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interesting thought
  • MMO_RPGlolMMO_RPGlol
    Posts: 242
    Most guys really hate being aroused. Think about it, the moment they become aroused, a large portion of their energy is spent on trying to get rid of the feeling. Its a race to put out the fire in their loins as quickly as possible.

    I guess that after spending a childhood that stressed the importance of being able to do things on your own, its no surprise that the internal need for 'help' from another person, a woman no less, feels so uncomfortable, and why they would stress getting the feeling over with quickly.
  • isvara
    Posts: 574
    @MMO..... My wife said to me recently "why don't you play with it, it is after all yours". Not quite in line with the thread but relevant. I suppose 1, we need to get aroused to give us meaning and purpose. 2. We need to deal with it because it demands it, 3 We feel ?guilty, ?ashamed, ? exposed by being aroused - noticeable erection, 4 the refractory period makes us feel depleted punished for being aroused etc and so it goes round and round.
    I hope I can break through this destructive pattern soon, and start to enjoy leisurely my old body and be amazed at what it can (still) do. I think my wife is quite jealous of my ability to grow an erection.
    Funny I have been trying to work this out today before your post. My wife is going out of her way to encourage me. So I shall be encouraged!
  • MMO_RPGlolMMO_RPGlol
    Posts: 242
    @isvara she is jealous of your erections? Haha what why??

    That's great that she's encouraging you though! Aren't great wives the freaking best?!?

    What pattern are you in that you're trying to break? Ejaculating too much?

  • isvara
    Posts: 574
    @MMO..., it is complicated.
    It is I suppose to enjoy my erections when I am lucky to get one. This morning I had one (well I had a bit of Viagra), she said "do you want me?" It was a bit fragile so I said no, she went off the shower, but as she left she said "use it or you'll lose it". So I played, I had "ice" inserted and it was good to give myself permission to play. I got out a very limited edition Fleshlight that I nearly had thrown away. I did not Ej but it was fun! (,!? TMI) She was over the moon when I told her "about time" she said! Re ejaculation these are very rare occasions and only reliably happen with her. This all must sound like a lot of crap, but it shows how subtle the hangups are. Now I am quite long in the tooth but what a great adventure. I hope you young guys can make the most of your bodies while they are fully operational!!! Thank for listening.
  • MMO_RPGlolMMO_RPGlol
    Posts: 242
    @isvara Sorry. Over the moon? What did she say "about time" about? I'm sorry bout that hahah
  • I had some thoughts about this that I put in the"point of aneros" thread that I suspect no one saw. I quote myself:

    "I imagine that ancient precursors to modern men felt a duty to impregnate a woman or many women so that their clan would survive. They may not have had any time for foreplay as there was always competition from other men and other real dangers. Procreation had to be quick and efficient to survive. There was no time to feel pleasure, just ejaculate and get it over with. That's one theory.

    It's only in modern times that we have the leisure time to pursue romantic love for another human being aside from the need to breed. We have the time and freedom to explore what gives us pleasure and what gives our lover pleasure. At least in theory. A lot of men who haven't experienced prostate message may not understand what we are doing. It's even hard for us to get a grasp on what we're doing having read this thread. But we're getting a start."

    The entire thread is at https://www.aneros.com/forum/discussion/comment/56762#Comment_56762.

    Monogamy gradually replaced polygamy when the preservation of the bloodline and the establishment of paternity outweighed the need to preserve the clan. Then the middle ages saw the troubadours extolling courtly love, romantic love for the first time. One man in love with one specific woman, not for just procreation or to extend the bloodline. They identified and described the exact experience of falling in love, probably for the first time in Tristan and Isolde, and it was in an era that had the leisure to explore and appreciate romantic love. Just my theory.

    I imagine that the primeval male patterns of behavior and thinking still haunt us. We're working against this ingrained pattern here by further exploring our bodies for a deeper kind of orgasm to share with our loved ones, and ourselves. Fucking amazing!
  • ctusserctusser
    Posts: 95
    Interesting perspectives on arousal and hang ups. I do love being aroused and maintaining that arousal. But used to hide my masturbation from my wife, and sometimes masturbated quickly as to not to get caught or as a measure to aid in getting to sleep. Recently my wife of 11 years and I have reconnected emotionally. We both disclosed all the darkness and shame of our sexual history and the accompanying hang ups. This has been an amazing growing experience. She accepts that I have a higher libido and self pleasure regularly. What I used to hide from her I can now do next to her while she cuddles me and often strokes my anus, perineum and testes. She also enjoys pleasuring me with her amazing hand jobs. I'm more in love with my wife now than when we were newlywed.
  • ineverknewineverknew
    Posts: 855
    I've always hid my masturbation from my wife, though she basically caught me a few times but never said much. We've been married for 10 years and after we had 3 children her sex drive never recovered. We used to be so close but now are so distant that its awkward and a struggle to be intimate. I actually hope she will find my Andros devices so we can just have it out like @ctusser and his wife did and start the process of getting reacquainted lol. Though I must say I'm loving abstaining from masturbation and enjoying the natural high it gives me. I rarely ejaculate anymore just cause I know how the refractory period will make me feel.
    @euphemistic I think your spot on with your thoughts, though what do you think about our modern hectic lifestyles and how they seem to be affecting our relationships and divorce rates? When me and my wife do get the chance for sex its usually very quick due to competition though not from other men or danger, but the report she needs to finish for work or something the kids need lol.
  • MMO_RPGlolMMO_RPGlol
    Posts: 242
    It would be a 'shame' if you accidentally left it on the bathroom counter after you finished washing it;)
  • Turnrow
    Posts: 123

    MMO

    Enjoy your youth as isvara advises you.

    When you get older, you and all men our age savor and relish arousal at it courses through our male bodies.  Arousal makes us feel alive and potent and is a boon to the male psyche as we age.

    Hate not nor depise arousal at any stage of your masculine life.  It is the elixer of masculinity. Channel it to your benefit and values. 

  • XilehXileh
    Posts: 353
    @isvara, @ctusser thank you for sharing. The question of sharing Aneros use comes up frequently in the forum. It seems that men that are able to be open with their partners about Aneros use move their relationship to the level you are experiencing.

    We have three kids and went through a long period of just being tired. Fun, but exhausting. We had to be more specific about scheduling "dates" and couple time. It wasn't spontaneous, but it kept us going. And, we actualy had to talk about it which helped later. The kids are gone and we are now reconnecting intimately. After telling her about the Aneros recently, we are having more fun together than ever.

    Xileh
  • I reread your initial comment and remembered something I thought of previously. Part of reaching climax and ejaculation is overcoming the pain of crossing over the threshold to orgas, and the reluctance to leave behind the feelings of arousal. That's true for me and I've noticed the same signs on the faces of other men when they reach this point. Some don't seem to want to leave the sexual arousal room and delay so long they almost forget to climax. For me there's always that physical pain guarding the threshold that I have to overcome. I've learned at adolescence that standing the pain is worth it to get to the orgasm. And as you say the little death is a mixed experience / relief that the pain and yearning is over, and the disappointment that they're over.
  • MMO_RPGlolMMO_RPGlol
    Posts: 242
    As @JMay had said, and I wholeheartedly agree, ejaculating is like hell"

    The feeling you want to feel is exactly what makes that feeling go away. Its torment in my opinion. Also, the more you do it, the worse it feels. So you ejac once, and it was lacking. So you ejac again because of how unsatisfactory the first one was, but this one was even worse. Its a vicious circle of dissapointment. And one that is exceedingly hard to escape from.

    I genuinely feel like prostate orgasms and the like are a good portion of why I never got involved into hard drugs or alcohol. Like, I feel like if I didn't know about it, I would completely set women on a pedistool and then look at heroine and its full body orgasm high and say "screw it".
  • ctusserctusser
    Posts: 95
    @MMO_RPGlol

    I understand where you're coming from as I've felt similar in the past. But I do love a good ejaculation. If I take a slow approach to reaching orgasm and enjoy the sensations throughout the process and perhaps do some edging near the point of climax, I find I can have a very satisfying experience. My ejaculation also gives my wife a lot of enjoyment, on occasion we focus on looking into each others eyes while coming; which is a very bonding and intimate experience. Ejaculation is part of who I am and part of being mentaly healthy is accepting and enjoying this part of myself. I'm grateful for the newfound Aneros experience but it won't replace the enjoyment I get from my traditional O's.
  • MMO_RPGlolMMO_RPGlol
    Posts: 242
    @ctusser I do agree with you actually. I meant ejaculation as your only source of sexual pleasure. It is the perfect cherry on top of a delicious Sunday, but by itsself, it is lacking. :)
  • isvara
    Posts: 574
    I wish I had had this information when I was much younger! We were all quite conditioned to "get it over with'.  Nevertheless even at my age there are now all sorts of new things to discover and work at. Lots of well deserved pleasure to have and to share. In her own way my partner is also more sexually aware now. What with Lelo and Aneros - Amazing. I must say I feel years younger and more sexually aware and awake that I did before I begun my Aneros journey.
  • PommiePommie
    Posts: 715
    @isvara,
    Couldn't agree more!
    I almost feel cheated that our generation missed out on all this stuff.
    I guess we should be grateful that we at least had the chance to sample it before it was too late!