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Wife needs advice from men over 40
  • My husband and I have been married for 16+ years. He is over 40, and we recently purchased an Aneros for many reason, but mainly prostate health. He is the type that is too embarrased to ask for it, so I ordered it myself. We haven't used it yet. I think he needs to ease in to this whole idea. But when he's ready, I want to know what I'm/we're doing. I've been reading the post on this site, trying to get an idea of what works best.

    So, last night, I massaged his prostate for 20-25 minutes with my finger. His penis would get hard then soft then hard, etc... About 20 minutes into the massage, he closed his eyes, his breathing became very shallow and cold chills covered his body. This lasted for about a minute. His penis was soft and he did not ejaculate. He has trouble describing what he felt. It was like he was about to ejaculate, pee, and pass out at the same time. Was this the "super O" you are talking about? Since he did not ejaculate, I stopped and we made love.

    I'm not sure what I'm doing, so I/we need some advice. Could I ask you a few questions? While using the Aneros, will he eventually be able to ejaculate without stimulating his penis? And if you had your choice, would you use Aneros with or without penis stimulation? Which feels best -- if your wife was willing to participate?

    Thank you for any advice you can give me/us.
  • B MayfieldB Mayfield
    Posts: 2,077
    (this post was edited 2006-11-12 14:51:53)

    happilymarried,

    First, I must take this opportunity to say that your husband is one lucky guy! Really,.. to have a woman like you in his life that is this open and into exploration of this kind...it's tremendous. I know that I've made this statement before (in other threads),...but as I sit here I'm certain that there are many men that envy your partner right now! (I know that I do....)

    Regarding your questions. Did your husband experience a Super O? Very possibly, but not knowing other particulars (specifics on the sensations that he was feeling) it's hard to know for certain. At the very least, it sounds as if he did experience some very solid pleasure waves which are precursors of the Super O.

    In reference to a hands free ejaculation, know that this is a fairly rare phenomenon. In the 4 years that I have been associated with this forum there have been only a handful who have ever achieved it. And among those, fewer still that accomplished it without some sort of indirect penile stimulation (i.e. tension on the scrotum etc.). Interesting too was the fact that men who showed this ability were almost invariably incapable of having a non-ejaculatory orgasm or Super O . In essence these guys were wired for this hands-free response! Ironically, several of them wrote in for guidance on turning off the ejaculatory response.

    The Aneros is primarily used in one of two ways. First, for the enhancement of ejaculatory sessions, with masturbation or any number of activities with a partner. During a traditional session, with the Aneros inserted, one receives a gentle prostate massage throughout. The device is extremely responsive such that any movement...even heavy breathing, can translate into movement of the the massager. When orgasm does occur it is normally more intense, more voluminous and lasts longer too.

    Secondly, the Aneros may be used to access the Super O. As I've previously described, this is a non-ejaculatory event, that involves orgasmic sensations that originate in the pelvic area but may radiate globally, into the extremities as well. The duration of this orgasm is generally much longer (minutes at a time,...vs. the brief seconds of an ejaculation). Furthermore, since there is no ejaculation...there is no loss of arousal....so multiple orgasms are possible.

    Regarding the Super O and penile contact, it has been my contention that this is difficult to do for the average newbie. Why? Because the existence of penile stimulation will normally divert the user back onto the ejaculatory pathway. One must bear in mind that a guy's body is far more familiar with this response....it is afterall the learned response that we've had a lifetime to become accustomed to. Therefore the presence of penile contact will generally supplant the non-ejaculatory pathway.

    The good news is that with time and experience one CAN learn how to develop a Super O from penile stimulation as well! To be sure,...this is an advanced users technique but it IS possible and it can open up a whole new realm of sexual experience for couples.

    Just for reference, I've written extensively on the value of the Aneros in a couples setting, with some detailed suggestions for exploring the Super O. Use the forum search feature with the keyword COUPLES and you should bring some of these up. If you should need any more info., post here or feel free to contact me by email.

    Cheers,

    BF Mayfield
  • Edit
    Posts: 0
    Dear BF Mayfield -

    Thanks for the advice! We're new at this, so I suppose we'll just have to keep exploring. Even though we've only had one session, it was very hard for me to keep my hands off his penis! Next time, I think I'll try giving him oral sex at the same time. One more thing - how often can he safely use the Aneros or can I massage his prostate? I don't want to make him sore or cause any damage. Should I wait until he asked about it?

    He recently had a vasectomy, and that is how I found this page to begin with. I was looking for something to help us clear out those darn things. :) Also, since he is over 40, I'm concerned about the health of his prostate and keeping him strong in bed.

    I will definitely check out the "couples" search. Thank you again!



  • B MayfieldB Mayfield
    Posts: 2,077

    Originally Posted By: happily married
    Dear BF Mayfield -

    Thanks for the advice! We're new at this, so I suppose we'll just have to keep exploring. Even though we've only had one session, it was very hard for me to keep my hands off his penis! Next time, I think I'll try giving him oral sex at the same time. One more thing - how often can he safely use the Aneros or can I massage his prostate? I don't want to make him sore or cause any damage. Should I wait until he asked about it?

    He recently had a vasectomy, and that is how I found this page to begin with. I was looking for something to help us clear out those darn things. :) Also, since he is over 40, I'm concerned about the health of his prostate and keeping him strong in bed.

    I will definitely check out the \\\"couples\\\" search. Thank you again!




    Happilymarried,

    Sounds like it was a great session at that! Again, if you're operating in enhanced mode there is no need to keep your hands off his penis. This only really comes into play when you're actively trying to explore the non-ejaculatory pathway to the Super O.

    In terms of how many times a week one can use the Aneros/administer prostate massage, it depends on what you're going for. Once again if you're talking about enhanced mode, there's no reason that you can't slowly add this to your repertoire...this is assuming that you're using gentle as opposed to vigorous massage. (By the way, the Aneros and oral sex is a great combo!) In general it's a good idea for you to encourage communication between the two of you about this, both during and after your sessions. If he's experiencing ANY kind of discomfort.....he needs to let you know, so that you may modify your approach if necessary.

    With respect to use of the Aneros, since it is powered by ones own anal contractions, there is little cause for concern, however, the concept of open communication applies here too. By the way, the Aneros should never by operated by hand (worked in and out like a dildo)!

    With respect to the non-ejaculatory pathway, there are many of us here that believe that a certain amount of abstinence may be beneficial in moving things forward. Why? One of the keys to the Super O is arousal. It may said that higher levels of arousal faciliate the Super O. What kind of abstinence is involved? This all depends on the frequency of your sexual encounters to start with. For example, if one is having sex daily, it may only take a couple of days to stockpile arousal. On the hand, if ones sessions are more infrequent, it may take a week or longer to build up a sufficient level of arousal. That said, none of this is written in stone....these are my suggestions based upon my own personal experience, and that of other forum members that have posted here... some of which I've coached.

    Hope this helps!

    BF Mayfield