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Telling a significant other
  • Gephrey
    Posts: 3
    Does anyone have any advice on how to tell a significant other about Aneros.

    I have been with my boyfriend for two months and we've become very close.  We see each other practically every day, and care very deeply for each other.  We are still in the process of developing our romantic and sexual relationship, and I don't want to scare him or make him feel uncomfortable.  The topic sex toys has come up in conversation, and I've learned that he has limited experience and doesn't seem too enthusiastic to use them on himself.  I've been using a Helix Syn since January, and my "re-wiring" has gone really well.  While I don't think I've had a super-o, using the Aneros is very pleasurable and I've had many amazing sessions.  I've even begun to have pleasurable sensations coming from my prostate when I'm not using the Aneros.  I haven't told him about any of my experience with Aneros.  I would like to be able to tell him about the Aneros, and ideally, somehow incorporate it into our sex life.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

    Thanks,
    -Gephrey :-)

  • ctusserctusser
    Posts: 95
    I say just put it out there. The longer you wait the greater the chance he'll be upset that you were keeping secrets since you are still fairly new. Better to get the communication going early in a relationship because patterns can be hard to break once established.
  • Gilman
    Posts: 55
    Order two, give him one and keep one when they come in and tell him you wanted to explore this together. It's a small deception, but let him think its new to you. He may take to the idea. At least if he isn't interested he won't be surprised if you tell him later you experimented with it and it was nice. He even might reconsider.
  • XilehXileh
    Posts: 353
    If this was a long term relationship that has developed a mutual foundation, I would completely agree with the previous posts. I think you might need a bit of time since Aneros can carry a stigma with some people. Only you will be able to determine the appropriate time. Offering one as a gift is a really nice idea. Maybe buy two at the same time - a matched set! Once you do bring it up, if is is received openly, it can add a new dimension to explore together. I was open with my wife, she was interested, and it has measurably enhanced our 30+ year marriage.

    Good luck and congratulations on your new relationship! Let us know how it comes out.

    Xileh

  • This is an issue for me too. I'm in a 28 years relationship with a man who I recently married. We haven't had sex in years mostly because of his physical disability. And I haven't told him about the aneros because he won't understand and I couldn't explain it to him. So I don't have any first hand experience to give you. I'm doing it for myself, to become grounded as a sexual gay man.

    My thought for you is that if you're learning about your body and sexuality, that should be enough for your boyfriend. After all, your body is your business, and your boyfriend should be happy for you when you tell him. If he's not, then maybe he's not the one for you, and keep looking.

    Have you benefited from using the device? Has it improved you and your sex with your boyfriend? If so, tell him and if he's curious, give him the information. Again he should be happy for you. I can understand feelings of distaste for sex toys, but this is really different. And if he's happy but not curious about trying it, let him.

  • isvara
    Posts: 574
    @Gephrey. As far as I can see, unless I am kidding myself, the greatest benefit of my Aneros experience is that I am still alive! I see my life as a very positive outcome. I feel I have improved the well being of my 74 year old prostate by leaps and bounds. I feel far less frustrated, more emotionally stable, improved my sense of purpose, and feel I have made whole person progress (body mind spirit). My near fatal orgasms with my partner have settle down to some nice, satisfying and safe experiences. I wish I had begun this journey when I was younger certainly before the mid life andro pause. Now it is important to know I do NOT have any super 'o's and all that stuff. The most I have is a few contractions that I mainly initiate. So all the benefits I enjoy are just coming from a gentle prostate massaging. I often sleep with a modified Eupho or a Progasm Jnr. As well as the massaging they also create a mental focus that puts me to sleep if I am tired.
    Knowing all these life-giving benefits I still don't think I could share my journey with my son. This I find is very sad. We get on well together but this would be 'too much information'. I have been able to share what I do with my partner and she is very happy for me and is also so happy that I use currently a Progsm Jnr when we have sex as she would like me to be around a bit longer!
    I hope this helps a bit, certainly don't wait until you get too old as it is a harder journey as the body is more limited and set in its responses.