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distractions, expectations?
  • AurokenAuroken
    Posts: 113
    its been a while since my last post. and lve been wondering if my journey is plagued with distractions so l was curious about others experiences.

    generally when l decide to have a session l usually pop on some porn, maybe some videos or just browse to my "image" collection and set a slideshow going. usually l'll set aside a good few hours and lay back and do nothing (on my back knees bent generally) a few times l have felt lve been on the verge of something but l always seem to loose it just at the moment l feel like something is going to happen. l do a great job at not expecting anything til that point and maybe my mind might be hampering it at the point of "this feels like something good" and tries to ride it.

    that said lm starting to wonder if my routine maybe a distraction, lve met a few milestones but lve just not been about to pass them. and lm wondering if its things like porn distracting me as l tend to focus on my monitor and whats on it. tho thats not to say lm not focusing on sensations. the current one lm trying to make sense of if the throbbing, it feels like the traditional reflex of ejac but without the feeling of "something is coming" which leads me to wonder if lm missing something somewhere.
  • brinebrine
    Posts: 301

    The best thing about this post is that you've written this post! I mean it. You are recognizing what is happening in your journey and willing to be very mindful of your practice. 

    I would suggest, as you allude to, that the pornography may very well be a distraction. Porn in and of itself it not the problem, but allowing it to distract you during a session is, in my opinion. 

    I would give sessions a try without the porn. This would lessen distractibility and allow you to focus on the task at hand - i.e., listening to what is happening in your body - being an observer. Also, it would give you the chance to really concentrate on all the sensations and feelings you are having. You may be missing some things due to the "noise" of the distraction. I find that some of the smallest sensations are the most significant. Focus on those things, big and small. 

    Relaxing and letting things come to you is not an easy thing to do, especially for men, in the traditional sense. For us, it is easy to get to the goal of orgasm - five minutes of masturbation, and "poof," you're there. Well, not so on this journey. Intentionally putting aside distractions, keeping expectations low (which you do seem to practice well), and not "trying" to make things happen are three things that I have found help me to have the best experiences.

    I assume you have heard that it is best to leave your cock alone during sessions? If not, I say - "Don't touch it." Stroking is a sure fire short circuit on your rewiring process.

    This is a marvelous discovery, relish all that you find along the path.

    Best of luck.

  • AurokenAuroken
    Posts: 113
    when sessions are a bust (which they always are to this point lol) l tend to finish off traditionally.

    l tend to always have background noise on (radio) but like l said l always have something up on screen to watch while l have my sessions. lm contemplating taking my next session to my bed. at this moment l move my chair and lay out something soft to lay on so l have view of the screen. however if l want to get away from my screen l guess l could just lay in bed since its away from the monitor, tho lm hoping having the radio on isnt also a factor or other noise as well. as l generally have the computer on 90% of the time.
  • PommiePommie
    Posts: 1,008
    strikes me you could do worse than follow the advice given by @brine. You might even go a step further and turn off the radio as well! If I am quietly enjoying myself when my wife wakes up and switches on the bedside radio in the morning, that is the worst session killer of all time!

    Have you tried having a session first thing after waking in the morning? Your mind and body are both fully rested and this hour is magical for having a session before the daily mind-noise kicks in. If you haven't, give it a try if you can.

  • a nice dark room with candles (aromatherapy), some mellow music and my thoughts are all I need. If you are going to watch porn, do it before your session only and not during as a possible warm up.
  • ineverknewineverknew
    Posts: 1,174
    finishing a session traditionally is probably one of your biggest problems, and mine too.  This finishing off only rewards the traditional orgasm circuits so to speak.  Until you stop this practice you will never fully rewire and realize your full potential.  My .02 cents.  You just have to tell yourself you are not going to have a traditional orgasm when your done no matter what, get into your head.
  • AurokenAuroken
    Posts: 113
    the problem is my computer is noisy so l need something to drown the sound of it lol. my next session will remove me focusing on porn on the monitor. l'll give it a few hours and see how things go. might turn the radio down a bit but will see how it goes.
  • didymusdidymus
    Posts: 101
    Turn off the computer
  • I would turn off the radio, there is nothing more distracting than all the commercials.. I use Pandora on my phone and use a "Relaxation" station...
  • PommiePommie
    Posts: 1,008
    Turn off everything except your mind!