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ANEROS and the Wife
  • SOLOSTARSOLOSTAR
    Posts: 36
    So, I've read a couple of posts about sharing the aneros with your partner. When I originally ordered my first progasm (2008) I was single and didn't think about sharing it with anyone. Over the years, I've talked to some of my buddies about it and they've been interested in trying the aneros but aren't sure about how to include it in the regular sexual routine with their wives. They fear that their wives might find the pleasure they get from the aneros "intimidating" and not want to have their man using it with them or without them.

    As I contemplate marriage, I had never considered sharing my aneros workouts with my mate-to-be; it was simply going to be my occasional way to "self-bond" when she was away for a couple of hours. However, many posts by married men have talked about how they've used the aneros with their wives and found it even more pleasurable in sharing the experience.

    My question is, how does one introduce this topic to one's wife? I mean, as a "SOLOSTAR" I've always been completely uninhibited when it comes to sex; anal play is common for me. But, to explain that to someone you're gonna marry, that you would like for them to share in this "taboo" practice, is not so easy. How does one "sell" the pleasure of the aneros with someone who's never experienced anything like this and is "tentative" about extraordinary sexual practices? (I mean, she's no prude, but I think the thought of anal sex/anal sex play might frighten her or make her think that I'm wanting to get rammed by another dude or something.)

    Thoughts anyone?

  • ten_s_nutten_s_nut
    Posts: 816
    Hello, SOLOSTAR.

    Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

    I understand your trepidation. My wife was very repressed sexually when we first met, 23 years ago. As time went on and we began to discuss sex more openly, it became easier to exchange fantasies while laying in bed.

    Although every marriage is different, one of the characteristics of successful ones is open communication. In our case, since my wife wouldn't verbally communicate about sex for many years, we both became adept at non-verbal communication; hands, fingers, grunts, sighs, etc. .My wife figured out that I liked anal stimulation simply by body language over a period of months. I hope you will be able to skip that stage and go right to plain English. But if not, you'll still be able to get your point across (pun intended, sorry).

    At this time, for all you know, your love may already have a toy or two tucked away. While browsing the Web together, you can happen upon one or more of the classier sex toy sites, which can serve as an opening gambit for discussion. If she doesn't freak out, you can let her know you enjoy your sex toy and ask her how she feels about that. Make sure you tell her that you understand the Progasm can enhance partnered sex for both of you (you last longer, get harder).

    Try to maintain a sense of humor about sex toys when you do discuss them. They are inherently humorous in their myriad forms. My wife laughed when I showed her my Aneros and I laughed along with her. I got a chuckle out of her "rabbit" when she showed it to me. Now, we're comfortable with having toys in bed, together.

    The one thing I strongly caution against is keeping sex secrets from each other, unless you specifically agree that in your marriage you will have secrets and not be resentful that they exist.

    My apologies if the above rant seems unwarranted. Understand that it's just a little of what I've learned the hard way through 3 marriages and many lovers.

    Best Regards,

    Dave
  • brine
    Posts: 220
    Hi SOLOSTAR,

    I add my congratulations on your upcoming marriage.

    I, too, am married and shared with my wife about my Aneros toy before it even arrived. We also chuckled about its shape and size when it arrived. I remember her saying, "It's smaller that I thought it would be."

    I agree 100% with Dave regarding communication. It was not difficult to share with my wife about my interest and eventual practice with my Helix. We have built our relationship on honesty from even before we were married. The big difference is your relationship is not mine. I don't know where you are with your fiancé at this point, regarding honesty. I understand your concerns about possibly turning her off when discussing your Aneros use. I think Dave gave some great ideas on how to open up the conversation.

    One additional comment I'd like to make is this: while I have had occasion to use my Aneros while having sex with my wife (tons of fun and excitement), the best result of my Aneros use and my sexual relationship with my wife is that I can now have MMO's (Male Multiple Orgasms) without the Aneros in AND my wife knows what to do to me to take me to Super O-land with her touch, mouth, lips, etc. And there is nothing like having intercourse with both of us multi-orgasming together or having a Super or Dry O while inside of her and rocking both our worlds at the same time. All of this is to say that the sexual-relationship enhancements from my Aneros use for my wife have been as good for her as they have been for me.

    So, SOMEHOW, talk with your intended. If you are at the point of marriage, you should be at the point of openness and honesty.

    Best of luck to you. Stay in touch, we are here as a support for all.

    Brian
  • rookrook
    Posts: 1,603
    Congrats Solostar,

    With >40 years in the game, I think it's important to recognize three elements in marriage, "his," "hers," and "theirs." Remember to cherish and preserve these, keep them in balance and avoid having one trod over the other.

    Ten_s_nut's notes on openness inside the marriage are tops. You can avoid TMI and the minutia of your solo sessions yet it's important that your spouse be aware of your major fetishes and kinks. Whether it's your pleasure from shooting hoops, Martial Arts, Aneros sessions or something else she should know and you should learn and appreciate the big picture of her joys as well.

    It's important for her to know what means a lot to you and how it fits into your life. If that's your vow-to-be is monogamous, it's important for you to assure her that your activities support just that.

    You need solo time at the park or gym shooting hoops or pumping iron and hopefully she has well developed activities that are 'just hers.' Perhaps you fish. Both of you will find new activities both inside and outside the bedroom and those will put a squeeze on your hours fishing or golfing.

    Although my wife tends to take the lead in selection of entertainment and dining out, I've tended to initiate travel plans and the acquisition of sex toys. Some of our better discussions have been initiated when we decide to clean out the toy box and talk about the pros and cons of a particular toy (what it did and didn't do for one or both of us). It's always enlightening to get your mate's opinion of how the texture on a clit bump on a cockring can affect her whole session. I make it a point to 'force' another toy on her each time I add a toy to my nightstand.

    I started packing a Helix just for foreplay and coitus. My wife isn't into anal but we tied a shoestring onto the tail and she could tug that sometimes to "get my attention." Helix gave way to an SGX (also with a shoestring). Now I pack a Peridise and the shoestring is gone. However she presented me with a new vibe for the Vice which has a remote control.

    Aneros was a slam dunk as it got added to my life when we bought a new g-spot toy for her. If your bride-to-be isn't using any toys now, I'd suggest you buy one for her. And, if you have more than one Aneros, you owe her an equal number of toys, right now! Sharing opinions during online shopping is certainly the easiest approach. We enjoy being "naughty" and a couple of times a year we visit an adult store some distance from where we live (so as to not be recognized by neighbors and fellow church members). Our "task" is to shop and buy across the counter and solicit the proprietor's thoughts. If you plan on a honeymoon in the Islands or Vegas, there are plenty of great toy stores there and a simple memento of your honeymoon will be cherished for a long time.

    hope this helped.
  • brine
    Posts: 220
    Great thoughts, rook! Love the shoestring idea, might have to try that!

    Brian
  • thhn
    Posts: 425
    Solostar:
    You certainly know your spouse better than anyone else but I would suggest that you give her the opportunity to either be freaked out or on board with the aneros. I had mine for a year before I decided to be open about it with her and although I was quite apprehensive about telling her, it was no big deal and is now a regular part of our lovemaking. To be honest, I enjoy my solo sessions better than when using the aneros during sex but the aneros has opened doors for me that I thought were locked shut.
    I bought the vice recently and presented it to her as if it were a gift (which it was, sort of) her comment was "that's so big"
    during a night of hot and heavy sex, I used it on her and it brought her to a great orgasm. Now, anal play is becoming a bigger part of our sex life and I am that much closer to pulling out the vice and inserting my dick. (always been a fantacy of mine)
    You could always approach it from the health side of the issue and say you are concerned about prostrate health?

    You just might always regret it if you don't come clean right now and what if in the future she finds your aneros collection or walks in on a session?
    It might be much harder to explain under those circumstances.
    It has already been mentioned about other sex toys. I'm the one who buys the sex toys and I have bought several dildos and vibrators for my wife.
    One night in bed, I just pulled out the aneros and told her "I bought a new sex toy and this time it's for me" It was as easy as that