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my theory of orgasm success
  • darwindarwin
    Posts: 1,195
    two nights ago i had my best session ever.

    i have to admit to one puff of pot, and indeed so far all my life's best sessions have been under that influence, but i don't think it was operative. in fact, as i describe below, it might have gotten in the way.

    what i did:
    - cut the handle and tab off of my old SGX (filed the nubs smooth).
    - put the whole thing, along with a healthy dollop of KY into a condom
    - got the air out of the condom and tied it shut.
    - inserted with some KY (the nubs remained outside as a small handle)
    - then, as GrandTiger says, i "lubed from thighs to neck," in my case a light coat of grapeseed oil (including my cheeks and balls).
    - used --or tried to use-- the Extended Male Deer exercise.

    The initial effect of this effort was a mediocre session. i had gone to the neutered sgx because i wanted to give my sore perineum a break, which was a very good idea for me.

    nonetheless, i was having trouble. and that is the point of this post: what, during this very varied session, differed from the points when i was stuck in dud land to the points where i was overcome by ongoing unbelievably deep and strong orgasms.

    my theory is that there were four things that were getting in the way. in this case they were getting in the way of a seasoned orgasmer, but i have a feeling that they may also be common barriers for newbies too (probably along with other stuff):
    1. soreness
    2. distracting thoughts
    3. incorrect muscular tension
    4. trying to go to the orgasm instead of having it come to me

    soreness
    soreness is a mega problem, for two reasons: it detracts from the good feelings and it causes the other problems listed above. i hope that most guys don't have pain as a potential problem. i have been struggling on and off with it for a long long time. the solution is always the same: do something else that doesn't cause soreness. As B Mayfield has said, any pain is a super-O killer. my main source of pain (testicle) is way under control. but, ironically, i have recently acquired what i think of as minor "prostatitis" symptoms: burning in perineum, prostate and urethra, particularly with pressure to the prostate. the area around the prostate is delicate tissue and is prone to pain problems. when i am sore the aneros makes it worse not better. if i am borderline sore the aneros can bring it on. so i lay off the aneros and try other things.

    i began the session with my neutered sgx in place. the good news was that, despite all the hype about the perineum tab, the neutered sgx gave me better prostate contact than any other aneros, yet because it wasn't levering off my perineum it wasn't digging into either my perineum or prostate. net result: big improvement for me. this smaller and less aggressive aneros hit my spot really well.

    distracting thoughts
    if i had filmed the session i think it would have been a funny site. the pot so scattered me that i couldn't even do a coherent male deer exercise. all that is involved here is doing a slow circular massage up your torso from your pubes to your neck. i couldn't get three circles in without losing track of what i was doing, rubbing myself in random erotic ways, and having my thoughts stray to the aneros, wondering if it was doing the right thing (and worrying that it might start giving me pain). basically, i was really distracted. and i was going nowhere.

    the point is that all arousal amplifiction techniques, from KSMO, to male deer, to soft palatte nursing, to breathing, have in common that they force your mind to focus away from distracting negative thoughts.

    the importance of this was first introduced to me by the ESO book (by Bauer and Bauer) where they teach you how to direct your mind away from "resistances" which are negative thoughts that get in the way of pleasure. Jack Johnson (KSMO) calls these "furballs." Classic examples from partnered sex are "she doesn't really want to be doing this," "i'm not gonna last," "i'm never gonna come," "she isn't going to find the right stroke," "i should be doing my homework."

    in aneros sex, it could be things like "i'm not going to orgasm," "i'm not holding the right contraction," "i shouldn't be having this fantasy," "somebody is going to hear me," "i should be doing chores." for me, a big one is "this might make me sore."

    about a half hour into the session i realized i was having all those kinds of thoughts. i did two things: removed the aneros and calmed my mind by focusing on relaxed deep breathing and the exercise. even though i was getting less stim without the aneros, i had removed a big distraction. and i settled into a reasonable exercise rhythm.

    you know you aren't distracted when your mind becomes enveloped in a relaxed presence with the pleasure.

    incorrect muscular tension
    now that my pleasure was growing, i had to confront the next obstacle, avoiding defeating muscular tension and contractions. the main problem is that as we get excited our body jerks (hence "jerking off"), we may use our voice, clench, etc. with traditional sex this may work ok. but when we're trying to climb to non-ejaculatory orgasms, it doesn't work so well. basically, each of those jerks and fits are kind of micro orgasms that dissipate the pleasure.

    for me the solution is again breathing. but at this high level of arousal it is a different kind of breathing. B Mayfield has described a shallow breathing with abdominal shuddering, like when you're sobbing. what works for me is just quickened breathing from my abdomen, like an abdominal pant. my belly rises and falls quickly with the pace of my excitement. i keep my muscles relaxed and express the pleasure through the breathing. this is similar to the KSMO technique of expressing the pleasure through the key sound.

    the two main effects of doing this are that i don't snuff the orgasm with dissipating contractions and i keep my mind clear by thinking gently about the breathing. i guess the rapid rhythm of the panting may stoke things a bit too.

    chasing the orgasm
    our main goal is to clear the way for our body to give itself pleasure. we get things rolling, but once in motion the amazing thing about this kind of stimulation is that the body starts doing it by itself. we hear this over and over in postings when guys describe the aneros taking control of them.

    if we stay relaxed and undistracted that definitely helps. we also want to keep our attention away from wanting an orgasm. that is a classic distraction. the breathing helps there, to keep your mind away from that trap.

    but beyond thinking about wanting an orgasm, there is another way we can defeat ourselves, which is by subtly trying to induce the orgasm. this sometimes happens when i think i am entering the "orgasm inevitability" phase. i get that feeling and, instead of continuing to relax, i start going towards the orgasm by thinking about it, vocalizing about it, contracting for it and getting my consciousness to blur. the problem however is that all of that activity can be premature. it is like a "pseudo orgasm" in which i persuade myself i am having one and to bring it closer i somewhat consciously make myself go through all the usual effects.

    there may well have been a real orgasm there waiting for me, but by going towards it i lost it and replaced it instead with a pseudo orgasm.

    it is like body surfing. in the real thing you are picked up and propelled by a huge wave, a force stronger than you, giving you an exhilarating ride, but instead you go early and have to swim and persuade yourself you're getting a ride. you want an orgasm that picks you up and sends you, not one you're trying to jump on.

    again, the solution is keep relaxed and pant naturally. don't induce it. let it well up in you.

    in the end, i managed to bring everything together and i had an amazing session (described in the thread "GrandTiger's Extended Male Deer Exercise").

    i hope this might help clarify a class of pitfalls, and would like to hear from others about them and other pitfalls they have encountered.

    darwin
  • rumelrumel
    Posts: 2,257
    Darwin,

    I think you really did an excellent job of describing a set of pitfall/traps that one can stumble into on our journey. You certainly described situations that I too have incurred in my continuing path.
    It would be nice if this post could be edited a bit and included in your Sticky :GLOSSARY” perhaps under the definition : Pitfalls. I think this would be good information to be readily available to all us newbies.
  • Darwin,

    You nailed this topic, as usual, right on the head!

    I can relate to everything you say here!

    This is a great post to come back to during a block or after bringing up a "Fur Ball" and you want to start at square-one again and eliminate ALL the mistakes, so you can go forward again correctly . . .

    Thanks man!

    Hlaser
  • Morn
    Posts: 52
    This is spot on stuff, I have to admit that the point about reaching for the O is true enough. Got to work more on getting that to stop.

    Cheers
    Morn
  • Billy11
    Posts: 280
    bump!
  • WOW! junomaster2006 and grayfox need to read this!

    I wish I had written that! Man, Darwin, that is absolutely RIGHT ON!

    "Let it well up in you"
    exactly expresses the sensation.

    rumel is correct (as usual) this should be a STICKY somewhere.

    I love it.

    C[/i]
  • [QUOTE=Cockadoodle;83909]WOW! junomaster2006 and grayfox need to read this!

    Done ;)

    And I can tell you, I can't imagine anything being more spot on than this. Especially the last two points sound like they were compiled from my subconsciousness.

    I really can't await my next session right now. So many new things to incorporate. Hopepully I can appreciate this great post by some great progress :)
  • cyrezcyrez
    Posts: 109
    haha, 'tis is so true, my thoughts are my enemy, they're the ones that keep me in a cage. I tried another session, this time trying really hard restraining myself to thinking anything coherent, instead i focus on sensation, focus on breathing, focus on music, ANYTHING that can keep all my thoughts away.
    and the result? I just had the best session ever, thhx darwin =)
  • Woodsman
    Posts: 102
    Darwin

    I too had my best session yet this morning, your tips were running through my head. Really fine stuff, especially about chasing the orgasm. I’m sure most of us have tended to fall into this trap, and you have eloquently defined it.

    The body-surfing analogy is perfect. What we need to do is prepare ourselves as well as we can for the arrival of a wave, but it’s a waste of time to try to make the wave arise out of nowhere.

    Of course this is directly counter to our years of experience with traditional masturbation, in which we learned that all we had to do to come was to wank a little longer or a little harder (at least, it used to work that way.) Part of the rewiring process that requires some unlearning.

    I still have a lot to learn about effective breathing. Your advice gives me much to work on.

    Your “pseudo orgasm” comments are intriguing. I agree that telling yourself you’re having an orgasm can act as a barrier to the real thing, and I have done that many times. However, partly due to my repeated inability to reach true super-Os, by willing myself to believe I’m having orgasmic sensations I have discovered a world of what I call “sub-orgasmic bliss,” which I would describe as “detours” along the main route. One of these is the testicle pleasure I described the other day. I have come to accept these detours as ends in themselves. They may be interfering with my ability to stay on the path to orgasm, but the pleasure they offer is intense and sometimes nearly endless. Had I been more successful achieving super-Os I might never have discovered these detours.
    But this is the subject of another post, which I plan to write some day, when I understand things better.

    I don’t think it would be incorrect to describe this Aneros journey as a superb form of meditation. Even if spectacular orgasms were not the ultimate goal, I’m seeing where every aspect of it is beneficial for both mind and body.

    Woodsman
  • Love_isLove_is
    Posts: 1,672
    Hello Woodsman, :)

    Another forum user and I have also been discussing this whole chasing the orgasm thing prior to you bringing this thread back to life. For us we recognize that sometimes in an Aneros session the pleasure builds and builds to that point of circling the drain until you start thinking, "Oh my god! I'm actually going to dry orgasm!" And then it goes away before anything orgasmic actually happens. LOL So we came to the conclusion that you can't even think that! :P

    Love_is
  • Woodsman
    Posts: 102
    Love_is

    I have been through that so many times. It's good to hear others have too. I guess we still have a way to go in controlling our thoughts.

    Woodsman
  • darwindarwin
    Posts: 1,195
    hey guys-

    it took me a long time before i became dry-orgasmic. years. KSMO helped push me over.

    i don't think you should worry to much about any particular piece of advice. sometimes, it is just a long slow process, and little bits of progress add up. i know that is frustrating. been there!

    another thing that might help is to explore heavily passive fantasies, whatever turns you on. like a woman fingering you really slowly and insisting on you opening up and letting her take you. maybe that is just a personal thing for me, but i find that i have to really let go for this kind of orgasm to take me. that is one reason that weed is so good: you naturally let go of sexual inhibitions.

    check out this thread (which i am sure you have already seen): http://www.aneros.com/forum/f5/women-like-slow-15093/

    wish i could be of more help,
    darwin
  • Woodsman
    Posts: 102
    I know one thing is missing from my sessions: I need to get some weed.
  • Love_isLove_is
    Posts: 1,672
    Hello Darwin, :)

    another thing that might help is to explore heavily passive fantasies, whatever turns you on. like a woman fingering you really slowly and insisting on you opening up and letting her take you. maybe that is just a personal thing for me, but i find that i have to really let go for this kind of orgasm to take me. that is one reason that weed is so good: you naturally let go of sexual inhibitions.

    Thanks for bringing this up, it's a good topic. The whole passive fantasies thing is actually something I figured out myself through experimentation and I've used it for quite some time. And while I haven't super-O'd yet, this technique is very good. I find that it keeps the focus the in the right spot, anus, prostate, and perineum. Where as fantasies that involve my penis shift my focus away from the areas we are trying to work on. And then the pleasurable prostate sensations decrease.

    Thanks for the reminder of your other thread, I've got some thoughts I'll post there.

    As far as weed goes, I've only dabbled a little bit with it and did not find it helpful. But there could have been issues with the type and finding it difficult to get a controlled small dosage in my body without over doing it. I'm not a regular weed smoker, so I have no interest in buying it. It's interesting to experiment with, but I don't get the feeling that I need weed to achieve super-O's.

    Love_is