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Secret Aneros use; the good and the bad
  • ten_s_nutten_s_nut
    Posts: 888
    Hello, all.

    From what I've read here in the Forum and in Aneros Chat over the past 6 months, it appears that there are a lot of guys who use their Aneros in secret. For some, this is a choice and for others, not. When there's no choice, such as living in an environment where anal pleasure is not permitted by the authorities, parental or otherwise, revealing the secret is not an option. Even when disclosure is possible, it may not be desirable if disclosure would upset a working status quo.

    Secrecy can work both for and against Super-O progress, depending on the person and the situation. For a guy who is turned on by the idea of doing a "naughty" thing, the thrill could be killed by revealing the practice and finding out nobody cares or that approval is granted. If "getting away with it" is part of your fun, hearing, "Sure, honey, have at it" could ruin your day.

    For marital situations, it's impossible to generalize. In many marriages, the couple has a spoken or unspoken agreement that some things just aren't going to be discussed or revealed. Those secret things can add a bit of tension and mystery to a relationship that might otherwise go stale. Every now and then a previously unknown tidbit about sexual antics past or present might slip out, provoking a, "Oooh, I never suspected anything like that about you" moment of excitement. If mutual secrets are part of the marriage "deal" there's no harm in concealing Aneros use.

    In marriages where the couple agrees that there won't be secrets between them, a hidden Aneros practice can present problems. The main problems being, suspicion, mistrust, and last but not least, difficulty in getting to a Super-O. The difficulty arises from the husband's inevitable internal conflict between honesty and secrecy, resulting in guilt, which may be entirely unconscious. Guilt is a downer. It's hard to let go, relax and enjoy a session when guilt is lurking under the surface. In this situation the choices are obvious: reveal the secret and cope with the consequences, or keep the secret and probably never get to a Super-O.

    One more thing; I'm not a psychologist or a marriage counselor. So, please take the above as simple observations and comments.


  • hulahula
    Posts: 234
    I thought this was an insightful post. I know my wife has seen my toys in the bathroom cabinet, but although she is a very physically loving person, toys are not her thing, so she lets me do my Aneros thing in private.
  • BadgerBadger
    Posts: 777
    My wife has a don't ask, don't tell policy. She knows that I have them and use them, but she prefers to hold a blind eye to the whole thing; she considers the process squicky. It would be nice to be able to share my experiences with her; maybe I could make better headway without having to sneak around behind her back, so to speak. In spite of her actually liking anal stimulation and penetration (tried it 10+ years ago), she refuses to enjoy it, and claims that her hemorrhoids bother her. I know, the Peridise Beginner's Set that I have would probably be a great help to heal her hemorrhoids, but there's that "sticking something up her butt" animus denies her the possibility of healing and maybe discovering a new pleasure. Oh well.
  • ten_s_nutten_s_nut
    Posts: 888
    Hello, Badger.

    Good to hear your Aneros use is no secret from your wife. Sorry she's not into a partnered experience.

    The "...having to sneak around behind her back..." thing could be used to boost your excitement level and improve sessions if you turn the negative, "sneak" into a positive thought like, "undercover mission."

    Best Regards,

  • ErnstErnst
    Posts: 2
    my wife let me do my thing, although i have just try it for the first time and it was good , but not fantastic. i know that it takes some time to do it right and to have the enormous experience your folks are all talking about.
  • rookrook
    Posts: 1,833
    Hey Ernst, Welcome to the Aneros Forum,

    We are much the same -- my purely orgasmic sessions are 'solitary' but not 'secret.' Early on, I felt obligated to share all of my sessions with her however those sessions either turned into foreplay or my running description of what I was doing and feeling was a session killer for me and booring for her. Aneros insertion during foreplay is where I started with the Helix and it has been a staple of our intimate relationship.

    We have some, "Do not disturb" doorknob signs from PajamaGram gift boxes and respect each other's desire for solitude.

    While bedroom time away from my other half might seem selfish, we have always believed that there are three elements to marriage: His, Her's and There's...they should not interfere with one another. [we do however honor our vows for a monogamous relationship]

    So far, that's worked for us for over 45 years. My regret though is that my wife seems less imaginative and desirous than I when it comes to solitary sessions so doesn't initiate as many on her own as I do. However, I do give her 'day spa' tix to try and stay even. [the exchange rate we've worked out is one-day for her at her favorite day-spa for each 5 solitary sessions I have.]

    Aside from using an Aneros during foreplay and for solitary sessions, I also do bph therapy on a weekly basis and have shown my wife the difference in contractions during therapy and foreplay. She was been an excellent Kegel coach early in my journey and I occasionally ask her to check out my Kegels during a bph session. She is also aware of my pleasure from packing a Peridise to weekly Tai Chi / Qi Gong practice but is a bit critical of that action -- saying, "some day you're going to drop it on the floor" --- or the more common, "what if you have a car accident and have to go to the hospital ?"

    ... rook
  • Being all new to this, I thought I would share how I approached it with my wife.

    I had been suffering down there which lead to my quest which finds me here, based on health grounds and making my under carriage as healthy as possible as I get older, so for want of a better word I sold the idea on health benefit grounds and as my loving wife is luckily quite open was able to bring it into our bedroom also.

    I am still very much early on in all this, but if anyone wishes to bring it in from the cold so to speak, explain to your wife the health benefits and I think you will get a much easier ride, and probably a more enjoyable one.

    This all seems to have started from the discovering of health benefts in men, so take it back to its routes when approaching such a delicate subject.