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My ongoing quest to be normal and have pleasure
  • MyTurn
    Posts: 447
    Hi, (male, 26)

    As a quick update: I have low sensitivity in my penis, no penile pleasure during masturbation or sex - it's just like rubbing my arm until out of nowhere an orgasm comes; I was attracted to girls up to 14, then noticed guys could be attractive, became obsessively (OCDlike) depressed and anxious and confused over sexuality 24/7; suicidal.
    - age 16 up: started to notice girls more but thought it best to avoid relationships until I was sure; low libido; started masturbating at 23!, not out of sexual frustration but to see if I could get pleasure; watched hetero porn and noticed girls seem to enjoy sex more (not pressure to perform, lay on back/relaxed, G spot, clitoris, they moan, etc);
    - age 25 up: started to date a girl; performance anxiety for ages, wondered if linked to sexuality [confusion]; later, no pleasure during sex (even blamed her for having a widened vagina because she had a baby months before meeting me); depression; (since orgasming is good) came to Aneros forum in search of pleasure; bordering on mysogeny/jealousy of female sexuality/trans; don't even care about sexuality now, just want pleasure; started to try some Chinese herbal pills/meds.

    OK. I have been more depressed than usual lately, and anxiety has been added to the mix, complete with shortness of breath, chest pain, panic, etc. I booked an apmt. with my GP so I can be fasttracked on to a psychologist/psychiatrist.

    Do you think I could train my sexual response, or prostate by masturbating with the Aneros in, and this might aid Anerosless sex (some here have had Anerosless prostate orgasms)? Maybe it will strengthen erections, cause during sex, when I notice a lack of pleasure, I get anxious and lose erection slightly. WHen I first came to this forum, I thought I would become prostatically orgasmic and then introduce it into sex, but tbh, I want penile pleasure first and foremost. Would Aneros-masturbation only increase penile sensitivity DURING Aneros sessions or is there an offchance that the "hidden penis" can be brought to life for Aneros(less) sessions?

    Or like one doc said, are "some people just not sexual" and I have to just find pleasure in stuff like walks or art, cuz if that's the case, just inject me with cancer now (my granddad, uncle, and dad died of it, so I am not being flippant).

    You've been nice enough to read this far, so I won't stretch this out. What is your advice to me.
  • PhilSPhilS
    Posts: 32
    I am impressed by how focused you are on your own definition of what you should be, should experience, and want to have happen in the future. Why? You are you. You may or you may not be different from some people, but you are not mismanufactured. You are not a defective human being. Allow yourself to be yourself, explore what it means to be yourself, and become yourself. What is the rush? Take your time. You have a lifetime to become what you are. Enjoy the trip. The trip is what we all call life, and life is not bad.
  • I'd say whatever feels good, do that.

    I think Aneros during masturbation could be good. I'd also say do kegels right before the aneros session/masturbation it has helped me increase blood flow and sensation down there for my aneros sessions :D
  • OH!!
    Posts: 260
    Sounds like a lot of issues...maybe much more than simply addressing here, but first off chill out and stop being so hard on yourself. Try and not be so anxious about everything. Good things can come to those who wait, but also be wise. Definitely have your testosterone levels checked. You should probably be on the high end of normal for your age for best results. At least that is what I have read. Sexual experience is a journey, a pleasurable learning experience of your life that changes as we explore and learn of ourselves. You must be open minded in your personal approach to yourself, and you can't be overly critical either. Make sure you don't put yourself in situations where you get performance anxiety even if it is alone with yourself masturbating, - don't judge. Take the good, discard the bad experiences and techniques. Build upon the good. I'd say you shouldn't be judgemental with others performance either such as the gal you mentioned that you blamed.

    As for recommendations / techniques...I am so redundant and say this constantly but I do believe in it (most of you are probably tired of me bringing it up) but as I have recommended all over try something like The Orgasmic Diet. That includes lots of high potency highly purified fish oil. Eat dark chocolate.

    You mention your desire for penile stimulation...check out my thread on Male Clitoral Orgasms. There is a pressure spot. I have now found you can just press it for a long period of time and you will start eventually having orgasms. You don't have to even rub!

    Do the Aneros if you like, but use it hands free as intended and as everyone here recommends. You can try the Peridise during sex including oral and intercourse with women. I have and it is pretty cool to use. Good luck
  • nood1963
    Posts: 113
    oh,

    Talk about pressure point in the penis. At the start of my last session I discovered how the head of my dick was a major pressure point. I took a warm, quite warm wet towel and grabbed onto and around my penis, and bam, it sent me into heaven, it was crazy. That was an awesome warm up ! n
  • darwindarwin
    Posts: 1,195
    MyTurn-

    I think a psychologist/psychiatristl would be a great help to you. go for it!

    darwin
  • MyTurn
    Posts: 447
    PhilS said:

    I am impressed by how focused you are on your own definition of what you should be, should experience, and want to have happen in the future. Why? You are you. You may or you may not be different from some people, but you are not mismanufactured. You are not a defective human being. Allow yourself to be yourself, explore what it means to be yourself, and become yourself. What is the rush? Take your time. You have a lifetime to become what you are. Enjoy the trip. The trip is what we all call life, and life is not bad.



    I am me, but I am not the "best me" I can be. I'm not the "me" I am comfortable living with. My life is worthless without it being average, mundane, normal (note: I'm not asking for over-the-top greatness, happiness). I also can't accept or cope with it being less than what I deserve. Less than what I am willing to bare.

    Having sexual organs but no sexual response seems mismanufactured to me. The rush is that, when I desire sex, I think: "Oh, but will I enjoy it?". The next time, I think: "meh, should I bother", until gradually, my already poor libido becomes nonexistent. Enjoy how anxious I feel looking at women knowing they have the possibility of pleasure that I cannot even imagine?

    My life up to know HAS been bad. I appreciate your positivity, which I need right now, but my mind just bats it back tennis-style with some counterargument or feeling in my soul that yearns for pleasure.
  • MyTurn
    Posts: 447

    I'd say whatever feels good, do that.

    I think Aneros during masturbation could be good. I'd also say do kegels right before the aneros session/masturbation it has helped me increase blood flow and sensation down there for my aneros sessions :D



    Hi. Precisely that is what I want to find out: what feels good. I know I like orgasming, and since the prostate is involved in penile orgasms indirectly, I thought DIRECT stimulation would be bliss, but no, it's a journey. without guarantees. Women don't have to "journey" in order to have G spot orgasms, just be with the right match/partner and he will kill himself to pleasure her to the max and do all the work.

    I will try your kegel idea tonight. Thanks for your support on the forum and in PMs.
  • MyTurn
    Posts: 447
    [quote=OH!!]Sounds like a lot of issues...maybe much more than simply addressing here, but first off chill out and stop being so hard on yourself. Try and not be so anxious about everything. Good things can come to those who wait, but also be wise. Definitely have your testosterone levels checked. You should probably be on the high end of normal for your age for best results. At least that is what I have read. Sexual experience is a journey, a pleasurable learning experience of your life that changes as we explore and learn of ourselves. You must be open minded in your personal approach to yourself, and you can't be overly critical either. Make sure you don't put yourself in situations where you get performance anxiety even if it is alone with yourself masturbating, - don't judge. Take the good, discard the bad experiences and techniques. Build upon the good. I'd say you shouldn't be judgemental with others performance either such as the gal you mentioned that you blamed.

    As for recommendations / techniques...I am so redundant and say this constantly but I do believe in it (most of you are probably tired of me bringing it up) but as I have recommended all over try something like The Orgasmic Diet. That includes lots of high potency highly purified fish oil. Eat dark chocolate.

    You mention your desire for penile stimulation...check out my thread on Male Clitoral Orgasms. There is a pressure spot. I have now found you can just press it for a long period of time and you will start eventually having orgasms. You don't have to even rub!

    Do the Aneros if you like, but use it hands free as intended and as everyone here recommends. You can try the Peridise during sex including oral and intercourse with women. I have and it is pretty cool to use. Good luck

    Hi,

    I had my testosterone levels checked and they came back "average". They won't tell me the exact digits. Maybe I should insist.

    Re: Perf Anx: I don't feel I have it during masturbation, coz there is no pressure or "audience" (partner), so why don't I enjoy that I wonder. With my gf, if I am erect, I assume there is no perf. anx., esp if I make it to orgasm, so again...where's the pleasure?

    I will check out male clitoral orgasms tonight. As for fish oil, does that make relationships sour (bad breath?)? The orgasmic diet sounds like it targets orgasms, which I can have, but does it help PLEASURE BEFOREHAND too?
  • MyTurn
    Posts: 447
    darwin said:

    MyTurn-

    I think a psychologist/psychiatristl would be a great help to you. go for it!

    darwin



    I saw a doctor today and she said I can go ahead and contact the community mental health team for therapy (the same team I was in touch with during my sexuality obsession. Funny how the pleausre obsession has taken over my mind now. I don't care about my sexuality now (much), I just want pleasure).
  • PhilSPhilS
    Posts: 32
    It is good to know you will be getting some help with your feelings. Congratulations for making that decision. It is not easy to come to the conclusion to go for professional help. I commend you for doing this. Keep us posted and good luck.
  • rainstomp
    Posts: 51
    Hi MyTurn,

    I am sorry to hear of your condition because it is very similar to mine, and I know how painful it is. I bought my aneros for the exact same reason.

    Seeking therapy is the right thing to do. I would urge you to stick with a psychologist and NOT see a psychiatrist. Hopefully you know the difference. A psychiatrist will treat you with medication as if you have a brain chemical imbalance and will not help you treat the source of your problems.

    Positive and right-brain thinking are major tools in rewiring your brain. (For info on how the brain rewires I'd recommend "The Brain That Changes Itself" by Norman Doidge, 318 pages.) Your left brain has the voice that tells you, "This does not feel good. Why am I not enjoying this? My penis is not normal," etc. You need to learn how to turn that voice off... even if only for 30 seconds. In our busy and overstimulating society, most people lose the balance of their right and left brains. I would recommend "My Stroke of Insight" by Jill Bolte Taylor for a common sense, inspirational read on the subject (it's only 177 pages). It is based on her experience of surviving a stroke and rebuilding her brain connections, and it's quite funny!

    Seek out alternative therapies too! Acupuncture and chinese herbal medicine have literally saved my life in the past year by helping me address the sources of my problems. I wanted to die before these treatments and (alarmingly) don't know if I would still be here if not for them. My anxiety and depression manifested in severely painful and nauseas gastrointestinal problems that debilitated me for months.

    After all my treatments, I know that my problem is emotional, not sexual, not physical. Chinese medicine is the only system that diagnosed and treated me effectively. I still do not feel much penile or anal pleasure. (Btw, it was not always like this. As a teenager I enjoyed my penis very much!) Now that my mind and body are well, though, I need to practice healthy thinking and develop a positive sexuality that is not about being the stud or fulfilling someone else's fantasy. This will help my brain to rewire, and I am content knowing that it will take a long time and be worth the effort.

    Btw, right-brain thinking has changed my life in about a month! I now have the joy and disposition that I had as a young child! I can't remember popping out of bed in the morning, humming and dancing while brushing my teeth, and getting super-excited for a yummy breakfast since I was a care-free preschooler!!!
  • Love_isLove_is
    Posts: 1,672
    Hello MyTurn, :)

    I think rainstomp has the right idea. Besides the fact that if you go on psychiatric pharmaceuticals, you may have more physical problems due to side effects. Which may include decreased sexual desire and arousal, decreased sensitivity of your penis(if you can imagine that! :p ), difficulty achieving and maintaining an erection, and difficulty achieving orgasm. I know when I tried this path(Never again!!!), I had all of those side effects, plus a whole bunch of unrelated non-sexual ones which quite honestly, made my quality of life much worse than not being on them.

    Much like rainstomp says, I firmly believe that we create our problems all within our own heads. This is what a good psychologist, therapist, or counselor will help you to discover and to unravel the thought habits that do not serve you in a positive manner. What you think and believe is what you will manifest in your life and you will experience. Give that some serious consideration.

    One book that my therapist I was seeing a few months back loaned me that I thought was very helpful was: "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David D. Burns M.D.
    http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240233206&sr=1-1

    Also, another one that I am reading now that talks about the same stuff, but in left/conscious brain, and right/sub-conscious brain terminology that he calls prayer or affirmation. But is equally as helpful is: "The Power of your Subconscious Mind" by Joseph Murphy.
    http://www.amazon.com/Power-Your-Subconscious-Mind/dp/160459201X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240233549&sr=1-2

    Much like a lot of other people in this world. I suspect you have a lot of crud covering the shiny, happy, loving, and content inner you. As you start to peel away the crud layers that are not you, and do not serve you in a positive manner by changing your thought habits. You will find and discover a better life.

    It's quite possible that you will not experience much with the Aneros prostrate massager's until you have personally and spiritually unfolded and developed a bit more. Now I don't say this to keep you from using them. But just to make you aware that it looks to me that you have some more important issues to work on in your life at the moment. It's really easy to get caught up in trying to find pleasure to ease what ails us. When really deep down all we are looking for is to feel happy, content, loved, and at peace with ourselves. I know that from personal experience. And it is a constant vigilance of monitoring my thoughts to keep me from falling into the downward spiral of negative thinking that leads into depression, anxiety, and fear.

    Thank you for starting this topic/thread MyTurn. As my own advice, although intended to help you, becomes a reminder that also helps me.

    Try saying these affirmations to yourself as often as possible. Particularly when you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts of yourself. Feel free to modify and make your own affirmations as they apply to what you want and need in your life.

    I am happy
    I am joyfull
    I am loved
    I am loving
    I am content
    I am secure
    I live in the present moment
    I am at peace with myself and others
    I see goodness and abundance in the world
    I think positive helpful thoughts


    Here's a some quotes from "The Power of your Subconscious Mind" that I think are appropriate.


    The law of life is the law of belief. A belief is a thought in your mind. Do not believe in things to harm or hurt you. Believe in the power of your subconscious to heal, inspire, strengthen, and prosper you. According to your belief is it done unto you.

    Change your thoughts, and you change your destiny.

    Think good, and good follows. Think evil, and evil follows. You are what you think all day long.

    Your conscious mind is the "watchman at the gate". Its chief function is to protect your subconscious mind from false impressions. Choose to believe that something good can happen and is happening now. Your greatest power is your capacity to choose. Choose happiness and abundance.

    Whatever your subconscious mind assumes and believes to be true, your subconscious mind will accept and bring to pass. Believe in good fortune, divine guidance, right action, and all the blessings of life.




    You will find your way through all of this. I believe it. ;)

    Love_is
  • MyTurn
    Posts: 447
    rainstomp said:

    Hi MyTurn,

    I am sorry to hear of your condition because it is very similar to mine, and I know how painful it is. I bought my aneros for the exact same reason.

    Seeking therapy is the right thing to do. I would urge you to stick with a psychologist and NOT see a psychiatrist. Hopefully you know the difference. A psychiatrist will treat you with medication as if you have a brain chemical imbalance and will not help you treat the source of your problems.

    Positive and right-brain thinking are major tools in rewiring your brain. (For info on how the brain rewires I'd recommend "The Brain That Changes Itself" by Norman Doidge, 318 pages.)

    Seek out alternative therapies too! Acupuncture and chinese herbal medicine have literally saved my life ...

    ...Btw, it was not always like this. As a teenager I enjoyed my penis very much!) ...

    Btw, right-brain thinking has changed my life in about a month! I now have the joy and disposition that I had as a young child! I can't remember popping out of bed in the morning, humming and dancing while brushing my teeth, and getting super-excited for a yummy breakfast since I was a care-free preschooler!!!



    Hi,

    It is good to know that someone else came to know the Aneros for the same reason as me.

    I am seeing a physcologist who is putting me in touch with a sex therapist. We debated whether to see an OCD specialist, but I felt better trying this route first. I am not keen on going on meds after reading how they can mess with you. I'm more open to natural meds or diets. At the mo, I am taking Omega 3 tablets (since last Weds.), and doing PC exercises.

    I have known about the Law of Attraction and positive thinking for a while and have tried to apply it to my own problems. Being depressed, it is hard to visualize correctly, etc, but I am aware of my thoughts' potential. I just want proof that I can THINK or FEEL myself better, cured.

    Thanks for the book titles. I've tried many chinese tonics and pills but they really didn't help. I spend £100's on them, now I don't take any.

    You at one time DID enjoy your penis, so you have that potential, that "mental imprint" to which you may be able to return. I'm starting from a clean slate.

    I'd love to talk more but have one more reply before I do other things, then bedtime.
  • MyTurn
    Posts: 447
    Love_is said:

    Hello MyTurn, :)

    I think rainstomp has the right idea. Besides the fact that if you go on psychiatric pharmaceuticals, you may have more physical problems due to side effects....

    Much like rainstomp says, I firmly believe that we create our problems all within our own heads...

    ...left/conscious brain, and right/sub-conscious brain terminology...

    It's quite possible that you will not experience much with the Aneros prostrate massager's until you have personally and spiritually unfolded and developed a bit more...

    Try saying these affirmations to yourself as often as possible.

    Here's a some quotes from "The Power of your Subconscious Mind" that I think are appropriate.

    You will find your way through all of this. I believe it. ;)

    Love_is



    Thanks for your reply. As I said, I will be consulting with a sex therapist soon via my pshychologist.

    I know how bad meds can be. I almost started on prozac. So glad I didn't now.

    Create my own problems? This is the hardest part of the Law of Attraction/positie thinking to get. How I attracted this (ok, let's say I did), how babies attract child abuse, foetuses attract blindness, etc. It's hard to digest. I need it explained in some nonvague, nonwishywashy, non-"just believe me" way.

    I am interested in this left/right brain stuff. I will have to get a book on it, one that you or Rainstomp suggested. It is hard to "feel" affirmations. Reading and saying them is easy. Then the thought comes in your head "No, it's not".

    THanks so much. I'd love to post more but time...(which they say, doesn't exist. haha, don't I know it!)..maybe later I could add to this thread, but basically I just wanted to thank you.
  • darwindarwin
    Posts: 1,195
    MyTurn-

    personally, i suggest you keep an open mind to medication and any other therapies that the professionals recommend. you should of course weigh all the trade-offs. but, folks here who reflexively reject the idea of medication are doing you a disservice. might be the solution, might not be. but, rejecting out of hand is throwing out something that could possibly help you.

    keep us posted.

    one more thing: i agree with those who are advising you, if at all possible, to relax your conviction that sexual pleasure and horniness is something you absolutely need in your life. you could *seriously* look at its absence as a positive. like not needing to pick your nose. i know it is hard to see, but, you only have one life to lead, and by focusing on what you are missing, you are missing what you do have. please enjoy each day you have. they tick away relentlessly, and when you are older you will look back and see with absolute clarity that you were a fool to waste them.

    darwin
  • I've had a positive experience from taking meds for depression. It's not all bad and for some people its the ONLY solution to their depression. My sexual functioning is not perfect but its okay and i have experienced the wonder of the Aeros. Ive taken prozac 20mg for 10 years of more. Ive weened myself to 4 to 5 days per week instead of 7 and can easily forget i need to take it.

    The drugs for depression have allowed many to live normal lifes and have normal healthy relationships where they couldnt before. They treat other problems like ocd's and more with success. Take it from someone who has first hand knowledge, they can work for some people and ARE neccessary.

    I find staying active and excercising the best medicine to work with the prozac or Fluxotine. Thearpy with a psycolgist at the same time is also GREAT advice that has been given. The miracle of letting your feelings out. I reccomend keeping a journal to get the feelings from the head to the paper. Chemcial imbalances are nothing to be ashamed of or let go untreated.

    Just thought I would add my two cents worth of personal experience.
  • esfenoides
    Posts: 58
    - Love yourself
    - Stop thinking so much, get into some discipline of meditation/relaxation/ breathing/taichi/yoga/chikung/...
    - I recomend the book http://www.amazon.com/Masturbation-Tantra-Self-Margo-Woods/dp/0917320158
    - When practicing through masturbation or aneros dont demand anything from yourself just do it lovingly to yourself as a gift, time for you
    - I have had times were my sexual satisfaction wosent all that great. I still have a great time being turned on and playing with her body. Im discovering pleasure with time


    Good luck
  • MyTurn
    Posts: 447
    I hate sex and masturbation or anything libido-related/that requires it!
    I want pleasure, but hate sex. I'm starting to hate everything about it. Yesterday was the final straw. I don't think I ever want it again. My gf had 3 or 4 orgasms, I had, count them, ZERO. I enjoyed NONE of it. It was the worst time in a long time. I felt like dying and still do. My gf has a libido through the roof, and mine is FLOORBOUND. Any desire I get is killed when I remember that sex is pleasureless for me. I find it unfair (female pleasure/orgasms/effort/reputation at stake vs males), uncomfortable (female relaxed positioning, man on all fours bullshit), and a waste of time (my dick might as well be another toe). I felt overly depressed today.

    My Peridise arrived, but even if that gave me 1% pleasure, what am I going to do: replace my dick with an anal toy? I just dunno what to do. I can't wait to see the sex therapist that I've been put in touch with.

    I go on female forums and some have this problem, but they have pleasure alone, or you can see some way out for them: diff poss, try G spot, try clit stim, diff lover, retrain lover, see gyno..etc. For me, its just: you're asexual, tough shit.

    I really couldn't care less if I died in my sleep tonight. I'm BEYOND depression. I've been depressed since 1997. RIght now, it's just like: Can't I die now?
  • Love_isLove_is
    Posts: 1,672
    Hello MyTurn, :)

    This is not really the place for you to find the proper counseling that you need. But I felt that you deserved a response.

    As a fellow human being I care about your well being.

    Until you make the connection between your thoughts and what you experience in life. Your going to keep struggling and be un-happy. Please get some psychological/counseling help in a hurry. You deserve it, and you most definitely can benefit from it. I don't believe that desperately searching for sexual pleasure should be a priority for you at the moment. (At least that is my opinion.) It sounds like you have much more important issues to work through. Understand that pleasure can be experienced in many many ways. Sex is only one of them. Try and find some happiness and joy in your life, and cultivate feelings of love for yourself and others in whatever manner seems appropriate. I wish you wellness, happiness, love, and pleasure.

    Love_is
  • MyTurn
    Posts: 447
    Thanks. Sorry for venting just then. I meant to reply to a post and forgot what I was doing.
  • darwindarwin
    Posts: 1,195
    myturn-

    may i carefully suggest that you really don't need a high libido girlfriend at this point. it is just torturing you.

    i agree w/ love_is. glad you vented. now, get down to business and get some professional help.

    darwin
  • MyTurn
    Posts: 447
    I am waiting to hear back from sex therapist. I need this urgently. I'm not even sure what talking-therapy is going to do, but it's a start.