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the thin line between trying and just being in bed
  • i did open a thread for random questions, but this is kind of a big one for me and its answer could also help fellow newbies.

    first some information:
    > my sessions usually last about 90 minutes, afterwards i feel tired and its hard to stay aroused, so i stop.
    > right after the insertion i am highly aroused and can feel my heart beat pulsating in my pelvic region.
    > i do some really slow moderate contractions for the first two or three minutes, then i stop, relax and focus on my prostate.

    >when i relax for more than about 15 minutes the aneros seems to disappear, it feels like its not even there any more, so the session gets really boring. does "do nothing" help to wake the prostate even if literally nothing seems to be going on down there? i read that its still very important to be aroused to get the prostate doing its job in anerousing. this is a paradox for me.

    >when i start to play with my nipples and hold a moderate pc contration i get a semi hard on or a raging boner and pseudo-involuntaries pop up (not always, sometimes stays flaccid and nothing happens) and can feel my heart beat again in my anal area. i am again highly aroused. sometimes its similar to an exciting penile pre-orgasmic state, but still far away from the point of no return. this feeling of pleasure doesnt last longer than about a few seconds up to a minute or two. because there doesnt seem to be a way to go further and i feel too distracted to focus on anything i back off (slow and steady wins the race :) ) relax and start again with nipple play.

    tl;dr
    how to be patient without just being in bed feeling nothing?
  • Linum
    Posts: 185
    I have been here in the past. I don't know that I found it easy to get beyond this.  Sometimes when things stopped happening, I TRIED to restart it with subtle contractions, but didn't have much success following that route.  I feel that TRYING was the problem - I think it led me up a dead-end path. Persisting with contractions to try to get the thing started again seems to just cause FRUSTRATION, which is bad for progress. As a result, I decided that I should stop the session at that point, and continue again another day, and try not to worry about it too much.  Even now, things can stop after half an hour (worst case - usually when I am not really relaxed) but the best case is that they now carry on for 2 hours or more. Sometimes I have changed models and got an extra half hour of fun, and it seems that others feel it a good idea to change every so often.

    Nipple play is great for me, BUT my erectile state is largely irrelevant.  It can give the illusion of progress, but it may just be a hankering for the penis-based fun that we all know and love - a resorting to the traditional route for gaining sexual pleasure (again a function of frustration while learning the new approach required by the aneros).  What is needed here is a fundamental change of approach. The sensations you have at the beginning sound spot on - perhaps go with those and enjoy them for what they are.  Avoid the development of frustration by stopping the session when it peters out, or just learn to appreciate the relaxing meditative aspects of aneros use.  Frustration is the killer of progress here.

    Another trick is to imagine the aneros as a kind of sexual partner, and to focus on what THEY are doing to you.  I found I could then just get turned on by the prospect of a session - it was enough in itself, and I didn't need to battle the apparent contradiction of needing to be relaxed, but fully aroused.  I even say things to my aneros - in the heat of a dry orgasm, or a subtle p-wave, such as uttering the words "I love you", or "fuck! - what you do to me!". It makes me laugh thinking about it, but this makes the act itself very personal, and very intimate.  I am in effect imagining this inanimate lump of plastic and something very alive, someone with the intent on giving me the utmost sexual pleasure.

    Good luck on getting over this hurdle.  I am sure others will have little tricks that they used to get around such problems.  I shall be interested to hear them.
  • Sounds like you are laying on your back for your sessions. Have you tried laying on your side for a full session. I find it heaps more intense and after things cool down the  aneros twitching still remains for me which is pleasant in itself. It also seems to take way less effort overall.

  • @Linum
    >problem
    >dead-end
    >FRUSTRATION
    >worry
    >worst case
    >illusion of progress
    >hurdle

    you really grazed the dictionary for positive words. :D

    the thing is, i dont intend to try/force anything. when the sensations show up and i can feel the aneros slide over the prostate i am aroused immediately, but as i said this feelings fade and lead to a "dead end".
    i already imagined someone massaging my prostate, but to declare the aneros itself as a sexual "partner" could also be helpful.

    i am laying on my back. i usually switch from back to side to doggy style in a session. so i change position after about 30 minutes. i'll try laying on my side for my next session. could you draw a simple stickman how you would suggest me to lay on my side? cause there are legs and knees and...you know what i mean. :D
  • Honestly for you this might be more helpful! lay on your side. Now lay like you are riding your Motor bike with you feet on the foot pegs. If you move your top knee forward slightly more forward than the bottom one you will find it opens up your butt area a little more.

    Every time you move around in a session you muck things up and you have to get settled again.
    I find if I stay on my side that if I need to I can straighten up my legs a little or curl up more without upsetting the fun. 
    I may change sides after 2 hours coz my side is hurting.
    IF you sort of fold your arms in front of you you can play with your nipples at the same time.

    Look I am no expert but this definitely works real well for me.
    On my back things are hard to keep going and stop after a while. Doggie is just or quid.

    Dont worry about you legs too much you will learn what feels good after a while.
    I really think this may change your sessions in a good way. You will find that the aneros twitches and just keeps twitching with any luck.

    Even if a session has slowed down I love to just lay there while the aneros just twitches for hours as it feels comfiting . (like a babies pacifier for your butt).

    I really hope this helps you as it is frustrating in the begining while trying to find your groove! Not to say its not frustrating when you have got your groove and for some reason things just dont come togeather in aa number of sessions in a row. Grrrr :)
  • Linum
    Posts: 185
    • i feel tired and its hard to stay aroused
    • really boring
    • nothing seems to be going on down there
    • a paradox for me
    • sometimes stays flaccid and nothing happens
    • i feel too distracted to focus on anything
    Need I say more? :D

    I was speaking from my own personal experience in the past, and was speaking of me, in the hope that some of it would mirror your own experience, and therefore help.  Failed. :-S

    Sorry - for some reason I thought you had said that you tried a few more contractions to get things started again - must have been another post.

    Laying there with nothing happening, is "trying" of a sort.

    All the best for your future progress

    Linum

  • @braveneworld: i give it a "try". haha. sort of.

    @Linum: please dont get me wrong, i am glad for every response of you guys, because you already went through dead-ends, being patient and...
    ..."trying" without trying. :D
    so thank you for your post and sharing your experience. i just felt a bit fucked, sad to say not literally, an thought about problem solving...without trying to solve them. what if there is nothing to solve... @-)
  • cj187
    Posts: 54
    My sessions feel much the same way. Sometimes they are feel really really good tho. Just a slow process for me I guess
  • a little update and just wanted to say thanks to the ones who kept me motivated. i tried laying on my sides now for 4 sessions and did literally nothing. i just wanted to relax, so the first two sessons nothing happened but i was happy with it. the third session gave me some good feelings, still not as intense as i have already experienced, but i liked it. the one today was pretty incredible.

    about 5 minutes after the insertion it felt different and the anus seemed to be much more sensitive than the last time. im not sure if i did some internal muscle contractions or not - i was relaxed... i still think i did, but the aneros didnt move.

    did somebody experience similar sensations without aneros movement?

    after a slight contraction the aneros was tickling the prostate and i had a hard on immediatly. the rest of the session i relaxed and enjoyed the new sensations. due to being abstinent for a few days i couldnt resist and finished manually. the ejaculation led to an abdomen cramp which pressed the aneros against the prostate and gave me the feeling of a steady ejaculation for about a minute. this was weird...and pleasureable.
  • Only time will tell which is best for you. And only you can judge which is best.
    Keep at it dude! Unfortunatly I am going through a phase where I can not satisfy myself with aneros use and lack motivation. First time in 9 months. I just could not get enough up till now. Weird!
    I am sure I will get back there soon. :)
  • cj187
    Posts: 54
    Sounds like you are making progress. Hope you can build on the successes
  • Linum
    Posts: 185
    hakunamatata - yes I get intense sensations without any movement of the aneros quite often - just the pressure of the aneros lying on my prostate.  I sometimes feel it tickling it too, as you described.  This is all progress.  Glad you are trying without trying - it is a difficult thing to get one's head around.

    @braveneworld - sorry to hear about your lack of motivation phase with the aneros - is this something to do with having reached a plateau after your really intense earlier experiences?
  • i am currently moving so i am busy from 6 to 2400 and dont even have enough time to read your replies. :( sorry guys.

    i had two sessions since my last update. for me right now - mindset is everything. when i am relaxed, aroused and "just being in bed" with my aneros i get a constant good feeling. the sensations come and go with the tickling and i feel like doing slight contractions. its still not like i think this would be a good idea so i do it, its more like an automatic reaction i carry out.

    @braveneworld: from what ive read on the board there are different types of guys. the ones who need a kick in the ass and some motivation to keep on going and the other type who needs a break. most important fact to keep in mind would be: there nothing wrong with taking a break. its more a new beginning than an end.
    pholosophizing at night on the internet - we really cant have real problems:D
  • Haha! its back with vengeance! I suffered (with pleasure) a 24 hour aneros orgy ending yesterday.
    It would seem I just needed a rest. :-t
    @hakunamatata Good luck with the move. And no you cant borrow my ute (pickup truck)! =))
  • i-am-back.

    this is the first week i dont have to buy, pick up, or build up new furniture and its the first time this year the bright and yellow thingie showed itself. does anybody know how its called again? :D hell yeah snow goodbye. \m/

    so this weekend i had my first relaxed sessions since my last post (and once a day since last friday)  which have been pretty alike but with slight noticeable progress. two weeks ago i thought i am starting from scratch again, but the one today was fun including a present pre-orgasmic sensation, which got so strong that i did a frew short quick involuntary contrations and couldnt help myself taking deep moan-ish breaths. this caused a steady contraction and a whole body cramp for about a minute or so.


    i dont know if anyone experienced this similar: after these pleasing moments and coming down i am hungry for more, but at most of my sessions it takes me pretty long to feel my prostate being touched/stimulated again...it never gets as good as it is the first time and being impatient just kills every session - when i realize i am, i stop.

    it depends on how fast the contractions kick in, but half an hour fun time cant be it. :(


    please share your thoughts guys.
  • Alex_xxx
    Posts: 407
    @hakunamatata
    You can build up this feeling maaaany times over.

    Have you tried my shallow breath method?
    To keep it short:
    Lie on you side. Exhale all the air in your lungs. Proceed with only short breaths, Be sure to exhale almost ALL the air in your lungs, don`t be afraid to give the last air a "push" out when emptying your lungs. 
    Now while breathing find a rythm where it gets pulled IN when breathing out, and pushed out when doing a shallow breath in. You will have to push your lower stomach a bit out when doint the shallow breath in to get more effect. You`re goal is only sliiiight movement in the Aneros model.
    Be sure to use a model that moves easily. So I would not recommend starting with the progasm for this.

    Also try it laying on your belly. This will make it easier to focus on the stomach movement while doing your short breaths.
    When you feel a tingle you know you`re on the right path.
    Then try keeping mild contractions when doing this, PC and Spinchter. Keep doing what feels the best :)

    Alex
  • ineverknewineverknew
    Posts: 842
    @hakunamatata, It sounds to me like maybe your not using your aneros frequently enough, if you havent had much use since feb.  I would say three times a week would suffice.  Also in another post i was reading about how testosterone levels are at their highest early in the morning, maybe try an early morning session.
  • @Alex_xxx i actually read your post about breathing before checking this thread for replies. i always seperate my sessions in 2 parts: let it happen, and experimenting when irealize im at a "dead end". sometimes this helps. sometimes it doesnt. 
    in a tantra book i read that the opposite way may also be helpful to increase arousal and achieve an orgasm: shallow breathing for 5-10seconds, inhale deep into the belly, hold for a second, inhale a bit more trough your nose and exhale slowly, then start with shallow breathing again.
    ill definitly give your advice a try.

    @ineverknew: minimum was once a week - i have more time now. early morning sessions are a no-go for me during the week. i tried this once which means i had to get up round 5am for a 45min session. at weekends - yes, i love morning sessions (:
  • Alex_xxx
    Posts: 407
    I intended the beathing method to be for movement while relaxing 110% to focus on the sensations. Breathing as a tantra method might work. Maybe the increased oxygen helps you. But one of the reasons why I kept doing this in the start was actually heightened sensations when I got lack of oxygen. Kindof makes you super aware of your body functions and sensations when you actually get too little oxygen and feel like gasping for it.. but instead you just increase the intake a bit when you feel you must.. you want slow shallow breaths. At least in the first sessions until you get the hang of it. If you want rapid breathing it`s up to you...but remember that the key is the movement, not the breathing frequency. I thing the tantra thing is rapid breathing and not really designed for aneros movement. More to give you an oxygen rush like a natural high. I tried that tantra breath once, gave me nada.