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porn free advice?
  • gravelgravel
    Posts: 53
    It seems that a lot of people use porn to get to the desired state of arousal necessary for aneros use. But I have moral objections to porn, so I try not to view it. Does anybody have any advice for getting nicely aroused without porn? I have a hard time getting really aroused without stroking my penis, and rubbing my nipples doesn't seem to do much for me. (I tried watching porn during an aneros session, and it just seemed to be a distraction. It made it hard for me not to want to touch my penis, and I also felt bad because watching porn goes against my personal values, so I couldn't really enjoy myself).
  • CollinCollin
    Posts: 56
    Ask yourself, "What are the thoughts that arouse me?" Let your mind play. You don't have to watch porn to feel sexually aroused if you are opposed to that. There must be times when you feel sexual and "in the mood" other than just rubbing your penis. What are those times? What happens? Pay attention to those. Spend some quiet time and just fantasize. Or you could just think about how exciting it is to think about what is going on in your own body when you do get aroused. Be creative and explore with what is going on in your head. Be kind to yourself, don't judge, and most of all.. relax.
  • B MayfieldB Mayfield
    Posts: 2,140

    I think that one's definition of "porn" may be an issue here, but, if yours has to do with nudity, check out
    What you'll find is some high quality erotica without nudity...,

    In my opinion, this site is not pornographic, yet it is extremely sexual arousing nonetheless. It presents videos shot using a static camera, so that what you see are people photographed (no lower than the upper chest) and you're looking at them in the face as they bring themselves to orgasm! This is the stuff of fantasy...because you never see what they're doing to bring themselves off...that's where your imagination comes in.

    It's wild too, because on some of the best ones, you can see the skin flush on the cheeks and upper chest that verifies the orgasm's authenticity. No fakery here.

    Another part of what I like, is that these are all real people and they look like REAL people, as opposed to models and "actresses". These are less than perfect faces that one could conceivably know in real opposed to the painted, and surgically enhanced clowns out there.

    Again, it's high quality erotica without the smut.

    They have men too for those who are so inclined.

    BF Mayfield
  • gravelgravel
    Posts: 53
    Thank you both for the advice so far. B Mayfield, I don't think that's what I had in mind, but thank you for the suggestion. I usually have lots of fun masturbating without porn, but to get aroused, I'm used to stroking my penis. Of course, that isn't good for aneros use. Even if I begin aroused and insert the aneros, after about 15 minutes, the whole thing seems to turn into an intellectual exercise--Does that feel good, am I doing this right, maybe if I tried this or that, etc. I think I need to redefine what I've always thought of as sexually pleasurable. The aneros makes me feel good, but it's hard for me to think of that feeling as 'sexy'. I guess that's part and parcel of this whole 'reprogramming' thing people here talk about. If the aneros does do something I find sexually arousing, It's even harder then not to touch my penis. Maybe I've been approaching this thing from the wrong direction...
  • darwindarwin
    Posts: 1,356
    you'll probably get a bunch of answers on this.

    here is what i'd say. at first allow yourself to be un-sexy about it. treat it like you are learning how to use an obscure back massager. as part of the "no expectations" philosophy, don't expect it to feel sexy.

    what you are looking for is pleasurable sensations, and you are going to learn how to train yourself to have more of them.

    the sexy comes in once you've gotten the hang of it. it will naturally start feeling sexy and then you can augment that with thinking of stuff that makes you hot. alternatively some guys take it in the spiritual direction and concentrate on feeling the pleasure as is without the lusty component.

    or you can start out on the sexy path, however you'd like to do it.

    the advise is: don't worry if you don't feel sexy yet. let go of that expectation, and just learn what your body has to whisper to you. you'll like it.

    oh yeah, and apply a mustard paste to your erring hands to keep them off your wiener. no penis, no no no.

  • Unless stroking your penis makes you want to continue to a penile orgasm, what's the problem? If that helps you get aroused then go with it.

    For me, I've stroked myself in the shower before I lay down with my helix. I'll try to get as close to orgasm as I can, and I focus on the feeling in my prostate more than what's going on with my penis. I do it 2 or 3 times to get my prostate starting to feel tingly. This may or may not work for you. It all depends on how well you're able to read your body and know when to stop.

    If that doesn't work for you, Collin mentioned fantasizing. Nobody knows what turns you on better than you do and a good fantasy is better than any porn you'd ever see because it's tailored exactly to what you want.
  • hlaser99hlaser99
    Posts: 785
    Hi Gravel!

    I tend to agree with Justn_Otherguy, in that during your learning process you should be allowed to touch yourself before a session, or even during one, if that's what it takes to get you going. And concentrating on the prostate and trying to feel even the slightest tingle or tightness in the prostate during the strokes is also a good idea, IMHO! (be sure to cease the touching of the cock way before an actual ejaculation, tho!)

    Even Ksmo teaches that a couple of strokes or caresses here and there are OK for the learning process! And I use nipple play "all the time" . . . I think about something erotic and rub my nipples, usually!

    Later, when you are able to get aroused by the thought of an Aneros session, just stop the penis stim . . . but above all...enjoy the Journey!

    Remember, Relax, breath and observe even the slightest good feeling!

    My 2 cents, again!

    later, Hlaser
  • rumelrumel
    Posts: 2,492
    Hi Gravel,

    Here is something that might help you and its free. Go to, register as a free member & log-in, click on the Listen tab, choose the "Programs for Men" line under "Listen to Sessions", scroll down to "EXOTIC DREAMS", and click on the play button and let 'Nikki' plant her senuous suggestions in your head, repeat this recording for youself every day for awhile and see if your arousal doesn't get ratcheted up a few notches, all without viewing porn or touching yourself.
    "The mind is a terrible thing to waste." someone once said so you might as well "use it or lose it ." Arousal is 99% mental, let 'Nikki' help amplify what you already have within yourself, and maybe you'll find porn just doesn't matter anymore.

    Just my thoughts on this matter, I hope it helps.

    Good Vibes to You!
  • gravelgravel
    Posts: 53
    Last night, I decided to approach this whole thing completely differently. I took hot shower, did my usual bedtime routine, then I lit some candles, inserted the aneros, and just lay there and did nothing. I tried to clear my mind of any thoughts or expectations, sexual or otherwise. I just let my body do with the aneros as it pleased. It was by far the most successful session I've had so far. There were a few moments when my thoughts wandered in the sexy direction, but mostly I just felt good in a general sense. I didn't have any orgasms, but things were definitely happening that I've never felt before. In fact, I think I finally have an idea of what's supposed to be happening. 2 things I've found out:
    1. Astroglide definitely works best for me. I've been using KY because that's what a lot of people say works, but I think I need more slickness than KY provides.
    2. I have my best success laying on my stomach. For one, I've always been most comfortable laying on my stomach when I sleep--it seems like a position my body naturally likes when I want to relax. secondly, it keeps me from touching myself (the pressure of the matress agains my penis doesn't seem to be an issue at all).
    Thanks for all the advice. If it weren't for this forum, I'd probably have quit by now.
  • calboycalboy
    Posts: 23
    Visual stimulation is just one avenue. Check out this site for a ton of FREE erotic literature.

    I find that after a couple of good reads, I'm stimulated enough for an Aneros session.

    They have everything under the sun including;

    Alien, (don't laugh - check it out)

  • canadiancanadian
    Posts: 30
    calboy said:

    Visual stimulation is just one avenue. Check out this site for a ton of FREE erotic literature.

    I find that after a couple of good reads, I'm stimulated enough for an Aneros session.

    They have everything under the sun including;

    Alien, (don't laugh - check it out

    Very helpful, thanks

  • gravelgravel
    Posts: 53
    Though I occasionally read erotica, I mostly like to rely on my imagination. I'm not sure if this is the best approach, but I've discovered that I don't necessarily need to be extremely aroused when I start a session. If I'm relaxed and everything's clicking, the aneros (and my own fantasies) will do the job with no problems. Thanks again for the advice, though.