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New Relationship
  • SC
    Posts: 1
    I have been dating my girl friend now about a year and our relationship is very serious. I am 45, she is 35. She is a very conservative girl. We have a great sexual partnership, honesty, trust and respect. We have discussed marriage, and in August, I am moving into her home. We have never really discussed "anal", only once in passing, and she did say it was off limits to me as she does not enjoy it, so I left it alone. I have had an Aneros for two years and would never want to part with it.
    How would you suggest I bring this up in conversation, I do not want her to find it in my drawer and ask me. I have thought about leaving the Aneros home page open by "accident" but don't want her to feel she is not good enough for pleasure. My Aneros is a part of my sex life, I can not be without it! Are there other couples out here who have encountered the same issue?
  • johntrevy
    Posts: 220
    The way i see it, is you have just as every right to be multi-orgasmic as what she is. She dont like it, tough luck for her. If she is the one fro you, then she will understand. There is absolutely no excuse why she can deny you this experince. And no, the stigma with anal play being gay is definately not a valid excuse.

    If i ever find a girl (prbably unlikely), i will make it clear to her that the aneros is part of my life. If she cant handle that, then she aint for me.
    Any relationship that asks for such a one sided sacrifice (her having multiples, whilst im denied) will never work. Period!!

    John
  • Onthepath
    Posts: 105
    Hi SC and welcome to the forum!

    You may want to approach this from the standpoint of the health benefits of prostate massage. A man of your age, I’m in my 40’s as well, needs to be aware of the benefits of maintaining a healthy prostate. This can also translate into better intercourse whether you use the Aneros during intercourse or not. That will obviously benefit you both.

    You may also want to probe a little deeper into her response about anal sex. Keep in mind that it is not limited to penile penetration of the anus and rectum which is what she may be thinking. It can involve anal massage with or without penetration, the use of anal toys either on each other or together where each person uses the toy on themselves, or even rimming. Each couple needs to discover what they are comfortable with without one partner pressuring the other.

    Other than referring to the Aneros website, I’d highly recommend two sources of information that both of you can investigate if you haven’t done so already. One is Jack Morin’s book Anal Pleasure and Health and the Better Sex Guide to Anal Pleasure DVD. Both of these provide excellent information in a non pornographic way. If you get only one, I would get the Better Sex guide first as the book can be used to get more in depth information. The book goes into the physical and the positive and negative psychological aspects of anal sex and includes exercises to help one become more comfortable with it. The Better Sex website contains several other instructional DVDs which I think are excellent and definitely couple friendly.

    Good luck!

    Onthepath
  • Edit
    Posts: 0
    SC, it seems to be a common topic and issue. Many of us have been there especially us middle aged guys that made the discovery a bit late.

    Since I originally bought mine for the health benefits my entree` was similar to what Onthepath suggests. It was a sincere introduction too, as the thing provided tremendous benefits to a tense pelvic floor as it did for many other issues there. The "multiple" fringe benefits were totally unexpected.

    Starting from an uncertain beginning, this thing has really expanded our sex life and my wife gets off on taking control of the session once in a while. Initially she had the concerns of many that she would be "second fiddle," Being conscious of that I let her know how it was benfitting both of us and sometimes she would literally feel it. It's also been great for those times when we're on different planes if you know what I mean.....I gotta have something and sex is the furthest thing from her mind!! With my having a super strong sex drive it's helped to balance the desires and practices.

    Finally, it has added some new dimensions that sometimes surprise us both (like a shaving incident I related in the forum.) I've also introduced her to KSMO and that has given her a greater appreciation of the experience.
  • gravel
    Posts: 53
    I sometimes worry that I'll never meet a woman who will want to do things like perform anal on me with a strap on, or finger me out. It seems like a lot of women think that if you enjoy anal pleasure, you must be gay. I just like the way it feels.
  • B MayfieldB Mayfield
    Posts: 2,077
    SC,

    I'm in agreement with the all of the respondents thus far. No question about it, enlightening an un-enlightened person about the nature of anal pleasure can be a daunting task, particular when the individual in question is very conservative or committed to religious teachings. With respect to anal play being off limits, I'm assuming that she was refererring to receiving it ? While she may be closed off to being penetrated or touched in this area herself, it is just possible that she may be more open to your enjoyment of it.

    If you truly have a great sexual partnership of honesty, trust and respect, then you owe it to yourself to be honest with your girlfriend about your own desires. While this may difficult to do, it is better to do it now, before you are completely committed in a marriage. As the other respondents have stated there are some back door ways of getting into this. For instance, you had mentioned the possibility of leaving the Aneros homepage open. A better alternative would be to leave the High Island Health home page open www.highislandhealth.com

    The High Island site (same owners) promotes the massagers chiefly for their health attributes. As someone said, as a 45 year man, you could tell her that you had experienced some issues that the Aneros (called the Prostate on that site) helped you with. That might be anything from prostate congestion or prostatitis to E.D. The content on the HIH site will help support you on this....they even have their own forum. You might want to tell her that in the process of using the product (for health purposes) that it coincidentally unlocked something for you in a sensual way as well. It uncovered an inner potential, .... that you never dreamed existed!

    My feeling is that if she's known you for a year, and you have had a good an open sexual relationship with one another, she isn't going to take this as some kind of admission of homosexuality. This doesn't have to be a face-down. Let her know what the device has done for you! Try telling her that the virility that you enjoy today as a 45 year old man (and that she has enjoyed in her encounters with you thus far) has been facilitated by your use of the Pro-state (Aneros).

    As an alternative to letting her discover a website, you might just bring up the topic yourself, using the health perspective initially, and then use the site as your support. Understand that allowing her to "find" this site gives her the opportunity to render a judgment without knowing how you value the device or having any facts on it.


    Cheers,

    BF Mayfield
  • darwindarwin
    Posts: 1,194
    it seems that men fall into four categories in this regard:

    (1) live alone so can do what they want without it being an issue with their partner.

    (2) men who successfully integrate the aneros into their sex life, that is, they specifically have sex with the aneros and their partner at the same time. they often report an improved sex life.
    ..(2a) their wife accepts their use of the aneros solo
    ..(2b) their wife does not accept its use solo and they
    ....(2b.1) hide it
    ....(2b.2) don't use it solo

    (3) men who either have sex with the aneros or with their partner but not both at the same time, and, whose partner is accepting of their aneros use

    (4) men who hide their aneros use from their partner.

    (this would be a good survey, no?)

    so, which category do you hope to be in?

    my suggestion is to:

    - be honest and let her know that you have been using it for two years and enjoying its many benefits, both physical health and mental health. (i don't agree with any of the back door methods. just tell her. you might start out with "have you ever heard of the aneros?" indicating that it is something that is not taboo but rather something that informed women may know about)

    - explain that it can improve your sex life with her and tell her you'd like to pleasure her with it inside you. let her first experience how it is something you can give to her. then let her pleasure you with it in and let her see how easy it is for her to make you feel really good. in fact a good way to introduce the aneros may be while you are having sex. tell her you are going to "insert a prostate stimulator" which will give you a firmer erection and be able to stimulate her better, immediately making it about pleasure for her.

    - getting from there to using it solo with her blessing may be a bit hard as she may feel left out by that. i would say the best way to do that is to help her understand that, because you are a guy, your frequency of sexual needs is greater than hers. you can reinforce this by asking her for sex whenever you want it. this is being honest and letting her know something about you that she may not know which is how strong your sex drive really is. if she always wants sex then, hell, you win. if not, then say "ok, well i guess i'll use the aneros to tide me over." this is a win-win strategy.

    - also, once she knows you use it solo on occasion you can feel safe using it solo when she is not aware. in other words, you cut a small bit of a corner on the honesty which is that you use it more than she is aware. if any given time she asks you if you have used it, then be honest. really, it is just like jacking off in a marriage. your wife knows you do it but would just as soon be spared the details of frequency, etc.

    darwin
  • Edit
    Posts: 0
    Despite the fact that my wife is supportive, participative and totally okay with my using it solo, I still most enjoy the alone times when it's all about it and me........anyone else?