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How to bring up it up with the wife
  • idontno
    Posts: 4
    Does anyone have any tips on how to bring up to your wife that you're using the Aneros ? I'm in my late 20's and so is she. Last night I went to lay in bed for a little bit and I had the aneros inside, she woke up and we started to have sex. I made sure that she didn't let her hands wonder and it was in the dark. I have never had sex with the aneros before and it was really the best experience I have had with the aneros so far. I have never had a super O but I felt as if I was high but better.
    Just wanted to know if anyone has any ideas or tips on how to bring this up with your wife and have her not leave you. I do not know how she will take it we don't do any anal play and she has had no other partners besides me and I think that might make things worse or harder for her to understand this.
  • Billdo
    Posts: 25
    "Hey, you know how if you massage the base of my penis, where the shaft is far into my body, it feels really good? It's because you're massing the outside of my prostate. I just found out that I can get a specially shaped sex toy that is designed to massage it from the inside! Not only is it supposed to feel really good, but the massaging of my prostate in that way has health benefits as well."

    "I went ahead and ordered it because I'd like to play with it as part of our lovemaking. If it feels good, and it can help my prostate stay healthy then it seems like a great thing. The only thing that would make it better would be sharing the experience with you. Are you up for that?"

    Assuming yes, then "I've already opened it and played with it once, because I was kinda nervous about it, but I think I'd be able to realy relax and enjoy it with you."

    This assumes she's massaged your p-spot before. If not, introduce that first, and proceed as above.

    Don't sweat it. Make it clear you want share all of yourself with her and leave it to her. My wife brings it up these days like "Want to get your toy, and let me take care of you?"

    And I almost never say no to that!

    Good luck.
  • thhn
    Posts: 425
    I have always bought sex toys and they are always for her. I just told her this time I bought one for me. Had to explain the whole prostrate orgasm thing but she was very accepting. I have found it a bit awkward for her to insert it in me, so I usually put it in myself. Now we have moved on to her giving me a wonderful prostrate massage with her finger and just a general massage of the rosebud feels mighty fine.
    If you don't already own a vibrator maybe go and buy one for her and bring them out at the same time
    Just do it! If she can't accept that and the pleasure it gives you, then maybe it's time to look to greener pastures
  • Inverse
    Posts: 36
    Honestly, she's your WIFE... I really don't know why you couldn't just tell her straight up. Women in general have all mostly gone through a trial and error process of learning their bodies. Honestly, just tell her, show a tiny little embarrassment, but put emphasis that you just didn't feel like hiding it from her and that she is the only one that knows.

    I've seen guys admit to the WEIRDEST of fetishes this way and the act of confession itself pleases their significant others so much that it makes up for whatever it is they think about it at the time. And I do mean weird fetishes. The aneros? Not even in the same league. This is harmless, it's self pleasure. If she's ever used a toy in her life she'll understand and if she hasn't used a toy before... well, time to buy her a pocket rocket or something. :)

    Honestly, I'm in my 20's and married too. Think about this, you made a deal to be with someone until your last breath... why would she leave you because you seek pleasure in your life? It's not like you're telling her you shoot up heroine or something. This is sex we're talking about, not even something you should consider a major hurdle. But you know her better than we do, right?
  • idontno
    Posts: 4
    those are some good tips Billdo thanks! Inverse, the thing is shes never ever been with any other guy in her life so i dont want this to freak her out in some way of her thinking im gay or she can't please me.
  • J4J4
    Posts: 124
    Take a look at this thread:

    http://www.aneros.com/forum/need-tell-the-wife-advice-t3690.html

    If you are married to someone who cares about you, you will find most of the issues are just in your head. One of the greatest parts of this journey for me has been the intimacy of discussing and exploring the enhanced sexuality the aneros opens up.

    Go the distance.

    J4
  • Inverse
    Posts: 36
    idontno said:

    those are some good tips Billdo thanks! Inverse, the thing is shes never ever been with any other guy in her life so i dont want this to freak her out in some way of her thinking im gay or she can't please me.



    My wife has never been with any other guy in her life either... I mean, if anything you're confusing me even more dude. You're obviously her one, and her only... why would she not want you to be happy? Last I checked being gay meant wanting to have relations with other men, not toys. You guys are adults man, I'm rooting for you here, but I think you guys need to get to know each other a bit better if you're so young you would look at toy play as homosexual. :3 That's like, middle school giggle fits.

    The fact you're the only guy she's been with means she's wanting to be with you all the way. It's not like you guys are dating, or hooking up, or high school mates. You guys are married, you should be able to say absolutely anything with each other now. In the bedroom there is only you and her, you should start developing that concept right now. You'll both be happier. :3
  • Diesel2215
    Posts: 105
    @Inverse I appreciate your enthusiasm but not all relationships are that simple, I can really understand idontno's Anxieties ..it's no use giving the guy a hard time because his relationship is not as open as yours. I have been married for 11 years.. my wife and I are very open, we have experimented with anal play before I bought my Aneros. When I told her at first she didn't seem so enthusiastic and asked me if it was normal.....needless to say I felt like a freak. But she has grown accustomed to it now and has no problem with it.

    @idontno I would discuss the fact that you are interested in the possibilities of reaching multi O's and have read up on it and want to know what she thinks.

    Good luck Bro

    D
  • brianro
    Posts: 19
    I too can understand concern and possible embarrasment. After more than 25 years of marriage my wife is still very sexually conservative and reluctant to be naked in front of me (although not always ;0)
    I started my Aneros journey at the beginning of this year and fearing her reaction was moving forward very cautiously in broaching the subject with her. My prostate cancer diagnosis also slowed things down quite a bit.
    About two weekends ago (to cut a long story short) I introduced my wife to my Aneros collection (MGX, Helix, Eupho and Peridii. Her response - "Why didn't you tell me before, let's use them together"!!
    We then proceeded to the most wonderful lovemaking which even included mutual Aneros use and some anal penetration of her.
    You just never know!!
  • daddeo
    Posts: 41
    Great question.
    Wonderful response Billdo.
    It should be a permanent post separate and easy to find for all.
    You write well, and your examples are right on target.
    I went through a similar struggle, though I was in my late 40s and experiencing the joys of ED.

    I have learned that a lubed finger in my wife's beautiful bum, especially while she's mounted on me, particularly in the reverse missionary position (even easier if you invest - not buy - the Liberator wedge) gets her closer to a big "O" for her than anything else.
    So that said, there are times when she has suggested that I get one of my Aneros out.
    And there are times, when I already have one in ready to go.

    Sometimes just an inch or two of a finger up my bum is more powerful than all the above in helping to bring me over the top.

    Probably too much information --
    well, not on this forum, and not on this topic.

    The worst thing is leaving your wonderful wife out of if.
    Then she feels frustrated, angry, and not sure why you didn't open up before.

    Married sex is wonderful.
    Thank you, Lord.
  • STARR831
    Posts: 69
    Some great advice and counsel in the previous postings, idontno! By the time I purchased my first Aneros a little over 3 months ago, my wife and I had not had sex together for a full year; and, we certainly never talked about it. Prior to that time, I had tried Levitra in hopes of keeping firm enough to engage in intercourse; but, the side effects off-set most of the benefit. When my MGX and Helix arrived, I immediately shared them with my wife --- explaining the real possibility that they might help improve my ability to maintain an erection. After using them a couple of times alone in another bedroom, I could sense my wife was feeling left out; and, she feared I might prefer using Aneros to having sex again with her. I offered my wife the opportunity to insert my Aneros into me; and, from then on, we have had the time of our lives together! She is actually turned on by inserting and removing my Aneros. She also loves to rub my back when I have an Aneros inserted and delights in my moaning and shaking. True, I prayed earnestly for strength and direction before I first broached the subject with my wife; but, it has been well worth that initial risk. :P God bless you in your journey, idontno!
  • idontno
    Posts: 4
    Thanks for all the reply's. A lot of good tips from Billdo, Inverse killed me but he does have a point I wish I personally could be that open is part of it and I don't know if our relationship is also that open sexually. It is'nt always just easy to bring things up like this. And I don't want her to think its a problem or anything wrong to do with her as in she can't make me feel good or some thing Right now things are not normal on top of it because she is pregnant so she takes things differently. And thanks for everyone's advice. I am still not sure what to do.
  • I don't know if this will help you or not, idontno, but here is my take on this (after seeking the same advice on this forum back in January).

    First of all, every person reacts differently to the subject of anal stimulation for pleasure. In a perfect world, open communication between partners about any subject would be simple; in reality, people harbor insecurities and have been exposed to misinformation that affects their emotional reactions to certain topics. So go gentle with your missus (especially since she's pregnant and an emotional basket case, already!) and look for signs that you are approaching the subject too rapidly. Your purpose is to ferret out those emotional reactions and try to work with her to discover the root cause.

    Second -- You will have to explain to her why you are interested in the Aneros. Explain what attracted you to this product. For example, one common element is that men are searching for a way to extend the pleasure of orgasm beyond the usual 5-8 seconds of bliss during ejaculation. Many women are capable of multiple orgasms, so in essence, men get the short end of the stick (pun intended). It's only natural that men would be interested in discovering a way to experience this phenomenon, too. You'll have to discern your purpose, individually, and adapt your conversation accordingly.

    Third -- be prepared to respond to the obvious objections:
    Anal enjoyment = homosexual tendencies; anal stimulation is unsanitary; the Aneros is essentially a solo sex toy; sexploration indicates current sexual practices are unsatisfactory; etc. Solicit her opinion on these subjects so that you open the street for bi-directional communication. Thinking how you would react if the the situation were reversed may give you further insight into what she might be feeling.

    Fourth -- understand that it may take some time before she learns to accept your 'deviant behavior' :P . You don't have to get her to side with you right out of the gate. If she throws up a wall, just explain that you are sensing reservations and perhaps you should both revisit the topic some other time. Work through all resistance that you detect until you are both mutually agreeable. Once you get the verbal stuff worked out, slowly introduce the Aneros during your love making (if that's how you prefer to use it). For instance, as you are getting her interested in going to bed, ask if she would be comfortable if you included the Aneros, that night. Asking permission is a simple sign of respect.

    Fifth -- let her know beforehand if you are interested in a solo session. Thank her afterward and let her know that her approval makes you feel really loved.

    Sixth -- don't be afraid! What we envision in an encounter is usually far worse that what we experience. Use this as an opportunity to develop mutual respect and a closer relationship through honest communication.

    For me, personally, insecurity was the biggest concern. Once my wife witnessed how I went into sexual frenzy with that plastic up my ass, she's started to request it. She now realizes that she, too, will reap the benefits of it.

    Good luck...and if you get stuck, drop me a PM (I check them regularly). By the way, congratulations on your new baby!

    slipperybugger
  • calcars
    Posts: 3
    The way I brought it up with my wife is similar to ways already mentioned in posts above. We planned a weekend away. We'd already been playing with toys for her, so I bought surprise toys for both of us on our trip. As we were getting ready for an evening of fun, I let her open her toy and examine it. Then, much like other responses above, I explained to her that I'd bought something for me, explained what it was for, how it was used, etc. (I'd already "practiced" the night before, while she was at work.)

    My wife was very accepting and curious. She lubed and inserted it for me, then lay beside me while she read an erotic novel to me. She watched what was happening with the Aneros and with my penis, commenting occasionally (especially since I was leaking prostate fluid). After the story, we played together.

    How have things been since then? She asked me once if I'd been using my toy. I told her that I preferred to use it with her, and that I hadn't been using it very much. Her response: "Why not?" Wow! She encouraged me to use it whenever I want, learning and enjoying it, and being able to share my personal Aneros stories with her. So, she wants and expects me to use it whenever she's not available to take care of me. Not a bad deal.
  • Inverse
    Posts: 36
    calcars said:

    The way I brought it up with my wife is similar to ways already mentioned in posts above. We planned a weekend away. We'd already been playing with toys for her, so I bought surprise toys for both of us on our trip. As we were getting ready for an evening of fun, I let her open her toy and examine it. Then, much like other responses above, I explained to her that I'd bought something for me, explained what it was for, how it was used, etc. (I'd already "practiced" the night before, while she was at work.)

    My wife was very accepting and curious. She lubed and inserted it for me, then lay beside me while she read an erotic novel to me. She watched what was happening with the Aneros and with my penis, commenting occasionally (especially since I was leaking prostate fluid). After the story, we played together.

    How have things been since then? She asked me once if I'd been using my toy. I told her that I preferred to use it with her, and that I hadn't been using it very much. Her response: "Why not?" Wow! She encouraged me to use it whenever I want, learning and enjoying it, and being able to share my personal Aneros stories with her. So, she wants and expects me to use it whenever she's not available to take care of me. Not a bad deal.



    Sounds like you are in a healthy marriage. Makes me sad this can be so difficult for some guys. I apologize for my possibly "rude" replies earlier OP, but I feel someone you're going to spend the end of your days with should be someone you can tell anything.

    If not, I really don't see the difference between such a person and just a friend with occasional benefits. That's just me. I can understand someone of an earlier generation having some hurdles to deal with, there are a lot of cultural divides and a lot of misrepresentation of sexuality in the decades past.

    ...but you're in my age group, you're young and unless you grew up in a very conservative town, I just don't see why explaining something that makes you happy should be that difficult. I think a lot of it seems to be personal shame blocking the real purpose of the communication. Why do you use the Aneros? If you have the answer to that, and know it, agree with it and fully believe in it, then that really should be enough.

    Good luck amigo.
  • I still haven't told her about it but at the same time id really like to be using it again when we do have sex so im at a cross road. dont tell her and dont use it in bed at all or dont tell her and hope she doesnt notice during sex im using it.