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learning to relax, experience
  • EyBoiEyBoi
    Posts: 18
    I'm relaxing more and more and I keep noticing the urge to feeling and some energy build up but not much more... The main thing that I wrestle with is resisting pinch any muscles that I might want to to "kick things into gear"... In other words I can't really relax my PC muscles too well and I'm noticing more and more temptation to pinch them and bear down... Why is that? Is it my initial interpretation of receiving pleasure to have something going on? Whut is dis madness? Do I literally just have to concentrate on relaxing more in order to come in touch with building my pleasure? What is going on
  • ClenchyClenchy
    Posts: 223
    Yeah you want to urge it on, so you do it the only way you know how. The thing is, there are other things to pinch and other ways to bear down, they're way more subtle and invisible until you see them.
    For example, when I want to push forward, I might increase my focus on a certain spot and what's happening there, or I might relax harder. It takes mental effort to resist the default physical "helpers", and relax through a feeling, even though it goes against your every instinct.

    I fall into a trap where I get needy for release. I'm experiencing so much arousal that I want the natural conclusion, the full orgasm, and I want it so badly that I push for it. And so I fall back to the tools I'm familiar with from traditional masturbation.
    I think the trick is to stop wanting the release, and allow yourself to be teased and tortured for a while, knowing the traditional methods of pushing-forward don't work in this place.
    I think if you spend enough time in this mind-set, surrendering to the almost unbearable level of unresolved arousal, and enjoying it instead of trying to fight past it, the new tools become more visible.

    This is where I am now with my sessions, and I'm really liking it. I get to a point where the arousal is making me want a release, but instead of trying for that release, I try to make the need itself greater, I want the need to become so intense and the close-to-ejaculation feeling to reduce me to helpless whimpering (I don't actually make the noise, but the feeling is there). Follow down this path, and awesome things happen. You learn to work with this feeling rather than against it.

    There's a lot of talk about relaxation, and letting your body do what ever it wants, but how we interpret this can differ between people, and the distinction between what our body is doing by itself and what we're consciously doing because it's so hard-wired in us that it feels automatic.
  • EyBoiEyBoi
    Posts: 18
    There's a lot of talk about relaxation, and letting your body do what ever it wants, but how we interpret this can differ between people, and the distinction between what our body is doing by itself and what we're consciously doing because it's so hard-wired in us that it feels automatic."

    - I would say that's the biggest part I struggle with... Distinguishing my voluntary "Okay I want release let me stimulate myself" mentality... From just being hard wired to pinch... But its odd if I relax then usually desire goes away... Okay I'll try to "torture" myself more and get caught up in desire instead of release... I'll try next time to remain relaxed and let the aneros' natural design take over if I can do it as easy as it can be said to lol....

    I just tried and it ended with a super T although I've been actively trying to elax... I found myself loosing arousal with relaxation... And so I looked up porn... And really lost control for that desire to release... Which I find incredible lol.. But is that all there is to it? Directly denying urself of what u desire traditionally and trying to tease urself into it? That almost seems like placebo gone mad with aneros pressure deep inside
  • ClenchyClenchy
    Posts: 223
    EyBoi said:

    But is that all there is to it?

    I dunno, I can't claim to have all the answers, I'm just sharing a theory on one aspect of it.

    In my experience, trying to take control using the old traditional masturbation cues, can take you further away from where you want to be. Stopping this interference can be physical, in that you make a concious effort to relax and stop doing what you're doing. But you can also use your thoughts and attitude to prevent your physical interference, by deciding that you don't need the release, and that you're enjoying the excitement for what it is. That it's not a sensation that needs to be resolved by yet a different sensation, but one that can be allowed to bloom and intensify on its own, in its current form.

    But again, we could be talking in two different languages here, and what I consider desire might not be the same way you're experiencing it. I think I'd describe it as a pleasure feeling that is present, but flat-lined, it feels good, but it begs to feel better. You try to push it higher by doing [A], because that feels like the right way to do it, but if you stopped trying [A], maybe [B] and [C] would become more noticeable, or you realise you don't need to push it at all, you just have to bear it until it gets good in its own way.
  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 1,009
    @Clenchy, your second post in this thread is so clear and describes the problem I face so clearly. It is so easy to try to assist the 'new' feeling using the old patterns, that I shoot myself in the foot. So forward into the new I go. Thank you.
  • When you turn on a light switch, do you concentrate on the light switch or the muscles in your hand and arm? You focus on the finger and the light switch. The aneros is the finger and your prostate is the light switch. I don't think about the muscles that make it happen, I just cause movements that make the device move over the prostate
  • Theme_GasmTheme_Gasm
    Posts: 800
    Great discussion!

    IMHO...The journey, and successful attainment of orgasms, big and small, has the potential for creating unintended expectations that we will be able to reach the same, or better, orgasms every session!

    As was already mentioned, ending a session before orgasm may not be the hope for each session, but in most of my experiences, it doesn't hurt my journey in the long term!

    Currently, my appreciation for the successful experiences I've had extends way beyond the immediate aftermath of a successful session! When I don't get all the way to where I had been in the past, I tell myself that "I've had amazing sensations many many times! And, It's been a long road to get here! But, each time I've had a lull in the quality of my sessions, it's only a matter of time before they are back again!" So, I don't worry at all!

    Like this morning! I didn't sleep very well last night, but wanted a session before work! I got VERY nice feelings with my Eupho, but because I wasn't very rested, and I had to get ready for work, I didn't get to take my session where I would have liked! A little bothersome, but a temporary situation, because once I'm rested, I know I'll have a great session waiting for me!

  • Armon-neatArmon-neat
    Posts: 255
    There's a point that you can get to (if I can anyone can), when you pay attention to the sensations that are being generated by the device in the rectum as it nudges the prostate. At first (and this is probably a good thing to do), I would consciously pull the device inwards, holding, then releasing (just like all the great posts of the last several years recommend). But there is also a phase, when I kind of mentally move the device in and out without physically moving it. At first I would check to see if it was really moving, and when I do it, the "motion" stops. Anyhow,for me, it's this mental or virtual moving of the device which then starts to generate more intense sensations and these lead to either the calm seas state (which I prefer) or, if you then actively "kick in" the physical motion, may lead to a more twitchy, active experience (which I usually avoid, especially when my wife is asleep next to me). The "virtual" motion also allows a certain relaxation, since you're not contracting anything.  Give it a try!
  • ClenchyClenchy
    Posts: 223

    As was already mentioned, ending a session before orgasm may not be the hope for each session

    I've had interesting experiences using the aneros some time after a traditional O.

    The reduced arousal does make a session a bit more dull, but it's easier to relax and play with it when you don't care about orgasming or relieving the pressure. And what you learn and discover in that session can be brought back into play during a subsequent session, where arousal is higher. It's all worth experimenting with IMO.

    But there is also a phase, when I kind of mentally move the device in and out without physically moving it

    Yeah this is the [B] and [C] I was talking about earlier. Discovering new controls, so subtle that they can hardly be described. I have controls for different kinds of twitching, one kind doesn't produce pleasure, so I find myself trying to switch to the other kind. I can't even describe what I've isolated the control to... it's like trying to tell someone how to wiggle their ears, you don't know how, you just know there's a pathway there and remember how to fire it. It's really blurry and indirect with the aneros, it's not even about controlling the twitching muscles directly, it's like you channel a feeling to a place and the muscles respond how you remembered. Looking back to when I started out, I have to say the aneros experience is way more weird than I would have thought.
  • EyBoiEyBoi
    Posts: 18
    I really like what Armon-neat mentions bc I have tried thinking the movements and checking for the need to relax and that can be really enjoyable...

    I'm probably misunderstanding but, I often catch myself feeling like the aneros journey is a journey of turning placebo into the real thing so to speak... As if the rewiring process is constantly teasing and denying denying denying denying denying until by the grace of god the [B] and [C] start doing more than just occasional glances at pleasure.. I don't know I'm also struggling to find a solid hour to myself to really relax and do this in a clean manner

    Recently I felt something rather odd and I don't know what to make of it... I can't even describe it was like my dick and my prostate were lit up blinking with some energy but none of it was all that pleasurable... I have no idea what to make of it, most likely just bullshit I was imagining lol
  • euphemisticeuphemistic
    Posts: 959
    Eyeboi, I often get unfamiliar sensations in my body and especially in the perineum area since I started more than a year ago. I've given up trying to understand each one bc there's so many different ones. This is with and without the aneros in me. I've figured out some things like using my mind to channel energy where I want it. But I don't know if I'll ever understand it all.