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Retarded ejaculation: could the aneros be a cure?
  • Hi,

    for most of my I've been a slow responder to achieve orgasm. Even in my 20's and now I'm 46. Even masturbation solo with porn it will take me about 10 minutes. I rarely do that except when my girlfriend is out of town. When she's home, I never masturbate solo. Anyway, 10 minutes iss about the quickest I can reach an orgasm with any method. With vaginal intercourse I can remain hard for ages (1 hour, or more) and I love it but I can reach orgasm this way only about 20% of the times. Usually, only if abstaining for a few days.

    It doesn't matter who my partner is, even if she's the sexiest women in the world. I'm always very turned on but I don't feel like even getting enough sensation from a vagina alone.

    Anyway, my girlfriend now is a young women who is sexy beyond belief. We have sex almost every day. She's a fast responder and uses a mini-rabbit vibrator on her clitoris while I penetrate her. She orgasms quickly this way (in 30-60 seconds) and then multiple times. But she's kind of done after 6 and eager to rest. However, that's only about 5 minutes and not generally long enough for me to have a chance of orgasming vaginally. So her usual solution is to stop and get me to the point of no return with her hand and mouth, I then penetrate her again and finish off inside her. She is very satisfied with this, as long as the handjob doesn't last too long. Generally, it doesn't but if it does I can see her mood deteriorating rapidly.

    However, I'm a bit less happy and find it a bit stressful. Especially as I know she's got her kicks and I love to see her orgasm repeatedly. I feel this may cause a rift and eventual break-up. I wish she was more understanding and not get moody. However, I understand it's a chore if it takes me too long.

    So I'm interested in something like the aneros but not for solo use. I want to use it with my partner. I've talked about it with her and she seems willing. She already is used to giving me some perenium massage during a handjob and some occasional anal play.

    My question is: will I probably come quicker with the aneros during sex than without it. What positions are best during sex with the aneros inside me? Again, I'm not interested in solo use because we have sex everyday already. I guess I might have to practice alone for a while.
  • artformartform
    Posts: 1,488
    Welcome Graham Spider! :D

    If you truly have no interest in solo Aneros practice, then your answer is to have this current accomplished girlfriend extend her play with your anus to full finger penetration of you and a skilful massage of your prostate while you are vaginally massaging her G-spot with your penis.

    IMHO, the BEST position for this is the Scissors: her on her back, you on your side, your upper leg up and over her opposite leg, her leg closest to your body up and over you. Now you can penetrate and get penile, scrotal and other stimulation not available in most other positions, get deeper than ever.

    In this position she can easily and comfortably massage your prostate and you will, most likely, cum sooner than ever from a prostate based, rather than penile based, ejaculatory orgasm; what is called here a Super-T, or super traditional orgasm. As I experience these with my wife, you may well have a chain of several dry Super-Os, the dry (non-ejaculatory) male multiple orgasms before the point of no return for the ejaculation! It is a fantastic ride!!! :shock: :D

    Butt listen, sex every day draining you is a bit much and that alone may explain your delays earlier and even more now at 46! :lol:

    If you have chronic penile low sensitivity, the Aneros way can give you the availability of the anal/prostate/perineum into whole body integrated heightened erotic sensitivities. So, if she isn't on for regular prostate massage for you in your sessions, or tires of it, try an aneros, butt it may not give you the full massage to Super-Os and Super-T right away. It is not a dildo, and not meant to be used as such. You may well need some time with solo work to awaken and then rewire and train your system to this type of sensitivity. IMHO, you will likely get your best long-term benefits by committing to your own aneros explorations journey. :wink:

    If you do decide on an Aneros journey, you can rewire yourself to enjoy not only the above capability but the many, many added skills and self-generated orgasmic energies, independent of ejaculation as the "only satisfier" finish for your female partners, many of which you can share with your female partners. 8)

    Just imagine you both having multiple orgasms and having the energy to go for hours!!! She may want to ditch the mini-rabbit until much later if at all. You can be able to generate those kinds of energies and experiences solo and with an open sharing partner, without chronic ejaculatory exhaustion and the prolonged refraction experience.

    This kind of aneros practice and solo training does not take away from intense committed couples' practices. Mrs. a and I are just as committed to the way ahead primacy of our couple's love-making, but she understands the health, training and rewiring benefits that my solo work has brought spectacularly to our couple's love, life, and sexual to spiritual journey together! See my blog for details: http://www.aneros.com/displayblog.php?id=3544

    aneros can be the key to the best change for a man in a lifetime

    artform
  • I've been 'suffering' with retarded ejaculation/anorgasmia for a year and have discussed it with three different physicians, the last being my urologist. Each gave me the 'deer-in-the-headlights' look and had no suggestions to help me overcome the situation.

    Artform offered excellent advice. I'm approaching my first anniversary for the Aneros and am not re-wired, yet. Unfortunately, using the Aneros has not shortened the time to orgasm/ejaculation or made that event consistently achievable. It does, however, make the orgasm/ejaculation more intense.

    Artform hit on a major concern and that is your frequency of intercourse. If you and your partner consider intercourse incomplete without ejaculation, then you're making it more challenging. Since your partner enjoys sex daily, I would suggest you sate her appetite, but you should both agree that you don't necessarily have to ejaculate in order to enjoy the sexual encounter. When you remove the goal or requirement of ejaculation, you'll be more liberated to relax and enjoy the stimulation you're receiving. For example, I find in the woman-superior positions, the front of the penis gets the stimulation. Since I'm a 'frenulum-only' kind of guy, I cannot ejaculate from this stimulation. But I've found, in that position, my wife can drive me into heights of stimulation I've never achieved before without ejaculating. In fact, when we change to a more compatible position, if I do ejaculate, it's rather a let down compared to the previous stimulation.

    By allowing yourself days off from ejaculation, you're giving your system a chance to recharge. On those days when you don't ejaculate, you won't have to contend with the refractory period, so in essence you'll be more charged for subsequent encounters.

    There are definite drawbacks to retarded ejaculation/anorgasmia, but there are also some unique opportunities available to you. Follow Artforms advice and see if you can get your partner to orgasm without the vibrator -- you'll certainly have the staying power if it takes some time! Play around with your 'gift' and you will find aspects of sex you didn't know existed when you were always expecting that 5-8 seconds of bliss to call an end to your love-making sessions.

    Good luck...and keep posting. I'M interested in your 'progress'.

    slipperybugger
  • friday77
    Posts: 24
    Have you had your testosterone levels checked (total testosterone and free testosterone)? Low levels may make it harder to achieve an orgasm. Low levels do not necessarily mean that you will have problem with desire or with erections.

    I think that I require more stimulation than average for an orgasm. It can be nice at times, though terribly inconvenient at other times. My testosterone levels were recently shown to be lower than average. I have a high libido and no problems with erections.

    I've had two aneros models for a while. They do make regular orgasms very intense. I've used them during intercourse with my wife and they can be fun. I don't know that they make orgasms easier or not.
  • great advice guys. I will consider it all because I really want to solve this and improve my sex life.

    we do the scissors position every time, because it's my gf's favourite, not mine. Mainly because she can most comfortably use the mini-rabbit and get penile involvement. However, it's not my favourite at all because I don't get a lot of sensation from it. But she's in her own world and comes like a metronome in this position. I'll try to get her to touch me more, but I thought about the aneros because it's hands-free and I can control that while she's concentrating on herself.

    I think she's so used to the same drill during our lovemaking because it works for her and she can take care of me once she's satisfied. Not a bad, situation, to be sure but I'm much less satisfied about it than her.

    I personally, really like the spooning position, it's a good stamina position and I feel a lot more sensation than with scissors.

    I've never had a testosterone level check but I can try it. I don't think that's the problem though. I'm a very horny guy, even at 46. When I'm on my own for long periods, like she's out of town, I sometimes masturbate 3 times a day for several days in a row. Rarely, less than once a day, unless I'm deliberately abstaining because I know she's coming back in a few days.

    However, abstinence doesn't really seem to help. Reducing anxiety and mood hyper sensitivity would be much better. She just returned today from 2 weeks away. I'd abstained from masturbation for 3 days and problem reaching orgasm was the same.

    Also, I really enjoy sex with her initially and the sensitivity is exquisite in my favourite positions. I often get to a high-level of excitement for a long period of time and feel close to orgasm but not close enough to get over the edge. So I feel a high level of sensitivity but not quite enough for long enough.

    I often feel if I could just keep in one position for 5 or 10 minutes without her moving or saying anything discouraging I'd probably get the stimulation I need to climax. But she often needs to move/adjust her position or tell me I'm hurting her. Of course, I don't want to hurt her. I want her to enjoy it too, so that's a mood killer.

    I guess I'm just really specific about what positions and how much thrusting will do the trick. I'm hypersensitive to her moods and comments or even my own suspicions that she's had enough. This causes anxiety and it's counter-productive.

    So far, my best solution has been marijuana frankly, because I experience greater sensation, more vivid fantasies, and I'm much more relaxed. If she says something that would normally cause my mood to sour, I really don't care.

    I can try the aneros. It can't hurt. I had one for a few weeks about 3 years ago but never got the hang of it. I felt like I would, with solo practice, master the technique and then incorporate it into lovemaking with my partner at the time (a different woman). But I moved to China from the USA and left it behind. It might be tricky to even find one in China and many companies won't ship here, but I can probably fid a way around that.

    I'll try to update this thread as things progress.
  • gm501
    Posts: 87
    So do I understand this?

    1) You have a young sexy girlfriend
    2) You have sex almost every day
    3) She cums multiple times
    4) You cum eventually with a little help from her hand

    Did I get that right? Hmmmmmm. A lot of middle-aged guys would love to have your "problem". (Just kidding)

    I don't think the Aneros will really help you cum any faster. As was mentioned, it really turns the focus away from ejaculation and to other pleasure experiences.
  • yes gm501, I think you summed it up pretty well, lol. Except #4 you might say I cum eventually inside her vagina with a little help from her hand and mouth.

    anyway, it's a little bit amusing (even to me) because it sounds exactly like a non-problem and I do feel lucky in many respects. However, I guess I'm a perfectionist and would like to make the shared experience even better.

    Nothing wrong with a bit of self-improvement is there?
  • gm501
    Posts: 87
    [quote=Graham Spider]Nothing wrong with a bit of self-improvement is there?
    Absolutely not! Good luck to you, and I must say that I got just a little aroused reading your original post :)
  • helixbill
    Posts: 148
    Women don't normally orgasm from mere penis activity in their vagina. They need to be stimulated in one of 2 spots, the clitoris or the 'G spot'. That is why she is using the rabbit, to stimulate her clitoris.

    If she is willing to try a modified missionary position you can insert your penis then move your body up just enough so the you can use the bony area just above the base of your penis to stimulate her clit. If you are having trouble finding her clit just watch where she is touching herself with the rabbit.

    The easiest way for me to hit the G spot is to put my wife's butt on a pillow and then enter her. Instead of trying to penetrate her vagina as deep I try to aim the end of my penis up towards her belly button. It is best if you find her G spot with your finger first so you will know where it is.

    If you insert your index finger into her vagina with your palm facing up you can curl your finger until you hit the front wall of her vagina. There are 2 ways to tell when you find it, she will react strongly (and pleasantly) and/or you will feel a small (1/2" or so) patch of slightly rough skin. Not really 'rough' but not as smooth as the rest of that area. If you move your finger in a 'come hither' motion on her G spot that will get her real excited. You need to 'tickle' the G spot more than massaging it, a gentle touch is best.

    By the way, hitting the G spot with the tip of your penis will also stimulate you as well.

    I would recommend that you try to communicate openly and honestly with her about all of this. If you frame the conversation in the vein of trying to help her enjoy sex more herself it may be easier. Mutual masturbation can be a turn on for a lot of people and she wouldn't get as worn out if you are taking care of yourself. If you can get her to gently cradle your scrotum while you masturbate that may also get you more aroused. Even better, if she would be willing to give you a prostate massage while you masturbate that will probably be really intense for you.

    We men need to learn more about female anatomy to help us understand what goes on in there during sex.

    The thing the Helix did for me was help me find my prostate and perineum and then learn to have prostate orgasms. Once I was rewired I found that I could have orgasms just by contracting my muscles. And when you have multiple orgasms inside her she will love it!