my theory of orgasm success

two nights ago i had my best session ever.

i have to admit to one puff of pot, and indeed so far all my life's best sessions have been under that influence, but i don't think it was operative. in fact, as i describe below, it might have gotten in the way.

what i did:
- cut the handle and tab off of my old SGX (filed the nubs smooth).
- put the whole thing, along with a healthy dollop of KY into a condom
- got the air out of the condom and tied it shut.
- inserted with some KY (the nubs remained outside as a small handle)
- then, as GrandTiger says, i "lubed from thighs to neck," in my case a light coat of grapeseed oil (including my cheeks and balls).
- used --or tried to use-- the Extended Male Deer exercise.

The initial effect of this effort was a mediocre session. i had gone to the neutered sgx because i wanted to give my sore perineum a break, which was a very good idea for me.

nonetheless, i was having trouble. and that is the point of this post: what, during this very varied session, differed from the points when i was stuck in dud land to the points where i was overcome by ongoing unbelievably deep and strong orgasms.

my theory is that there were four things that were getting in the way. in this case they were getting in the way of a seasoned orgasmer, but i have a feeling that they may also be common barriers for newbies too (probably along with other stuff):
1. soreness
2. distracting thoughts
3. incorrect muscular tension
4. trying to go to the orgasm instead of having it come to me

soreness
soreness is a mega problem, for two reasons: it detracts from the good feelings and it causes the other problems listed above. i hope that most guys don't have pain as a potential problem. i have been struggling on and off with it for a long long time. the solution is always the same: do something else that doesn't cause soreness. As B Mayfield has said, any pain is a super-O killer. my main source of pain (testicle) is way under control. but, ironically, i have recently acquired what i think of as minor "prostatitis" symptoms: burning in perineum, prostate and urethra, particularly with pressure to the prostate. the area around the prostate is delicate tissue and is prone to pain problems. when i am sore the aneros makes it worse not better. if i am borderline sore the aneros can bring it on. so i lay off the aneros and try other things.

i began the session with my neutered sgx in place. the good news was that, despite all the hype about the perineum tab, the neutered sgx gave me better prostate contact than any other aneros, yet because it wasn't levering off my perineum it wasn't digging into either my perineum or prostate. net result: big improvement for me. this smaller and less aggressive aneros hit my spot really well.

distracting thoughts
if i had filmed the session i think it would have been a funny site. the pot so scattered me that i couldn't even do a coherent male deer exercise. all that is involved here is doing a slow circular massage up your torso from your pubes to your neck. i couldn't get three circles in without losing track of what i was doing, rubbing myself in random erotic ways, and having my thoughts stray to the aneros, wondering if it was doing the right thing (and worrying that it might start giving me pain). basically, i was really distracted. and i was going nowhere.

the point is that all arousal amplifiction techniques, from KSMO, to male deer, to soft palatte nursing, to breathing, have in common that they force your mind to focus away from distracting negative thoughts.

the importance of this was first introduced to me by the ESO book (by Bauer and Bauer) where they teach you how to direct your mind away from "resistances" which are negative thoughts that get in the way of pleasure. Jack Johnson (KSMO) calls these "furballs." Classic examples from partnered sex are "she doesn't really want to be doing this," "i'm not gonna last," "i'm never gonna come," "she isn't going to find the right stroke," "i should be doing my homework."

in aneros sex, it could be things like "i'm not going to orgasm," "i'm not holding the right contraction," "i shouldn't be having this fantasy," "somebody is going to hear me," "i should be doing chores." for me, a big one is "this might make me sore."

about a half hour into the session i realized i was having all those kinds of thoughts. i did two things: removed the aneros and calmed my mind by focusing on relaxed deep breathing and the exercise. even though i was getting less stim without the aneros, i had removed a big distraction. and i settled into a reasonable exercise rhythm.

you know you aren't distracted when your mind becomes enveloped in a relaxed presence with the pleasure.

incorrect muscular tension
now that my pleasure was growing, i had to confront the next obstacle, avoiding defeating muscular tension and contractions. the main problem is that as we get excited our body jerks (hence "jerking off"), we may use our voice, clench, etc. with traditional sex this may work ok. but when we're trying to climb to non-ejaculatory orgasms, it doesn't work so well. basically, each of those jerks and fits are kind of micro orgasms that dissipate the pleasure.

for me the solution is again breathing. but at this high level of arousal it is a different kind of breathing. B Mayfield has described a shallow breathing with abdominal shuddering, like when you're sobbing. what works for me is just quickened breathing from my abdomen, like an abdominal pant. my belly rises and falls quickly with the pace of my excitement. i keep my muscles relaxed and express the pleasure through the breathing. this is similar to the KSMO technique of expressing the pleasure through the key sound.

the two main effects of doing this are that i don't snuff the orgasm with dissipating contractions and i keep my mind clear by thinking gently about the breathing. i guess the rapid rhythm of the panting may stoke things a bit too.

chasing the orgasm
our main goal is to clear the way for our body to give itself pleasure. we get things rolling, but once in motion the amazing thing about this kind of stimulation is that the body starts doing it by itself. we hear this over and over in postings when guys describe the aneros taking control of them.

if we stay relaxed and undistracted that definitely helps. we also want to keep our attention away from wanting an orgasm. that is a classic distraction. the breathing helps there, to keep your mind away from that trap.

but beyond thinking about wanting an orgasm, there is another way we can defeat ourselves, which is by subtly trying to induce the orgasm. this sometimes happens when i think i am entering the "orgasm inevitability" phase. i get that feeling and, instead of continuing to relax, i start going towards the orgasm by thinking about it, vocalizing about it, contracting for it and getting my consciousness to blur. the problem however is that all of that activity can be premature. it is like a "pseudo orgasm" in which i persuade myself i am having one and to bring it closer i somewhat consciously make myself go through all the usual effects.

there may well have been a real orgasm there waiting for me, but by going towards it i lost it and replaced it instead with a pseudo orgasm.

it is like body surfing. in the real thing you are picked up and propelled by a huge wave, a force stronger than you, giving you an exhilarating ride, but instead you go early and have to swim and persuade yourself you're getting a ride. you want an orgasm that picks you up and sends you, not one you're trying to jump on.

again, the solution is keep relaxed and pant naturally. don't induce it. let it well up in you.

in the end, i managed to bring everything together and i had an amazing session (described in the thread "GrandTiger's Extended Male Deer Exercise").

i hope this might help clarify a class of pitfalls, and would like to hear from others about them and other pitfalls they have encountered.

darwin