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Is achieving a super-o compatible with family life?
  • I'm the very tolerant wife of an aneros user, however recently my husband's use of the aneros has been less and less private recently.

    It has gone from occasional use on an evening (used to be once or twice a month once kids in bed for 6 hours or so) to more regular use during the day when me and the kids are out and about or he's working from home (i.e. minimal contact with children, but some contact). He also takes legal highs while using the aneros, and again I'm pretty sure this has encroached on day-to-day use, but I can't be sure as he denies it (but I'm almost certain he's lying).

    Is the quest for better and better orgasms possible while maintaining family life with young children?

    If you don't think it is, then can you give me some advice / arguments on how to confront him about it? I feel he's getting more and more addicted/obsessed with it.
  • aliquisaliquis
    Posts: 77
    Well, to have time with getting enough sleep, food preparation, eating, job, family life, personal life and hobbies (and training?) is probably hard to almost everyone, some is more happy with a smaller part of some of the things than others.

    I can understand how if he has a work and then spend 3 hours per day just laying around can affect your family life.

    I think one should be able to persue ones goals, fantasies and experience in life in whatever situation so I don't see wanting to experience oneself in the way of using an aneros as an issue. Though if it's all "me time" and no "we time" I can see the problem.

    I've got the impression most people on this site don't use it daily so can't he just restrict the days/number of times/time he uses it?

    I still haven't used it so I don't know how good it work using it while doing other things. Such as if he can work and still do his contractions and so on.
  • HelixerHelixer
    Posts: 566
    Hard to say, we're all sexaddicts here :)
    Have you been having less sex since the birth of your children?
  • rumelrumel
    Posts: 2,443
    (Note : Underlined Text is a Hyper-Link)
    Hi sidelined,

    Welcome to the Aneros Forum,

    In the introductory PM I try to send out to new members, I make mention of the potential addictive nature of these devices. There is also a section of the WIKI which touches on this aspect of Aneros usage.

    As to your question - “Is the quest for better and better orgasms possible while maintaining family life with young children?” IMHO, it is.
    Many users users go through phases as they learn to integrate Aneros use into their lives. Your husband may just be going through an infatuation phase right now. However, there is the possibility that it could also be developing into an obsession that does interfere with normal family interactions. If that is the case, then my advice is not so much a confrontation as opening a conversation to start discussing your concerns and fears about how his usage is impacting the family.

    Obviously the health, safety and welfare of the family should take precedence over an individual's personal pleasure but that doesn't mean one needs to completely forgo personal pleasures either. Like most things in life it is a matter of establishing a balance of wants, needs, obligations and responsibilities to make day to day living enjoyable.

    Gentle, non-judgmental, discussion is likely to prove more productive than any heated confrontation. This may simply be a case where some thoughtful time management skills can be applied to allow appropriate blocks of time for Aneros use. From your short description of the situation, I get the impression this has not affected any of the relationships in a negative manner yet, except for raising perhaps a little jealousy concerning the time element.

    If the situation seems to involve deeper psychological issues, then getting some professional counseling may be helpful. You may be able to find a local counselor through The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, a non-profit, interdisciplinary professional organization. These individuals share an interest in promoting understanding of human sexuality and healthy sexual behavior. You can write to them at P.O. Box 1960, Ashland, Virginia – 23005-1960 or visit their web site for further information.
  • calmercalmer
    Posts: 75
    Hi Sidelined

    I have been struggling with similar issues form the other side. Sadly my wife is not as tolerant as you sound.
    I think it is part of the male makeup that sex is high on the agenda and we strive for better sensations and feelings. I have been using these devices for many years when I work away from home as they fill in a lonely night in Hotels (and stop me wanting to wander). However, they can start to take over your life. I started using one whilst working from home at my computer, watching tv or taking a bath. I even took one on holiday and used it (quietly) whilst lying next to my wife at night. I became very secretive locking myself away from the world just to get the feeling. I believe it is a cry for help and we are seeking escapism. In my case, I believe it was using a device in a Hotel room that brought on my Heart attach, however, this resulted in me taking early retirements and a total change of lifestyle. However, I still cannot open up and talk to my wife about these ‘Dirty’ things
    As you are so tolerant I think you approach could be to open the discussion one night in bed and maybe initiate a mutual session where you share the experience. If it was me (once I got over the embarrassment) I would love to include my wife with a session and start to bring sex back into the sharing relationship between the two of you. Take one of his devices to bed and ask him to show you how he uses it and learn what you can do to join in.
  • Compromise is in order I think. Sit down with him and have an honest discussion about how many times a week aneros use is suitable for a family arrangement.
  • tokertoker
    Posts: 128
    i have a wife and a little girl she is just over two years old i only use my aneros twice a week max after they have gone to bed i work nights so when im off work i tend to stay up much later than my wife she is fully aware i use it and how much i think if your husband is lying about how much he is using it he needs to get a grip especially if he is not devoting enough time to you and the rest of your family i look after my daughter during the day on days when im not working 3 a week i play with her feed her etc and we often go out to the park or up town, aneros use is the last thing on my mind . it certainly does not interfere with my relationship with my wife to me the aneros is just a nice treat for occasional use and it should be for any man who has a family feel free to show your husband this post maybe he needs to hear what a fellow user has to say on the matter hope you get things sorted :!:
  • rookrook
    Posts: 1,773
    Hi Sidelined -- you might share this with your solemate:

    I think that family comes first but I clearly recall the solitary intensity of my emotions when I graduated from just casual use of an Aneros during foreplay to dedicated Aneros sessions aimed at multiple orgasms. My initial experiences were beyond my ability to communicate and I became solitary.

    We were fortunate as I got into anal/prostate stim following a short series of Oprah episodes that addressed improving g-spot stim. As we refined our g-spot activities and tool choices we got active in male p-spot stim using some rather inferior anal tools from a web toy store. Acquiring an Aneros was rather by accident during a visit to our local toy store. My orgasmic desire and solo sessions were an outgrowth of prostate stim during couples activity.

    If your mate is typical, the following might apply:

    At the outset of the Aneros experience the initial sensations are certainly powerful and I had difficulty in determining the breadth and depth (variations and intensity) of sensory experiences from this new toy. At the same time, I lacked (but was building) the skills to explore more of the "real estate" and sensory connections inside my "back door." I'm now amazed that so much dedication was involved in detail exploration of less than one-square-inch of my bod. During that phase of development I was like a kid with his or her first bicycle or first set of skates. I sought to experience that joy to the exclusion of other activities.

    Somewhere after the first dozen or so sessions, my skills and experiences reached a level of repeatability that I knew what I wanted from a given session and and I knew how to get it. Selfishness began to subside and I became less of a one-way street. At that turning point I became more rational and was able to view the Aneros experience within the context of my total being and within the landscape of my family and social relationships.

    Failing to get socially 're-centered' within a reasonable time might be indicative of a compulsion or addictive behavior that rumel discussed above. Maybe worth a visit to a psycho-therapist skilled in OCD.

    I think it would do well for you and your husband to discuss, "where he is" in his initial orientation with the Aneros tools, what he has accomplished to date and where he sees orgasmic experiences fitting into his physical, mental and spiritual being. At the same time, it might be well to share your own orgasmic development and objectives with him.

    My Aneros experience became a neat 'springboard' for discussion of my wife's sensual development before and during our marriage without airing the 'tackiness' or emotions involved in a rehash of earlier sexual experiences with prior mates. (We shun the discussion of 'old flames.') Your husband will probably profit from the story of your orgasmic development.

    The preparation and mental conditioning for early Aneros activities tends to be a bit structured rather than casual. Optimizing douche and lube tends to be trial-and-error at first as a guy is dealing with new tools, substances, sensations and techniques. There's not much you can do to help save suggest that it's OK for him to leave his enema gear hanging in the shower after it's sanitized and, accept that the small bucket of dilute clorox is an Ok place to drop his Aneros tools after a session.

    You can help in selection of a "time slot" that's compatible with the family environment and daily routine. Early-to-bed, early-to-rise might be a good choice. Many guys reach a daily peak in testosterone level after 5-6 hours sleep. So, 3 or 4 a.m. this might be a good target for the two of you to exploit your mutual and individual sessions. The good thing about this time slot is that kids are usually in a sound sleep.

    Assuming that you share a bed, it might work for you to suggest sharing the common bed during his Aneros sessions. You do your thing and he does his. Explore moaning in unison but don't wake the kids! :) enjoy.

    Suggested reading for you both: The Tao of Recovery, by Jim McGregor