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Telling the wife
  • bsmith14bsmith14
    Posts: 35
    I am thinking about finally showing my wife my aneros models (prograsm, mgs, helix). I was curious about how you guys approached the subject with your wives or SO.. She knows I enjoy anal play, although she doesn't participate, and she has seen me have non aneros sessions laying next to her while she rubs my nipples, so she has seen some of the full body shaking and such. I have even had hands free wet orgasms with her.

    If you have shared your aneros with your wife or SO, how did you approach the subject?
  • brinebrine
    Posts: 308

    I told my wife when I ordered it. When it came I showed it to her and explained how it worked. Then, after some sessions, I told her what it was doing for me. I also talked with her while it was in me and described to her what was happening and what the experiences were called (mini, dry, super o's). She continues to support my use of it and has even played with it while it is in me. She appreciates the benefits to her from my Aneros use.

    That was my experience. Best of luck to you.

  • ten_s_nutten_s_nut
    Posts: 876
    Hello, b.

    I informed my wife of my BPH problem the same day my doctor told me and we discussed the treatment options. I decided to try the HIH PS-X (at Aneros it's the Helix model) to see if massage would relieve symptoms before going to prescription drugs. When the Helix arrived, I showed it to my wife. She laughed at its funny shape and the idea of me sticking it in my ass. I laughed along with her. After all, the whole concept is humorous. The first time I tried it, I showed her the curly tail sticking out of my butt. She asked how it felt and I told her I couldn't feel anything except a piece of plastic in my ass.

    About a week later when I was definitely feeling p-waves while the Helix was inserted and we were in bed together, I told her it was feeling pretty good. She said, "That's nice." At two weeks in, I fell asleep with the Helix and woke up in the middle of the night having what I now understand was a Super-O. The thrashing around woke my wife. She turned on a light and watched. Afterwards, I explained that I'd had an "internal orgasm" at my prostate, caused by the massager. At that point, I hadn't been to this website and didn't know what to call the experience. The next day I did some research and then signed up here.

    After studying up on the potential of the Aneros device, I began to leave it in me during sex with my wife. Since she was used to giving me anal stimulation, she quickly figured out that she could use the handle on the Helix to enhance prostate sensations. When I got the Vice, she appreciated that I could serve as a human vibrating dildo for her pleasure. You probably know the rest of the story from my other postings.

    Best Regards,

  • thhnthhn
    Posts: 426
    I think Brine is exactly right with his comments.
    When I told my wife I said I bought a new sex toy and this one is for me. Of course prior to that I had purchased a few sex toys for her... different dildos and vibrators.
    It was a real non issue and is now a regular part of our sex life. I even use the tempo on her sometimes and she loves it
  • airbagairbag
    Posts: 135
    Well I'm single, so can't fully understand your point of view. But now I can't imagine giving up the pleasure. If I was about to marry a girl I would make sure she knows beforehand. If she doesn't like it, I would look for another girl.
  • wisdomwisdom
    Posts: 38
    you should have an easier time than i wife isn't into anal play (well we're working on that....i've done somethings to her [anilingus and such] but nothing towards myself)..........i approached the matter to her a couple of time jokingly to see how she would take the fact about talking about it......the result was an awkward conversation......the second time was discussing health benefits and the associated pleasures......not as awkward, more accepting and was ok to the idea that if i wanted a prostate massager, then i could have one.......the third time was when i finally told my wife that i had a prostate massager and that i've had it for months, but didn't know how to tell her because i was embarrassed about it but i kept hinting on it........she wasn't mad at all.......we took a vacation and i showed it to her, talked about it and such
  • tokertoker
    Posts: 128
    i would say you are half way there if she knows you indulge in ass play and she even joins in what difference does a few plastic toys make just go for it
  • bsmith14bsmith14
    Posts: 35
    I wanted to follow up on this thread with everyone. First off, thanks for all the replies, it has encouraged me to go ahead and show my helix to my wife. It took me longer to get the courage to do it than it should have.

    Sorry about the long post, but I wanted to get everything out there. It may be more for me than anyone else.

    So here is the story.

    A couple of nights ago, we were laying in bed together and my wife started rubbing my chest/stomach, which led to her teasing my nipples, which usually leads to me having a non aneros session, which it did. So after about 10-15 minutes of some really nice orgasms (body shaking, fully body contraction, etc) I decided that this might be a good time to get out my helix and finally show it to her, and maybe continue my session with it. I had had a session earlier in the day and was ready for insertion.

    Well, I told her to wait a minute and I got my helix out and showed it to her (felt pretty akward). I explained to her that it was a prostate massager and that using this toy has enabled me to learn how to have these intense orgasms that she has been giving me. I said I would like to use it while she was with me both when she was rubbing me or even if it was just me in the bed next to her or during sex.

    She was pretty uncomfortable with the conversation and was NOT ok with me using it with her or with her in the bed at all. The weird thing is that she is ok with my having Non aneros sessions with her. (at least I have that) I am not too suprised at this reaction since in the past she has had issues with sex toys. It's almost as if she had some traumatic experience in the past with sex toys. I don't know, she refuses to consider trying them or even talking about it.

    So my journey will continue without my wife. I do enjoy my solo sessions, but it would be nice to have a partner to enjoy and explore with. At least my concious is clear now (not that I was having issues with it)

    On a side note, I just had my first non aneros session since that night, and it was by far the most intense session to date. I had several major dry-o's (felt like I was having a streaming hands free orgasm, without the ejaculation). It was very intense.

    I have so much more I want to say, but it's off topic of this forum

    Thanks again for everyone's help. See you guys in the chat.

  • ten_s_nutten_s_nut
    Posts: 876

    Sorry to read that your wife is not willing to engage with you and Aneros together, yet. On the other hand, leveling with her was a great first step. Congrats on having the balls to show her what's up (pun intended--my bad), especially since you knew about her aversion to toys in advance.

    Please excuse my butting in (oops) to your business with the following suggestion. See if you can get to the bottom (oops again--can't help myself--it's a sickness) of the issue with her by discussing related topics like objectification in sexual attraction, artificiality in relationships, archeological finds of prehistoric dildoes, the history of medical treatment of female hysteria, technology vs. nature, etc. Somewhere along the way while listening to her you may pick up clues as to where she's coming (jeez, sorry) from. Only after you fully understand her phobia will you be able to address it.

    Best Regards,

  • joccojocco
    Posts: 90
    Ten's idea is a good one. Learn where the aversion comes from, but if she ends up not budging on the topic, be grateful for the fact that your communication is at a level where you are not keeping this from her. In a healthy relationship, interests don't always line up, but as long as there's communication, it all works out!

    As a single man, I have yet to share my backdoor experiences with a young lady. I did however talk openly about it with the last girl I dated, but that fizzled due to other factors... I will speak freely about it with any woman I date from day 1. My thoughts are on par with airbag in that sense.