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Confusion and bewilderment, but happiness too!
  • Hey everyone! Long time no update from me! And a new forum design too, cool!

    Lately, for the last several months, I have had not had good sessions. I don't have a job right now, and when I did I spent almost as much time sitting down anyway, which has taken its toll in the dreaded H-word. Usually I can't ever get the muscles to relax, sometimes to the point where I can't even insert. And even when I do, most of the times I suffer involuntaries, which try to spit the massager out. Not good involuntaries, but more like spasms of rejection, and very distracing. I also don't know for sure if I might have some kind of prolapse or dislocation; things feel very... odd down there. I know basically what I need to do to take care of the hemorrhoid problems, and I would like to see a doctor once I have the finances again.

    Anyway, I only mention the above because I had a fantastic session! I used the peridise. I don't know the size, but the head has about the same width as the end of my pinky. I had just finished watching some very arousing videos, and decided to lay down and just see what happened. I massaged my anus with a bit of shea butter, going incredibly slow about it, and just letting my arousal build if it decided. I've taken to doing this a lot and telling myself that even if nothing happens, the massage probably has therapeutic effects. Last night I started feeling myself relax, which surprised me. I always get excited when the muscles suddenly loosen a bit and swallow a bit more of my finger; that feels extremely naughty and good, such divine texture.

    I lubed the peridise and slowly slid her in. Then I do like I usually do, and layed on my back and proceeded with some slowly paced nipple stim. I won't go into all the details, but I would say I had a blast! I did stumble into a mini O (kinda big for a mini... a medium O? lol), with my heart simply racing away, my abdomen hard and my back arching as always while the pleasure just bursts from my core and strikes like lightning. Phew! That felt extremely nice; let's play some more! So I did, and I started to feel the sensations I have come to recognize as my own personal milestones for any given session . My stomach starts to get heavy, like someone presses down there with a palm, precum begins to ooze. Aside: I love when that happens, and I especially enjoy rubbing that silky liquid on my lips... makes me feel sexy. I get a rather obdurate erection with veins which seem like they would measure 1/2 an inch wide in my exaggerated state.

    And the feelings inside... whoa. When the session gets really really good for me, which happens rarely thinks to my health (my fault), it feels like a tongue goes to work inside me. Does that make any sense? The feelings become less acute, less punctuated, and more organic and refined. I keep coming back to the tongue sensation in my mind because I can't think of anything else which comes as close. Like I have some lover taking care of me, making me feel wonderful. I kept thinking about these videos I watched before the session and imagining perhaps peculiar things. I would fantasize that I had a relationship with one of the subjects in the videos --that we loved each other, and that she just wanted me to feel so nice, and free. If I could I would touch you on the chest and pass the sensations of that modest O to you, because I honestly wish you and everyone pleasure and happiness.

    I didn't have another O, but I had started getting tired, and my leg had begun to feel overtaut (the sitting seems to have strained a muscle or somesuch within my thigh --it will hurt after a few days of sedentary living). I don't feel let down for that, though, because I had really opened up in this session, let myself go, and got transported to some ethereal dimension where self becomes a memory and existence as an archetype rushes in and overtakes the ego --and I consider myself a rampant individualist!

    After, I simply could not help myself and had to have a sticky, frentic release. I returned to my videos and had an astonishingly thunderous orgasm, with semen flying about in dumbfounding quantities, spurt after perplexing spurt. Ye goddesses! Still so much seed? I had ejaculated the night before, and the night before that, and the night two days before that! Perhaps I have a shorter sexual arousal cycle than I thought previously? Frankly I didn't even expect to become aroused last night. Curiouser and curiouser.

    I don't have any conclusions or any explicit questions, so forgive my rambles, please, and stay well, all. Take care.