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Sexual pressure
  • Sex for men is still a matter of holding back.

    More than 50% of the pressure of performing falls on men.

    Will women ever face just as much pressure to perform in bed if not MORE?

    Its obvious women already take more than they give as well in bed. (in EVERY aspect of a relationship actually);_ylt=AkAlow9lRCyZ2eWMA9qhVH7sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20091126154613AAGGuco
  • Judging from that quote it seems most women are also man haters.
  • I hope you don't actually believe that? I think it's 50/50. Women have a lot going on in their mind just as much as we men do. It might not be the same thing but trust me they have pressure performance anxiety just as much as we do.
  • tokertoker
    Posts: 128
    women have preformance issues too am i good am i tight enough does he still find me attractive the list goes on.
    i admit sometimes i have to think about cleaning the bath or some other distracting idea to hold back from cumming its a small price to pay for orgasms most every time if it really bothers you that much buy some delay spray or durex preforma condoms there really is no need to be jealous and not all women are men hating users :wink:
  • BadgerBadger
    Posts: 777
    When you start slipping past middle age, mental distractions are a double-edged sword. Not only do they hold off the O, but you can just as easily lose your erection. So now it comes down to a finely-tuned mind game of concentrating on the sensations and varying your thrusting speed and depth, plus how much stimulation before inserting.

    For me, if I don't take the time to get the wife to O first, it can easily take an hour or more to achieve my O (and that's with a lot of hand-wanking in between to get it back up), and when the stimulation isn't there, it's just a whole lot of work.
  • One of the encouraging things about this site is the open and honest way in which men can talk about sex. I don't know about you guys, but when I'm with other male friends, even some of my best friends, the deep talks about sexual challenges, techniques and such are pretty shallow.

    Who hasn't struggled with performance issues from time to time? Although my wife and I have a great sex life, there are times when I've been worried about losing my hard on when I'm focused on bringing my wife to orgasm by hand or when I'm trusting. There are two other times I've noticed this happening, when I try to have sex with morning wood and I have to pee or sometimes when I go for two, three or more a day.

    When I was a teen and 20-ish guy, I could do three and four or more a day without a problem. Now, in my 40ies, the second time in a day can sometimes be a takes forever to orgasm through vaginal intercourse and I either loose my erection or start to loose it and end up finishing by hand...which is still enjoyable, just not as much as when you can feel the seamen pushing out through a very hard dick. My penis feels somewhat numb during these second times on occasion.

    And invariably, when I start to focus on losing my erection, sure enough, it starts to happen. It's like the white dog phenomenon. If I say to myself: "Whatever you do, don't think about a white dog", then that's ALL I can think about. When I worry about losing a hard on and then I start to worry about thinking about losing a hard on, it's hard to get out of that mental spiral. This process can produce a reinforcing cycle where you worry about loosing your stiffy, you end up loosing it, which reinforces your fear of going limp. And, it goes one. So, what to do?

    At the advice of a physician friend here, who suggested it as a tool for lasting longer in the thrusting part of sex so my wife could have a little more fun time (not that I'm premature but after about 30-minutes for foreplay about 10 minutes of in and out action is my max before blowing...I just saw a statistic that 2 mins was the AVERAGE!), I've experimented with Cialis and Levitra. I can tell you first hand, it has helped me relax and enjoy the erection without worrying about wilting. Cialis, in particular, allows me to have multiple sessions over the course of the weekend and both my wife and I really enjoy this. The second time, in particular, is remarkable, with over an hour of raging hard on thrusting without coming close to cumming. And, when the second orgasm comes, it's very intense and lasts longer than the first. The erections I get from both drugs are very firm and according to my doc friend, there is research that indicates that both drugs actually increase penile health even when not using...that there are some longer term benefits from the release of the vascular relaxing enzymes in these meds.

    I have been using the Aneros pretty regularly lately (every other day), have been having multiple, consistent Super O's and this too has helped my erections. I wake up at night and it literally feels like someone inserted a iron rod in my dick, which is awesome! It's like having teen wood again. I think the combo of Aneros and the meds is incredible (although I'm doing them at different times throughout the week, to be clear).

    I abstain from ejaculating with Aneros use, which I might do first thing in the day, and this ramps me up for great sex with the wife later in the evening. There was an article posted a couple weeks ago about the benefits and multiple orgasms achieved through a particular edging technique and the article talked about hardening the seminal vessels through this process, which contributes to the mighty multiples. I find this to be the case with Aneros...using for an hour...taking a couple hour break then coming back for another hour session, which is better than the first. Then, sex with the wife at night is out of this world.

    So, I'm not a drug pusher by any means but I also think there are times when a little help is not a big deal. It may just be what you need to get you over a hump and relax a little. I find it impossible to enjoy sex if I'm up tight or worried.

    Hope this helps. Thanks for being so open about the struggles.