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Can it be used with partner
  • roymroym
    Posts: 2
    I am 40yrs old male looking for some adventure in my sex life and recently bought an aneros for that purpose.

    My main aim was to use it seamlessly while having sex with my wife. Almost like slipping on a condom. I intend to use it only during sex - I am not interested in this instrument if you use it by yourself (ie like mastrubation). However, if it takes 30-60min for getting to that pleasure point, it seems impossible my partner will have that much patience. And if that is the case then I am not going to spend the time and effort to learn to use it ...

    Please let me know
    (a) Can I just insert it easily  just before I penetrate my partner.
    (b) After I penetrate her in a fully aroused state, I don't think I'll last >5min before ejaculation. So what do people do. Wait 30min before ejaculating?

    Most of the wiki blogs etc. talk more about using it yourself. However if there are other places which are more for only couples, do let me know.

    Thanks so much!

  • slimjmslimjm
    Posts: 577
    As the married guys here can probably agree with me, using an Aneros can add some adventure into your married sex life.  Basically there are three approaches to using an Aneros, in my view.  One is to massage your prostate purely for health reasons doing Kegel or PC muscle contractions with the massage in and enjoying the hands free movement the massager makes against your gland inside.  Regular use improves urine flow and reduces or eliminates the number of times you get up in the night to urinate and as an added bonus, you'll usually reduce hemorrhoidal flareups, if you're prone to that sort of thing, with regular use.

    The second way to use the product is what you seem to be interested in, that is "plug and play" usage, where you enjoy the feeling of getting your prostate massaged during traditional sexual activity and intercourse with your wife.  Your ejaculatory contractions will feel stronger and often easier to delay and control when they do come and you'll ejaculate a larger volume of semen which itself will feel more pleasurable and satisfying.  No time delay with the massager inserted is required to experience these benefits and whatever point you wish to insert the massager prior to or once engaging in sexual activity with her will work equally well.  She may even enjoy participating in the insertion process with you guiding her through it so it's comfortable to you, or if she's wholly uninterested in that, you can do that before you begin play time with her.

    The third way to use an Aneros is to learn how to experience dry or prostate orgasms with it, the often cited "super orgasm" you hear discussed in the forum and for most, this takes weeks to months of regular usage sessions where you practice gentle PC contractions and learn to identify subtle neurofeedback responses your rectal and anal muscles make that drive the massaged in such a way that it stimulates your gland to produce an orgasm uncoupled from the ejaculatory process, this being for most a very intense, long lasting orgasmic experience.  This process does take time and patience, but should not be confused with the enjoyment you are looking to have with simple usage during sexual activity.
  • roymroym
    Posts: 2
    Thanks so much slimjm. This clarifies things.

    Is there some post that you can recommend which talks more about the second way, ie what all I have to do to experience it and be safe. I know lube is required as well as relaxation of the anus. Which portions of the third way can be skipped.

    I am not 100% sure the question makes sense. But I am trying to understand how much and what type of practice I need before using it the first time with my wife.

  • rookrook
    Posts: 1,833
    Hey roym,  welcome!  Here are my offerings on Slimjim's "second way."

    My wife, like many post-menopausal women, seems susceptable to bladder infections from e-coli.  As a result, I prefer to shower, rinse out, lube and insert in the bathroom then thoroughly scrub hands before I go to bed.  I keep some antiseptic hand wipes in my nightstand.  Those are handy when we wake up in the middle of the night and I opt to insert an Aneros tool without getting out of bed.

    We started with the Helix, solely during foreplay and copulation and I didn't start my solo ventures for several months.  My wife isn't into anal play so, for several months we sometimes tie a shoestring onto the Aneros tail for her to 'influence' my pleasure and add an occasional chuckle to our play.

    When you are inserted, your nipples may take on increased importance in your foreplay. My wife was initially a bit rough with my nips.  Good opportunity to let your better half learn that you are indeed a very 'sensitive creature.'  :D

    Since she won't be feeling what you are experiencing internally and throughout your body from the Aneros you'll need to communicate what's happening to you (a good thing).  Moan just like she does and it will help her appreaciate what's happening with you.  Encourage her to experiment with an increasing variety of new stimulation points on your body so that the prostate pleasure expands.  Some targets may not do much for you at first so ask that she revisit some of the duds.  It took nearly a year but we found a 'hot spot' in the stubble on my triceps.  That tugs the pleasure right out of my ass into my chest and shoulders.  YMMV !

    I've had no complaints from my wife in increasing the length and complexity of our foreplay.  This accommodates her multiple orgasms as I drink in the pleasures of prostate stimulation and p-waves.  It's great to eventually experience a dry-orgasm as you hug your wife.  Don't try to hurry that experience -- just let it develop of its own accord.  Let her understand that your p-centered responses will be much like her g-spot generated orgasms.

    We haven't seriously tried to develop skills in tantra to allow extended periods of penetration without thrusting so I penetrate multiple times during foreplay, each for 5 to 10 seconds then alternate with a g-spot toy of her choice.

    Some of the position and rapid posture changes during active sex led me to desire a smaller Aneros toy during foreplay and thrusting.  I bought an SGX just for sex.  Now, I sometimes use a Peridise.  The smaller toys apply less pressure to my prostate and provide for a 'more complete and free' ejaculation when I finally cum.  Everyone's mileage varies though and some guys here have mentioned using a Progasm during sex.

    Let your wife know that, "it's traditional" that she give you an Aneros toy of your choice on each Valentine's Day.  (and perhaps also on your birthday and Father's Day!) 

    Later on in this venture, you'll find that some solo sessions will lead you to new orgasmic pathways.  So, after you get the foreplay & sex aspects nailed, plan on a bit of meditative time, just for yourself and tackle Slimjim's 'third way.'

    Hope this helps.

    enjoy....  rook
  • slimjmslimjm
    Posts: 577
    You don't need practice, roym, to try "plug and play" with intercourse with your wife, just the good suggestions for cleanness you see already posted here by rook
  • ten_s_nutten_s_nut
    Posts: 888
    Hello, Roy.

    Slimjim and rook have covered the bases pretty well with regards to using Aneros during partnered sex. My wife and I usually have sex while Aneros is in me. There was no learning curve for this activity at all. The only factor you might want to experiment with is type of lube. Some lubes will help and some may irritate, so try a few different types.

    Rook mentioned using a smaller Aneros as it won't interfere with ejaculation, just make it more pleasurable. Some of us have experienced ejaculation blockage with larger Aneros device like Progasm and Helix That may be something you want to try if extended intercourse is one of your objectives.

    Best Regards,