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a wife's dilemma
  • buttercup
    Posts: 44
    So I discovered the aneros several months ago, and at first I couldn't wait to get one (or several, lol) for my husband; unfortunately I also discovered this forum, and having studiously read every single page of it I started having second thoughts.

    Of course I want my husband to benefit from the health aspects of the aneros. Of course I want him to experience unbelievable pleasure. Of course I want him to have the relaxation and feeling of well-being I've seen described. And of course the thought of seeing him experience even a fraction of what I've seen described by some of you makes me unbearably hot.

    However, if my husband is craving a sexual experience I want it to be with me, not some piece of plastic. I'm not interested in forgoing sex with him for days just so he can have a better experience with said piece of plastic. And if he's looking forward to spending time having an orgasm, I want it to be with me and not...well, you get the idea.

    For the record, I have no problem with anal play being gay or dirty or perverted; in fact, we discovered how sensitive my husband is down there when I initiated it, and I believe he could, in time, greatly enjoy the aneros. He felt he needed time to get used to the idea that being stimulated there was okay and we have "worked" on it (quite a bit). :lol: So there are no moral issues or religious issues at work here, instead it's more of a jealousy issue, for lack of a better description.

    I am interested in how many of you regular posters are in a relationship, since it sounds like some of you do little more, especially sexually, than have sessions with your aneros, or have chairgasms, cargasms, etc., or fantasize about it when you aren't actually using it. (That possibly sounds ruder than I intended, sorry.) If you are in a relationship, does your partner accept your use of the aneros, and if they do, how often do you have a shared sexual experience compared to the frequency of your aneros sessions, and why? I'm looking to get a feel for just how representative of my situation this board is; if most of the regular posters aren't in relationships, or have partners who won't accept their use of the aneros, or simply aren't interested (or as interested) in sex as their men, then I may be worrying for nothing. If the majority of posters are in situations similar to mine, then I'm correct in being concerned about the emotional toll this would have on me, no matter how exciting it may be sexually.

    Thank you to any and all who reply.
  • bonerownerbonerowner
    Posts: 121
    buttercup - thanks for posting your feelings about the Aneros. You sound like a very understanding and wonderful woman, who is open and caring.

    I understand your feelings, however I think you are putting too much emphasis on the device itself. I can't see any man wanting to stop having sex with their wives, in lieu of a "piece of plastic."

    My wife and I have used an assortment of toys through the years that I have given to her for her birthday or other special occasions, because she would never buy them for herself. I have always enjoyed seeing her being pleasured with various dildos, vibrators and dancing eggs, and never felt jealous of them, or felt that she was enjoying them instead of me since it was something we were doing together. I also enjoy seeing her in a highly sexually charged state - I get off on seeing her cum, and I am not in competition with a plastic toy that never goes soft, and can last for hours - it would be pointless to feel that way.

    Since you are the one to initiate the idea of an Aneros he will always associate it with you, even if he has solo sessions. Granted, the Aneros can be a solo device, it is not exclusively so. With the aneros inserted you can help him have his first experiences of mini-o's and later super-o's, as you help him get off.

    Many men have practiced "edging" while masturbating (going to the edge of climax, and then stopping, and then starting again until they feel they are going to cum, and keep repeating that for as long as they can stand it before ejaculating). Once I discovered the joys of edging I brought that in to my sex life with my wife, and it has helped us to get more in touch with each other sexually. The aneros can help with this, and with it inserted, edging becomes an open door for mini-o's and super o's. While many seek dry orgasms, even a plain old-fashioned ejaculation will also be enhanced with the Aneros, since as he ejaculates the natural motion of the device will massage his prostate, making the sex that much more enjoyable.

    I think you are on the right path, and I urge you not to give up wanting to make your husband feel as good as he can while he is in bed with you. Your husband is lucky to be married to such a woman.
  • O'shea
    Posts: 38
    Hi Buttercup,
    You might want to check out the Peridise. A brand new model for both men & women so you can both use the aneros together. Its suppose to be available this month. Check it out and if you try it, let us know how it goes.
  • buttercup
    Posts: 44
    Thank you bonerowner and O'shea for your responses.


    My wife and I have used an assortment of toys through the years that I have given to her for her birthday or other special occasions, because she would never buy them for herself. I have always enjoyed seeing her being pleasured with various dildos, vibrators and dancing eggs, and never felt jealous of them, or felt that she was enjoying them instead of me since it was something we were doing together. I also enjoy seeing her in a highly sexually charged state - I get off on seeing her cum, and I am not in competition with a plastic toy that never goes soft, and can last for hours - it would be pointless to feel that way.



    My husband has bought toys for me too, and he enjoys me using them whether he is with me or not. However, the only sexual stimulus I actually crave is my husband, while most people here report craving sessions with their aneros.


    Since you are the one to initiate the idea of an Aneros he will always associate it with you, even if he has solo sessions. Granted, the Aneros can be a solo device, it is not exclusively so. With the aneros inserted you can help him have his first experiences of mini-o's and later super-o's, as you help him get off.

    Many men have practiced "edging" while masturbating (going to the edge of climax, and then stopping, and then starting again until they feel they are going to cum, and keep repeating that for as long as they can stand it before ejaculating). Once I discovered the joys of edging I brought that in to my sex life with my wife, and it has helped us to get more in touch with each other sexually. The aneros can help with this, and with it inserted, edging becomes an open door for mini-o's and super o's. While many seek dry orgasms, even a plain old-fashioned ejaculation will also be enhanced with the Aneros, since as he ejaculates the natural motion of the device will massage his prostate, making the sex that much more enjoyable.




    I understand that sex with the aneros inserted is more pleasurable; that's what got me interested in the first place. But if we restrict his use to nothing more than that then I will always feel that I'm depriving him of a more ultimate experience. If he is acheiving that more ultimate experience it sounds like it has to be without me, and that is what bothers me. It's a real Catch-22.

    O'shea-I've been looking at the Peridise, but am waiting for a little more info about it. So far most of what I've seen has dealt with the medical effects, and since we both have hemmorhoids (thanks kids! lol) we will probably buy this if nothing else.

  • bonerownerbonerowner
    Posts: 121
    buttercup said:

    My husband has bought toys for me too, and he enjoys me using them whether he is with me or not. However, the only sexual stimulus I actually crave is my husband, while most people here report craving sessions with their aneros.

    Well, all I can say is I am sure some women will say that they crave their vibrators, but it still is no substitute for a loving sexual relationship with another person. It seems to me that although you say you want him to feel good, and that you are not hung up on the whole "anal being gay" thing that you are still associating a certain amount of shame and jealousy with your husband being able to enjoy all that the Aneros has to offer, even if it is without you. Simply put, the Aneros will help bring your husband to a more satisfying level of sexual energy, and will awaken parts of him that he may have never known existed. That is powerful, but it is not a substitute for a sexual relationship, but a helpful addition to an already vibrant sex life.

    I have read many posts here from guys saying that they have been able to enjoy multiple orgasms while driving or sitting at a meeting at work, without the aneros as a result of their "rewiring," but I have never seen a post yet that says that they are using the Aneros as a substitute for sex in a relationship, or that using the Aneros saps their desire for sex. I have not personally experienced these non-aneros MMO's yet, but I can only imagine that if I were to have a few (or a few dozen) dry orgasms while at work that I would be more than ready for sex with my partner when I got home. If you read those posts you will see that they do not sap the men of energy, but instead it gives them more energy, and more sexual desire.
  • buttercup
    Posts: 44
    Shame no, jealousy I admitted to in my first post. That's what I'm trying to deal with by coming here.

    It's true no one here has blatantly said I'm using the aneros in place of sex with my wife/whoever, unless their partner was uninterested in sex; however, no one to my knowledge has said it has spurred them into wanting their partner more either, while many men have said using the aneros causes them to crave using it more. There have been posts saying when they do have sex with their partner the sex is better, and there have been just as many posts saying traditional orgasms now make them feel irritable, cranky, etc. Irritability and crankiness are not feelings I want to inspire in my husband.

    I've come here because I've been wrestling with this for a few months now and I'd like to work out my feelings and do what seems best for my husband; I think the aneros is a terrific product, but if it causes me emotional pain I don't think either one of us is likely to be very happy.
  • Buttercup:Your husband is indeed a lucky man....you need only to read the "I bought my husband a Helix, any advice...." post to understand that some of us are not quite so lucky....

    I bought my Aneros with the intention of getting those super-o's, mini o's etc. etc...but...sex with the Aneros is amazing too...altho I would never trade that for no sex with my partner.....

    If you do buy it for him....and he enjoys it by himself...even if he starts wanting more "alone time" with it...who do YOU think he is going to be thinking of while having those sessions...who bought it for him and opened the doorway into worlds of pleasure hereto untapped...who do you think he will be thanking....not that little piece of plastic....he will be thanking YOU......

    Think on that.....cos that's how I would feel if my woman had bought it for me.....

    Oh and regards to the crankiness and irritability with ejaculation....yes some guys have reported that however at the same time those guys are also having multiple orgasms without cumming!
  • Don't be intimidated by the Aneros. As you already mentioned, it's a piece of plastic. Granted, it provides some intense pleasure for some men... BUT, it lacks boobs, legs, an ass, and a pu$$y. It also doesn't laugh, provide intimacy or have a personality. Your man might get a little distracted by the Aneros in the beginning, but in the long run he'll want everything that only a woman can offer.
  • rumelrumel
    Posts: 2,254
    buttercup,

    From ‘bonerowner ’, you heard “I think you are on the right path, and I urge you not to give up wanting to make your husband feel as good as he can while he is in bed with you. Your husband is lucky to be married to such a woman.” Yes,
    A loving relationship is about giving and this is giving your husband a new level of pleasure which he WILL reciprocate to you.
    From ‘Crimsonwonder ‘, you heard “If you do buy it for him....and he enjoys it by himself...even if he starts wanting more "alone time" with it...who do YOU think he is going to be thinking of while having those sessions...who bought it for him and opened the doorway into worlds of pleasure hereto untapped...who do you think he will be thanking....not that little piece of plastic....he will be thanking YOU......”. Yes, the giver of the gift is almost always more significant than the gift itself.
    From ‘megabyteme ‘, you heard “Granted, it provides some intense pleasure for some men... BUT, it lacks boobs, legs, an ass, and a pussy. It also doesn't laugh, provide intimacy or have a personality. Your man might get a little distracted by the Aneros in the beginning, but in the long run he'll want everything that only a woman can offer.” Yes, I would also add to that list a luscious mouth with a teasing tongue and succulent lips to wrap around many erogenous parts of his body.
    Do not worry, the Aneros can not displace a warm loving woman in a mans psyche, we are genetically hard wired to be with a woman and an exciting piece of plastic will never replace an exciting piece of ass!
  • bonerownerbonerowner
    Posts: 121
    You might want to order a Peridise as well as an Aneros massager, and then you can join him in the same types of pleasure that he is experiencing. I just got mine, and I can happily report that it does work as advertised, and if it has the same effect on women as they say it does then that is great! There are going to be many blissful couples. :) HIH deserves to get some sort of award for the Peridise - I can't recommend it enough.
  • GrandTiger
    Posts: 325
    Dear Buttercup, I just want to assure you that though we may rave about our solo experiences, there is nothing, absolutely nothing in this world, that comes anywhere close to the divine joy shared between a man and a woman in love and making love. A sexual relationship is not merely physical; it is the joining of a man and woman, body, soul and spirit. This is why we should never be promiscuous. Once a man and woman have joined themselves together sexually, whether they like it or not, wherever they may go, their hearts and souls will be connected for eternity. Solo sex can be absolutely wonderful; we may even describe it as heavenly bliss, but we all know in our hearts that it is the love between a man and a woman that brings us the ultimate joy in this world.
  • artformartform
    Posts: 1,474
    Buttercup, you dear, I was so touched by your initial post, and all the follow-up from everyone here, that I printed it out for my wife to read last night and make any suggestions she wanted to offer. She is not a computer person and is only now contemplating learning to do her own e-mail. Not to give the wrong impression, she is an accomplished and now retired professional with many skills, talents, gifts. She said she knew I would say what she had in mind...

    All that intro to say that she had many of the same concerns/fears that you are wrestling with, even though we started off just over a year ago on a MUTUAL adventure in post-parenting, empty nesters, sexual renewal. Your desire to give greater sexual response opportunities to your husband is a truly loving desire, one greatly honoured in the Forum. In our case, my wife had never experienced a G-spot ejaculatory orgasm and we set off together seeing what was possible for her. At the same time we brought into our sexual relationship my, largely subdued for the last two or more decades, solo prostate massage practice which first rewired me in my youth.

    Notwithstanding this MUTUALITY of purpose, and the ongoing great successes for her and for me, "that piece of plastic" and the idea of more solo work seemed to cloud the initial joys we experienced, to some degree which has diminished over time, and periodically but less and less frequently...

    Just as it takes time to rewire our erotic neural systems, it takes time to adjust to the fact that this Aneros (and KSMO for us and many others here) practices are BOTH an enhancement to traditional reproductive style sex AND the door openers to a wholly other, erotic energies world. There is a lot of learning and changes of perceptions and ideas that are naturally part of "the journey" for the men and their partners, but the rewards for both are much more than worth the effort. My wife agrees with that too.

    We are both in our sixties. We went to bed early last night and caroused for about three hours with a lot of variety and great feelings. Neither of us had climax orgasms and happily went to sleep exhausted with the feelings of carry-forward energies. After a very good sleep, we awoke with the intention of switching to a position we've created and call the Wedding Band position: lying side by side, head to the other's feet, me manually caressing her G-spot and surroundings (her prostate) and she caressing my prostate. We were entwined for two hours this morning. Ecstasies and floods of erotic energies from the gentlest to thrilling wind-ups and laughter inducing peaks, multiples and cycles, aroused, amplified and shared, flowed through us this morning, as with times before over the last year.

    It feels like our tissues are actually growing together while this is happening. To us, it feels far more intimate and even spiritual, than the great joys of reproductively focused sex, and its hopes and anticipations. We know those keenly too, five years of programmed intercourse on demand during our sojourn through fertility clinics until two fabulous successes (our children!!). Although we have had a great marriage for almost four decades already, we now have a deeper and greatly enriched physical, romantic and energy/spiritual bond than we had before.

    When we began, my wife wanted to always be massaging my prostate when we were together rather than me have the Aneros in. Gradually we tried it with the Aneros in and she liked what that did for my performance focused on her! She can feel the Aneros massaging my prostate, transmitted through my penis. Because I have some prior experience and skill from some solo Tantric and Tao explorations almost twenty years ago, I found that Aneros and the KSMO Key Sound have quickly reawakened the erotic energy triggering, amplification and transformation potential we all have.

    In addition to serious back, neck, chest injuries and a spastic gut and chronic pain, which limit my physical performance, I have to take a cardiac medication which induced erectile disfunction. The aneros in improves things significantly and she now appreciates that benefit too. Although I cannot sustain a full erection for great lengths of time, I can hold a firm "leatherman" semi-erection for a long time. It makes an excellent G-spot stimulator and the added benefit is that using the Aneros and KS techniques above I can send jolts of palpable energy to her there through my penis.

    You too can have Cargasms for example. Early in our practice together, we drove to another town about two hours away, after a night of Wedding Band BLISS!! I had had Chairgasms just before this, but both of us had an amazing, jumpy, laugh-filled ride on that car trip. She has more learning, opening and rewiring to do. This morning's love-energy voyage took us to greater highs and we were totally blissed out and ecstatically satisfied without any thought of ejaculations! Mutual non-ejaculatory sex; who'd have thunk it...

    Risk is everywhere. You may find it best to go ahead and introduce this gift of gifts to your husband and walk with him in all the possibilities for him and for you. It takes time to re-orient a sexual relationship to this magic and these wonders, but it is worth every ounce of effort. We all take our own versions of this journey but this all arises from common ground - male/female - the YIN/YANG in each of us. And then there is the new Aneros Peridise for both men and women!! We hope to order ours very soon.

    The pieces of plastic and making the Key Sound out loud are merely learning tools, "training wheels" as some refer to them here and at KSMO. Soon these skills are internalized and work without the plastic and the sound per se. As you and your husband learn and rewire, these gifts and their skills become second nature; a natural parts of you and him and your daily living together - almost always on and radiant, beaming into each other, utter bliss at a glance. You are a wonder-filled human being. Be brave and open to all positive possibilities and "the truth will take you far..." Love, blessings and best wishes to you and your very lucky husband.

    artform and mrs. artform
  • buttercup
    Posts: 44
    Sorry I haven't replied before now, kids, the weekend, you know how it is, although I have popped on a few times to see if there were any new replies.

    Crimsonwonder-Actually I have been following that board as well (like I said, I've read every page of this forum), and I do have some thoughts about what you've posted. A long time ago I was in a relationship with someone who really wasn't very "good" in bed, meaning he wasn't considerate of me, wouldn't experiment at all and so on. He was more interested in masturbating and going to strip clubs than he was in me-or so it seemed-and combined with my own sexual frustration it caused me to become extremely resentful of anyone I am with masturbating unless it's while they're with me. In which case I absolutely LOVE it! I also had a problem with X-rated movies for the same reason, although hubby is such a very considerate lover that I can watch them him with no problem.
    I'm not saying you don't consider your GF's needs, but it is possible that she feels threatened by the aneros/fleshlight because she's gotten it in her head that you prefer using them to being with her, whether it's true or not. I don't know how you would go about convincing her otherwise if that's the case, but I can tell you as a woman that actions speak louder than words. Hubby devoted a lot of time and energy to SHOWING me that no matter what was on the screen he still found me more exciting than what he was seeing, and eventually I believed him enough to enjoy the movies too.

    megabyteme-thanks, that's the kind of encouragement I was looking for. Even though I'm capable of telling myself things like that, it's more believable when someone who's actually using and enjoying the aneros says it. 8)

    rumel-ditto the above. Also, I must say that I enjoy reading your posts regarding your own progress. :D

    bonerowner-as I mentioned above, the Peridise is definitely on my list to buy for both of us. I'm still trying to figure out how it will benefit me other than medically, but even if that's the only benefit it will be worth it.

    GrandTiger-I agree with you wholeheartedly! I'm just afraid that either buying him the aneros will mess that up between us, or that my own reservations about it will cause us problems. It was a beautiful post though and eased my mind somewhat. Thank you.

    artform-

    Notwithstanding this MUTUALITY of purpose, and the ongoing great successes for her and for me, "that piece of plastic" and the idea of more solo work seemed to cloud the initial joys we experienced, to some degree which has diminished over time, and periodically but less and less frequently...



    This paragraph showed me that you understand exactly what I was saying. Thank you for sharing your experiences, they have helped a lot. A long time ago, when I was in my early 20's, I had this sort of psychic connection with someone, so I understand being able to be satisfied without actually having a physical orgasm, but once that relationship ended I never found that again and had decided I never would. Now I believe that it is entirely possible with hubby since we've already started down that path, and I am terrified of doing anything to mess it up. Finding it once was luck, finding it a second time is amazing, I doubt I'd ever be able to find it again if I screw it up.
  • TipherethTiphereth
    Posts: 146
    You know i may get booted for saying this but I'm not very comfortable with this forum anymore and the reason is the ladies on here.
    I never had a problem with Zane as I love here to death and she has been so beneficial.
    this talk about wether or not to give my husband this or that is pure nonsense HE is your husband do you realy think that if your husband gets alot of pleasure from the device that he will leave you? No I dont think so I think it's more like you fear you will lose a level of controle over him. Period.
    This is supossed to be a personal thing made for men(Until the Peridise at least) I don't care if you are in a mariiage, dating etc it is explicitly a mans choice wether or not to share the knowledge of using something as simple as a massager.
    For all those wondering at this point YES I do have problems with dominant femles. It makes me sick.
    It makes me sick to think of guys getting hammered by girls with strap ons and It makes me even sicker to think of guys using an aneros thinking of a woman overcomming them.
    Good Bye~
  • bonerownerbonerowner
    Posts: 121
    buttercup said:

    bonerowner-as I mentioned above, the Peridise is definitely on my list to buy for both of us. I'm still trying to figure out how it will benefit me other than medically, but even if that's the only benefit it will be worth it.


    Buttercup - The Peridise Unisex Anal PC Toy was originally medically-patented to provide relief from minor hemorrhoids, but it also can be used by either sex as an anal sex toy due to the pleasurable peristaltic responses.

    From the Peridise instructions (keep in mind, this is not gender specific - it will have the same effect on men and women):

    1. Relax your PC-sphincter muscles. The PC-sphincter muscles are the muscles used to stop the flow of urine.
    2. Slowly insert the Peridise up to only its neck. Do not use force; allow it to glide in gently. *The purpose of this is to fit the first part of the Peridise into the intermuscular groove of the anal canal, which is located between the internal and external sphincter. Both the intermuscular groove and the adjacent area (a common site of exterior hemorrhoids), are rich in (pudendal) nerve endings.
    3. With a moderately strong contraction, gradually tighten the PC-sphincter muscles and your body will naturally pull the Peridise deeper inside the anal canal. In instances of a weaker PC-sphincter, it may be necessary to lightly support the base/foot of the Peridise with your finger.
    4. Relax and remain still for a roughly 5 to 10 minutes, allowing your body to accommodate the presence of the Peridise. Focus on relaxing your entire body and releasing any tension that may be held in the anal region. Deep breathing and a tranquil setting are recommended. You may start to feel tingling or moving sensations inside the anal canal. You may even notice that the Peridise moves by itself. This is desirable.
    5. Begin contractions of your PC-sphincter muscles again, experimenting with different strengths, durations and eventually different body positions. During this process, the anal canal and the rectum will begin to contract, creating a “push-pull” effect with the Peridise alternately being pushed out then drawn deeper into the anal canal. These exercises continuously place the device in an unstable position, instigating Peristaltic motions inside the anal canal and generating blood circulation and warmth to the region.
    6. When the Peridise stops its movement or when the pleasurable sensation diminishes, contract your PC-sphincter to draw the Peridise forward or add rectal pressure to push the Peridise outward, returning it to an unstable position inside the anal canal. Steps 5 and 6 can be repeated as desired.



    Peristalsis is the key. In sex, a peristaltic reaction is a series of involuntary (yet pleasurable) muscle contractions that sweep through body. The smooth muscle contractions are peristaltic contractions that occur during orgasm. Women and men are both capable of having anal-based orgasms.

    Tiphereth - the aneros can be used as a solo device, but it is also used by many couples, so there is no reason to exclude anyone from learning about the pleasures that can be achieved. It is also interesting to get a woman's viewpoint, IMO. If you really don't want to read any posts from women (or anyone else), for whatever reason, you simply don't have to read them.
  • TipherethTiphereth
    Posts: 146
    So what I am saying is it shouldn't be any dilema as to should you buy it for him or not, If you have his best interest in heart buy it and see what he thinks ...he will prob be grateful to you. If you dont pick it for the "sole" reason that he might "leave you for it" I would have to wonder what kind of drugs you have him on anyway.
  • buttercup
    Posts: 44
    Thank you bonerowner for the information. This is a very intriguing product that we may need to order sooner rather than later. :lol:

    Tiphereth-I never said I was afraid my husband would leave me, I said I was concerned about my own reactions to him using this device being a problem. He had never even heard of the aneros until I discovered it, and he isn't pushing for us to buy it, I'm the one who wants him to have it. But thank you for your input.
  • Hi.
    My wife routinely gives me prostate/anal massages with her fingers, pulling in and out of my anus, while stroking my scrotum and penis. This far exceeds any sensations you get with the Aneros or any other dildo. It works great and we are together. Basically, she sits between my legs and does me.

    We do use a rather large (7" by 1 1/2"), soft and flexible, knob headed silicone dildo when I feel like I want/need something more filling to orgasam.

    Additionally, I routinely use an Aneros model during intercourse with my wife. I stay harder longer, and she benefits from that!

    Our sex life would drive most 20-40 somethings into a jealous rage.
  • TipherethTiphereth
    Posts: 146
    "She does you". That's unfortunate.
  • NunyaGA
    Posts: 38
    wow - Tiphereth - you sound awfully judgemental. I wouldn't expect that on this particularly forum. But if you're not into submitting, you're not. and that's ok. but why try to "shame" those that may enjoy that?
  • artformartform
    Posts: 1,474
    Hey Tip

    Change is difficult and even traumatic for many and we are in period in rapid-evolutionary - revolutionary - change. Aneros and recent medical evidence of the health benefits of prostate massage are a central part of the change and happen to coincide with celebrating the end of women-as-property only a century ago in our "advanced" Western societies.

    I believe that the "penile dominance" "receiver submission" is a very sick and scientifically outmoded approach personally, but I respect the fact that many men have been raised in environments with no alternative. And there are those males and females who enjoy that as sexual theatre and extreme role playing.

    However, that model has more to do with power politics since the agriculture revolution that ended the hunter-gather life. History shows us the many sad results of that male power model.

    I invited my wife to share in my prostate massage practice, which had previously been solo. I was and remain thrilled that she welcomed the invitation. Throughout our marriage I never "dominated" her into "submission", although she would be the first to say that I have been the innovator and leader in the development of our sexual practices.

    That has been an intellectual research and intuitive exploration role, not a power/dominance role. This is another reason why I believe that sex now is transforming from ignorant power politics to informed mutual artform in the 21st Century.

    All the best to you in your explorations here.

    artform
  • TipherethTiphereth
    Posts: 146
    Because it is shameful for a man to submit to a woman.
    If you didn't expect to hear that on this forum I'm surprised!
    This site was intended for MEN.
    Not to teach woman how to further dominate them.
    Im dissapointed ArtForm, You were the first to relegate my argument to a refusal of some kind of inevitable change.
    That is the oldest trick in the book.
    Just tell people its inevitable and they will believe you.
    Wake up sheeple.
  • TipherethTiphereth
    Posts: 146
    You people know exactly what I am saying especially you women.
    To all my guys wake up !! It means more than you think to submit to women.
    And to all the witches here FU.
  • bonerownerbonerowner
    Posts: 121
    Tiphereth said:

    Because it is shameful for a man to submit to a woman.
    If you didn't expect to hear that on this forum I'm surprised!


    Isn't receiving a blowjob "submission" according to your definition? blowjob = male (passive) + female (active)
    Tiphereth said:

    This site was intended for MEN.
    Not to teach woman how to further dominate them.


    Funny, I must have missed the "Men Only - He-Man Women-Hater's Club" sign on the door. FYI - HIH is managed by a woman.
    Tiphereth said:

    You people know exactly what I am saying especially you women.
    To all my guys wake up !! It means more than you think to submit to women.
    And to all the witches here FU.


    :shock:
  • B MayfieldB Mayfield
    Posts: 2,077
    Tiphereth,

    Well I guess you're going to be disappointed with me as well, because I have absolutely no problem with women being involved in this forum or women taking an active role in providing anal/prostate pleasure for men. Moreover, I strongly encourage both.

    Despite your assertion to the contrary, this forum was never intended to exclude anyone...heterosexual, homosexual, male or female. I would make the distinction that it is not dedicated to men per se, but to their enjoyment of the Aneros. In as much as women are an integral part of many heterosexual men's lives and as many men seek their wives participation in attaining higher levels of sexual fulfillment.....women are most definitely welcome here. To that end, the manufacturer has gone out of its way to support their participation, to the extent of dedicating a thread to the topic entitled A WIFE'S PERSPECTIVE.

    With almost 100,000 hits to A WIFE'S PERSPECTIVE one can easily see that it is one of the most visited stickies in the forum! The fact is that many men here are very interested in a woman's perspective on these matters. As numerous threads have shown, there are far too many men who are confronted with the dilemma of disclosing their desires for this kind of stimulation to their partners. The stigma that surrounds anal and prostate play is pervasive. One of the easiest and best ways that we can combat this is to generate greater understanding out there, through sharing and open discussion. The way that I look at it, the more women that are turned on to the potential of anal/prostate stimulation, the more damage we can do to the stigma surrounding it.

    Besides that, and I don't know how to break this to you... but the newest Aneros, the Peridise,... is a unisex device (for men and women), so you'll likely being seeing MORE input around here from women in the future! (At least I hope so).

    On the subject of "pegging" if it is being done in a loving way, gently and without coercion and within the context of a open relationship where both partners desire it and are accepting of it... then I see nothing wrong with it. Again, this may not be right for you, but that is your choice.

    Tiphereth, over the last six months you've made insightful observations and participated in many discussions here in this forum. It is clear that you have some very strong opinions on male/female relations and the participation of women in our discussions, which you are certainly free to express as well, but I would ask that you avoid the name calling and the vulgarity....IT certainly has no place here.. If your intention is to persuade... you will fail by your use of these methods and if it is to rail against and punish those who disagree with your long-standing beliefs, then again this forum is not the place for it.

    Respectfully,

    BF Mayfield
  • NunyaGA
    Posts: 38
    I would like to add one thing on the dom/sub topic that I guess Tiphereth doesn't fully understand.

    Bottoms Rule and the Servant is the Master.

    When you see female domination, you think it is the woman "doing" to the man. That's just the obvious surface level perspective. But always remember the woman (or Male dom), if they are true Mistresses/Masters, are not doing anything without the consent, and approval of the submissive. In reality the Submissive is in charge the entire time, and has the better seat (pardon the pun) in the house, because all attention is focused on him.

    I personally prefer more egalitarian setups, because I like attention on me as well, and 100% power in either direction just doesn't do well with my inherently communistic soul, however it's not for me to judge what other people like.

    I don't know what you are going through right now, but it's apparent to me it's left you feeling a bit powerless. That would be better addressed with a therapist, than taking it out on the females that are willing to enjoy you enjoying your ass. as best I can tell we don't seem to be in the majority.
  • i'm in a 16 year marriage and while our sex life was very good,post menopause has left her not caring about it as much,however she's very accomodating and all of OUR sessions are together.she really does enjoy experiencing myO's.she's right there with me lightly touching my back and butt(i turn into one giant nerve ending),and after i've had a few then it's her turn,usually oral,then she takes great delight in watching me cum.don't focus on the plastic,try focusing on his profound new pleasure.you'll be fine!!!
  • ten_s_nutten_s_nut
    Posts: 817
    Hello, everybody who has posted, above.

    What an amazing thread. Thanks for starting it buttercup!

    Since nobody else has posted any stats, as requested by buttercup, I'll start. My wife and I have sex between 2 and 3 times per week. Aneros is inside me most times, except when I remove it to be pegged, which is typically once a week. Each of us has some solo sex time each week; me with Aneros and her with a Rabbit vibe. Sometimes those sessions are side by side, so I'm not sure if that's still solo or not.

    I wouldn't worry about your husband becoming obsessed with Aneros to your detriment. Once he discovers how wonderful it is to have partnered sex using Aneros, you'll be very much in demand.

    Cheers,

    Dave

    BTW, I'm 63 and my wife is 52.
  • Buttercup has hopefully made up her mind as this thread was started four years ago.
  • GeogioGeogio
    Posts: 107
    A friend of mine has a wife who became very interest in belly dance, she joined a troupe and rehearsed and then invited him to an exibition they were hosting at the studio, I went too and was unaware that he had previously shown negative reactions at the mere mention of belly dance by his wife. So, she kept it a secret until the exhibition.

    The exibition was wonderful, lots of showcasing by the students at all levels of training and several very professional bellydancers were there as well to demonstrate the abilities and the art of the professional grade practictioners.

    At the receptions afterwards my friend was still having his doubts and was expressing his displeasure and uneasiness about his wife's new advocation. One of the professionals overheard him and came up to him as he was talking and looked into his eyes and told him "Get over it" she's good and this is what she has an interest in doing. She was right! So.... not to be rude but you will have to come to a level of understanding that you currently do not posess and help him by getting over it and breaking through the barrier of exclusion and get into his practice by helping a participating with your love.