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wifey has a question

  • HI,
    Looking for some advice and knowledge... My husband and I have been together for a little over 18 years now. He is 36 and I am about a decade older.. I have always been pretty open with regards to sex, and we are still very passionate about each other after all these years. Kind of stumbled upon the aneros during an internet search and well gee it was a no brainer that we had to try this, to watch my husband have the most intense orgasm of his life, Im all up for!!! Well his reaction wasnt as enthusiastic as mine at first.. Anyway he gave in, so here we are about 3 months later.. He is definetly more open now and I think he is actually starting to want it... However we are having some difficulties..
    Around 2 years ago he had double hernia surgery, he had laproscopy with mesh placed on both sides.. After surgery he lost his feeling of penile orgasm.. He could ejaculate no problem but his orgasmic feeling was non-existent. This was very disturbing and i felt horrible for him. Anyway the feeling did eventually come back but never is as strong as it was before surgery.. And Since we starting using the aneros he lost his orgasmic feeling again from penile ejaculation ... Is this normal??? He generally starts with a soft gel g spot vibrator then uses the helix syn..
    Forward 2 weeks ago.. We had a session, no super o's or pwaves or anything like that yet however he did say it felt better and doesnt hurt/feel uncomfortable like it did when we first started. After his session we finished him off, no orgasmic feeling from penile ejaculation.. A few moments after that his testicles starting hurting and a lump appeared near the top of one of them.. He said it was sore to touch.. We fell asleep and next morning lump gone, he didnt have any pain.
    Forward last night, he had a much better experience with some really good feelings and I think he may be getting close to his rewiring/awakening... I could hear his breathing getting heavy and his body slightly quivering.. Overjoyed yes, but again same situation afterwards, no feeling of penile orgasm and lump appeared again then disappeared this morning...
    Any suggestions as to what this could be?? He told me he feels broken from surgery, I feel soo bad for him I just want to make it better...
  • AneRicoAneRico
    Posts: 308
    Deleted by author
  • Have to agree with @AneRico on this one, may want to run this by a Urologist...

    Only other suggestion is to take the Aneros out prior to penis stimulation or intercourse. The prostate might be fighting for control and not "releasing" the penis to have any fun...

    He is very lucky to have a loving and supportive wife, that is half the battle! 
  • surgery was 2 years ago, when he initally lost orgasmic feeling it was in the months following surgery, he regained feeling after about 5 months and has had it since, but recently lost it again after starting prostate massaging.

    We did consult his surgeon/urologist when this first happened and was basically told it may never be the same, as it is common to have issues like this that may either go away or may never go away.

    I was wondering if anyone else experienced a less orgasmic feeling after starting prostate massaging... because I know he will  not be telling his surgeon about our anal play... no way, no how....wont happen..

    We do take out the aneros prior to intercourse


  • rumelrumel
    Posts: 2,492

    Welcome to the Aneros Forum.

    I'm sorry your husband needed to have the hernia surgery and the resultant decrease in sensual response but it is great that you have found a new way to provide him with pleasure via Aneros usage. It is wonderful you are proactively helping to enhance your husbands sensual explorations into prostate massage, you will both be grateful for the increased level of intimacy this will bring into your relationship.

    I will agree with @AneRico & @Mostinteresting1 about speaking with a doctor regarding the mysterious appearing/disappearing lump. This is the first time I've heard about such a condition and while it is probably benign and unrelated to Aneros use, we here on the Forum are not qualified to remotely diagnose or recommend therapy of any sort. This is something that should be discussed with your doctor and as embarrassing as it may be your husband does need to discuss his prostate massage activities with the doctor as well. Doctors have heard and seen a great variety of intimate conditions and are bound by oaths of privacy to remain discreet when discussing such issues, so fear not.

    Now, regarding Aneros use specifically, your husband has only had a few sessions with his massager, it can take some men a long time to fully awaken their prostate response. He (and you) need to be patient and undemanding of results or expectations. Initial sensations with prostate play can be quite subtle, seemingly vanishing before they even get started. This is actually a pretty common complaint. If your husband's "...less orgasmic feeling..." is a reference to his erectile state, you should be aware that many men have no erections while using their Aneros devices, this is perfectly normal.

    I encourage you to have your husband read through all the links I provided to you in my introductory PM, at the very least please have him read the Getting Started section of the Aneros WIKI.

    And for you, thoughtful lady, please note the Aneros line-up of massage devices also includes the unisex Peridise & TEMPO models, you might wish to entertain yourself with these deceptively simple, yet highly pleasurable, little devices - see A Woman in "Peridise" by 'lynn2694' . And there is the relatively new Aneros model designed specifically for women (a Kegel exerciser plus), the EVI.
    image Good Vibes to You ! image
  • Theme_GasmTheme_Gasm
    Posts: 805
    I got a little choked up at the thought of how supportive you've been for your husband! This can't be easy to deal with, but he's one lucky guy to have you!

  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 1,036
    @ourlittlesecret, while I agree with the all the above medical advice, it might be sensible to check out whether the lump appears only after an Aneros stimulated ejaculation or after all ejaculations. If it is a common occurrence then perhaps the Aneros use need not be revealed when seeing the doctor as it may be a step too far for him and as such he won't go as I think you have said. It suggests a blockage of some sort but that is not for me to say. Is the sensitively lessening or getting worse.
    The second thought was when he ejaculates does he feel anything or does it just sort of happen without him noticing. I am over stating this a bit. That is does he feel a build up of tension prior to the release. It seems as if we are now discovering that Orgasms and Ejaculations are not the same thing in males.
  • B MayfieldB Mayfield
    Posts: 2,140

    I echo the concerns of the other members that your husband be seen by a urologist with regard to the  "lump" on his testicle and that he be as candid as possible about all of his activities.    While I am not a physician and can make no diagnosis, I will say that I had a similar experience myself long ago that turned out to be a case of epididymitis.  Epididymitis is an inflammation of the tubes that connect the testicles to the vas deferens.  It often presents itself as a painful "lump" on the top of one or both testicles.  Epididymitis has several forms with different causes. Bacterial infection is the culprit in some cases, where the infection makes its way from the urethra via the genitourinary system to the epididymis.  In my case the epididymitis presented itself first, but I concluded that there was a low-grade inflammation in my prostate prior that was likely the cause of it.  When I indicated to my urologist that I had been engaging in prostate massage, he told me that it may have facilitated the development of the epididymitis.   That said, prostate massage by itself does not cause epididymitis.  Most times there is some underlying factor that precipitates it.

    Epididymitis can be cyclical and the pain and swelling can last a matter of hours or days.   Ejaculation seems to exacerbate the condition, presumably because of the fluid pressure that is brought to bear on the tissue.

    Again, at this point its best to bring a physician, preferably a urologist on board.  I encourage you to give him/her all of the particulars with respect to your husband's overall health, sexual activity and his prior history of surgery (epididymitis is not unheard of following hernia surgery, although in such cases it's usually a quick onset post-op).

    All the best,

    BF Mayfield


  • gee thanks for all your insights..I guess I need to be more concerned about the lump, we figured that maybe it was just a buildup of pressure or something. The lump only appears after toy play and is sore to touch but goes away by the time he awakes in the morning. It is at the very top of one testicle, the same testicle that had fluid retention after surgery for awhile (I guess thats why we dismissed it).. I will definetly try to persuade him into haviing it checked however im quite positive he wont be revealing all to his dr, I know him.

    With regards to his penile orgasm, yes he has a build up, he knows when its about to happen, but when it happens it feels like a "dud" sort of speak.. he is let down emotionally.  This has been since we started toy play a few months back. I wasnt sure if there was some connection or not. I also wasnt sure if this was just a mental thing on his part, since he is still in the "I dont believe I can have a super-o stage, since he has never had one and we are fairly new to this.

    I cant imagine being anything other then supportive, I really feel for him. This man has given me mind blowing orgasms for 18 years, and for him to feel let down by his orgasm is devastating to me.

  • B MayfieldB Mayfield
    Posts: 2,140

    You are clearly a caring and compassionate
    woman, supporting your husband in all ways. So wonderful!  With respect
    to his unsatisfactory ejaculations, again,  this is something that
    should be brought to a urologist's attention.  In my experience,
    congestion in the prostate can cause this as well.  It's possible to have a low-grade inflammation in the region that is not enough to
    produce full on symptoms i.e. persistent pain or discomfort in the
    groin, but enough to cause problems when you become aroused and
    ejaculate (loss of sensation, followed by inflammation and pain in the

    If this situation does not resolve itself and your husband wants to get down to the bottom
    of it, ultimately he is going to have to provide all of the details to
    his doctor.  

    There have been discussions in the forum in the past about the reluctance of some
    men to share such details.  In spite of the enlightenment that goes on
    around here,  some men still feel that the stigma of the outside world
    about anal play precludes any public disclosure.  Several things to keep
    in mind, first, recent surveys on anal sex have made it clear that more
    people, men and women, are exploring it is becoming more commonplace. Secondly, when it
    comes to frank discussions with a urologist, know this...there is
    NOTHING that your husband could tell him that could surprise him or
    shock him in any way....doctors have heard it all!  If it makes it easier for him not to own as much, perhaps he might explain that you had a curiosity about
    this activity so it's something that you've been exploring together.  The important thing is to get all of
    the information out there so the doctor can make an accurate diagnosis,
    your husband can get treated and you can both get on with some wonderful orgasms! 

    BF Mayfield
  • Theme_GasmTheme_Gasm
    Posts: 805
    @BF Mayfield --- Since starting over a year ago, I thought you might have moved on from the Aneros forums! So, I'm pleased to see you're still active! And, I want to take this chance to THANK YOU, for all you have contributed to this community! I don't think I would have been so successful had it not been for the Wiki and Forum discussions in which you played a role! Thanks again!

  • @BF Mayfield --- Since starting over a year ago, I thought you might have moved on from the Aneros forums! So, I'm pleased to see you're still active! And, I want to take this chance to THANK YOU, for all you have contributed to this community! I don't think I would have been so successful had it not been for the Wiki and Forum discussions in which you played a role! Thanks again!


    Definitely! I second that! Thank you @BF for all your contributions!
  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 1,036
    Quoting @ourlittlesecret : "With regards to his penile orgasm, yes he has a build up, he knows when its about to happen, but when it happens it feels like a "dud" sort of speak.. he is let down emotionally.  This has been since we started toy play a few months back." (My tablet won't quote)

    On this point only it may just be he is now becoming aware that there is a lot more to look for than just the release of the Ej. So it may be worth exploring a slowing down and spacing out the stimulation just before the point of no return. It may be possible to relax enough to feel an tingling energy go up the spine and over the scalp, even running down the legs. This may need a lot of trial and error with a lot of hysterics! Making the most of the moment. ( this a whole body penal orgasm).

  • techpumptechpump
    Posts: 248
    @ourlittlesecret If his orgasm and accompanying ejaculation is weak but the build up is strong, does that happen when he has the aneros or anything in him? Or does he have it in, and then its removed and then the build up to cumming happens? 

    Sometimes I have long and intense aneros/anal sessions that sometimes lead to using much larger toys.  The feeling of being filled up starts to trump the prostate pleasure (although, it still works) and when this is happening I'll make myself have a traditional orgasm with the toy still in me.  The build up is huge and the orgasm bigger. But, if I remove the toy before I start to make myself "go for it" then the eventual orgasm can tend to be pretty weak.  A few months ago I was really getting some serious anal play going on and then I switched to a small Peridise, and when I came I didn't even feel it.  It was a huge "dud" of an orgasm.  After that, I started to not feel so good down there and I actually wound up with a UTI and after seeing a doctor, who wanted it to go away on its own (thank god, no antibiotics), I did some regular MGX stim with traditional orgasm, with the mgx still in me, and after 3 sessions a few days apart, I was totally healed and I felt so much better. 

    Sorry for the personal stories, I just wanted to relay what I've experienced when I've had dud-type orgasms. They have all come from doing anal play.

    Another thing:  If he's getting uncomfortable and "let down" feelings when anal play is involved, maybe he shouldn't do it so that he can enjoy his orgasms??  Anal play feels so good and prostate massages have so many health benefits, but if there's something going on that is not allowing for the orgasmic pulse to have a strong feeling for him, you should think about what's going on so that you both wind up happy :)

    Lastly, yes go to a doc asap for that lump thing.  Almost sounds like the sperm is not getting into the prostate to mix with the other seminal fluids at the time of orgasm, like they're all "backed up" in the vas.  He should see someone, it could be an easy fix!!

    I'm so happy for your healthy love life and thanks for coming here to share and look for help!!!
  • slimjmslimjm
    Posts: 578
    Sorry to get on your post a little late here, but I can think of no way that trying prostate massage o fitself should make the sensations with traditional orgasm become weaker. I think you definitely need to talk to the surgeon who performed the hernia surgery and then also see a knowledgeable urologist and tell him the whole story about the loss of sensations with orgasm after the surgery. He also can give you advice about the lump near the top of the testicle. There's no way that a lump that comes and goes can be cancer so go ahead and relax about that to start with. There's some sort of scar or spermatocele or epididymal tissue there that's swelling and going down as you're noticing it does.

    Also, if it feels too embarrassing to discuss prostate massage with the physicians, you don't have to for them to have any insight as to what's going on with the loss of sensations after the hernia surgery as in my opinion Aneros use doesn't play a direct role. But then again, the issue of prostate massage is becoming common enough that I doubt either physician would be shocked and turned off at the discussion of the subject.