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Orgasm soup (a recipe)
  • VoyagerVoyager
    Posts: 200
    Ingredients:

    1 Peridise set (Advanced)
    Vaseline
    1 G string or Thong
    2 Whole chicken legs
    1 Onion
    1 Potato
    1 Carrot
    1 Stock cube
    Italian seasoning
    Salt
    Water
    Garlic
    2 Celery sticks
    1 French stick
    Butter
    1 Progasm (Ice)
    1 Small dog (Whole)
    1 Large dog (Whole)
    Black beans
    Red kidney beans
    1 DVD (Soft porn variety)
    1 Razor (3 Blade variety)
    Baby lotion
    Baby oil
    Soap

    Method:

    Soak the beans overnight in cold water.

    Purchase ingredients, ensuring that all are fresh.

    Wash, lube and insert the smallest of the Peridise Advanced set.
    Don G string.

    Cut the chicken legs into 2 pieces through the joint.
    Place in a medium sized pot with 500cc water and bring to the boil.
    Boil for 5 minutes.
    Remove from heat and stand for 45 minutes.

    Inspect the Aneros forum for new posts. Read and digest.
    Enter chat room and engage in conversation.
    After 45 minutes bid farewell and withdraw.

    Remove the chicken from pot.
    Leave the water in the pot for the next boil.
    Remove skin from chicken.
    Feed the skin to the small dog.
    Remove the meat from the bones.
    Cover and allow to cool.

    Return the bones to the pot.

    Peel and rough chop onion, potato and carrot.
    Chop the celery.
    Place all vegetables in the pot along with the garlic and beans.
    Turn on the heat.
    Sprinkle on the Italian seasoning and salt.
    Bring to the boil.

    Go to the bathroom and commence to shave head,armpits and scrotum until smooth.
    Apply baby lotion to head and scrotum.
    Apply talc to armpits if necessary

    Return to kitchen and check the vegetables for softness.
    Top up water if necessary.
    Continue to boil until soft.

    Return to bathroom and shave face.
    Apply baby lotion to face.

    Return to kitchen.
    Remove pot from heat.
    Remove the bones from the pot.
    Remove any remaining meat from the bones and place meat in pot.
    Feed the bones to the large dog.

    Chop the cooled chicken and place in pot.
    Resume the boil.
    Slice and apply butter to the French stick.
    Remove the pot from heat.

    Ladle a sufficient quantity of soup into a bowl.
    Add salt and pepper to taste.
    Consume the soup and bread with gusto.

    Return to the Aneros chat room and allow to digest.

    Withdraw from the chat room and retire to the bathroom.
    Remove G string and Peridise.

    Lube and insert Progasm.

    Place a soft porn DVD in the player and lie on bed.

    Massage scalp, nipples and scrotum with baby oil.

    Oooooooooooooooooooooooh.

    Bon appetite.
  • enigma
    Posts: 90
    Very good Voyager, I'll have to get my wife to help me with this as I am useless at cooking.

    But I do wonder if you have too much time on your hands !!!!
  • rookrook
    Posts: 1,603
    Class 'B' Bachelor that needs a night on the town! Gud imagination tho.

    Do we get another report featuring the 'large dog?'
  • artformartform
    Posts: 1,474
    Voyageur!

    Magnifique!

    Cordon Bleu!

    Délicieux!

    artform

    :D :D
  • VoyagerVoyager
    Posts: 200
    Large dog report as requested by Rook.

    The large dog is an Alsatian of the long haired variety and a male.

    The dog does not know this of course. Dog is dog after all.
    This does not mean that dog is stupid.

    Dog is aware of many things.
    He knows about hot, cold, wet, hunger, sex and mistreatment.
    Dog is not a pet.
    He is there to guard the house and its contents, both inanimate and human.
    Dog gets little in any affection although he is shown some kindness, usually by the people next door.

    Dog knows about the other dogs in the street.
    If they pass his gate he will make a lot of noise and chase them away.
    He has on occasion attacked and killed dogs smaller than himself.
    The small dog who lives next door has been attacked by him.
    The owners of the small dog do their best to keep their gate closed and the the small dog off the street.
    The small dog runs to the gate and barks if the large dog passes by.

    Dog is aware of cats but does not understand them.
    Indeed it can be said that nothing on this earth understands a cat except another cat.

    Dogs life is not a bitch, it is just a dogs life.
    This is not a good part of the world to be a dog but dog is not aware of this fact.

    There are some who believe in reincarnation.
    If a perfect life is led Nirvana is achieved

    The Buddha explains Nirvana as the unconditioned mind: a mind that has come to a point of perfect lucidity and clarity.
    This is described by the Buddha as "deathlessness" and as the highest spiritual attainment--the natural result that accrues to one who lives a life of virtuous conduct and practice in accordance with the Eightfold Path.
    Otherwise, beings forever wander through the impermanent and suffering-generating realms of desire, form, and formlessness;

    Dog must had led an bad life in a previous existence to come back as a dog.
    Better to come back as a flea on the dog.
    At least the flea gets fed every day.

    Dog has time to sit, that is if he is not asleep.
    Many things come to the attention of his nose, eyes and ears while
    in a sitting posture.
    There is a noise of dry hard objects being poured into a dish and water being poured.
    Dog thinks of food but nothing comes his way only a smell later.

    As he sits, he observes the man next door go out.
    The man comes back again after a while.
    How long he was away is of no relevance as dog has no concept of time.
    It was light on both occasions.
    Light is warmer than dark. Dog is aware of this.

    There is noise from upstairs next door.
    Sound of water being poured and sloshed around.
    A slight oily smell comes on the breeze.

    More noise but from the ground floor this time.
    A smell of meat being heated.
    Dog thinks of food again. Dog always thinks of food.

    A sound of a computer being turned on, a fan running, clicking noises from
    typing. Dog does not understand these things but is aware of their presence.
    Chopping noises, the smell is delicious. Dog is hungry. Dog is always hungry.

    More water noises and a scraping sound from upstairs.
    A perfumed smell.

    The smell of cooking is overpowering.
    Dog drools.
    The man appears, smile on his face, walking strangely.
    There is a slight oily smell coming from behind him.
    Is something amiss ?
    Dog is not concerned, only hungry.
    The man produces some bones and places them in front of dog.

    They are chicken but this is of no concern to dog.
    Dog is grateful for this kindness and resolves not to bite the man, at least on this occasion anyway.

    Further food smells comes dogs way, but no more food.

    There is more noise from upstairs.
    Low level noise but dog can hear it.
    The whirr of a DVD player.
    An oily smell.
    Soft moaning from the actress.
    Moans and groans from the man.
    Jumping around on the bed.
    A sudden grunt.

    Silence.
    Dog sleeps.

    End of Large dog report.