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Help! - First Time Use on a Man With Erectile Dysfunction
  • Hi all,

    I am a newbie domme (although the way it is looking, not for long :? ) with a boyfriend who I was first friends with for months. We have been intimate for 4 weeks but the man has not cum yet except for one partial orgasm. It is either the intensity of the fulfillment of his fantasies AND the surprising (for him) discovery of his dominant tendancies or some sort of other mind-block.

    I just got him the Aneros. He did not even know what a progasm was, but I hope to give him several in about three hours.

    Any recommendations at all would be greaty appreciated.
  • Ashlen
    Posts: 149
    Progasm as a first Aneros experience? That might be interesting... only recommendation I can offer is plenty of lube. :shock:
  • Thanks. :D Of course the last thing I want to do is hurt him. He is accustomed to anal play (why is this so taboo for men??? . . . although I have not so far let him anywhere near mine :shock: ) so I am not worried about his ability to take the device in without pain.

    My concerns were more about getting him to a comfortable enough state that he may find the experience pleasurable, and maybe might even have an orgasm. I've read the tips on the complex intense orgasms but don't believe I can help him with that without some practice.

    What I am most interested in is body positioning, movement, in avoiding hurting him, and in giving him a unique experience. I have lots of lube in my arsenal, but no knowledge, and I'd like to be able to do thsi right the first time.

    Thanks for your reply.

    M
  • I didn't get him the Progasm model. That would be just mean.

    I got him the SGX.
  • B MayfieldB Mayfield
    Posts: 2,077
    GoddessM,

    Hats off to you for doing this for your friend! In terms of preparatory steps, I'd suggest that you familiarize yourself with my B's Best of BEELINE thread in the sticky section above. While many of the posts relate to generating non-ejaculatory sensations, there quite a few of these techniques that could be of benefit from the standpoint of relaxation. With regard to YOUR role check out the post entitled COUPLES: HER BENEFITS.

    Start with a shower or bath and have fun with it together (short of orgasm of course). Then gently introduce some anal and perineal massage. Talk to him ...use some nasty chat to amplify the situation.

    In terms of positions, the ones that I like the best with a partner are those that allow for the best access. These are: lying on ones back, legs spread and on all fours with butt arched upwards. In this second position you can actually be underneath him (in a kind of 69 position). This allows both of you to be in close proximity to one anothers genitals....very nice.

    Btw. he should have no problem accommodating the SGX.


    BF Mayfield
  • Thank you all for your great advice.

    He did ejaculate (I am so happy about this) but . . .

    The Aneros didn't cause it. I'm sure it helped. At one point he said he felt a sensation in his penis, but it was brief.

    I asked him to show me his sweet spot, and it is so very far forward from the point of contact of the smallest device that I fear I have chosen badly. He said the insert wat "OK, but not as pleasurable as . . . " whatever else we have done. I may be a Domme, although I fear he has discovered in our four short weaks that he is the Domme, but anyway, I actually think he liked looking at me more than he liked the devise.

    So help me guys, I would be grateful. Maybe he is the kind of man who needs a larger devise? His sweet spot is so much closer to his penis than the smallest device accomodates. Any advice on a better purchase? Or should I wait. I truly feel he trusts me. Or maybe not, but we were friends for so long that we told each other our secrets and gigggled without fear, because we thought we would always simply be friends.

    I made him a safe place. Candles, a feather bed, feather pillows . . .

    I'm thinking I need to upgrade, but to what? Thanks, gentlemen.

    M
  • You know, I get what you are saying about the talk.

    Women are so inhibited because we are taught to be so.

    I never, and I mean NEVER, would have explored this part of myself, without a safe partner who told me in no uncertain terms that this was what pleased him.

    So the internet allowed me to explore this, please my sweetie and myself.

    Why aren't more guys being as bold as their women dream they would be?
  • rumelrumel
    Posts: 2,253
    GoddessM,

    You said that your man is accustomed to anal play, if that means with use of a dildo then he should have no problem accommodating the Aneros ‘Progasm’ model (and No, it would not be mean!), it will definitely reach farther and feel much fuller than the SGX model.

    You asked - “Why aren't more guys being as bold as their women dream they would be?” Firstly, I think you already have a good clue to this answer when you said earlier in your post – “I never, and I mean NEVER, would have explored this part of myself, without a safe partner who told me in no uncertain terms that this was what pleased him.” To open oneself to critical review by revealing your intimate sexual/emotional desires that many people would view as aberrant, even deviant behavior is very scary, be it man or woman, trusting your partner to not exploit these revelations is indeed quite difficult. Since Aneros usage is certainly in the realm of fetish practices, until one can develop the requisite level of trust these acts of revelatory boldness are not likely to occur. Secondly, western culture has for far to long falsely associated any kind of male anal play with homosexual tendencies (total rubbish IMHO), and because of this still prevalent attitude, it is not likely that straight men are going to readily admit to the pleasure anal/prostate play can induce.
    Thirdly, we men are not psychic. How are we to know how bold, assertive or aggressive the woman we desire is dreaming for us to be? It takes time to develop even a small level of empathic ability between people, it is not likely to occur in only four weeks time.
  • Thanks for the advice on the Progasm model. I am going to purchase one.

    On the issue of hiding what others might consider "deviant" indeed you have great points. I wonder what I would have thought if for example my ex told me in my 30's that he wanted to try this. . . .

    I would have tried it without blinking. Do I think it is deviant? of course not. It causes pleasure. It doesn't hurt anyone. It is fun. But I never would have known what it was or what it was about until he told me.

    There are definitely not enough women who are assertive enough to feel OK with their sexuality. We are in a double bind - and so are heterosexual males. The Madonna-Whore Complex has us scared to talk about sexual pleasure or enjoy it and you guys worried about talking about sexual pleasure or enjoying it. Doesn't seem like the best way to go, but here many of us are.

    Hmmmm . . . could we have saved that marriage?
  • B MayfieldB Mayfield
    Posts: 2,077
    GoddessM,

    A couple things to consider. When you're speaking of his "Sweet Spot" being closer to his penis, I assume that you're referring to the P-spot...the accupressure point on his perineum? If this is the case the Progasm will not help you in this regard. The Progasm will afford a much fuller sensation and far more prostate contact than the SGX that you've been using. However, the abutment tab (the portion that contacts the perineum, or "taint" as it's sometimes called) is configured such that it makes contact fairly close to the anus. Furthermore, it features a ball tip design which offers a more gentle kind of stimulation.

    Again, if you're looking for more prostate contact the Progasm will do the job. However, if you want more perineal contact closer to his scrotum then the MGX CLASSIC is your best bet . That device can be purchased from www.highislandhealth.com (Aneros' sister site). It's sold there under the name PS-NEW.. I should add that the PS-New/MGX Classic is larger as well and has a more aggressive design than the SGX. Although not as large as the Progasm.

    In terms of how you use this, it can be used right out of the box to enhance a traditional orgasm (ejaculation). The non-ejaculatory part (Super O) will require solo time on his part. But it will be time well spent for the both of you. Frankly, I wouldn' t discourage him from experimenting with the unit by himself...even for the more traditional purposes. Some of what goes on here is discovering the potential of different kinds of contractions, which requires some exploration. Sometimes that's difficult to do within the context of a one-on-one sexual encounter, where one is concerned with a partner's needs as well. Having some experience with the Aneros alone under his belt may in fact optimize his future efforts with you!
  • Thanks for the advice. I'm thinking I am overly determined to make the aneros work because we initially were friends (I wouldn't date him till his divorce papers were filed and he was completely mentally and physically away from that relationship.) We had months worth of conversations that frequently strayed on the topic of sex, which was great because it built up this trust level about what some would consider kink - anal penetration being one topic, but difficult because I had to occasionally do a little hand slapping because I was not going to be anybody's rebound, no matter how much I liked him.

    So with all this sexual tension built up over the months, plus the exploration of uncharted territory in terms of sex play, when we started dating, it was intense, to say the least. So intense that he says he cannot have an orgasm alone. Or with me. Which leaves me frustrated, if only intellectually, to say the least. I know the orgasm is not the be all and end all, believe me, that I now realize more than ever. But still. So I need to back down a bit and let this happen.

    That being said, the only problem I have with him going solo with the aneros is I am the Domme, at least for now, although he is going in the direction of taking over. So I guess I will have to relax my rule about his abstinence outside of my presence on this particular act. I do agree that he needs to feel absolutely relaxed and unembarrassed, and I think that may be the only way he is going to start to enjoy this.

    p.s.,

    Gentleman,

    Women are under a lot of pressure to be closed about sex. There are a lot of predators and abusive men out there, so we tend to be very self-protective, at least those of us who are not interested in anything less than monogomy.

    But, if your woman says anything remotely resembling phrases like "If it doesn't hurt anybody, I have no problem with it . . . " about a sexual act you fantasize about, you should feel safe confessing your fantasies. You stand a good chance of having an open sexual woman who will not only be just fine with things you feel ashamed about, but may have secret fantasies of her own, and you may not even know it. But once that door is open, it is a whole new world.

    And the view is absolutely spectacular.

    Take care all,

    M