded, adventurous, and loves to play in the bedroom. For valentines day this year she bought me a new "toy". A Aneros of course! She simply stated that she had read about them online and wanted me to have one. She thought it was horribly unfair that she always has multiple orgasms and I saddly cannot. So, she wanted to try this on me. I had wanted to try one of these for years myself but honestly would have forgone it due to the fact that I did not want her to perceive me as something I am not. Gay. Or less masculine. The phobia of anal stimulation is very real from many perspectives and mine was simply my mistaken perception that I would be seen as less of a man. How wrong I was. Although I haven't seen any of the big Os or little os at this point it is still incredible and the stimulation is fantastic. The first use she inserted it in me, stimulated me and kept me that way waiting to see what happened. It kept me hard as a rock and the stimulation was fantastic and when I did ejaculate it was intense! I am soooo looking forward to becomming multi orgasmic like her and to experience a new kind of orgasm. Once again, I love my soon to be wife! She is awesome!

    Girls do this for your guys!!
  • My wife isn't into me using mine at all. I love my progasm. But I get turned off every time I talk about using it, and she's like...hmmm...well, ok baby, whatever makes you happy. (with a disapproving tone in her voice). It's frustrating. But it's exciting to her and me both when she's in the mood for her Phallix glass dildo (her personal favorite, appropriately named the Wii). ;)any suggestions on how to get her on board on how amazing this thing is? I only use it once in a while, but I love it. Have not achieved hands-free Super-O yet, but still working on it. Either way, it heightens anything alse that happens in the BR.
  • isvara
    Posts: 577
    IMO Don't try to get her on board. What you are experiencing is outside her knowledge and comprehension (and is so for most males as well!!!). No matter how much you try it may only increase the barrier. She is happy for you if it makes you happy - wow, that is a real positive so be private and enjoy. Her negative voice may be because it does not compute with her understanding. Too much trying might be interpreted as manipulation. The only parallel may be a G spot O for her but my partner would disagree and say , it is not. You have the prostate she just does not! Females sexual interest is different from males. I feel one of the problems we have with our new experience is we "want" every one to share in it because it is so good. Few people, however, can take it on board. There is a lot of wisdom in this thread but essentially a person has to be ready.
  • PommiePommie
    Posts: 719
    isvara,

    I’m with you brother!

    I don’t know your age, but I was unfortunate enough to have been brought up during the 1940s and 1950s. This seems to have been a time of very suppressed sexual expression. I vividly remember, at the age of 21, fleeing from the flat of a woman who was eight years older than I, after she had tried to persuade me to commit cunnilingus on her. I was quite literally horrified! It took me several years to recover from that experience.

    As a result, I didn’t have sex with my fiancée until just a few days before our wedding. We have now been married for approaching 50 years and she is still in some ways quite repressed. She was born of a mother who swore that sex was only for procreation! I should add that my wife is almost three years older than I am.

    I do wish I knew back in the 60’s what I know now! I wouldn’t have married anyone else but I would have prepared my fiancée better for the wealth of fun that I now know is available to us.

    As it is, I introduced the topic of Aneros use for its therapeutic uses and this was accepted. A few months ago, I attempted to familiarise her with its use by inserting one in her presence. This was greeted with a sort of disdain and a distinct lack of will to be further involved. As she sees it “this has all come too late”!

    Pommie
  • dingus
    Posts: 72
    A sexless marriage is very sad. I know because I'm in one. I'd like to try to turn it around but it would take both of us and I'm not sure we're both committed to it. 

    I definitely don't want to end up like the old Irish woman who told the priest on her deathbed, when he asked if she had any regrets, "my only regret, Father, is that I never got enough dick." 

    But I'm surely headed in that direction.
  • Hi guys, this question is for you. I was looking for a way
    to give my boyfriend the kind of pleasure he gives me and I discovered prostate
    orgasms. I have become obsessed and must admit the idea really turns me on but I tend
    to shy away from things I don’t have experience in because I worry about my
    performance. So I was doing some research and I stumbled upon the aneros. I
    thought it would solve my performance anxieties so I bought one and last night
    I licked his anus and perineum in hopes of getting him used to that kind of
    touch (he has always been into anal play/sex with me but when I asked him a few
    weeks ago if he would enjoy it he said he had never had it done to him but he
    seemed open to it.)  Afterwards I asked
    how he liked it and he said he loved when I licked the perineum but the anus just
    tickled. So I brought up that i wanted to try again later because I had heard prostate orgasms could be amazing and
    once again he seemed politely interested and asked how to have one. I told him
    toys were one way and he said he would not have sex with something in his ass. I
    asked, “why not, I do” and he said, “not toys” (it’s always his finger or
    penis). He has always seemed to have a problem with toys. If he ever sees that
    I have used my toys without him he gets very hurt. I recently found Viagra in
    his cabinet (he doesn’t know I know) and I think he worries that he isn’t satisfying
    me, he’s 40 and I am 32 and just got out of a sexless marriage so my libido is
    high but he fully satisfies me and that’s why I want to do more for him. So I don’t
    know if I should even bring up the aneros and, if so, should I mention the
    health benefits? I think if I do bring it up I will need to get past my
    performance anxieties and ease him into any anal play, do you guys have any
    suggestions?  On a side note - you may be interested to know research is being done showing that skene's gland (gland that causes women to squirt) actually has more in common with the prostate and is now being renamed the female prostate by a lot of physcians.
  • twlltintwlltin
    Posts: 570
    That's very interesting, ahhhmazing. Which model did you get? If he's mildly averse to it, a smaller model would be better to start with. Bear in mind that it can take guys a long time for the pleasure of a prostate multiple orgasm to kick in. We're talking weeks to months of practice. Our upbringing has not prepared us for it.

    Start very small and work up. Perhaps next time you could trace your finger around the opening of his anus and dip the tip of your finger inside by a fraction of an inch. (But not if you have talon-like long fingernails -- that would hurt.) See how he likes that. Tickle his perineum and the base of his scrotum with light strokes at the same time. Take it slowly. If you get an involuntary shiver out of him, you'll be doing well.

    If you're not averse to this, work up to you fingering his prostate during sex. Then if that's going well, perhaps mention that you can't reach inside far enough to do a proper job without straining yourself, but you've thought of a solution, and it has health benefits too...
  • I got the helix, what do you think? Too big to start? I'm not adverse to using my finger, thinking about it turns me on but when it comes time to do it I hold back, worrying I'll do something he won't like.
  • twlltintwlltin
    Posts: 570
    Helix is about the right size to start with, I think. I started with a Helix just over a year ago.
  • dingus
    Posts: 72
    He is one lucky guy.
  • KeokeKeoke
    Posts: 67
    ahhhmazing, I'm sure you'll get several good ideas from the married men in the forum, so I'll approach your question from a gay man's perspective. Not knowing your boyfriend or how far you can lead him, I'm thinking of what would work for many guys, and, in my experience, has worked for men who didn't think they'd ever enjoy anything anal. He can (and probably will!) stop you if he doesn't like it -- and you can plan another strategy. :-)

    But I think he'll like it if he'll allow himself. I wouldn't talk much about it, I'd just work it into the sex play as something that you do naturally, no verbalization necessary.

    Since he liked the oral attention, I'd continue with that or use lube to massage his penis and down to his anus as foreplay. As he relaxes and grows more responsive, switch from your tongue to a lubed finger, continuing to circle his anus until you can begin to probe gently -- but do not enter. The tension he may experience, unsure of where you're going next, should heighten his arousal, so continue at a pace that is giving him pleasure but not frightening him. 

    With your other hand, or mouth, continue to focus on his penis, nipples, or other erogenous areas that you know will keep him excited. When he's nearing orgasm, be sure your finger is well-lubed and then work it inside fairly quickly, gently but firmly, until it's in past the spincter. As he ejaculates -- and if he's even close, that will do it -- don't focus on the prostate, but press your entire straight finger upward toward the base of his penis, using a throbbing motion to match the throbbing you may now feel from his prostate. As ejaculation subsides, slide the finger out gently and clean his butt before he regains his senses!   :-)   

    This is difficult to describe in so many words, but maybe I'm giving the idea that I intend to be giving.   :-)  Just go with the flow, don't make it seem like a big deal, and back off as necessary. You may be surprised at his positive reaction. Most men would like it, although some might not admit it right away, so I wouldn't ask his opinion unless he volunteers it. Just continue to use all the skills that he'll respond positively to, and the anal aspect becomes part of your sexual technique.

    And, if he allows those techniques to continue for a few times, he'll probably be hooked. You can then bring out the Helix, have it lubed and ready and use it to play with his anus, even if you don't insert it the first time. Just make sure you're doing other things to distract him -- things that will make sex so good he'll want more of whatever it is you're doing!   :-)

    I know this is all "maybe" stuff, but this is how I would approach it, based on no personal knowledge of you man. 

    Good luck!
  • I'm not sure how to reply to a specific message, but I HAVE to respond to this by ISVARA on April 2:
    "The only parallel may be a G spot O for her but my partner would
    disagree and say , it is not. You have the prostate she just does not!
    Females sexual interest is different from males."
    This is absolutely not true -- on any account!

    Women DO have a prostate, and it was proven via ultrasound by two Viennese urologists in 2007. The female prostate is on the anterior wall of the vagina about an inch or so inside. The female prostate is the source of vaginal orgasms that produce full body wave orgasms, as well as the real occurrence of female ejaculation (of prostatic fluid, not urine). The prostate is home to the She Spot (as I call the G-spot), which is not really a spot but a zone. There are several different erogenous zones within the vagina, that I won't go in to here, since this is a men's site. But I had to correct this information about women not having prostates.

    And women absolutely DO have lots of sexual interest. We are NOT cold fish. Women tend to have a lot of other things on their minds, such as the kids, work, family, body image, stress. Women worry about a lot of things a lot of the time. It's not that we don't think about sex as often as men, we just have other things that tend to take priority. But that doesn't mean, we don't "want" or even "need" sex. We do!

    Okay, I'll stop ranting. Anyone who's interested in reading more about sex from the woman's point of view, as well as female anatomy (including the clit & prostate), please visit my blog: ArousedWomanBlog.com, where I work hard to dispel myths about women and our sexuality.

    Thanks for the soapbox. :-)
    Lava

    ArousedWomanBlog.com
  • isvara
    Posts: 577
    I agree, I have moved on a lot since April and so has my partner and we would agree with Lava now. The big problem is that very little of this information gets out in a sensible way. (I think clinically). There has also been some very good infor about this recently. My partner is looking forward to Evi and we expect a rewiring process to fully awaken the 'G spot. My P is also being rewired also. I am grateful to Lava for her response.
  • Hey, isvara!

    I did not mean for my comment to come across as "at" you personally, as that was not my intent. Mea Culpa! :-)

    Accurate information on human sexuality is only widely available clinically in as much as corporations and the Big Pharma companies can make money off of it. Sites like this Aneros forum and hopefully my blog are educating people on the wonders of the human body, if they're willing to do an internet search for the info.

    I look forward to hearing more about your journey and that of your partner. :-)
    Lava

    ArousedWomanBlog.com

  • cj187
    Posts: 54
    Thanks for info on your blog Lava. It's great to get that level of insight into female sexuality
  • @cj187 Thanks! I'm fascinated by the male prostate... hence, my reason for scouring the Aneros forum for info that I can use on my future partner. :-) In fact, I was reading a great thread on prostate milking, but I can't find it now. Argh! :-)

    Lava

    ArousedWomanBlog.com
  • isvara
    Posts: 577
    @Lava, I really hope Aneros has got it right, or at least in on track with Evi. The stimulators that Aneros has made for males are specific in design for the male prostate. They do have a number of health benefits as well as a wholeness benefit. They don't glare at you in a sex shop. Oh dear, I hope this is coming out right. I hope Evi will develop into something similar for girls. (That does not have to look like a faux penis in a sex shop). I hope that it will make a responsive contact with the FP, I hope that it will bring a satisfaction, an extended sense of wholeness as well as earth shattering experience that happens to males. It is my guess that it may be a slow start as females live in a wide vision world and may not make time as many feel that they have good orgasms anyhow, of which some will be FP enhanced. Where as for the male the anus has heaps of cultural barriers to overcome, so many males will not even be able to start the journey, but if they do then they will focus more on working with it.
    This post is an appauling mess. Most of it may be taken the wrong way, for that I apologies. My partner and I are on a rapid journey of rediscovery (rapid because we are oldish folk) there is so much to discover and experience in our intimacy with my P and her FP.

  • Love_isLove_is
    Posts: 1,672
    @Lava - Thank you for posting here. And also for listing your blog URL. I definitely enjoy and find it educational and informative to read women's points of view on their own sexuality. So reading several of your posts on your blog was nice.

    I'm glad you are fascinated by the male prostate. You're a rare gem in that department! Your future partners will love you for that. I chuckle because I have a similar fascination with the she spot as you call it (female G-spot for those that have not read Lava's blog posts), and desiring to know what gives women sexual pleasure and the potential for them to find new heights in it.

    It's always nice to have a womans point of view and experiences to contribute to here in the Aneros forums. I hope to continue to see more posts from you in this forum.
  • cj187
    Posts: 54
    @Lava your future partner is gonna be one lucky guy. Gotta admit I share a similar fascination for the she-spot as well as my own prostate. In fact the whole reason I got into the aneros line was due to my own curiosity of milking.

    Have been reading some of your blog posts and they really are fantastic. Some of them are quite moving too. The education aspect is definitely invaluable as I would love to be able to introduce my fiancée to such pleasures.
  • Thank you, @Love_is & @cj187!!!  I must admit I'm fascinated by the genitals and how synonymous they are between a man and a woman. I feel that understanding just how similar they are in anatomy will mean for greater understanding between men and women sexually and orgasmically.  I love the penis, the balls, and the male prostate, so I get rather blissed out just being in a Forum such as this. :-)

    Women -- or at least, I -- have the same cycles of ups and downs with orgasmic rewiring (just wrote a post about where I am now... grrrrrrrrr...).  And I think that helps, too, to understand that the orgasmic process isn't linear or all Super-O's, but cyclical... like everything else in life... and transformative on spiritual/super-conscious levels not just physical.

    Lava

    ArousedWomanBlog.com
  • My wife is aware of this.  Just last week we went to the toy store and she bought the MGX classic for me.  She asked me last week if i've tried it yet... I just said, "It'll take some practice". So far 3 uses and nothing close to what I've been reading about. 
  • Love_isLove_is
    Posts: 1,672
    @new_guy - That's awesome that your wife bought the MGX for you! :)   Although don't be discouraged after three tries with your new MGX. It can take time and a lot of practice to wake up the prostate for some men.
  • BootBoot
    Posts: 23
    Lava - Thanks for the blog info. It is enlightening and a fun read. Your candor is appreciated.
  • Thruster
    Posts: 18
    To a previous poster -- The Aneros prostate massagers are not at all suitable for a woman's anatomy, they would not be comfortable for her, would not accomplish anything worthwhile, and I suppose may even cause injury.  That's why it's such a blessing now that there's the Evi.

    Where are the Evi threads on the forum?  I'd like to figure out how to convince my dear (but bashful) wife that she "needs" one, but I don't want to hijack this great thread with my off-topic question.  Seems this thread has lots of wonderful women on it, so I'm hoping maybe some of you can help.  Is this a good topic for a new thread perhaps?

    (Edit - Oops, I posted at the end of page 1, not noticing pages 2 and 3, sorry, another new guy here...)