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how do I convince my girlfriend
  • wonder
    Posts: 1
    I have been with my girlfriend for 6 years. She likes to have anal once in a while and we have even used her vibrator in her pussy while I was doing her butt which made her go crazy in orgasm. She also likes to use her fingers on my prostate. I have wanted to try the Aneros but I am not sure how to talk with her about it. I came accrossed a site before finding this one. it was about prostate massage and milking. she took offense to the milking. This is not what I was wanting either. When I mentioned about using the Aneros she got angry and related it to the milking and saying that she wasn't going to get anything from it sexually. and the only one that would was me. I was married before and my ex used anal beads once in a while so I beleive with everything I have read on this site that I would enjoy the Aneros. I have always felt a woman should not be the only ones being multi orgasmic. Is there any women that can give me any ideas on how to talk with her. Like I said she already likes to play back there.
  • rumelrumel
    Posts: 2,257
    Hi wonder,

    Welcome to the Forum. You are facing the same delemma that a number of Forum members are also facing. My advice is to try and get her to read the Sticky :"A Wife's Perspective" by 'jane'. That thread may help open your girlfriend's mind to a new perspective, failing that you might selectively print out excerpts from that thread for her casual reading and present them in a non-pressured manner.

    It is curious that your girlfriend took offense to "milking" but you said she enjoys fingering your prostate. Since you two have apparently already established some good personal communication in sexual matters as evidenced by enjoyment of anal play by both of you. Open, frank, heartfelt communication about your desire to try this new sex toy and discussing the milking/fingering disconnect, I believe, would help pave the way for you both to learn some of the benefits that sharing this experience could bring. While the direct benefits of participation to her (sexually) are minimal (she might help perform the insertion or even some of the prep. work), the benefits to her indirectly could be significant because of the health benefits to you. Such benefits may include better prostate health/functioning, increased muscle tone for the pelvic floor muscles, better ejaculatory control, stronger ejaculatory orgasms. These would all contribute to longer and more intense lovemaking between the two of you.

    While there are certainly many more benefits to you through Aneros usage, I think I would emphasize those which you can share in your discussion. By expressing your desire to experience multiple orgasms as SHE is able to, may induce her to view the fairness/equality picture in your favor. Pointing out that she would no longer need to finger massage your prostate would allow her hands to caress you or herself during lovemaking, thus giving her more freedom. Carefull thought before having the discussion will allow you to put the most favorable "spin" toward a shared decision.

    On the other hand from a completely selfish, male egocentric point of view, it's your body and you have every right to experience all the joys it is capable of producing, with or without her participation. (I must caution that this approach may prove hazardous to your mental, physical and financial health )
    Hopefully some other members of this Forum will jump in here and offer you more suggestions.
  • Edit
    Posts: 0
    Yep, many of us have been there. However, my wife and I frequently enjoy joint sessions now, actually some of the best are those (including the shaving incident) Maybe if she realizes it may be "short term pain for long term gain" she'll grow to appreciate the longer term benefits that have been pointed out in the previous post. My wife has also grown to enjoy the control she has over my body as she enhances the experiences with touches, nipple tugs and petting. She's often commented it made her "wet" and excited. At certain times of the month that's enough for her. I've also found through KSMO that I can enjoy the feelings that she tried to explain for years, so I suppose I'm more empathetic as a result!
  • Goddess
    Posts: 7
    Someone asked me to respond to this...

    I guess I'm unusual but the Aneros was MY idea, not my husband's. I was frustrated by the lack of spontaneity of ED drugs, and also the fact that even with the ED drugs he often could not "finish."

    Since the Aneros, life has been good. He is the one who initiates use of the Helix and we don't have sex without it any more. It's brought things to the next level entirely.

    If you want to stimulate your girlfriend, tell her that the device will give her a bigger man to deal with, with bigger orgasms. It's much more exciting having sex with the Helix. And if he leaves it in overnight, watch out the next morning. She'll get round two, with a monster sized penis. I have also noticed that my husband is very flushed when he wakes up after sleeping with the Helix. All-around blood flow is increased, and lots of sexual appetite.

    I'm so glad I discovered the Aneros products. I plan to buy my guy a whole "wardrobe" of them, for variety and excitement.
  • Goddess
    Posts: 7
    OK I got another question....

    First off, it wasn't easy to convince my husband to try this. But he read the research and read comments and said, "well there must be something to it."

    We watched that video (sold as a kit on this site) and I told him that perhaps every time we tried it initially, we could watch the video.

    So he did watch it once and that was enough. He wasn't really interested in having the extended solo sessions described on this site or shown on the video.

    I think the problem that women might have with this unit is how it's protrayed as a device that you can use to pleasure yourself. I think it can be used that way, but also you can use it as a couple. If you show your girlfriend that it's a device that you can use to have orgasms all by yourself.. then you are not looking at this fully for what it can be. I think it would be perfectly great if my husband wanted to use it on his own, but he doesn't. We have fun together, then he takes a time out for about 20 minutes to insert the Helix and do some of the breathing exercises. I'm kind of on my own then to do what I want to do.. if you know what I mean. Then, we have sex while he is wearing the Helix. Sometimes he takes it out afterwards, but lately he likes to sleep with it and get the added benefit the next morning.

    So all I can say is... if you say this is just a device you wear to have orgasms without touching yourself or your partner, then I will bet most women are turned off. If you explain it's something you can wear to enhance your experience together, she will be curious and into it.

    Why not think about it the other way.. would you want her to use a special vibrator where she would be getting big orgasms and you weren't allowed to touch her or have sex with her? BaH! OK now you get it, I know you do.

    ~goddess~