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Hi guys! (a wife's intro)
  • ForUs
    Posts: 15
    Since I'm the Research and Communications Director of our household (and hubby is working and attending massage school 3/4 time) it was left to me to come up with ideas to maybe help with some minor hydraulic issues hubby was dealing with. I saw the Aneros online and was intrigued by the idea. There was one little problem- hubby seemed reluctant to even consider rectal stimulation. I on the other hand, was more than a little intrigued. So, being certain that this would be a great way to enter our second 20yrs of marriage, I was on a mission:

    Operation Backdoor.

    It took months of very carefully nudging the boundaries, but he now loves my hands and my mouth just about everywhere, to the point where he will ask for anal stimulation. HUGE accomplishment.

    Finally, just a few weeks ago, pillowtalk naturally flowed to the topic of the prostate. HE HAD NO IDEA THAT IT CAN BE A PLEASURE CENTER. I mean NO clue. (Like most, I guess, he associated it with gay sex. Not homophobic, but that's another topic.) So we've talked on and off about it over the last few weeks, even to the point of him letting me try a finger during oral. ("Weird.") He's checked out diagrams, understands the mechanics...and just said I could order the Aneros!

    Well, about eight months have past since the initiation of Operation Backdoor, and since then things have gone markedly downhill in the erection department. We've gone from occasionally losing an erection during foreplay/requiring more direct stimulation to maintain, to completely losing his initial erection during oral sex. When he does come to orgasm it is as a result of serious work. Completely gone are the days of edging him for an hour.

    He has an appointment for Monday with the GP just to rule out any health concerns. He's 47 and healthy, with no prostatitis symptoms (he has a bout with 'seat induced' prostatis about 15 years ago, so he's familiar with the feeling). His activity has dropped since his job decription changed last spring, but he's certainly not markedly overweight or sedentary. I'm trying not to worry.

    So, given the greenlight from the doc, we are off on the journey. At this point the main focus is going to be prostate health and restoration of erectile function of course, but it sure sounds like there are some 'perqs to be had. :D Given the worst case senario of loss of erctile function, it sounds like the Aneros will most likely still bring him pleasure, as well as keeping our sex life alive.

    I'm still reading the forums having studied the wiki/stickies, and I'm not sure whether to stay with the 'hands off' approach, since the idea is to get his penis functioning again. He agreed that we'll cross that bridge after the medical workup.

    Sorry this was so long, I just wanted to let you know what 'that girl' was doing in here, and to get you all familiar with our story since I will undoubtledly be sent back in here with questions from both of us. :D

    ~ForUs
  • rumelrumel
    Posts: 2,253
    Hi ForUs,

    Welcome to the Forums,

    Most of us here are delighted to have the presence of ladies in our discussions. Your husband's knowledge about his prostate is not an unusual situation. Discussions about one's prostate are fairly rare in western culture, but you've come to the right place to change that. We are more than happy to share our knowledge of that delighful little pleasure organ. You might find reading the Aneros History an interesting quick introduction to the value and importance of prostate (sacred spot) massage in Tantric teachings. Additionally, I would like to make you aware of another website owned by High Island Health LLC.

    High Island Health LLC is the parent company & manufacturer of the Aneros® brand of prostate massagers. This patented device was originally and is currently offered for sale as the Pro-State® line of massagers on the High Island Health website. The HIH website is primarily oriented toward the health aspects and benefits of prostate massage in accord with Oriental medicine for prostate related issues. A forum for users to discuss practice with these devices also exists on that website, I encourage you to check out that site to learn more about the health benefits, the ongoing Columbia Medical School study using the Pro-State massagers and testimonials from users regarding their experiences. The Aneros® website, by contrast, is oriented toward the sensual pleasure aspects of prostate massage.

    It is possible Aneros use will help with your husband's ED issues, but ED is a complex issue that can have predominantly psychological causes. Stress can severly impact a man's libido and his self image, which can both lead to performance anxiety issues and ED. [QUOTE=ForUs;92187]His activity has dropped since his job decription changed last spring, but he's certainly not markedly overweight or sedentary. I'm trying not to worry.Hmmm, might there be new stresses in his life due to this change?
  • ForUs
    Posts: 15
    Thanks rumel!

    I actually found the HIH site before this one, but the boards seemed inactive and perhaps a bit neglected, with quite a bit of spam posts being the most recent contributions. I definitely need to reread that board, as well as the links above. The health issues are our immediate concern, but as he gets more comfortable with the entire concept, he's asked me to get a feel for the basics of the treasure you guys have found here and is very excited to learn and experience more. He's already read through some of the intro material here, and will hopefully be able to get started soon!

    As far as stress, there is certainly no shortage of that around here. It is, though, predominately positive stress, unlike that of the last several years. His job has changed to a more stable company and position, so the constant fear of yet another lay off is gone, as well as the degrading coworker/work environment he was in before. As a journeyman newpaper press operator he has seen his job market disintegrate, but has a secure place now that is supporting him as he works toward his massage license. He's dreamed of this for 25yrs, and I've seen him happier lately than he has been in a very long while. He's getting more sleep than he has had in years as well. We've talked about stress/performance anxiety being a likely culprit, and if that is it then he is somehow completely unaware of it. (Not that it isn't the answer- he can lack self awareness just like anyone else.) The biggest stress these days is probably frustration with our 19yo unemployed, uneducated, unmotivated son. If hubby checks out medically then we will look into this further.

    Thanks again for the warm welcome, rumel. I'm off to read the links above!

    ~ForUs
  • Love_isLove_is
    Posts: 1,672
    Hello ForUs,

    And welcome to the Aneros forums! :)

    Like Rumel said, most of us men here are tickled pink to have women join the discussions here. And particularly the ones that have a good enough sense of humor to call her quest "Operation Backdoor"!!! LMAO!!! Thank you for the good laugh. :)

    I don't have much to add, as Rumel as usual in his most elegant style of communication, has covered your topics and questions quite well. I will say from my own experience and from extensive readings of these forums over the years that it is not uncommon for men to be so clueless about their prostate, anus, and rectum area. Particularly if the male is heterosexual like myself and had little to no previous anal play experience. It's taken me a long time discover the delights of anal play and prostate massage with these wonderful Aneros toys. And I have not even achieved the heights of super orgasms yet.

    I hope you and your husband are able to discover something wonderful with the use of the Aneros prostate massager's. It's been a real life changer of a journey for me and a lot of other guys here. I wish you both much luck on your new journey in this direction.

    Love_is
  • ForUs
    Posts: 15
    Thanks for the welcome, Love_is. And I'm glad I made you laugh!

    Even if, for some unforeseen reason, the Aneros isn't something he decides to continue using, it has already benefitted us just in the increased communication the topic has spawned. So far it's all win-win.

    ~ForUs
  • B MayfieldB Mayfield
    Posts: 2,077
    ForUs,

    Just wanted to add that I think that your husband is one lucky guy to have a lady like you who is so attentive to his health and pleasure. I enjoyed reading your account of Operation Backdoor. I should tell you that there are a dozen or more threads in this forum that are concerned with the question "How do I warm my husband (b.f. / s.o.) up to anal play?". I've commented on this many times myself, but a woman's perspective would be ideal. I'm so delighted to hear that you were successful in this regard. Perhaps you might consider posting a more detailed account of this?

    By now you've probably read Rumel's introductory P.M. If there are any questions that you or your husband might have, don't hesitate to post here in the General Discussion section. Furthermore you may P.M me or any of the other members directly if you should so desire.

    Welcome and thank you both for joining us!

    Cheers,

    BF Mayfield
  • Love having you here ForUs, hope you keep posting! :)
  • Welcome to the forum!

    As the other guys have said we're delighted when women join our ranks! Your husband is lucky to have a wife that is willing to take time to research a device that will improve his health and want to enthusiastically take part in its use. Keep us informed on the status of "Operation Backdoor" lol!

    wintermute
  • ForUs
    Posts: 15
    @ The_Bishop, Thanks for the welcome! :D

    @ BF Mayfield,
    I haven't run across any of the posts you alluded to, but I suppose I can give you a bit of our story.

    Throughout our marriage we haven't explored anal play at all. In fact, if I ever accidently "went there" he would pull back, a very gentle but definite NO. I, in turn felt the same, since due to hormonal issues and a series of pregnancies close together made me very susceptible to vaginal irritation and infections, so I was a bit paranoid about allowing him any anal contact. We went along our merry way.

    Fast forward: the 'baby' is now seven, I'm off all medication, and I turn 39. Yanno that premenopause 'sexfiend phase'? I was chasing the poor man around the house yelling PAYBACKS! :D During this time we were making an effort to switch things up, change the rhythms a bit. My hands had been roaming a teeny tiny little bit, gradually, as his pleasure permitted, first spending time with what I now know as the sweetspot, then just to the front edge of his anus. He was loving it.

    One evening really stands out in my mind as the night we both realized we were onto something. He was on his knees, and I was running my tongue from glans to perineum and back down repeatedly, driving him wild. As he moved into me, he chased contact to his anus, and with my chin firmly pressing that sweetspot I just barely brushed his penis once with my fingertips and he came undone. I have no other word for it. When he couldn't take it anymore he flipped over and had me bring him to orgasm. I will never forget laughing at him fondly as he was sprawled across the bed, eyes slightly crossed, repeating, "WHAT was THAT!" He didn't believe that he hadn't come at first until he checked the sheets.

    Well, that was months ago, and we haven't had any repeats of what I can only guess was a type of dry O, but external anal play has been a regular part of playtime. Then last month I was surfing, looking for information on anal play, and found out about prostate massage. That lead to HIH, then here. EUREKA. I knew we were on to something! I told him what I had learned about prostate pleasure and he was intrigued to say the least. That night he asked me to slip a fingertip in past the internal sphincter during a bj. "Weird." But not bad.

    That night as we were dozing off he started telling me about his first roommate, back when he was 17 and a shy virgin. The guy was very nice, but had an agenda, and it did not include taking no for an answer if he could help it. Hubby finally got out of there, but not before MrNoBoundaries showed him lots of very personal self portraits that included a variety of young men joining him in a variety of activities. He told me that those pictures leaped into his mind whenever I had touched his anus. Hubby is in no way homophobic, but those mental images just reinforced the subconcious social stereotype that anal pleasure was not part of straight sex. He thanked me for my slow approach that allowed him to process past what his mind knew was incorrect thinking.

    He has since read through parts of the beginner's info here, studied the diagrams, and decided that come payday we're gonna go ahead and invest in a Helix. It may sit in the drawer for awhile until he decides to 'take the plunge' (he still has to focus to allow one of my slim fingers) but it will be ready for him when he is.

    ~ForUs
  • B MayfieldB Mayfield
    Posts: 2,077
    ForUs,

    From the sound of it, your husband is primed for this! Despite what appears to have been some prior misgivings about anal play, it's pretty clear that he is ready for it now. If you are going to be assisting him with foreplay and the insertion, be prepared to go slowly, taking your cues from him. The Helix is a terrific investment for a first unit. Letting it sit in the drawer for a little bit might actually work in your favor with respect to the
    anal conditioning that you're providing him with. It will get him amped up and at the same time give him a goal to work towards. I don't know if you've explored this yet, but you might want to experiment with perineal massage. The perineum is the site of the perineal acupressure spot or as I call it, "the Sweet spot". This spot is located roughly an inch to an inch and a half above the anus. It is this area that this is contacted by the P-tab of the Aneros. A finger tip, staying on point but moving firmly with a circular motion can be quite stimulating indeed. This can be used in conjunction with penile stimulation or on it's own. I routinely have orgasms using nothing but this method and they can be very powerful. The advantages of this are twofold, first, he will likely enjoy it, but second, it can begin to sensitize the area making it more receptive for the Aneros' P-tab.

    Check it out!



    BF Mayfield


    p.s Did I mention to make sure that you're using copious lubrication as well. I would strongly consider prelubricating your husband before inserting the Aneros. Prelubricating (introducing a small amount of lubricant directly into the rectum via a syringe or children's medicine dropper) can help assure adequate lubrication. This not only makes insertion easier, it keeps the Aneros well lubricated and mobile while it's in use and finally it really simplifies removal as well.
  • ForUs
    Posts: 15
    BF Mayfield,
    Perineal massage has been 'in play' for quite awhile, both centered, direct stimulation and efflurage (light, general touch). Finding that is what lead us to further exploration. :D As far as lube goes, We have a 6oz jar of pure shea butter that hubby has for massage practice, and I have already asked him to pick up a small refillable jar for home use. We use jojoba oil in the bedroom already, and I'm thinking that can also be added externally if needed. (Yep, I'm a planner.)

    Also, as a follow up: The doctor appointment went perfectly this morning, with no prostate issues detected, good pulses, no hernia or variocele, etc. He's running labs on PSA, testosterone, even D3 (as well as all the 'standards'). Greenlight!
  • rumelrumel
    Posts: 2,253
    ForUs,

    Here are a couple of threads that may provide some helpful information, see a wife's dilemma by 'buttercup', I bought the Helix... by 'musicman', My Lover... by 'NunyaGA', Tips on deflowering? by 'zaneblue'
  • ForUs
    Posts: 15
    Sorry I missed saying hi to you wintermute! Thanks for the welcome!

    Rumel, thanks for the links. I've finally read through them all. Really good stuff in there. I will undoubtedly be rereading those posts as a reference over the next several months. :)

    I'm trying very hard to not get ahead of hubby's comfort level. As I said above, his checkup was A+, including his "perfect prostate" :) so he has spent some time considering where this stress is coming from. And guess what- you came very close to being on target. He's realizing that he's freaking out a bit over graduation looming in five months. He's found that he is quite talented, and he's internalizing a lot of pressure about succeeding. He's 47 and has always punched a timeclock and run machinery- this is a big switch! (Since he was able to put his finger on it things have been, um, looking up. :) ) So I'm backing off for now. Well, as much as I can anyhow. He's still interested, so that's good enough. One major paradigm shift at a time methinks. :)