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Delayed Ejaculation
  • I have suffered from delayed ejaculation (or orgasm) in the early stage of all of my sexual relationships. It's nice to be able to go for a long time and I have gotten quite good at pleasing a woman but it really sucks not being able to come when I need a release.

    I'm typically only able to come if I completely disengage from intimacy and lose myself deeply in fantasy and masturbate. Also, as I get older it becomes more difficult to use fantasy to get myself off. Women invariably look aesthetically beautiful to me but not sexually hot to me (and guys don't do it either). It usually takes me 20-30 minutes masturbating furiously to come and sometimes I just hit a wall and can't release.

    My girlfriend is loving, patient, mature, and confident. She and I have discussed this issue and she tells me to just relax and give it time -- even if it takes a few more months. After that she thinks I should see a sex therapist if that is what I want to do. Still, this is so frustrating. I don't have any problem being on the receiving end of pleasure but it's not fair to expect my girlfriend to lay there for 30 minutes while I totally disappear into a fantasy world and wank like a maniac to get off. What I really want is to be able to let go and release with her in a connected way while still engaged and in within a reasonable period of time -- even if it were as simply as her (or even me) masturbating myself to climax.

    I am 47 and don't have any health issues other than enlarged prostate, high cholesterol, and mild erectile dysfunction. I've seen a doctor recently and am now being treated for all of this. I'm on 1 mg of Doxazosin for the prostate, Zocor, and 10 mg of Cialis. My urine flow is now better and I'm no longer having any erectile problems. I am 6' and weigh 195 and have started working out and watching my weight more. I've also been keeping my drinking moderate and drinking very little prior to sex. I can tell my testosterone levels have dipped some in recent years but they still feel within a normal range. I took a screening test on WebMD and it said it was unlikely my T is low.

    I'm thinking I need to relearn how to be sexual. It's clear to me that I really don't even know what to tell someone else about what gets me off because I'm so out of touch with myself on a physical level. I received my Helix yesterday and really like it. I used it to masturbate alone and it helped me reach orgasm a little more quickly and I had a very full ejaculation. I did use a good bit of fantasy but didn't need to rely quite so much on it.

    My girlfriend will be cool with me using my Aneros so I'm going to try it while I make love with her. If I don't come from intercourse then I'll keep it in and see if it helps me come easier with masturbation.

    Please share your thoughts if you have ever had this issue and have any tips on how to successfully overcome it.
  • I just got back home from a wonderful evening with my girlfriend. We hadn't discussed anything sexual prior to my getting there but she greeted me at the door with a passionate kiss. There was a definite charge between us and I could tell she was glad to take my lead when I proposed we go to her bedroom.

    I started without the Helix and after a little foreplay we had an extended session of very loving and passionate intercourse. She got off at least a couple of times. She then had me lay on my back and I showed her the Helix and explained a little about how it works. I inserted it and she started going down on me. She was very unhurried and I stayed in the moment and didn't use fantasy. The Helix seemed to really help my arousal level and my girlfriend was particularly inspired. I came very close to orgasm a few times but just couldn't quite let go. I then had intercourse with the Helix in and again almost came a time or two. I am pretty certain this is not just novelty or placebo effect when I say the Helix helped me get really close to coming without me having to totally disappear into fantasy. I finally did masturbate myself to orgasm and when I hit the point of no return my girlfriend took over and brought me in a series of huge and very fulfilling spasms. We continued to lay together after and she played with my cum while I held her. I brought her manually a time or two after I cleaned us up.

    This sexual experience was the best to date with my girlfriend and I feel like things are starting to unblock for me psychologically and emotionally. The Cialis is also helping as well as being in better physical shape. I can tell an improvement in my prostate and PC muscles from using the Helix even just a short while.
  • B MayfieldB Mayfield
    Posts: 2,087

    No question the Aneros can be used to intensify encounters with a partner. I don't believe that what you described was a placebo effect either, at least not in the traditional sense of it. The Aneros provides stimulation that may indeed be helping to push you over the top. Furthermore, the addition of something new and different like this may preventing you from focusing on the disappointments of the past.

    Sounds like you're on a good track.

    Stay with it !

    BF Mayfield
  • mrkpnhmrkpnh
    Posts: 58
    I'm 42 and suffer from the inability to cum when I have sex with my partner or when I masturbate. This started slowly - at first it was slightly difficult with my partner, then very difficult; I could initially cum through masturbation and later not even then. I had been to see my doctor about the problem and he could give no advice other that "it was my age"! My partner is very understanding. I know what you mean by"I just hit a wall and can't release" I've been there and it's not a nice place to be. When I joined a new gym they checked my blood pressure. The reading was slightly high and I was advised that I should see my doctor. The blood pressure medications I was given had an immediate effect - I could cum in the way I used to when I was 20 (although not with the same frequency)!

    I suffer from ED too. I've only used my Aneros solo so far but I haven't found that I need Viagra at all.
  • mrkpnh, are you saying the blood pressure medicines cured both your ED and your inability to cum? Can you cum with your partner now?
  • mrkpnhmrkpnh
    Posts: 58
    [QUOTE=euphemism;87136]are you saying the blood pressure medicines cured both your ED and your inability to cum?

    No. I still have ED. I don't think anything will change that. What I have found though is that I can get enough of an erection to cum by using the Aneros. My inability to cum vanished when I started on the BP medication. Unfortunately that only lasted for a couple of weeks before other problems arose.

    [QUOTE=euphemism;87136]Can you cum with your partner now?

    That's a difficult one. I developed unpleasant side effects to the BP medication and had to stop taking it. An inability to cum was one of those side effects. However in the two weeks before the side effects kicked in I had no problem cumming with or without my partner.

    At the moment the MGX is the thing that gives me an erection and makes it so that I can cum. (I've only experienced this on my own so far - I'm not quite ready to tell my partner that I've bought a sex toy).
  • mrkpnhmrkpnh
    Posts: 58
    [QUOTE=euphemism;87136]Can you cum with your partner now?

    It was only the day before yesterday that I said "I'm not quite ready to tell my partner that I've bought a sex toy" but, in the end the opportunity arose so I told him.

    With the Aneros I still found it harder to cum than I used to but I did cum. That is something I've not been able to do for months. So the answer has to be yes, I can cum with my partner now. (He even commented "That little toy seems to make you very excited".)