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Tips on deflowering?
  • zanebluezaneblue
    Posts: 224
    I need some tips for getting in the backdoor of my boyfriend. It's important to me that my partner can feel what I feel, I am really motivated to get him to feel Aneros pleasure so he can understand my vaginal orgasm ability.

    I know he's experimented on his own with anal stimulation--he has a butt plug, for example. He said he just hasn't been into it lately. What can I do to make him more comfortable with the idea? I want it to be pleasurable for him; I don't want him to feel violated. In other words, I want to go at his pace, but I want to give him plenty of incentives to go there.

    I know people will say that I should just get him a Helix and let him experiment on his own first, but I'm pretty sure that won't happen. I think I will need to be there and persuading him. Tips?
  • BusterBuster
    Posts: 953
    Hi Zaneblue,

    Make sure he takes some time and read a few selected threads here in the forum. If that doesn't convince him, I don't know what will.

    Good luck
  • Love_isLove_is
    Posts: 1,672
    Hello zaneblue, :)

    Will he allow you to gently massage his anus and prostate with your fingers once he is highly aroused? If so, just start combining this practice while including penile stimulation so as to associate pleasure with it into your regular love making so it becomes the norm.

    It's also possible that what he struggles with is the whole "liking anal play must make me gay" thing that all the straight men here go through at the start of their Aneros journey. Perhaps that's something you could discuss with him. Although ultimately, it's something he has to come to terms with on his own. I hope this helps in some fashion. I wish you much luck in helping your boyfriend discover prostate orgasms.

    Love_is
  • zanebluezaneblue
    Posts: 224
    He seems very shy about anything at all going in when I'm there. I've gotten as far as rimming him, but a gently probing finger freezes him up. He enjoys assplay as long as it's external--massages, etc.
  • rumelrumel
    Posts: 2,265
    zaneblue,

    You already know that your man is at least a little anal curious. Why not just be very open and casual about letting him know, first, you think it is sexy that he is exploring his sensuality in a manner that exceeds many of his contemporaries; second, you would like him to have the ability to experience multi-orgasmic states similar to your vaginal orgasms; thirdly, you are aware of techniques which may make this possible for him; fourthly, you invite him to read about prostate massage and suggest that he read about a group of men (We Forum members) who are developing the knowledge base of experience to make the multi-orgasmic experience more readily available to all men. Be sure to praise him for his open-minded attitude and desire to seek this higher esoteric sensual knowledge, as you know that this will enhance the developing relationship between the two of you.

    IMHO, just getting him an Aneros model, placing it in his hands and expecting him to make use of it is perhaps overly aggressive and may be interpreted as manipulative behavior. I get the feeling you need to gently encourage him to be bravely adventuresome, adventuresome with himself and with you. Invite him to read about an experience called the "Super-O" and tell him there is a great group of men volunteering their time and knowledge to make it possible for him too.

    I think if you can stimulate his mind to pursue the possibility of an alternate form of male orgasm by letting him know about this Forum and get him to do some reading here (preferably get him to join), he will then be ready to discuss with you further the prostate stimulation techniques Aneros and you can provide. It is after this further discussion you could offer to purchase an Aneros model for his use and also offer kindly assistance with its implementation. :)
  • rookrook
    Posts: 1,604
    Hi again Zaneblue and welcome back,

    I endorse rumel's thoughts regarding very open communication of your needs and how similar your satisfaction is to what he can potentially experience. I'd not dump the whole show on him all at once.

    No feel for this guy's age but I can recall solo anal experiences in my 20s when, with minimal stim I would trigger penile/pelvic/anal and thigh involuntaries approaching what I now recognize as anal edging to mini-O or super-T intensity. The muscle shaking and loss of control was something I'd have never shown to a female, out of fear that she would share her observations with others that we might know as friends. However that was in the 1950s and 60s when anal tendencies were secret in North America.

    Proceed with care. If this loss of control is an issue let him loss of motor control is typical for guys in orgasm (X-tube videos might help.) Let him know this is where you want to go and you want him along.

    Ask him if he wants you gloved during anal work. I was very shy about my own crap and didn't want to expose others to it.

    Here's another way: My "formal" intro to anal took place in the Orient in the 50's and 60's. Most of the commercialized sex operations offered a variety of structured sessions and an anal option was always on the menu. It was remarkably the same whether a guy was in Japan, Korea, Taiwan or Thailand. You might adapt this:
    a. First, a combination of bath, whirlpool or hot tub and a massage. (Japanese bathing ritual is best.)
    b. Blow job to reduce sexual tension.
    c. Brief card or dice game.
    d. Couple of small warm enemas, continuing the cards or dice between each.
    e. Shower off after the enemas.
    f. Brief massage
    g. Bead job accompanying vaginal sex or while he progressively edges to PONR.

    If you've not done bead job with a guy before suggest a bead during each set of thrusts or strokes. Beads can be a neat tease, reward or denial. Have fun! Once the rectum is full ask him when he wants to 'unzip' and how rapidly. The bead job should be an easy start since it's rather impersonal compared to a lubed finger. Again, does he want you gloved?

    If, up front, the two of you feel that you need to develop more mutual confidence ask him to slowly edge to PONR solo. And you demo your solo masturbation in exchange. Next step is for you to edge him while he gives you verbal instructions. Test here is for him to keep his hands away from what you are doing. That failing, find it he'd like handcuffs. Then introduce the beads while he edges. Have him call the shots on when he wants another bead and when he's ready for the "zipper move."

    From there it outta be a piece of cake to introduce a bare finger. hth ... rook
  • zanebluezaneblue
    Posts: 224
    I should mention he enjoys that I'm very aggressive in general. :) I'm relatively sure he won't come to this forum.

    Hmmm... so the issue then might be my bare finger? I didn't think of that. Maybe I should try using his own butt plug on him, that's much more impersonal. I don't really care if my fingers are up there or not--my main goal is to get him to use the Aneros and to get him coming that way.

    Administering an enema sounds complicated! I never have done so on myself when I've received anal and have never had any problems. But maybe that is the issue.
  • alvalv
    Posts: 179
    Hello Zane,

    Many years ago my girlfriend introduced me to anal play by asking me to kneel while she masturbated me. Then she progressed to simultaneous rimming with the other hand. When I was really excited she then slightly lifter her finger and she asked me to apply counter pressure wile she played and massaged by anus. She cleverly modulated the penile stimulation according to how much counter pressure I gave. Soon the counter pressure was enough for her finger to enter, bit at a time, but I was always in control of the depth. Slowly but surely the penetration depth increased to maximum as the enjoyment increased.

    Good luck - I envy your partner - and have fun
  • OptimusOptimus
    Posts: 25
    [QUOTE=zaneblue;88975]I should mention he enjoys that I'm very aggressive in general. :) I'm relatively sure he won't come to this forum.

    Hmmm... so the issue then might be my bare finger? I didn't think of that. Maybe I should try using his own butt plug on him, that's much more impersonal. I don't really care if my fingers are up there or not--my main goal is to get him to use the Aneros and to get him coming that way.

    Administering an enema sounds complicated! I never have done so on myself when I've received anal and have never had any problems. But maybe that is the issue.

    It's not complicated. A full enema is undesirable; he could washout the lower bowel in just a couple minutes with a 50-cent plastic syringe. My guess is that if he takes this simple step, which is well documented on this site, he'll be more receptive to you playing with his anus.
  • zanebluezaneblue
    Posts: 224
    I think he must be already doing that before I come over, judging from my experience last night. He was more open to things, and I tried out his butt plug on him (well lubed). It was too big for him. So I slipped in a finger since I didn't have a smaller toy handy. He was so clean down there it was freakish. That was that, however at least I made progress. I just bought a Helix--it sounds like that's the best way to progress from here.
  • buttfunbuttfun
    Posts: 60
    [QUOTE=zaneblue;88963]He seems very shy about anything at all going in when I'm there. I've gotten as far as rimming him, but a gently probing finger freezes him up. He enjoys assplay as long as it's external--massages, etc.image

    I think that this is generally the case for most men, and perhaps talking it over with him after having sex would be a good idea.
  • zanebluezaneblue
    Posts: 224
    I think it might be easier to talk about it through email, more impersonal. I sent him a note, also telling him that the Helix came. Hopefully that will be best, since it's almost as narrow as my finger but not actually my finger!

    I was surprised at how emotional I was when I opened up the package. I guess this is more important to me than I thought. I want so much for my partner to share my pleasure.
  • [QUOTE=zaneblue;89079]
    I was surprised at how emotional I was when I opened up the package. I guess this is more important to me than I thought. I want so much for my partner to share my pleasure.

    Hun, you probably know this already, but remember, it's about what your partner wants. Trust me, I know you want the absolute best for him, but don't scare the guy either! It sounds like you're walking a very fine tightrope trying to do both. You're trying to respect his boundaries, but also trying to edge him towards something new and exciting. I only want to caution that you don't get so caught up in your own emotions and excitement that you miss out on what your partner is thinking and feeling. I wish you and him the best of luck. :)
  • zanebluezaneblue
    Posts: 224
    I've seen it from the other end--a similar process happens to women with vaginal sex. Initially for most women it doesn't feel like all that much. I know how guys can push girls before they are ready. I'm trying to take it very slow with him--I know from experience how being too pushy can ruin the mood.

    On the other hand, he is very much interested in my desires. He said he would give it a try, on his own. :)
  • Make sure you tell him how turned on you get when you play with his rump. I know for me if a girlfriend told me she liked doing it I would feel more comfortable with it and want to do it more.
  • zanebluezaneblue
    Posts: 224
    Success! At least for me. While we were together last night I put it in him and gave him lots of full body foreplay. Very hot! On the other hand he is complaining it's too small, not orgasmic for him, doesn't feel much, etc. I told him he had to flex, and that it would take time for it to feel good. He did have a few involuntary flexings from the things I was doing to him. I was very pleased.
  • GeogioGeogio
    Posts: 107
    ZB,
    Tell him he needs some alone time and what you would like him to accomplish. Then you (just you) need to go see a movie or visit some friends or something. Just get out and give him a few hours. When you get back take note of what may have transpired, don't ask. Maybe a day or two later you could ask. My friend told me she could tell the next time we made love. How? I was slower in the approach, had more pre-cum, and just seemed a bit (a lot) more relaxed.

    See if that works.

    My 2cents

    Geogio
  • zanebluezaneblue
    Posts: 224
    He's been using it on his own--this was the first time we tried it together. And the last. :(
  • nurselady
    Posts: 77
    I've been following this thread for some time. I'm sorry for whatever has happened. I know this meant a lot to you.
  • zanebluezaneblue
    Posts: 224
    Well, other fish in the sea. I already have my lines out.
  • Pan
    Posts: 249
    I love knowing some unsuspecting guy out there is about to be introduced to zane's world of earthly delights... ;)

    Please, please, please keep us posted. :)
  • big jimbo
    Posts: 72
    When I finish recovering from my TURP surgery, I would like to volunteer myself for Zane to play with.
  • zanebluezaneblue
    Posts: 224
    Something tells me your wife might have something to say about that, big jimbo. :p
  • nurselady
    Posts: 77
    Good for you! My mom used to say the EXACT same thing - about there are plenty of fish in the sea. It's true. Sounds like the volunteers are lining up....
  • big jimbo
    Posts: 72
    Zane, I am sure you are correct, but I can dream, can't I? [QUOTE=zaneblue;89530]Something tells me your wife might have something to say about that, big jimbo. :p
  • MacPC
    Posts: 12
    Hi Zane,

    Reading your posts all at once makes me feel quite sympathetic. The thoughtful build-up, the pleased and optimistic report, and the abrupt disappointing drew me in and made me think of similar relationship experiences. I'm sad to hear it did not work out. Don't give up.

    MacPC