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A question for married guys
  • Hi all, I'm back after a long absence. Hello to you all and Happy New Year.

    My question doesn't relate to the Aneros at all really, it's about what to tell my wife. We're both in our 60's and we only have occasional sex now. She knows I masturbate quite often and that doesn't faze her (I don't think).

    Basically, I haven't used my MGX or Eupho for some time now and I'm busting to get back into it. I had great success early on with my MGX but after the initial flurry... Nothing much unfortunately. That's the main reason I stopped using them.

    About 12 months ago I told my wife about using it on the ruse that I was suffering from a prostate issue and couldn't urinate freely. I showed her the HIH web site and she seemed convinced my use was... well... medicinal. She was really good about my using the device so I told her about the amazing sexual stimulation and orgasms I'd experienced earlier. I told her it was quite unexpected and that I had no idea it could induce those sensations and that they were the strongest orgasms I'd ever experienced. She was very good about that too and even commented about "how lucky you are."

    Problem is, I don't get any real private time now we're retired and I feel quite undone about telling her I want to use them again. She will definitely know what I'm up to and I feel extremely self conscious about it.

    What the hell do you other guys tell your wife when you want an Aneros session? "Sorry darling I'm going into the bedroom the stick this thing up my bum" :-) (maybe not) But seriously, I have no idea how to approach her.

    Any suggestions?

    Thanks all
    MB
  • thhn
    Posts: 425
    I was up front with my wife about it (after about a year) and she was just fine with it. I use the aneros during sex all the time
    However, when I have my private sessions, it is when I have time alone. I don't think I could relax enough to just go to the bedroom and say "I'm going to have some time to myself" I just don't think that would work. I find my private session are much more productive
    that's a tough spot you have and I think the only answer is to be right up front and talk to her about it
    what other choice do you have?
  • Thanks thhn
    I doubt if I could achieve much using it during regular sex. It's difficult enough as it is without having distractions.

    As mentioned I just can't bring myself to open up and say "I need private time" or something. Tough one that.
  • Korkelz
    Posts: 294
    What every couple needs to learn to do is experience super orgasms together. Your wife, saying you're lucky indicates she'd like to experience it too. Not sure how to get there, but I'm certainly trying in my own marriage. I could write on and on about my theories of success and how my experience has guided me. For now, I just want to say you and your wife's wildest dreams for sexual pleasure is possible. The aneros is not required... but very helpful as an object of focus, a guide. Keep searching for answers, don't give in to giving up. Every human being on the planet deserves to experience amazing pleasure, but every human being has their own unique journey.

    It's all about sexual energy... I believe. If we humans are capable of having extreme orgasms just with our mind, we should be able to experience that by simply hugging/holding each other. No sex required.
  • mrbater
    Posts: 43
    I agree with much of what you say about our potential Korkelz and I don't want to seem ungrateful but unfortunately reality and potential can be worlds apart.
    The journey from where I am at present to the place you describe is like travelling to a distant galaxy.
  • Woodsman
    Posts: 102
    Mrbater

    Much of it depends on the level of communication you have with your wife. If it’s good, and she is a reasonably caring person, I think it could be much easier than you think to get her to accept and perhaps even welcome your Aneros use, as well as your masturbation.

    I am sure women vary a great deal in their understanding of men’s sexuality, especially the fact that it doesn’t decline with age the way theirs does. I have gradually explained this to my wife and I think she gets it.

    I told her about ordering the Aneros and showed it to her when it came. Beyond mild approval, she showed little or no interest. She probably thought it was an over-hyped fake gimmick (I was suspicious of that myself).

    I have kept her updated on my slow but steady progress, and I think the worst reaction she might have is to find it boring to hear me go on about it’s effect. But I think she believes me when I tell her how it has improved my energy and vitality, that it is one of the best investments I have ever made. She lost her interest in sex quite a while ago, and I think she is grateful that I have alternative releases. Especially ones that don’t wear a skirt.

    For quite a few years now we have had a custom where she massages my genitals in the morning for about 15 minutes. I openly masturbate in front of her, and I think she must appreciate that my seeing her naked body still turns me on. Fortunately she loves foot massage, so I make sure she gets plenty of that, to keep a fair distribution of labor.

    I have always done the Aneros sessions in private, usually I get up around 5am, that’s the best time for me. But recently I have been leaving it in during our massage session, and she seems fine with it. Several times I have had a session on the couch with her in the room, but needless to say the distraction led to dud sessions.

    We came to our present state of openness gradually. I remember back when I would have been embarrassed to have her catch me masturbating, and I can’t tell you how good it feels to have gotten past that.

    I encourage you to begin the process. If it works you will never regret it. In our case what worked was to begin a basic erotic massage routine, which then gradually expanded into what it is today, often ending in some vigorous masturbation with her assisting. I don’t know if something like that would work for you, but it’s worth a try.

    Woodsman
  • rumelrumel
    Posts: 2,253
    mrbater,

    'Woodsman'
    offered some wise counsel and I would only add this; It seems to me you've already overcome the fear of being judged by your beloved mate, a significant accomplishment. [QUOTE=mrbater;93970]... I just can't bring myself to open up and say "I need private time" or something. Tough one that. She has already expressed her support for your endeavors so now isn't it time for you to express support for yourself. Our mates are not mind readers, we need to ask for what we want, don't be surprised when she continues to offer her support.
  • karyon
    Posts: 34
    I second what Rumel said. My wife has been very encouraging of my Aneros/MMO pursuits, especially as they have enhanced our own lovemaking & intimacy. By finding my own path to pleasure, I am more giving when with her, since I feel generally more sexually satisfied, and feel free to devote my energies toward satisfying her desires. My MMO pursuits have allowed me to last far longer before orgasm (I can pretty much hold off ejaculation for as long as I want), which means more pleasure for the both of us.

    Perhaps if you present your experiments as a means to enhance both of your pleasure (and follow through with the promise), she'll encourage you to keep at it.
  • ding
    Posts: 16
    I find that my best sessions are also early in the morning without distractions. I too get up about 5 am, about 3 hours before my wife. I have discussed the Aneros use with her a couple of times but the last time I did she said "you have allready talked about this with me" which I guess means she doesn't want to hear about it anymore. So I guess I will leave it as an early morning adventure. It's hard not to talk about it because it is such a great new experience and it is hard not to be excited about it.

    One thing I have learned from the Aneros is that good sex is not all about reaching an orgasm. It is the pleasure along the way, to be enjoyed for what it is and not what the outcome might be, like traditional orgasm. I am in my 60's also and it seems odd it has taken me all these years to figure this out. Anyway, I am enjoying it very much. I have shared these thoughts with my wife of over 30 years and an interesting change in our relatioinship has developed.

    It seems like she thinks that traditional sex has maybe become a chore. It takes me much longer to achieve a penile orgasm than in the past, and does not want to get anything started since it takes so long to finish it. So she has seemed a little distant regarding intimacy. I have assured her that orgasm is not necessary to enjoy sex together and she seems to be relieved or even excited with that idea.

    She is now much more willing to express herself sexually to me, like dressing or undressing eroticly, touching or rubbing, having me provide oral sex on her, and it goes on. I am really enjoying her new attitude and it has really opened up a new era of intimacy. I find as I am doing these things, I have wonderful prostate waves with nothing inserted, just waking up my prostate and enjoying her body.

    So I plan on leaving things just the way they are now, not trying to incorporate the Aneros into our sexual relations, and enjoying it for what it is.
  • Korkelz
    Posts: 294
    [QUOTE=mrbater;93975]I agree with much of what you say about our potential Korkelz and I don't want to seem ungrateful but unfortunately reality and potential can be worlds apart.
    The journey from where I am at present to the place you describe is like travelling to a distant galaxy. Potential is infinite, right? So then, it is a distant galaxy away. There are little things I bet you can quickly discover while you walk this journey which will encourage you to keep going. Read Multi-Orgasmic Man, it will help you look at sex in a new light. Also, Artform recently posted this link: The Magic Banana in this thread: http://www.aneros.com/forum/f5/place-discuss-achieving-super-o-couples-sex-15122/#post93676

    I'd like to hear more about it from the wives on the forum (directly or indirectly) and I hope it turns out to be an aneros equivalent for awakening women's sexual potential.
  • thhn
    Posts: 425
    What a great thread this is for someone in the position of mrbater. such good advice.
    Just like ohmy06, I am in my 50's married for over 30 years. I have a very open relationship with my wife, but not 100%

    this thread has inspired me to be more open with my wife. It's great to finally get it (with sex) after all these years. I suppose had I been provided this information at a much younger age, I probably would'nt have acted on it due to inexperience and lack of the wisdom that comes with age.
  • mrbater
    Posts: 43
    [QUOTE=thhn;94009]What a great thread this is for someone in the position of mrbater. such good advice.
    I agree thhn and thanks one and all for your input and help. Feel free to add to those that have already ventured in though because I take every word on-board.

    Thanks too Korkelz for your suggestion and I have taken your advice (almost completely) and have downloaded The Multi-Orgasmic Couple onto my iPad. (same authors and I hope almost as comprehensive) This title has the added bonus that it also deals with female multi-orgasm which MIGHT grab her attention. (I think it's a shame but I doubt very much if she will embrace it because it seems her once burning flame has dimmed to little more than an ember in recent years)

    The Multi-Orgasmic Man was only available in paperback form and I was too impatient to wait any longer than the 3 minutes for delivery on the iPad :rolleyes:

    I've already begun reading about multi-orgasm for the male and in its simplest form it seems that I've been practicing a form of it for ages by way of Edging. I'm looking forward to the voyage it should provide.

    As far as approaching wifey, I think (THINK) I might just approach the issue as "well we all have different emotional an physical needs, and I would like to continue to explore my sexuality both with you (wifey) and on my own, is that fair enough?" (sort of thing)

    Any feedback on that approach?

    Cheers guys.
  • Woodsman
    Posts: 102
    I think that should work. The downside of being fully open with the wife is that it becomes boring or even repellent, I suppose. At worst she can say she doesn't want to talk about it. But the upside is if she knows exactly what you're doing and thinking there's no suspicion that you're doing something behind her back. This must be a common fear among wives who know their husband's sexual appetite exceeds their own.
    I'm guessing that as you begin to broach the subject you will get a sense of how much she wants to hear.

    Let us know how it goes.
  • Edit
    Posts: 0
    mrbater, this is just a thought, but do you have 2 bedrooms in your place? my wife and i sleep in separate rooms, not due to lack of love, but due to wanting a good night's sleep....between the tossing and turning, getting up for bathroom, or yes, even the loud snoring, we have found we can both be more rested in the mornings by sleeping separate and enjoying our 'together' time during the remaining part of the day....if you need to just explain, 'honey, i need to sleep separate tonight (with her understanding this is the clue , ''honey, i would like to have alone time for myself), then so be it....my wife knows i have aneros, and expects me to use it as well....it's during the nighttime that i do my main sessions, and being in the separation of the 2 rooms, i am able to 'cut loose' more and not feel like i'll be 'busted'.....there is nothing underhanded in this approach with your wife....let us know how things progress on this issue with you...... chuck
  • mrbater
    Posts: 43
    Thanks chuckjo2000
    I did this before and she didn't have a problem with it but I did it on the basis of "being embarrassed" about using the device to massage my prostate.
    I'm beginning to think I might just have a good long chat with her and completely open up about the whole thing.

    The very frustrating thing is that when I was using it before I had a great deal of early success but then it all vanished. I couldn't achieve anything much and I'm concerned that all my stressing might end up with little result anyway. I enjoy having the thing inserted but I would love to experience a super O again.