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my techniques and an awesome session
  • I have lots of dud sessions, and lots of great sessions. I still have not found exactly what seems to do the trick, but I have found methods that seem to really help. And, I also seem to be slowly becoming aware of exactly where the right p-tab position seems to be. I have also found a new way of looking at this whole experience that really seems to help.

    Basically what I have had to learn (even though I read it many times on the forum) is that a super O is not something you can make happen. I have found that if I am actively contracting muscles to try to get there rather than letting them involuntarily contract, it just doesn't work. The sad thing is, it doesn't always work for me even if I do try to let it happen -- but I have discovered that when this occurs, it is only because of what I will refer to as "obstacles" getting in the way.

    There is an approach that I use that really helps where I tell myself going into a session that it is really _easy_ to go there. I reassure myself that it is perfectly safe to have an orgasm. Then I try to relax. What I have learned is that it is really easy to go O land if there isn't anything in your way. There are all kinds of obstacles that get in your way, and all kinds of ways of making them vanish. If there are no obstacles in the way, then your body WILL take you there, all you must do is relax.

    Now if I write a guide in the future, it will focus on the obstacles, and how I make them vanish. (I am very careful with my wording here, I do not want to say "how I overcame them" because when they vanish, there is nothing to overcome. Overcoming implies "doing something" and there is nothing to do.) To list a few briefly, my main obstacles are, not being relaxed enough, not being able to "let go", p-tab in wrong position, being unaroused, etc.

    I don't know if I'm communicating this idea clearly, but this is a whole different way of looking at it. I am not describing "ways to make it happen." You should not be asking yourself "How do I make it happen" You should ask yourself "How do I prevent it from not happening?" Because, if there are no obstacles in the way, it WILL happen with little effort. Guaranteed!

    It's funny, this is a really simple idea, but rereading everything I wrote, I am not sure I communicated it clearly.

    With all of that said, I just had a session last night that seemed to propel me someplace totally beyond beyond and I have to write about it. I was getting the contractions, and the really awesome bliss of orgasm. I noticed the orgasm started to not subside, and it felt really really good.

    I focused in right on one aspect of it. This really awesome "reward" type feeling that is indescribable. As I focused on it, I noticed it got stronger. I was in pure heaven. I am usually silent in even the most intense sessions, but I could not stop from making small amounts of noise.

    This feeling grew to unbelievable proportions, and then turned into something else entirely. I closed my eyes and felt something that I cannot describe. There was like this "cool" feeling on my arms and the back of my neck. It was very pleasant way, like a "cool mint" kind of feeling. I probably sound crazy with this description, and the truth is, it does not describe it accurately at all. I do not know how to describe it, but it was someplace beyond pleasure.

    I stayed there for 5-10 minutes before coming out of it totally satisfied.

  • BigEBigE
    Posts: 45
    You're making perfect sense! Please feel encouraged to write more about your experience and the factors that need to be dealt with.

    One of the things I'm finding is that the timing must be right. Please forgive me for the graphic nature of this, but a lot has to do with the BM factor. If I've gone to the restroom earlier in the day and am empty, it's a good chance that a session will work that evening. For some reason enemas just start a process that take a while to completely resolve itself. I've had more than a few sessions where the mental/emotional situations were perfect get sidetracked by the physical urge.
  • darwindarwin
    Posts: 1,353

    yes, like BigE said, you are making perfect sense. indeed, you are onto something quite big: "resistances."

    the ESO book (brauer and brauer) which was the start of my journey 25 years ago, lays this out with incredible clarity. they have a whole list of common ones. you should check it out. it is one of the seminal works in "popular sexology." there is plenty to learn from it.

    overcoming resistances is one of the pillars of their approach. for example, one of their sex exercises is to practice absorbing your mind in a countdown from 20. you envision the numerals, etc. if you do this while you are receiving pleasure, either solo or partnered, you'll find it is remarkably effective at helping you... let yourself have pleasure.

    i just looked at the glossary, and see that i don't have an entry there for resistances. i'll remedy that soon.

    bf, all i can say is congratulations on this insight. rather than minimizing the importance of your discovery by citing antecedents, i hope you understand instead that i am emphasizing that is both great and impressive that you came upon it yourself.

    your technique of reassuring yourself sounds great, and i'll give it a try!

    this kind of stuff is particularly important for me because i have pelvic pain issues which i have to outsmart. my latest accomplishments are to stay relaxed while orgasming, in just the right way to have all the pleasure while dodging the tension induced pain.

  • rumelrumel
    Posts: 2,484

    I believe you are quite correct in pointing out that we often impede our own success by self imposed blockages, thanks for reminding me to get out of my own way!


    Perhaps you could add Binaryfellow's list to your own list that you provided us in the thread -

    the "distracting thoughts" and "chasing the orgasm" items in particular.

    I have been hoping you would add such a cagtegory since that thread.
  • darwindarwin
    Posts: 1,353

    ok, yes, i see that back in that thread you encouraged me to put this kind of stuff into the glossary.

    maybe it makes sense to use the term "obstacles" as that is maybe the most direct way of capturing this.

  • Hey guys, thanks a lot for the encouragement. And thanks darwin for pointing me to that book -- I had no idea that what I had discovered had already been documented in a book. I actually found an online preview version of the book which seems to contain most of the book minus a few chapters. I suppose I did described it better than I thought, you guys are definitely on the same page as I am.

    If you're updating the glossary, it might be nice to provide a link to it where you mention ESO. I plan to read what I can of it online, I don't think I'll be purchasing it just yet though for privacy reasons.

    Also, I just read for the first time, your "My theory of orgasm success" thread that rumel linked to. Somehow in my many searches and readings on this forum I missed that thread. Let me say you hit everything right on the head there. I have experienced the "Chasing the Orgasm," which you describe so well with your surfer analogy.

    Anyway, to talk about the subject of obstacles some more, one thing that I have found, is that the wrong way to overcome any of these obstacles is to charge through them. It never ever seems to work that way. If you're actively working to charge through them, then you aren't letting your body take you there. In fact, I have found that any time I start to see an orgasm as something "hard to reach" that I have to "work" to get to, that is when it becomes unattainable. I really think this is a very common pitfall too.

    It is interesting, that during my earlier experiences, when I would reach really high peaks, my first thought was usually that I couldn't believe how easy it was to get there. And I would usually think that I should easily be able to get back there again. What I would find however, is that it I couldn't seem to get back there at all during the next session, no matter what I did. Hence you guys saw posts from me like my "how do you get back there" thread.

    What I am doing in my sessions now, is reassuring myself that it is easy, relaxing, trying to make sure the P-Tab is hitting the right place and that my legs are positioned properly, taking slow deep breaths. I also sometimes find it helpful to just think to myself that it really is O.K. to let go anytime. I also sometimes dwell on fantasies.

    About voluntary muscle contractions. Basically, you have to be very careful with them. What you do not want to do is try to "make" the orgasm contractions occur. That has to be completely involuntarily, or else it will not provide much pleasure, and you end up in a cycle of "Chasing the Orgasm." I have found that if I am very close to an orgasm contraction, I can make it occur voluntarily with a slight squeeze, but this almost totally ruins it. When it feels best is when you let go and let it happen on it's own. The only voluntary contractions you should be doing are the slight "hold" contractions that help your body reach the involuntary state.
  • I just had a session about an hour ago. Oh wow.

    I read this thread before deciding to relax and try taking a nap (due to my atrocious sleep schedule). I use the word "schedule" very loosely, and this really deserves its own focus, imo.

    I've tried the external prostate massages mentioned here and linked to an external site. At first I felt very little, but now I find that after a short while, one particular massage really helps get the blood flowing and frankly makes me extremely horny! I refer to the one where you use the tips of your fingers and pull on the skin, moving side-to-side, starting on the pelvic bone. Ahhh, my prostate almost quivers with this massage and I get a nice persistent erection to boot.

    Hehe so finding myself thus aroused I had to indulge in a session to see what happens... and...

    I found that I still tend to reach for orgasm, whether the as-yet-unobtained Super (eleven months now) or one of the several very erotic mini-Os I've experienced. I've learned more about relaxing, and I owe that to advice here. I have found that the degree of my mind which focuses on obtaining orgasm has diminished and for that I feel thankful.

    So, this session... I decided to take some advice per binary and darwin's input in this thread. I tried to settle into a content state, paying attention more to my breathing and less to methodology. I also employed the count-backward-from-20 visualization exercise and did indeed find it helped me to let go a little and make my focus a little more elastic in terms of feeling pleasure vs. seeking pleasure.

    I also tried not to vocalize as much as I usually do. Not fighting it, exactly, but not encouraging a theatric outburst. Somewhere on that thin line.

    And such results! A marvellous development presented itself as a rather consistent and embracing series of P-waves. I've felt P-waves before, to be sure, but never constantly. Usually I feel one or two and then they fizzle out. But tonight they stayed with me. Of course here I lost the session, ultimately by letting the tiny voice in my head hopefully croon that the Super-O would come to me surely this time. Ha. Oh, and I also felt some wonderful involuntaries tonight.

    I've tried different positions. Lying on my stomach has proven enjoyable for finishing off a session, calming down. Not necessarily masturbating, but simply indulging in the sexiness of it. Tonight I tried on my knees (still on the bed). I felt extremely vulnerable... immensely exciting. I did finish off traditionally, with my new friend Eupho helping me out and I felt incredibly satisfied. :D

    I no longer harbor any doubts about the journey. Now I feel so blessed, and secure that time will unveil so much and that my body has an infinite store to yield up to me. So spiritual, wow.

    I will keep working on learning to surf rather than chasing. I've learned so much, and especially tonight.

    Thank you all. :)
  • BusterBuster
    Posts: 953
    Hi PerennialQuestr,

    While I am sorry that it has taken you 11 months to get here, I am so glad that you stuck it out! It is a continual example to others how it can take time, but it is worth it. Now you know that there is so much to this. This is what really sticks out with in your post for me:

    I no longer harbor any doubts about the journey. Now I feel so blessed, and secure that time will unveil so much and that my body has an infinite store to yield up to me. So spiritual, wow.

    That says it all! It sounds as though you are now on the proper path and will experience all sorts of things that you never thought possible.