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How to give an Evi to my wife
  • ThrusterThruster
    Posts: 52
    I would like to give an Evi to my wife as a gift, but just surprising her with it is probably a bad idea, as she is rather conservative and bashful.  I worry that she may take offense, look for "hidden messages" in my gesture, and then not use it.  We're in our 50's, and I'm the one with the hyperactive sexual appetite, whereas she tends to be more subdued, subtle, reserved, and less adventurous.  She also happens to be chemically sensitive and worries a great deal about putting any foreign objects or substances into her body.  Anyway, the Evi can provide important health benefits for her, and it would also be a great turn-on for me to be able to massage and explore other areas of her body while she rides the Evi through her own perfect orgasms.

    Can anyone here please offer me some words of advice for how to proceed with this?  Should I stress clinical, romantic, both, or other things?  I would especially love to hear from women, though comments from my fellow gentlemen would be equally welcome.
  • PommiePommie
    Posts: 991
    @Thruster,

    I'd rather like to think that @devajones will come in on this discussion. If she doesn't soon, perhaps you could send her a PM.

    FWIW, I think you have to remember this is all about your wife, not you!

    She won't thank you (at least honestly), if you give her a present she doesn't really want or appreciate. My advice would be to tread very carefully and hasten slowly!
  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 813
    @Thruster, please note that the Evi thread has been removed.
    FWIW I don't think your gift would be appreciated. Many girls have found Evi too big and or too hard. Some found it did not hit the right spot. I think the one I gave to my partner is a door stop - well it is definitely not used. So the idea may give you a thrill but it may go down like a lead balloon and you may lose more than you hoped to gain.
    These are only my thoughts and what I have gleaned from various posts and from my wife.
    As @Pommie says hasten very slowly
  • devajonesdevajones
    Posts: 148
    @Thruster once again I've been summoned lol, thanks @Pommie.  I have a question??? are you able to talk to your wife about sexual topics at all?  If not I would definitely start there.  Reason being if you cant talk sex....you definitely do anything sexual.  Once you are able to talk about it you can voice your fantasies and desires to her and get her feedback, as well as collect info on her desires and fantasies.  If she is worried about chemicals and things of that nature...i own and Evi..its safe.  However you will want to bring up the fact its made from medical grade silicone, and the health aspects at that time.  As far as a review...I have not posted mine as of yet however I had a great review.  This video Aneros EVI Kegel Exerciser & Sex Toy Review was the one that made me actually purchase it after reading so many negative reviews....I'm starting to think the negative experience people are the only ones that post about Evi.  

    If you are able to talk about sexual topics with her, do you have an aneros? and does she know about it and what it is for?? If she doesnt explain it to her...it will help bridge the gap to the Evi since they are made by the same makers.  Tell her the health aspects as well as the sexual ones, that way she understands that this is what this brand is focused on.  If you talk with her about joint sessions..that may interest her as it will not be her alone, she gets to see you writhe in bliss while she does the same hopefully.  

    Also does she use any sex toys currently? What type are they? What type of stimulation does she like more clit or penetrative?  Those will tell you if Evi is right for her.  Evi is not for every woman because most women are not open minded enough....we are taught to like vibrating toys mostly.  Also more women lean towards clit stimulators, its fast and easy usually.  If she is that kind of woman and has no desire to try something new DO NOT BUY EVI.  For me Evi is great by itself, or with peridise (havent tried it with tempo yet), i also use a Hitachi wand with it sometimes because it doesnt hit my clit as it states...yes aneros needs to fix this however every woman is different.  It will not hammer your gspot like other gspot toys do, it strokes it...and gets better after the gspot swells so the sensations build and force you to ride the waves...it kind of makes love to you like a seasoned gentleman...not nails you like an 18 yr old boy.  It is very much like the Aneros products for men...thats kind of what i love about it. 

    Last words of wisdom whatever you do take baby steps.  Dont be too goal oriented...you will get there, you have to crawl before you walk.  If you push to hard to fast she will turn into a mule and simply not budge...thats not what you want.

    However...if you have anymore questions about how to broach this topic with your wife feel free to throw a thread up or message me...and I'll give you my 2 cents for all its worth.  Hope that helps.
  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 813
    @devajones, once again thank you for your input. It may be that my wife's problem was also it missed the clit. So she felt what was the point. I think our has been hidden - I can't find it anywhere!
  • PommiePommie
    Posts: 991
    @isvara,

    Maybe she trashed it?
  • ThrusterThruster
    Posts: 52
    Thank you @devajones, and thanks to @Pommie for for summoning your kind spirit!

    Everything you say makes perfect sense.  Yes, we can talk openly, so at least I don't have that hurdle.  You've given me tons of homework, and I do grok that most of it really isn't about the Evi at all (I can indeed read between your lines).  This will be an extended project, so I'll report more fully later.

    @isvara - Suggestion to Aneros: Perhaps the Evi 2 can have GPS and call your cell!
  • gregorgregor
    Posts: 22
    I'm in a similar boat as the OP, and have always dreamed of getting an EVI for my wife. I've been taking the baby steps approach, because anything else would just result in it getting shelved. Here's what I, and what he, may be facing.

    First hurdle: getting her intrigued with any kind of set-and-forget sex devices. This one's pretty easy to overcome. Just bring up the idea of beads, which really are mostly for vaginal toning. Most women who've had kids at some point still have some urinary incontinence, like when they sneeze. 

    This hurdle was cleared mostly for me. At one point, my wife saw Luna beads advertised in a pretty mainstream publication, like Glamour or Cosmo, and mentioned that they looked interesting. Well, I leapt on that suggestion and they were in the house within a week. Problem is, she only used them once on her own, and once with me. Aww. . .What a disappointment! Why did this happen?  Well, it turns out we are facing the much bigger. . .

    SECOND HURDLE: getting her interested in passive, orgasmic, meditative sex, which is what aneros play is. She orgasms quickly and easily through all conventional means, meaning PIV sex and clitoral vibration. She *thinks* (I believe otherwise) that she's a one-and-done chick.

    All this is combined with another aspect of her personality that's common to many women: she doesn't prioritize sex in her schedule. She's overworked. She prefers sleep She would never think to take an hour, or even a half hour, to just lie and let feelings build. "I'm busy. What the hell is the point of that?", she'd think.

    Two-part solution here (both of which I'm pursuing in my own life). The first is to slow her down. I recommend bringing in some slow sex play: sessions where you rub her down. Make her lie face down on the bed and rub/tease with her ass cheeks and crack (but no direct stimulation, nothing too aggressive!) for 20 or more minutes. If she's like my wife, she'll love the attention and get turned on.

    The other (which I'm also pursuing), is to show her what she's missing. On rare occasions, I'll excuse myself first to our bed to have an hour warm-up session with a Peridise while she watches TV or does her nails downstairs. When she comes in to run her hands on my body, I'm already zoning. She touches me, we kiss, we play, and I'm at my most turned on/uninhibited. 

    After we did this last time, my wife commented to me that the whole event for her - including seeing me in the state I was in - was "pretty damn cool".

    So more and more of that, I think, until she's ready to participate in both parts of the festivities. Why sit out the air-quote "WARM-UP", when it turns out that's the best part???  

    Then she'll be ready for an EVI.  And I'll be there to help her relax through all the sensations.

    --gregor

    P.S. I didn't cover the other hurdle which is a reality for many, but not all of us, which is getting the wife to accept your Aneros use at all. There have been a ton of threads on this, so I didn't feel like delving in again. Short story: openness has really worked for me. My wife knows about my hobby and accepts it. She still doesn't quite "get it" - meaning I think she regards it as weird, more than anything else - but she's definitely okay with it.
  • devajonesdevajones
    Posts: 148
    @isvara....I think you may have missed that YOU can be the clit stimulator.....just saying lol.

    @gregor...you are about the only guy that explains things in a manner that not only makes complete sense but I didnt get tired reading it. Job well done...it explains the process and conveys the mindset very well.  I have a feeling if your wife sees you a few more times in the "state" you referred to....she'll "get it".  That is the part that is completely arousing for me...knowing my partner is pleased, relaxed, happy, satisfied, erotic, and whatever other word fits the bill.
  • CanacanCanacan
    Posts: 479
    @gregor Great comment!
  • isvaraisvara
    Posts: 813
    @devajones, Quoting: "I think you may have missed that YOU can be the clit stimulator.....just saying lol."
    I am, I am ! but not with Evi in the way :P
    .
  • ThrusterThruster
    Posts: 52
    Thanks @gregor - I figured out some of that as well, but you articulated all of it beautifully.  I'll do my best to slow things down and gently build her up to a sustained blissful orgasmic state.  I've mentioned elsewhere that I'm the one with the heightened sexual appetite, but I now believe it was improper for me to have said so.  I think she has it too, just latent.  This is all very nice.  We've already talked a little, but I don't think she realizes what's coming!