Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Sign In with Google

In this Discussion

My Evi is---Too Big?
  • RiaRia
    Posts: 1
    My boyfriend bought me an Evi since he loves (and is so successful with) his prostate massager. However, I'm having trouble with this little mama...! I've used plenty of lube, but no matter how hard I try, push, manuever---the handle isnt close enough to touch my clitoral area, much less nestle against it! It's fingers widths away--like the "neck" of the handle is too long. Or is my vaginal canal too short? I've had a hysterectomy, but that shouldn't shorten my canal.....Does the Evi come in sizes?       Is there anything I can do to fix this, other than smushing it down in place--which negates the whole "hands-free" concept? I tried to bend the neck slightly to ensure some contact, but it just goes back into it's preformed shape. So, what to do? Am I deformed? Have other women written with this problem? It's hard to imagine a one-size-fits-all for this product!       I would appreciate any comments or suggestions you can offer.....Ria
  • techpumptechpump
    Posts: 154
    Your canal should move it back and forth as your vagina contracts as it is getting pleasured, maybe as you feel the sensations it will pull the Evi in further and get your clit some contact?  Are you excited, like fully excited ready to go, before you put it in?  More excitement=lengthening of the canal
  • Have no idea but will see what the Aneros lady rep has to say, she maybe able to get some answers from someone there. 
    Attention @Anerosx2 Are you able to help with this question above? 
  • HeizenHeizen
    Posts: 50
    My wife said the same thing....its too big for her. She had a hysterectomy also and her only birth was done by c-section. She still has a tight fit and not streched out by child birth. My lady also has very strong kagels muscles so maybe there isn't enough room in there for the Evi. She hasn't used it at all since the first couple of tries. Perhaps they need a smaller model for the more petite vaginas. ,
  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 981
    My wife also said the same thing, it's too big.
  • Help them out.
  • Sorry but the main part of my comment did not post. Come on our friends at Aneros help the ladies out. Instinctively it makes sense to me that one size wouldn't fit all ladies. Our prostate massages come in different sizes and shapes because we different and have different preferences.
  • HeizenHeizen
    Posts: 50
    Different sizes for the ladies...I'll drink to that. (Of course I will drink to most anything)
  • nurseladynurselady
    Posts: 95
    Hello. I too have felt the arm of Evi was a bit too small. Like in males with Aneros I'm sure one size doesn't fit all. Being aroused helps. You may change your position too. I found that was a help. In regard to vaginal size that has not been an issue for me. When I visit my physician he still uses a pediatric speculum-this after four children. Perhaps using more lube or a different type may help?
    Nurselady
  • devajonesdevajones
    Posts: 162
    I do think that the main problem with Evi would be a similar problem that probably existed with males when there was only one model to be had.  I mean why come out with different shapes and sizes if it was one size fits all.  Thus I feel over time Aneros should (and probably will) make more Evi like devices in various sizes and probably shapes.  I find Evi a little frustrating but not too big...she nestles right in...i just with the part that is supposed to contact the clit reached my clit.  No space between me and the arm...the arm is just about a half inch too short.  I can even see how if it were a tad longer it would stimulate my clit, because when i kegel it rocks back and forth with me as it is intended to do...

    So I said all that to say, for some women yes maybe it is to big, but for some it isnt, and for some there needs to be a few adjustments.
  • gregorgregor
    Posts: 28
    Two EVI threads at once - what are the chances?

    I was wondering when and if the "redesign" of the EVI ever actually came out? I remember reading some press releases about it last fall, but have seen nothing further (not even on this site!).

    And if it did actually come out, has anyone seen them side by side? Would love to hear some comparisons or see some photos of what changed.

    --gregor

  • redD2goredD2go
    Posts: 1
    Yes~ @Anerosx2 please make a smaller EVI!!!
    My lady friend is petite and has a tiny vagina.  The EVI hardly fits inside and once snug, the arm couldn't touch the clitoris, contracted or not.  Please make a smaller size bulb and a more angled arm for smaller women and those with more developed wall muscles.  Thank you!
  • Love_isLove_is
    Posts: 1,778
    @support @CT - Just wanted to make sure you folks are aware of this thread. A re-designed EVI would make sense based on the mostly negative feedback I've read here in the forum in different threads. As would multiple different models. Make sure you have a fairly large group of beta testers to get feedback from.
  • devajonesdevajones
    Posts: 162
    I just wanted to throw this in, if ever female beta testers are needed...count me in!!!!
  • I was the original Evi girl. Changes have been recommended, but as all women are as different as all men-I think that has been overlooked. Also, many women want instant satisfaction as in battery operated. Evi isn't immediate. But, along with High Island Health and Aneros, it's also made in the same medical grade material.
    I suppose we shall see her future. I do understand that over time there are other testers. She has taken a definite sideline.
  • BadgerBadger
    Posts: 747
    My wife tried leaving it in for an hour or so, but had to remove it because it made her cry (from pain).



    It's very disappointing to tell her how I like mine, but hers is unbearable, and there's only one size.
  • I'm not big. In fact, very much on the smaller side. However, I would not say I have ever had physical pain from Evi. If I didn't have enough lubrication- yes it would be an uncomfortable insertion. I would also say that doing kegel type exercises over a long period of time to get to an orgasm with Evi would be something most women would need to work up to with time.
    @Badger maybe if she posted herself what type of problems she experienced then others could offer advice or help. I find for some odd reason, that men post for their wives or significant others. Or even if she'd feel more comfortable with a PM or email.
    Nurselady
  • BadgerBadger
    Posts: 747
    @nurselady I'm sorry, but she won't even discuss it with me. She didn't like before she even got it; even before she tried it in her mind was made up. I talked her into trying it for a few hours around the house, and it ended badly. So bad, that she hasn't even used any of her other devices since. In fact, I don't think she's masturbated since; I can't get her to even take some "alone time" to "relax".
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 704
    All hail the reviving of the Evi discussion!

    I once again hope we can gather enough information from your experiences so as to produce some kind of Aneros FAQ for female (just as we have for males), thus encourage more women to be adventurous and try it to its full potential and hopefully push Aneros to develop further.

    @Badger It does't seem much like an Evi issue to me. And then her comments, as interesting as they may be otherwise, won't be very indicative of Evi's qualities. Still you might want to share and may get some insights from our female friends here. I hope things get better.
  • @Badger I'm being particularly nosey here, but do you and your wife have a normal intimate relationship? I only ask because I'm not certain that Evi is the issue. As a nurse, there could be many reasons for sexual issues. Some may be past trauma, hormones, time management, etc., your comment about her being non-sexual made me wonder.
    @Canucan I have given tips and info as to usage much like Brian Mayfield does with new products. However, once upon a time in a far off land it seemed to make it partially onto the site for Evi. I've been away for sometime and things have been moved around or deleted from areas. I'm totally out of the link for where that information went.
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 704
    @nurselady
    Too bad you can't find it anymore!
  • BadgerBadger
    Posts: 747
    @nurselady at this time, she's taking college classes for her BA and working part-time. A few years ago, she had that ablation thing done in her uterus, due to a large polyp. And she's somewhere in either peri-menopause or full-blown menopause; once in a while, she feels hot, then cold, then hot, but she doesn't break out in a sweat. Oh, and she's 48, by the way.

    Everything, it seems, that I've tried, that's supposed to work on women fail miserably with her; she's a Grand Master Skeptic. For example, I read nearly 30 years ago that if you breathe deeply, almost hyperventilate, at the Point of No Return, that it will greatly increase the intensity of your orgasm. She still insists that it's bunk, even though I found it to be true, and do it every time. I feel like I'm at or very near the bottom of her To-Do list; I'm being pushed back to less than once a week now, due to her scheduling (early morning classes 50 miles away, working mornings and evenings when not studying or in class).
  • @Badger I'm a little late to this discussion but I have to admit there is a lot going on not only with your scheduling, but also with her mindset.  Now scheduling can be worked out, but until her mindset is tackled....you are fighting an uphill battle.  Was she the same way when you met her?  the fact that she wont even discuss the whole evi thing with you says volumes communication is everything.  How is communication for the two of you outside of that discussion?  I do admire your strength in all of this by the way.


  • @Badger kuddos to you for hanging in there. Scheduling can be huge. I'm the same age as your wife. I too worked a full time job, graduated with a second degree this spring. Have a family. Became a Nana. The granddaughter has had numerous problems and lives with me. I work a part time job. Volunteer. And the list goes on...

    She's worn out and maybe some actual scheduling time for sex is needed. Share with her your needs maybe that will help.

    I'm wondering if she's much like me in regards to being a giving person. Maybe she's not a taker, but wants to please you?

    How much longer until graduation? Btw, I love that she's going back to school. It's absolutely a different life after graduation. Free time will be your friend. Keep being supportive, communicate and don't forget to make time for both of you.

    It does sound like she has some menopausal issues going on too. Encourage her to follow up with her physician. Maybe mention it at her checkup if not before then. (For some women, there's meds that can help,) there is no reason to go through horrible hot flashes. The "cold flashes" you mentioned are a mild form of hot flashes. Sounds weird, but true. A woman can shiver, break out in goosebumps, teeth chatter, etc. it's not fun!

    I'm glad she has you on her side. Hope this helps-if even for some female insight. :)
    Nurselady
  • Hang in there @Badger.  My wife is a full time student right now, 39, and going through peri-menopause.  We manage to make time for intimacy.  I just have to be patient with her and communicate.  If you can get her to talk to you about it, I believe that you could eventually work things out.

    On a related note, a ceiling fan with remote control in the bedroom is a great help with the hot flashes at night. :) 
  • BadgerBadger
    Posts: 747
    @devajones when we were dating, she was horny as hell (up to, but no sex until after marriage), but after marriage, she would let it slide for up to six weeks at a time. I don't know where or when it started, but she is now a very cynical person; she believes that all you people here area bunch of lying perverts. We can talk about many things, but she doesn't want to talk about sex.

    @nurselady she generally is a giving person to everyone but me, it seems. If everything is just so, she may allow me to have sex, but no foreplay, which at my age (53), means it's going to be a grueling, 2 1/2 hour, humping marathon, where all the fun was gone about 2 hours ago.

    She hopes to graduate next spring; she's had a lot on her plate, with all three daughters home this summer, taking three or so summer classes, and her mother died unexpectedly last month. She's been there for everyone but me. A neighbor said that she needed some 'me time', but I was thinking that's all I've been getting, I want, nay, NEED is some "we time".

    Regarding her physician, she won't say anything about her lack of drive at her annual checkups. But she really doesn't have the severe hot/cold flashes; she feels cold, she covers up, then a little while later, feels too warm, so she throws the covers off. That's as bad as it gets for her.

    @married2mywife, she just doesn't want to communicate about anything sexual; she never wants to schedule sex, because it's not romantic. She almost always begs off at night because she's too tired, but is too tired first thing in the morning, and won't get up/wake up until it's too late to do anything. I am a very patient, and faithful person but, quite frankly, am getting too put-out and fed-up with all this, but I cannot see my life without her.
  • @Badger I'm sorry. I'm not certain I have an answer for you. I've heard similar stories from others. It would be great if she were able to be supportive and communicate. I guarantee you I'm not a pervert. If your wife met me she'd probably like me. I'm not one to be open about my sexuality in public. People here show support. Which is what I'd hope for you in your marriage.
    You do have sex. Other men are in a totally sexless marriage. I know some who have to beg for a hand job and report no intercourse for years.
    We all make choices to our happiness. Life is too short. Your wife seems to have a lot on her plate. I would recommend a frank conversation with her. It's easy to sweep things under the table and begin a new pattern of "normal." Grief and loss are shown in weird ways that we cannot always predict.

    If this is okay with you, leave it alone and accept your new "normal." Otherwise, stir the dust which may be unsettling and talk, or recommend counseling.

    I find it odd how many stories have been shared with me in recent years about sex and communication becoming huge battlegrounds. I have met men that are wonderful, and are great family men and providers. I'm sure they love their spouse. But, the spouse has created such a barrier. They obviously are staying in their marriage, but look for options. Maybe Aneros is your glue to a "fix."

    Thanks for sharing.


  • BadgerBadger
    Posts: 747
    @nurselady, I'm sure if she didn't know you were you, she'd probably get along fine; sometimes I think just because I bring something up, she dismisses it as suspect.

    I would like a frank conversation, but she's gone most of the time, and when she's home, she's studying and not to be disturbed. When I start for the shower, she immediately goes to bed, because it takes me over 40 minutes to perform my SSS's. So by the time I get to bed, she's asleep. We also have our oldest daughter living at home, still trying to find work after graduating at the top of her meteorology program (they want people with 'green screen' time for TV, and paid internships are being filled by people with MS degrees, due to the gov't hiring freeze which just started to open up. She couldn't go for a master's degree, because she didn't know any professors in the universities with meteorology programs who would vouch for her so she could attend. So she's underfoot.

    It does get depressing at times being at or near the bottom of her priorities list; I'm probably just above coochie grooming, but because I really love a smooth mound, I may be below that, too.

    Due to my back surgery, and corresponding nerve damage, I get very little sensations with my Aneros' anymore, but they do seem to help keep muscle spasms at bay. So Aneros isn't much of a glue for any kind of fix.

    But thanks for your advice and concern.
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 704
    @Badger
    I am sorry, i don't want to be unpleasant... But this conversation as just no link with Evi being to big.
    Could you open a new conversation please? Because this one is becoming less and less informational about the subject.

    This said, I am very sorry for what is happening to you.
  • BadgerBadger
    Posts: 747
    I've pretty much said all I can.

    Apologies for another hijack, but ever since this new layout, I can't seem to put quotes into a post, nor start a new thread, or even edit my post. Where do I go for info on that? Like I said, I'd start a new thread on how to do it, but I can't seem to figure out how it's done these days.

    I now return to your regularly-scheduled forum topic.
  • @Badger
    No worries! You did not hijack the thread. I hope that your situation improves for the better.
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 704
    @Bdger No worries.
  • rookrook
    Posts: 1,773
    Hope this helps get this on-topic but avoids TMI for most.  As with most of our vaginal toys, I'm the 'acting gynecologist' who does most of prep, lube and insertion work during foreplay.   I've asked several times about her soloing and she says EVI's only been used during couples-foreplay between us.

    We've had three pregnancies and my wife has opted for an Episiotomy with subsequent repairs following each.  We have seldom practiced fisting.  I believe she has had only one surgical 'snug-up' since our final pregnancy and delivery.  She also practices Kegels frequently and is my Kegel coach.  Her Kegels are strong enough to bring me to climax without any thrusting.

    My insertion routine is to bring her to near Clitoral orgasm then progressively dilate and lube her with two, and then three fingerwidths, and sometimes a brief, non-thrusting penetration to reduce the artificial nature of the soon-to-follow EVI.

    Once the body of the EVI clears her pubic arch it moves on it's own into the vaginal vault and she does a brief Kegel routine to complete positioning.

    We've only had one 'ejection' and I blame that on my not getting her well relaxed with three-fingers.

    Suggestion might be to do some well lubed dildo work before attempting to 'gobble up' the EVI.

    S

  • @rook thank you so much for writing that, well done.  I have been taunted by ones with assumed authority when I told somebody I'm not sure she was fully relaxed, and they refused to tell me their preparation just as you so eloquently did.  What you are referring to is the exact experience I have with evi.  Relaxation is key, and for the ladies please dont think that you can rush through proper preparation, after all I thought thats why women liked foreplay...gets them prepared for entry. 

    This is the needed input that is lacking here, I really appreciate it, it is eye opening for me at the very least, and I anticipate it will be eye opening for lots of others who read this thread as well.
  • My wife is in the group of women that only tried it 2 times.
    She said the arm is too short and was too difficult to remove.

    @devajones  Would you say there is no use suggesting that she tries it again?
  • VicVic
    Posts: 45
    @Badger

    I would like to make it clear from my point of view, that, you did NOT hijack this thread. The thread was part of a conversation about EVI and her dimensions. However, as in life, face-to-face, person-to-person, group-to-group, phonecall-to-phonecall; conversations have a natural tendency to drift from one point to another and sometimes a new topic will take focus from the original. You stated in your post some personal and troubling situations that deserved a response and thankfully some members addressed your concerns.

    Personally, I would retreat from the Sexual Front for a while and generously give her -- her own space. A space, free from sexual clutter and allow her to be (herself). She's obviously going through a rough patch, a patch of life that we men will never really understand the true meaning of. Conversations tinged with (sex) will be met with aggravation and possibly lead onto shaky-ground that will hover and permeate the air all day, or longer. As frustrating as it seems, there appears to be some dormant issues that need to be unearthed and sifted before Harmony lays across your bed again in glorious titillating fashion.

    I truly feel for you, and fully understand the endless thoughts of desire that stream through your mind, it can be maddening, and you have to hang-in and allow time to heal and recover the goodness that is still present (I hope) between you both, albeit shrouded, hopefully, in a temporary state. And to top it off, you said Aneros is not much use these days. That is is truly sad and I sure hope that's a temporary thing and can be fixed in the future.

    You mentioned your wife's view of all we (wonderful people) on this site as (perverted) and that, in and of itself is telling as to where her mind is at when it comes to sexual-freedom and enjoyment. The health–nourishment and harmlessness is paramount in our understanding of a safe and enjoyable state of mind that delivers us bodily and spiritually onto higher ground. Our unashamed, creative participation will be chastised by many, judgments will spring forth based on early, late or current religious views, but WE – the chosen people of Non-Vanilla, will prosper forward with LOVE. A love and renewed spirit that can't help but seep out and veil all of whom we come in contact with, unbeknown to them, yet truly present as we simply live and silently share our energy.

    Have you ever noticed how, post Aneros use, the pleasure of spending time at the DMV is? I might be pushing it there but you get my point.


    Patience, love and all things that brought you and your wife together, may they continue to illuminate your never ending flame, and remember to reserve reverence for individual differences, that alone, will help ease burdens from both sides, and who knows, one day a new page may open on a freshly made crisp cotton sheet with big soft pillows of support.

    All the best Badger and may we all continue our quest in seeking answers on the lovely Evi.










  • @Vic I love you even more now.  Thank you for taking the time to write that beautiful post.  It has left me awe inspired.  You restore my faith in a lot of things around here.  I think your assessment was spot on, it shows that you have the mind of a very kind intelligent understanding man (with a sexy ass to boot :P) .  I dont think I've ever read a post written by a man that was as...its hard to put into words...but lets say sensitive to not only a woman's needs but the couples.  You stated very clearly a plan of action that I truly believe is spot on and will work if applied.  It is so true that often times women need to get all the other factors of life sorted before trying to tackle the sexual ones.  We just dont feel sex in the same capacity as most men.  If other aspects of our life are out of balance we just dont feel like the sexy vixen usually.  I also love the way you appealed to Badger as a man...men and women are two ends of a beautiful spectrum we just have to learn to meet in the middle on even footing.  I just wanted to take time to say thank you for your time in writing that, I have no idea how long it took but any person's time is valuable and what you wrote is more than priceless.  Those words will most definitely help somebody somewhere.

    @G-Force great question.  No I would not suggest that she never use it again.  I never suggest one give up on anything, that is if they want it.  I'm not sure how your wife prepared etc...that info would be helpful in formulating a more concise answer for you as to why she may have had a problem.  Now as I stated before either on the forums somewhere or in chat the arm was too short to reach my clit as well.  However I looked at that as a plus because for the better part of my life I was like the guys...very clit (which is our penis so to say) driven.  I needed to train myself away from being so clit centric, and learn other things about my body and its capabilities.  Now that I mention that does she lean more towards vibration when using toys? If so is she open to the idea of non vibratory toys?  Is she even a toy person at all? All of these things play a major part in what the hang up may be.  When thinking of my journey I find it comforting how similar it is to the males journey...mindset plays a huge factor.  There are other nuances but that needs to be in place before hand.
  • rumelrumel
    Posts: 2,443
    Vic,

    I agree with the other posters about what you said, beautifully spoken. I wish we still had the "Groups" section from the previous forum incarnation because there was a 'Group' called "Cherry Picks" which pointed out posts of special merit for the readership to enjoy. I believe this post would have fit nicely within that special group.
    image Good Vibes to You ! image
  • @G-Force May I recommend something else that may help? I too have had issues with the arm being too short. But, by changing her position it may help. Being in the realm of excited is a plus. However, putting her body in a different position such as on all fours or her backside elevated -a positional difference might help the arm reach a bit further.
    @Vic-I may love you more. I enjoyed your post. Very well written and so very kind.
  • @devajones  Thank you for your feedback the other night...I've tried the evi a few more times, but really made sure, per your suggestion, that I was warming things up a bit before inserting it, and also trying to, as @nurselady suggests, changing my body position.  I found that arching my pelvis helped.  My fascination with toys is a new found thing for me, so playing solo with this is a new adventure for me.

    I still find it hard to insert no matter how "ready" or lubricated I am, and equally difficult to remove, even painful.  But when it is finally in, it does feel so nicely nestled inside of me.  The only issue I have once it is in, is that the bottom part of the lower arm doesn't really know if it wants to rest in or out of my body, and can irritate that part of me.   Do any other woman have this issue?  The upper arm feels like it is in the right place, gently resting on my clit.

    I still feel compelled to give it a chance and see what might come of using it.  I'm an extremely physically sensitive person, so I there is no issue with needing it to use something that provides more stimulation like a vibrator.  (Although I have been learning to have fun with those as well)  The evi journey is not one I am sharing with a lover, nor did I seek it out on my own...it was given to me by a dear male friend who knows Aneros products, and knew that I wanted to learn more about g-spot orgasm.  So I feel very grateful to have this forum to read and learn about other's experiences.
  • BadgerBadger
    Posts: 747
    @Vic I have given her space; she just seems to want more. I need to reconnect with her to feel in touch with myself. When I am denied that, temptations become more enticing and harder to resist. 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, which clearly states, "1)Now for the matters you wrote about: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." 2)But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3)The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4)The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5)Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." I believe that these verses are tantamount to a successful and fulfilling marriage, because if we all treated our spouses in this way, divorce would be almost unheard of.

    When she turns me away, it pierces my soul; I feel as though she is spurning me for another lover, which, in a way, she is. I have had nightmares where I dreamt she was making passionate love to someone else, in ways that she never has with me, and I walk in on it. I have startled awake, crying.

    I have tried talking with her to find out what is troubling her, and she refuses to reveal her issue(s). If anything, she throws the "I'm looking at (scantily dressed) women, that she can't compete with." I admit I like to shop for sexy things for her to wear, and I imagine it's her in the picture wearing the outfits. The proof that that's what I'm doing is that when I can afford it, I purchase some of those things for her to wear, which her usual response is that she's "to modest to wear such clothes". Most cases, she'll wear it once, putting it on with an angry flair, and then model it with a dejected look on her face, like she's being humiliated by wearing it for me, which pretty much ruins it for me, even though she looks pretty good in it. She then will put it someplace where I won't find it again. Her usual excuse is that she's too modest to flaunt sexy clothes in front of me in our bedroom, to which I respond, "You are my wife; there IS NO MODESTY IN MARRIAGE!!", which comes from Genesis 2:25, "25) Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame." This is to be our goal as married couples, and I try to live up to this high standard.

    I don't know where her cynicism comes from or when it started; I do know when things started to go downhill. It was about '99-2000, and we were having very passionate lovemaking sessions; first, she allowed me to rub her anus, then insert my finger. I massaged her from both sides until she had a very powerful orgasm, where she nearly cried out (she never does this). The next time, she offered me her anus to enter with my penis, which excited me so much, that I couldn't even enter before orgasming. I swear the next Sunday, out of the blue, our Pastor and good friend, condemned anal sex as "just wrong", with absolutely no Scriptural to back it up, from the pulpit. My wife claims she told no one of our escapades (which is quite believable), and the back door has been strictly off-limits since. Some of it I blame on her long-term usage of the pill, which she got off from when I had a vas in about '07. But I fear it may be too late. She has become more critical, cynical and judgmental of just about everything I like every year since then.

    I dearly love her in spite of these problems, and wish she would reciprocate in kind. In 1 Corinthinians 13:4-5, it says that "4) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5) It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." I do not keep a list of things she's wronged me specifically, I'm quick to forgive, I'm faithful to a fault, I'm patient with her (but that IS wearing thin).

    Moving on, @devajones, your comment on how critical it is to be relaxed and highly stimulated before using the Eva is spot-on; my wife is inclined to be impatient and doesn't follow instructions well. On our honeymoon, on our first attempt on ML, she wouldn't allow me to perform any foreplay on her to bring her to orgasm. She wanted me to enter, NOW. With no lube. It was a three plus hour fiasco, where we were both crying: her because of the pain; me, because I was certain I was never going to have sex. She was just so tight that entry was nearly impossible and the whole time, she refused to let me work her to orgasm first. Some heavy-duty hand cream later, and success at last (inside of 10 seconds); I promptly fell asleep (endorphin overload; I'm sorry).

    My apologies for this long, rambling and self-focused highjack. I now return you to your regularly-scheduled thread.



  • @Badger
    Perhaps you and your wife should go to marriage counseling or some other type of therapy. Then make a decision of what you will do. Best of luck to you!
  • @kitsune Glad my recommendations were a help. I recall that I'd have some tenderness with Evi at the neck region. I noticed this most with extended periods of use. I found it depended on my position. Again, varying your position may accommodate your needs.
    @Badger. Even if your wife won't go to counseling-though I'd recommend it for both of you. There's nothing wrong for individual counseling for yourself. Communicate with your dear wife. I see many men that just let their issues go. Personally, I usually find it's they don't want an argument or upset. Maybe it's. fear of the outcome? You are a person that values your family and that's clear.
  • @devajomes & @nurselady
    Thank you both very much for your input and response to my question. I will take your advice and try to gather some more intelligence, in hope that I can offer you more detail on our situation.
    Thanks again for your time!
  • Are there any videos of the evi in actual use? I am having trouble picturing how it works and would like to see it used both with and without a partner.

    Thanks in advance.
  • VicVic
    Posts: 45
    rumel and DevaJ –

    Thank you both for your kind words, I am most grateful.

    rumel: I remember the Cherry Picks Group, I too wish it were still around 'cause there were some mighty choice-reads mixed into those pages.

    Deva j:
    Now I love you even more, but would you really take a boot to my ass? :smiling out loud:
    As they say in the Theatre World: "If you can effect and touch (1)  person out of (100) you've done your job." I hope this to be the case. Thanks again!

  • @Badger I totally agree with what you are saying and I feel your pain.  I would suggest you try counseling either as a couple or just yourself.  I want to urge you to not beat yourself up over your feelings.  You ARE entitled to your experience and what it makes you feel.  That is your truth and it is important.  I know she may disregard you (i hope that doesnt last much longer) but you must not disregard yourself.  I applaud you for being so in touch with your feelings and brave enough to air them.  I think a lot of men could learn from your courageous example.

    I do see a connection between her religious beliefs and sex.  I'm sure you see the connection as well.  I've had anal sex and for me it is one of the most spiritual experiences I've ever had.  I hate that she let religion tell her the bliss she shared with you was wrong.  You must keep your optimism, I know it is easier said than done and you  have been hanging on for a long time but I know you can do it.

    @Vic ok you got me no boots to your ass...might dent it we dont want that.
  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 981
    @everyone,  I have found this thread particularly helpful. It has been very factual and very clear.  That is, no coyness, just quite openly descriptive.  I can't find the right words.  I am particularly grateful for the input from our female posters, correcting many of my (our) male misconceptions. It is also very helpful in helping me use the Aneros tools appropriately in a relationship and being mindful of my hopes and expectations.  I do feel for those members who are having problems.  It does give insight as to how many relationships must be problematic and how unhappy so many men must be in our so called free western cultures.
    Just a note of gratitude.
  • twlltintwlltin
    Posts: 601
    @Badger: One thing I'd hope you're not doing is quoting scripture at her.
  • VicVic
    Posts: 45
    Deva wrote:  "I've had anal sex and for me it is one of the most spiritual experiences I've ever had"

    Deva, I can't more than agree. I too find when I'm in the midst of anal stimulation, I wander off behind a sheer ethereal curtain, softly breezing with light air, and I fall deeply into trance, a trance so pleasantly powerful and undeniably right. Right on so many levels; right because it feels so wonderful, right because I've discovered that my body is capable of producing such exquisite, extended orgasmic pleasure, and right – because always, always during my dalliances with anal pleasure, I'm never denied a wash of spiritual presence that lingers and plays along with me and caresses my soul with quiet reassurance that everything is indeed, RIGHT.

    Growing up, I was forever met with WRONG. I was not born with WRONG. WRONG trickled in by way of doctrine and I witnessed too many people around me falling hard and suffocating under the organized control of what drove WRONG. I knew at an early age I would not enter that prison-of-belief, and therefore sought like-minded brethren who danced a different waltz and henceforth raised my organic spirit ten-fold.

    Lets keep dancing in delicate trances of RIGHT!

     

  • @isvara...you are more than welcome between @nurselady and I we'll get you men straightened out!!! lol kidding, but honestly that is why I champion more female participation around here because often men just dont know.  I dont think its that they dont want to know...they just dont.  Often I find women are not frank enough or open enough or comfortable enough for whatever reason to just tell it like it is straight talk no chaser.  I think thats how men need to hear it frank in clear words, not covered with a bunch of frilly stuff.  I also agree with your statement about men being unhappy and for me it is heart breaking.  If anybody ever notices when I read a post where a man is having problems with his significant others usually I am quick to try to render him some type of help.  I often want to offer him the other point of view so he can make his decisions with more information than he previously had critical information he probably may not have gotten otherwise.

    @Vic I couldn't agree with you more.