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  • Hello Everyone,

    I am new to this forum but have been using the aneros for about 6 years now. Early on in my "relationship" with the aneros I experienced a Super O, which I regretfully have not been able to find again. I think that the problems I am having on my jourey relate to the fact that my wife does not approve of me using the aneros. Because of this I can only have a session when she is away from home, which is very infrequent, and when I do have a session I feel guilty like I am doing something shameful. Has anyone had a similar problem and if so how did you get your wife to accept the idea of the aneros?
  • Hi liquidflow...I can relate to your situation somewhat. It's not that my wife doesn't approve, it's just that she doesn't want to be deprived. If she feels that Aneros use gets between sex with her and me, then it's a problem, just like if regular masturbation were to get between me and her and intercourse. We are a committed Christian couple and as such, I believe it is my responsibility as a loving husband to meet my wife's sexual needs first. My body belongs to her and her body belongs to me, and we are to fulfill one anothers desires according to biblical teaching.

    I've masturbated since I was 12. I'm probably going to masturbate for the rest of my life. And believe me, I've tried to stop in the past. My wife accepts this and Aneros is a part of that masturbation experience. But, it and prostate massage has also become a part of our joint sexual experience.

    When my wife feels she's getting all the loving she needs, she's more than happy to say "Why don't you enjoy your Aneros for a while". We've incorporated Aneros as well as her using her finger for prostate massage as part of our regular foreplay, as it really turns her on to turn me on. She's even the aneros to me to take on business trips...but she only does this when she's satisfied and feels I'm putting her firts.

    Even though I don't know what your spiritual commitment is, it makes no difference. These instructions, I think, are just great guidelines for how to treat others and get the most out of any relationship. Put the other person first, make sure they feel they're being put first and you'll get everything you want out of life.

    It's only after you've done this and done it for some time so that your wife knows you genuinely care for her that I would take the next step.

    The next step is to have an open conversation about what the two of you can do to meet one another's sexual needs more effectively. This provides a neutral ground to bring up how much you enjoy prostate stimulation, that it's common for lots of men to enjoy this (over 50% in the popular magazine surveys...Cosmo, etc.) and you wonder if she'd be open to incorporating it as part of your foreplay.

    I think you may be pleasantly surprised that if her needs are met, she may swing wide the doors on you.

    I wish you the greatest joy in your relationship and sexual expression.
  • To my support the points from my earlier post, from a purely secular perspective:
    http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704500604574485351638147312.html

    Also, when you reach that stage where you openly discuss how you can do a better job satisfying each other sexually, make sure you ask her first, "What more can I do, what different ideas have you had, fantasies, etc. where I can make you more sexually fulfilled?"

    I also failed to mention...guilt is a great killer of sexual passion and fulfillment. You will not enjoy yourself if you feel guilty or ashamed. The source of your guilt is doing what you spouse doesn't approve of...so, it's best to get to the root of meeting your spouses needs first, abandon yourself to pleasing her and in the process, you'll be freed from the guilt and more passionate and free to be sexually expressive, as a result.

    I'm not a counselor. I'm just a traveler along this journey of life and I think these things are pretty common sense, based on my experience.
  • artformartform
    Posts: 1,487
    Hi liquidflow! Welcome to the Forum and community!

    Newguy8762, you have given good counsel for a non-counselor, IMHO.

    Mrs. a and I did as you suggest newguy8762 about two and a half years ago, went out together to buy my first aneros (MGX) and things for her exploration of her ejaculatory orgasmic potential, and launched our mutual prostates (G-spots) practice, which continues to grow in so many astounding ways. Liquidflow, do you pay special attention to your wife's G-spot, very slowly and gently?

    Mrs. a also appreciates the health benefits to me of my aneros use. Where she had any concern about relative usages, she has taken a great interest in doing many of my prostate massages as part of our love-making sessions. I am thrilled. And this has directly accelerated our mutual energies sharing way beyond the basic orgasmic responses.

    You might look at some of the books such as the Ramsdale's Sexual Energy Ecstasies and some of the Tantra for couples books and open the conversation with your wife about how your aneros use is like "training wheels" for many higher levels of mutual orgasmic delights for you both together. Take a look at my blog for details: http://www.aneros.com/displayblog.php?id=3544

    For mrs. a and I, this has been the best sexual rekindling and adventures of our whole 40+ years of marriage to date!

    You might also find STARR831's blog inspirational: http://www.aneros.com/displayblog.php?id=6964

    all the best mutual energetic ecstasies for couples everywhere

    artform
  • Thank you for your responses thus far.

    I have talked openly with my wife about using the aneros and prostate massage in general. She does not like the idea of it because she has some hangups that any guy that enjoys anything anal makes them gay. I tried integrating it into our sex life and she views it as a complete turn off.

    I do everything I can to satisfy her sexually. I really enjoy stimulating her g-spot and giving her great orgasms, but she does not enjoy my enthusiam for wanting to pleasure her. I am perfectly content going down on her and stimulating her g-spot as a great sexual activity but she would rather have traditional sex to anything else. I have no problem with that but she doesn't have the highest of sex drives so there is never much opportunity to explore each others sexual heights.

    I will take your advice and try talking to her again. You never know maybe this time she will be more willing to participate in my journey to finding new orgasmic delights.
  • liquidflow, I completely understand your situation. I purchased an helix and progasm in October of last year. I had discussed with my wife about my interest prostate massage, and I informed her that I was going to make the purchase. However she was very uncomfortable with the whole idea of it. I only got to use the helix once with out ample time discover the possibilities. She later found them in the dresser drawer and was very upset. She simply couldn't understand my need to explore. Our sex is very good when she is up for it. Needless to say she was so upset with the situation, that I told her she could get rid of them if it was going to hurt our marriage. So, now I am anerosless. It is very frustrating.

    newguy8762, I have to admit I am somewhat jealous of your relationship. I agree partners should do there best to give equally to one another. However, this is not the case for me. My wifes body belongs to her and her alone. She will only share it at a time of her choosing usually, if she is not stressed, or too tired. This in no way matches with my libido. I just turned 40 a week ago, and my libido shows no signs of slowing. This leaves me extremely frustrated. Add to that the resentment of having my aneros thrown out , and forbade from exploring the depths of my sexuality, it leads to much resentment. I should not feel this way but it is hard not to sometimes.

    Well I will stop pissing and moaning and move on with my life. Sadly, without an Aneros. :(
  • Guys...my sincere apologies that you're not (yet) experiencing the joys of a totally giving, two-way relationship. Believe me, I know how blessed I really am. My wife has been on the receiving end of complaints from wives who could care less about their husband's sexual enjoyment or who were not that interested in sex. Sadly, we feel very few women realize what damage they are doing to their husbands self-esteem and their marriages with this selfish attitude. Most wives are quite unaware that most men desire novelty in the bedroom and a desire for anal/prostate exploration and stimulation is simply an expression of that. Nothing more. This kind of sexual adventurousness keeps the fires of passion burning at home, making a man feel young and excited and loved.

    As I said in my post, if you're coming from a Christian perspective, it's really not an option for either spouse regarding withholding themselves sexually. The Bible is very clear: you body belongs to her and hers to you and and while nobody in a loving relationship should be asked to do something they think is wrong or repulsive, it's not okay to use "I'm uncomfortable doing that" as a selfish excuse to avoid pleasing your partner. I should know. I've done this myself.

    Early in our marriage, I had a few sexual hang ups from guilt over past sexual experiences. My loving wife was as randy as they come and willing to do most anything. She especially liked to give and receive oral sex as part of foreplay (and sometimes for the whole production). I told her I was fine with getting a blow job but I wasn't going down on her. I could see the disappointment in her eyes and it hurt her that I would be so selfish. I can now say, and this may sound extremely odd to some readers and it's not my intent to be overly spiritual here, but after understanding how disappointed my wife was by this attitude and my refusal to be so giving with my body in pleasing her, I prayed about it and asked God to give me a love for what my spouse enjoyed. I can assure you, that kind of prayer will ALWAYS be answered in the affirmative. Not only do I now go down on my wife, I really enjoy it!

    Now, of course, you can't make your wife pray that prayer. But, you can pray that God would create in her heart a desire to please you and be more adventuresome. That's on the spiritual side. But, what else can be done?

    Well, you can talk with your spouse in a non-threatening environment (i.e. NOT during sex or right before you want it) about the fun things you'd like to do to one another. A good time for this is when you're on vacation together and you have some time to work on your relationship. Each of you individually make a list of the fun sexual things you'd like to do to one another and have done to you. The only rule is the other person doesn't HAVE to feel obligated to do what you're dreaming. And, of course, you'd never propose anything that your partner would consider immoral or harmful. Then, come together and read your list to one another. Not only is this very sexy and hot, you'll discover something about your spouse and she about you. If your spouse isn't really willing to even do something simple like this, you have a bigger issue than sexual novelty in the bedroom. You should probably seek professional counseling.

    I don't have all the answers. I'm just trying to give some ideas and some hope and encouragement.

    There is never an excuse for being unfaithful to a spouse but I like to think of it this way...a robust sex life at home, full of fun and novelty and experimentation for both partners, in addition to open, honest communication, is some of the best affair-proofing a couple could ever do. As Paul Newman said when asked how he'd made his Hollywood marriage to Joann Woodward last so long: "Why would I want to go out for hamburger when I can have steak at home every night?".

    If more spouses realized the impact their selfish attitude toward their body and sex was having on their spouse and marriage and as a result, gave freely of their body to please their partner, there would be more fulfilled homes in our world and a whole lot fewer affairs and broken marriages. For believers, this attitude is a commandment.
  • Badger
    Posts: 649
    Amen, newguy8762! I wish my wife had a similar attitude that yours has.