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relax, relax, RELAX
  • darwindarwin
    Posts: 1,269
    (this post was edited 2006-09-28 15:47:41)

    [sorry that i keep editing this post. its just that i get new ideas on what to say]

    to you guys who are trying to make it happen-

    you might be in a somewhat obsessed phase. before i got through the gate, i was. i hung on every word on the forum. i imagined the super-o. i tried every suggestion. i didn't understand why others were succeeding while i wasn't making progress over months and months. i became frustrated and determined and a bit obsessed.

    in my case, it was KSMO at www.multiples.com that helped me.

    but, that's only one way.

    what many of us who have successfully trained ourselves are telling you is: really relax about it. you may be reading the forum every night to find some insight that will push you over. let that go.

    think of the aneros as a deep relaxation device. let go of expectations of any particular experience or super-O. breath deeply and relax, relax, relax with the aneros.

    one way to get a small sense of the power of relaxation is to relax through a traditional ejaculation.

    first learn what relaxing your pelvic floor muscles feels like by noticing that when you urinate (sitting down particularly) there is a slight relaxed drop in the muscles that surround your anus, prostate and bladder. practice relaxing those a bit.

    then, masturbate lying down. get close but don't come. notice that as you approach orgasm you reach for it by tensing those muscles and holding your breath in your chest. you also might tense other muscles.

    finally, masturbate relaxed by:
    - keeping your pelvic floor relaxed and open
    - instead of jerking and tensing as you get closer, keep all your muscles relaxed. express your pleasure by having deeper relaxed breathing
    - don't hold your breath in your chest
    - perhaps let your penis relax into allowing itself to leak
    - continue to orgasm and ejaculation
    - notice how that felt. instead of tensing your way to orgasm, you relaxed and felt 'the orgasm come to you'.

    that is what you need to do with the aneros. relax and let the pleasure come to you.

    apply this to the aneros:
    - have no-goals practice sessions.
    - make them a time of 'relaxation for me'
    - notice your relaxation and any feelings you have
    - try different positions. give them time. don't judge them.
    - don't overthink contracting. perhaps contract a little, perhaps keep your floor relaxed. its not that important.
    - gently follow the flow of any even slightly good feelings
    - give it only a half hour or hour.
    - end before you feel frustrated or desperate. (important)
    - don't end your session with traditional stimulation or ejaculation. wait till the next day. let the feelings of the aneros, however slight, linger for a day.
    - wait a bunch of days till the next session.
    - be guided to your next session by a natural feeling of desire for your 'me time' (not by a goal)
    - let your body integrate slowly.

    about 'no-goals' sessions. there is one goal that i suspect many have: 'this session will finally be the one in which i make big progress or break through to orgasm.' that is a good goal to not bring to your session.

    yes, it might take days and days, or weeks and weeks, or months and months to learn. you are training your body to do something really new... dry orgasms. it may be a slow process. it's ok for you to take a long time. let go of comparing yourself to others.

    enjoy each slight pleasure with the aneros for what it is. that relaxed enjoyment will improve when you least expect it, perhaps when you have given up.

    do not have expectations. do not have a schedule. pretend you have not read the hype on the forum. accept your time with the aneros for what it is.

    give the aneros a place next to the other things in your life, not in front of them. this will help you relax about it.

    these suggestions may strike some of you as 'touchy-feely.' if you've seen my other posts, i think you'll find that i have no interest in touchy-feely. my interest is in pushing the envelope with my sexuality, and to help you with what i learned along the way. for those of you who like it rough, you can't bully your body into re-wiring. re-wire first, get rough second.

    darwin


  • TripperTripper
    Posts: 250
    Darwin,

    Thanks for your excellent advice! Knowing the forum is a vehicle for mutual learning, I have always wanted to know more about the connection between KSMO and the Aneros. Last week I downloaded Johnston's MP3 audio tapes and alas!...even looked at their forum a bit. I saw a few of your postings there as well. And, I know Mayfield has recommended a number of times the use of KSMO.

    Could you take some time and map out by post in this thread or a new one your personal take on the connection between the Aneros, KSMO, and relaxation? I would be appreciative of any effort you made.

    Already from the KSMO forum I see that for those that are envolved with the Aneros, the recommendation is not to use the Aneros and the KSMO technique at the same time but on alternate/different days....if I understood the KSMO forum correctly. It does look like the end objective is the same.....MMO, "echoes", etc.

    Anyway, for learning purposes and for everyone's mutual goal, if you are able to provide inputs to us Newbies ....that would be great.

    Many thanks,

    Tripper
  • charliecharlie
    Posts: 124
    Great post Darwin!
    I hope that those of you who may be frustrated read and reread Darwin's advice. Remember that this is a journey of self exploration and that it will take time and experimentation. Good Luck to all,
    Charlie
  • Edit
    Posts: 0

    Originally Posted By: darwin
    (this post was edited 2006-09-28 15:47:41)

    [sorry that i keep editing this post. its just that i get new ideas on what to say]

    to you guys who are trying to make it happen-

    you might be in a somewhat obsessed phase. before i got through the gate, i was. i hung on every word on the forum. i imagined the super-o. i tried every suggestion. i didn't understand why others were succeeding while i wasn't making progress over months and months. i became frustrated and determined and a bit obsessed.

    in my case, it was KSMO at www.multiples.com that helped me.

    but, that's only one way.

    what many of us who have successfully trained ourselves are telling you is: really relax about it. you may be reading the forum every night to find some insight that will push you over. let that go.

    think of the aneros as a deep relaxation device. let go of expectations of any particular experience or super-O. breath deeply and relax, relax, relax with the aneros.

    one way to get a small sense of the power of relaxation is to relax through a traditional ejaculation.

    first learn what relaxing your pelvic floor muscles feels like by noticing that when you urinate (sitting down particularly) there is a slight relaxed drop in the muscles that surround your anus, prostate and bladder. practice relaxing those a bit.

    then, masturbate lying down. get close but don't come. notice that as you approach orgasm you reach for it by tensing those muscles and holding your breath in your chest. you also might tense other muscles.

    finally, masturbate relaxed by:
    - keeping your pelvic floor relaxed and open
    - instead of jerking and tensing as you get closer, keep all your muscles relaxed. express your pleasure by having deeper relaxed breathing
    - don't hold your breath in your chest
    - perhaps let your penis relax into allowing itself to leak
    - continue to orgasm and ejaculation
    - notice how that felt. instead of tensing your way to orgasm, you relaxed and felt 'the orgasm come to you'.

    that is what you need to do with the aneros. relax and let the pleasure come to you.

    apply this to the aneros:
    - have no-goals practice sessions.
    - make them a time of 'relaxation for me'
    - notice your relaxation and any feelings you have
    - try different positions. give them time. don't judge them.
    - don't overthink contracting. perhaps contract a little, perhaps keep your floor relaxed. its not that important.
    - gently follow the flow of any even slightly good feelings
    - give it only a half hour or hour.
    - end before you feel frustrated or desperate. (important)
    - don't end your session with traditional stimulation or ejaculation. wait till the next day. let the feelings of the aneros, however slight, linger for a day.
    - wait a bunch of days till the next session.
    - be guided to your next session by a natural feeling of desire for your 'me time' (not by a goal)
    - let your body integrate slowly.

    about 'no-goals' sessions. there is one goal that i suspect many have: 'this session will finally be the one in which i make big progress or break through to orgasm.' that is a good goal to not bring to your session.

    yes, it might take days and days, or weeks and weeks, or months and months to learn. you are training your body to do something really new... dry orgasms. it may be a slow process. it's ok for you to take a long time. let go of comparing yourself to others.

    enjoy each slight pleasure with the aneros for what it is. that relaxed enjoyment will improve when you least expect it, perhaps when you have given up.

    do not have expectations. do not have a schedule. pretend you have not read the hype on the forum. accept your time with the aneros for what it is.

    give the aneros a place next to the other things in your life, not in front of them. this will help you relax about it.

    these suggestions may strike some of you as 'touchy-feely.' if you've seen my other posts, i think you'll find that i have no interest in touchy-feely. my interest is in pushing the envelope with my sexuality, and to help you with what i learned along the way. for those of you who like it rough, you can't bully your body into re-wiring. re-wire first, get rough second.

    darwin



    Hi Darwin,

    This is one of the most sane and encouraging posts I've ever read - either here, or on Jack's KSMO site. It's spot on, and it works: makes everything available. Like your nursing trick, it's gentle.

    TANTROS
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 499
    This is great thanks.
  • PommiePommie
    Posts: 1,008
    @darwin,
    Thank you for this one and thanks also to whoever it was that bumped it!

    Great to be reminded of it!
  • TurnrowTurnrow
    Posts: 154
    Thanks Darwin. Your interest in helping the great number of guys who are trying to get this is appreciated and consoling. You described me to a T as one who searches these forums for insight but who is obviously overlooking the big picture which you articulated so well. I will put this thread in my favorites.

    Thanks again
  • LinumLinum
    Posts: 227
    Sound advice from a surprisingly long time ago.  Glad to have seen, read, and understood it.  I agree 100%.
  • Theme_GasmTheme_Gasm
    Posts: 742
    Thanks again Darwin!

    Something that will always stick in my mind about my early journey days...the smallest of sensations, similar to feeling the shivers due to the cool morning air after just awaking...turned into THE MOST tremendous p-waves and full-body orgasms over the course of several months...but only because someone had told me that those feelings were, in fact, emanating from my Aneros use! Once I recognized them for what they were, I was on a path that changed me forever!

    TG
  • This thread should somehow be able to remain at the top of the list.
  • This is some good info! I've been at this for about 7 months with little success (sporadic faint p wave which quickly fades away). I know I have been over thinking things and need to relax, but some people say you need to be aroused as well. I take it that it's more important to be relaxed than aroused? Or must one be both aroused and relaxed to see success?
  • Depends what you mean by aroused. It doesn't mean having a hard cock, because i have ED and am horrny, so that might mean aroused because i have fantastic sessions, but i have been with aneros 4 years, and had used dildos and Kegels for some years before that.
  • Theme_GasmTheme_Gasm
    Posts: 742

    Depends what you mean by aroused. It doesn't mean having a hard cock, because i have ED and am horrny, so that might mean aroused because i have fantastic sessions, but i have been with aneros 4 years, and had used dildos and Kegels for some years before that.




    I believe you are 100% correct! Arousal should mean you feel excited for the pleasure you get during a session, which may or may not include an erection! However, the broad range of good sensations I get when I sit, or lay down, and perform a few sets of kegel exercises are tremendous...and that gets me very aroused, and well on my way to a great session!

    TG
  • PspotsquirterPspotsquirter
    Posts: 467
    JMO. Why would one have a session, if one is only relaxed and not aroused? And I fully agree that arousal has nothing to do with an erect penis. If one is not aroused prior to a session, then why have the session?
    If one is relaxed and not aroused, nothing happens. If one is aroused and not relaxed, nothing happens.
    One cannot relax and be aroused, or be aroused and relaxed, because one is constantly comparing one's session to another's session. One does not want to embrace one's own experiences during one's session.
    Tom said I should feel this; Dick said I should feel that; and Harry said I should be having this type of contraction. This is why one cannot relax and stay aroused simultaneously.

    One is in a constant state of over analysis. One is in keep up with the Jones mode, in regard to one's session. One does not want to appreciate the uniqueness of of one's session. The Jones must be kept up with, in regard to one's progress or lack of progress. One is in a constant state of nomenclature (prior, during, and post) in the session. This O, that O. This wave, that wave. Mini, maxi. 10% contraction, 67% contraction. Blah, blah, blah. This is why poor results, or slow results are quite common, perhaps. This is why most do not or cannot relax and be aroused, at the same time. One must still one's mind.

  • PommiePommie
    Posts: 1,008
    @Pspotsquirter,

    "One cannot relax and be aroused, or be aroused and relaxed, because one is constantly comparing one's session to another's session".



    I would respectfully disagree with that statement. It's my belief that success in this activity results from being simultaneously aroused but relaxed. I believe one can be highly sexually aroused but, at the same time, be physically relaxed and that this is the condition that leads to the intense responses that can be achieved through massaging of the prostate.

    FWIW, I believe this is where the "Do Nothing" concept originated!

    Maybe you and others would disagree with me?
  • LinumLinum
    Posts: 227
    @Pspotsquirter - I agree with what you wrote, but only so far.  I have to say THAT was my former state.

    Today I relax AND am aroused.  I think it is focussing on those sensations that are important, and it is coming to that realisation that what others think or call something is irrelevant to how I feel and what I am experiencing at that moment.

    It is one of the paradoxes I have found for aneros use - and all other multi-orgasmic methods I have used - but as Pommie has just implied, if you can pull it off, this combination of apparently contradictory states, is the key to the most amazing and intense experiences.  Not only does it affect what happens in a session, but it permeates all sex, and all masturbation.  These things are never the same again - and thank heavens for that.

    Another key paradox is that you can enjoy a session, without your penis even being involved.  Once I got that, low and behold, it started to join in anyhow - always a bonus, but not the centre of the show.

    Not only are my relaxation skills so much better within a session, but this relaxation has also moved over to my attitude to sex.  I am much more relaxed about feeling horny for instance (no more frittering away my horniness for a sense of release), and no more do I worry if sex is not available or in the offing.  No more do I worry if my penis wants to take time out in sex.

    "Relax, relax, relax", is a mantra that I now wholeheartedly embrace.
  • PspotsquirterPspotsquirter
    Posts: 467
    @Pommie
    I wholeheartedly agree with you, regarding the "Do Nothing" concept. When you are having a session, are you comparing your session, to another's session that you have read about?

    @Linum
    I agree with you, regarding relaxation skills positively affecting one's sex life.
  • PommiePommie
    Posts: 1,008
    @Pspotsquirter,
    Point taken!

    No I don't attempt to model my sessions on those experienced by others. I believe that to be a quite useless pursuit. (I think this has been part of the message we have been trying to get across to our friend @inhope).

    Part of the charm of this activity is that it encourages one to explore and I frequently find that what worked on one occasion may not work on the next, although, and here is the paradox, it may well work six or seven sessions later!
  • PspotsquirterPspotsquirter
    Posts: 467
    @Pommie
    Well stated, young sir! The beauty is in the uniqueness of every session.
  • Theme_GasmTheme_Gasm
    Posts: 742

    The beauty is in the uniqueness of every session.


    You speak the unquestionable truth...truly awesome and beautiful!