Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

a wife's dilemma

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • a wife's dilemma

    So I discovered the aneros several months ago, and at first I couldn't wait to get one (or several, lol) for my husband; unfortunately I also discovered this forum, and having studiously read every single page of it I started having second thoughts.

    Of course I want my husband to benefit from the health aspects of the aneros. Of course I want him to experience unbelievable pleasure. Of course I want him to have the relaxation and feeling of well-being I've seen described. And of course the thought of seeing him experience even a fraction of what I've seen described by some of you makes me unbearably hot.

    However, if my husband is craving a sexual experience I want it to be with me, not some piece of plastic. I'm not interested in forgoing sex with him for days just so he can have a better experience with said piece of plastic. And if he's looking forward to spending time having an orgasm, I want it to be with me and not...well, you get the idea.

    For the record, I have no problem with anal play being gay or dirty or perverted; in fact, we discovered how sensitive my husband is down there when I initiated it, and I believe he could, in time, greatly enjoy the aneros. He felt he needed time to get used to the idea that being stimulated there was okay and we have "worked" on it (quite a bit). :lol: So there are no moral issues or religious issues at work here, instead it's more of a jealousy issue, for lack of a better description.

    I am interested in how many of you regular posters are in a relationship, since it sounds like some of you do little more, especially sexually, than have sessions with your aneros, or have chairgasms, cargasms, etc., or fantasize about it when you aren't actually using it. (That possibly sounds ruder than I intended, sorry.) If you are in a relationship, does your partner accept your use of the aneros, and if they do, how often do you have a shared sexual experience compared to the frequency of your aneros sessions, and why? I'm looking to get a feel for just how representative of my situation this board is; if most of the regular posters aren't in relationships, or have partners who won't accept their use of the aneros, or simply aren't interested (or as interested) in sex as their men, then I may be worrying for nothing. If the majority of posters are in situations similar to mine, then I'm correct in being concerned about the emotional toll this would have on me, no matter how exciting it may be sexually.

    Thank you to any and all who reply.

  • #2
    buttercup - thanks for posting your feelings about the Aneros. You sound like a very understanding and wonderful woman, who is open and caring.

    I understand your feelings, however I think you are putting too much emphasis on the device itself. I can't see any man wanting to stop having sex with their wives, in lieu of a "piece of plastic."

    My wife and I have used an assortment of toys through the years that I have given to her for her birthday or other special occasions, because she would never buy them for herself. I have always enjoyed seeing her being pleasured with various dildos, vibrators and dancing eggs, and never felt jealous of them, or felt that she was enjoying them instead of me since it was something we were doing together. I also enjoy seeing her in a highly sexually charged state - I get off on seeing her cum, and I am not in competition with a plastic toy that never goes soft, and can last for hours - it would be pointless to feel that way.

    Since you are the one to initiate the idea of an Aneros he will always associate it with you, even if he has solo sessions. Granted, the Aneros can be a solo device, it is not exclusively so. With the aneros inserted you can help him have his first experiences of mini-o's and later super-o's, as you help him get off.

    Many men have practiced "edging" while masturbating (going to the edge of climax, and then stopping, and then starting again until they feel they are going to cum, and keep repeating that for as long as they can stand it before ejaculating). Once I discovered the joys of edging I brought that in to my sex life with my wife, and it has helped us to get more in touch with each other sexually. The aneros can help with this, and with it inserted, edging becomes an open door for mini-o's and super o's. While many seek dry orgasms, even a plain old-fashioned ejaculation will also be enhanced with the Aneros, since as he ejaculates the natural motion of the device will massage his prostate, making the sex that much more enjoyable.

    I think you are on the right path, and I urge you not to give up wanting to make your husband feel as good as he can while he is in bed with you. Your husband is lucky to be married to such a woman.

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi Buttercup,
      You might want to check out the Peridise. A brand new model for both men & women so you can both use the aneros together. Its suppose to be available this month. Check it out and if you try it, let us know how it goes.

      Comment


      • #4
        Thank you bonerowner and O'shea for your responses.

        My wife and I have used an assortment of toys through the years that I have given to her for her birthday or other special occasions, because she would never buy them for herself. I have always enjoyed seeing her being pleasured with various dildos, vibrators and dancing eggs, and never felt jealous of them, or felt that she was enjoying them instead of me since it was something we were doing together. I also enjoy seeing her in a highly sexually charged state - I get off on seeing her cum, and I am not in competition with a plastic toy that never goes soft, and can last for hours - it would be pointless to feel that way.
        My husband has bought toys for me too, and he enjoys me using them whether he is with me or not. However, the only sexual stimulus I actually crave is my husband, while most people here report craving sessions with their aneros.

        Since you are the one to initiate the idea of an Aneros he will always associate it with you, even if he has solo sessions. Granted, the Aneros can be a solo device, it is not exclusively so. With the aneros inserted you can help him have his first experiences of mini-o's and later super-o's, as you help him get off.

        Many men have practiced "edging" while masturbating (going to the edge of climax, and then stopping, and then starting again until they feel they are going to cum, and keep repeating that for as long as they can stand it before ejaculating). Once I discovered the joys of edging I brought that in to my sex life with my wife, and it has helped us to get more in touch with each other sexually. The aneros can help with this, and with it inserted, edging becomes an open door for mini-o's and super o's. While many seek dry orgasms, even a plain old-fashioned ejaculation will also be enhanced with the Aneros, since as he ejaculates the natural motion of the device will massage his prostate, making the sex that much more enjoyable.

        I understand that sex with the aneros inserted is more pleasurable; that's what got me interested in the first place. But if we restrict his use to nothing more than that then I will always feel that I'm depriving him of a more ultimate experience. If he is acheiving that more ultimate experience it sounds like it has to be without me, and that is what bothers me. It's a real Catch-22.

        O'shea-I've been looking at the Peridise, but am waiting for a little more info about it. So far most of what I've seen has dealt with the medical effects, and since we both have hemmorhoids (thanks kids! lol) we will probably buy this if nothing else.[/quote][quote]

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by buttercup
          My husband has bought toys for me too, and he enjoys me using them whether he is with me or not. However, the only sexual stimulus I actually crave is my husband, while most people here report craving sessions with their aneros.
          Well, all I can say is I am sure some women will say that they crave their vibrators, but it still is no substitute for a loving sexual relationship with another person. It seems to me that although you say you want him to feel good, and that you are not hung up on the whole "anal being gay" thing that you are still associating a certain amount of shame and jealousy with your husband being able to enjoy all that the Aneros has to offer, even if it is without you. Simply put, the Aneros will help bring your husband to a more satisfying level of sexual energy, and will awaken parts of him that he may have never known existed. That is powerful, but it is not a substitute for a sexual relationship, but a helpful addition to an already vibrant sex life.

          I have read many posts here from guys saying that they have been able to enjoy multiple orgasms while driving or sitting at a meeting at work, without the aneros as a result of their "rewiring," but I have never seen a post yet that says that they are using the Aneros as a substitute for sex in a relationship, or that using the Aneros saps their desire for sex. I have not personally experienced these non-aneros MMO's yet, but I can only imagine that if I were to have a few (or a few dozen) dry orgasms while at work that I would be more than ready for sex with my partner when I got home. If you read those posts you will see that they do not sap the men of energy, but instead it gives them more energy, and more sexual desire.

          Comment


          • #6
            Shame no, jealousy I admitted to in my first post. That's what I'm trying to deal with by coming here.

            It's true no one here has blatantly said I'm using the aneros in place of sex with my wife/whoever, unless their partner was uninterested in sex; however, no one to my knowledge has said it has spurred them into wanting their partner more either, while many men have said using the aneros causes them to crave using it more. There have been posts saying when they do have sex with their partner the sex is better, and there have been just as many posts saying traditional orgasms now make them feel irritable, cranky, etc. Irritability and crankiness are not feelings I want to inspire in my husband.

            I've come here because I've been wrestling with this for a few months now and I'd like to work out my feelings and do what seems best for my husband; I think the aneros is a terrific product, but if it causes me emotional pain I don't think either one of us is likely to be very happy.

            Comment


            • #7
              Buttercup:Your husband is indeed a lucky man....you need only to read the "I bought my husband a Helix, any advice...." post to understand that some of us are not quite so lucky....

              I bought my Aneros with the intention of getting those super-o's, mini o's etc. etc...but...sex with the Aneros is amazing too...altho I would never trade that for no sex with my partner.....

              If you do buy it for him....and he enjoys it by himself...even if he starts wanting more "alone time" with it...who do YOU think he is going to be thinking of while having those sessions...who bought it for him and opened the doorway into worlds of pleasure hereto untapped...who do you think he will be thanking....not that little piece of plastic....he will be thanking YOU......

              Think on that.....cos that's how I would feel if my woman had bought it for me.....

              Oh and regards to the crankiness and irritability with ejaculation....yes some guys have reported that however at the same time those guys are also having multiple orgasms without cumming!

              Comment


              • #8
                Don't be intimidated by the Aneros. As you already mentioned, it's a piece of plastic. Granted, it provides some intense pleasure for some men... BUT, it lacks boobs, legs, an ass, and a pu$$y. It also doesn't laugh, provide intimacy or have a personality. Your man might get a little distracted by the Aneros in the beginning, but in the long run he'll want everything that only a woman can offer.

                Comment


                • #9
                  buttercup,

                  From ‘bonerowner ’, you heard “I think you are on the right path, and I urge you not to give up wanting to make your husband feel as good as he can while he is in bed with you. Your husband is lucky to be married to such a woman.” Yes,
                  A loving relationship is about giving and this is giving your husband a new level of pleasure which he WILL reciprocate to you.
                  From ‘Crimsonwonder ‘, you heard “If you do buy it for him....and he enjoys it by himself...even if he starts wanting more "alone time" with it...who do YOU think he is going to be thinking of while having those sessions...who bought it for him and opened the doorway into worlds of pleasure hereto untapped...who do you think he will be thanking....not that little piece of plastic....he will be thanking YOU......”. Yes, the giver of the gift is almost always more significant than the gift itself.
                  From ‘megabyteme ‘, you heard “Granted, it provides some intense pleasure for some men... BUT, it lacks boobs, legs, an ass, and a pussy. It also doesn't laugh, provide intimacy or have a personality. Your man might get a little distracted by the Aneros in the beginning, but in the long run he'll want everything that only a woman can offer.” Yes, I would also add to that list a luscious mouth with a teasing tongue and succulent lips to wrap around many erogenous parts of his body.
                  Do not worry, the Aneros can not displace a warm loving woman in a mans psyche, we are genetically hard wired to be with a woman and an exciting piece of plastic will never replace an exciting piece of ass!
                  rumel

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    You might want to order a Peridise as well as an Aneros massager, and then you can join him in the same types of pleasure that he is experiencing. I just got mine, and I can happily report that it does work as advertised, and if it has the same effect on women as they say it does then that is great! There are going to be many blissful couples. HIH deserves to get some sort of award for the Peridise - I can't recommend it enough.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Dear Buttercup, I just want to assure you that though we may rave about our solo experiences, there is nothing, absolutely nothing in this world, that comes anywhere close to the divine joy shared between a man and a woman in love and making love. A sexual relationship is not merely physical; it is the joining of a man and woman, body, soul and spirit. This is why we should never be promiscuous. Once a man and woman have joined themselves together sexually, whether they like it or not, wherever they may go, their hearts and souls will be connected for eternity. Solo sex can be absolutely wonderful; we may even describe it as heavenly bliss, but we all know in our hearts that it is the love between a man and a woman that brings us the ultimate joy in this world.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Buttercup, you dear, I was so touched by your initial post, and all the follow-up from everyone here, that I printed it out for my wife to read last night and make any suggestions she wanted to offer. She is not a computer person and is only now contemplating learning to do her own e-mail. Not to give the wrong impression, she is an accomplished and now retired professional with many skills, talents, gifts. She said she knew I would say what she had in mind...

                        All that intro to say that she had many of the same concerns/fears that you are wrestling with, even though we started off just over a year ago on a MUTUAL adventure in post-parenting, empty nesters, sexual renewal. Your desire to give greater sexual response opportunities to your husband is a truly loving desire, one greatly honoured in the Forum. In our case, my wife had never experienced a G-spot ejaculatory orgasm and we set off together seeing what was possible for her. At the same time we brought into our sexual relationship my, largely subdued for the last two or more decades, solo prostate massage practice which first rewired me in my youth.

                        Notwithstanding this MUTUALITY of purpose, and the ongoing great successes for her and for me, "that piece of plastic" and the idea of more solo work seemed to cloud the initial joys we experienced, to some degree which has diminished over time, and periodically but less and less frequently...

                        Just as it takes time to rewire our erotic neural systems, it takes time to adjust to the fact that this Aneros (and KSMO for us and many others here) practices are BOTH an enhancement to traditional reproductive style sex AND the door openers to a wholly other, erotic energies world. There is a lot of learning and changes of perceptions and ideas that are naturally part of "the journey" for the men and their partners, but the rewards for both are much more than worth the effort. My wife agrees with that too.

                        We are both in our sixties. We went to bed early last night and caroused for about three hours with a lot of variety and great feelings. Neither of us had climax orgasms and happily went to sleep exhausted with the feelings of carry-forward energies. After a very good sleep, we awoke with the intention of switching to a position we've created and call the Wedding Band position: lying side by side, head to the other's feet, me manually caressing her G-spot and surroundings (her prostate) and she caressing my prostate. We were entwined for two hours this morning. Ecstasies and floods of erotic energies from the gentlest to thrilling wind-ups and laughter inducing peaks, multiples and cycles, aroused, amplified and shared, flowed through us this morning, as with times before over the last year.

                        It feels like our tissues are actually growing together while this is happening. To us, it feels far more intimate and even spiritual, than the great joys of reproductively focused sex, and its hopes and anticipations. We know those keenly too, five years of programmed intercourse on demand during our sojourn through fertility clinics until two fabulous successes (our children!!). Although we have had a great marriage for almost four decades already, we now have a deeper and greatly enriched physical, romantic and energy/spiritual bond than we had before.

                        When we began, my wife wanted to always be massaging my prostate when we were together rather than me have the Aneros in. Gradually we tried it with the Aneros in and she liked what that did for my performance focused on her! She can feel the Aneros massaging my prostate, transmitted through my penis. Because I have some prior experience and skill from some solo Tantric and Tao explorations almost twenty years ago, I found that Aneros and the KSMO Key Sound have quickly reawakened the erotic energy triggering, amplification and transformation potential we all have.

                        In addition to serious back, neck, chest injuries and a spastic gut and chronic pain, which limit my physical performance, I have to take a cardiac medication which induced erectile disfunction. The aneros in improves things significantly and she now appreciates that benefit too. Although I cannot sustain a full erection for great lengths of time, I can hold a firm "leatherman" semi-erection for a long time. It makes an excellent G-spot stimulator and the added benefit is that using the Aneros and KS techniques above I can send jolts of palpable energy to her there through my penis.

                        You too can have Cargasms for example. Early in our practice together, we drove to another town about two hours away, after a night of Wedding Band BLISS!! I had had Chairgasms just before this, but both of us had an amazing, jumpy, laugh-filled ride on that car trip. She has more learning, opening and rewiring to do. This morning's love-energy voyage took us to greater highs and we were totally blissed out and ecstatically satisfied without any thought of ejaculations! Mutual non-ejaculatory sex; who'd have thunk it...

                        Risk is everywhere. You may find it best to go ahead and introduce this gift of gifts to your husband and walk with him in all the possibilities for him and for you. It takes time to re-orient a sexual relationship to this magic and these wonders, but it is worth every ounce of effort. We all take our own versions of this journey but this all arises from common ground - male/female - the YIN/YANG in each of us. And then there is the new Aneros Peridise for both men and women!! We hope to order ours very soon.

                        The pieces of plastic and making the Key Sound out loud are merely learning tools, "training wheels" as some refer to them here and at KSMO. Soon these skills are internalized and work without the plastic and the sound per se. As you and your husband learn and rewire, these gifts and their skills become second nature; a natural parts of you and him and your daily living together - almost always on and radiant, beaming into each other, utter bliss at a glance. You are a wonder-filled human being. Be brave and open to all positive possibilities and "the truth will take you far..." Love, blessings and best wishes to you and your very lucky husband.

                        artform and mrs. artform

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Sorry I haven't replied before now, kids, the weekend, you know how it is, although I have popped on a few times to see if there were any new replies.

                          Crimsonwonder-Actually I have been following that board as well (like I said, I've read every page of this forum), and I do have some thoughts about what you've posted. A long time ago I was in a relationship with someone who really wasn't very "good" in bed, meaning he wasn't considerate of me, wouldn't experiment at all and so on. He was more interested in masturbating and going to strip clubs than he was in me-or so it seemed-and combined with my own sexual frustration it caused me to become extremely resentful of anyone I am with masturbating unless it's while they're with me. In which case I absolutely LOVE it! I also had a problem with X-rated movies for the same reason, although hubby is such a very considerate lover that I can watch them him with no problem.
                          I'm not saying you don't consider your GF's needs, but it is possible that she feels threatened by the aneros/fleshlight because she's gotten it in her head that you prefer using them to being with her, whether it's true or not. I don't know how you would go about convincing her otherwise if that's the case, but I can tell you as a woman that actions speak louder than words. Hubby devoted a lot of time and energy to SHOWING me that no matter what was on the screen he still found me more exciting than what he was seeing, and eventually I believed him enough to enjoy the movies too.

                          megabyteme-thanks, that's the kind of encouragement I was looking for. Even though I'm capable of telling myself things like that, it's more believable when someone who's actually using and enjoying the aneros says it. 8)

                          rumel-ditto the above. Also, I must say that I enjoy reading your posts regarding your own progress.

                          bonerowner-as I mentioned above, the Peridise is definitely on my list to buy for both of us. I'm still trying to figure out how it will benefit me other than medically, but even if that's the only benefit it will be worth it.

                          GrandTiger-I agree with you wholeheartedly! I'm just afraid that either buying him the aneros will mess that up between us, or that my own reservations about it will cause us problems. It was a beautiful post though and eased my mind somewhat. Thank you.

                          artform-
                          Notwithstanding this MUTUALITY of purpose, and the ongoing great successes for her and for me, "that piece of plastic" and the idea of more solo work seemed to cloud the initial joys we experienced, to some degree which has diminished over time, and periodically but less and less frequently...
                          This paragraph showed me that you understand exactly what I was saying. Thank you for sharing your experiences, they have helped a lot. A long time ago, when I was in my early 20's, I had this sort of psychic connection with someone, so I understand being able to be satisfied without actually having a physical orgasm, but once that relationship ended I never found that again and had decided I never would. Now I believe that it is entirely possible with hubby since we've already started down that path, and I am terrified of doing anything to mess it up. Finding it once was luck, finding it a second time is amazing, I doubt I'd ever be able to find it again if I screw it up.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            You know i may get booted for saying this but I'm not very comfortable with this forum anymore and the reason is the ladies on here.
                            I never had a problem with Zane as I love here to death and she has been so beneficial.
                            this talk about wether or not to give my husband this or that is pure nonsense HE is your husband do you realy think that if your husband gets alot of pleasure from the device that he will leave you? No I dont think so I think it's more like you fear you will lose a level of controle over him. Period.
                            This is supossed to be a personal thing made for men(Until the Peridise at least) I don't care if you are in a mariiage, dating etc it is explicitly a mans choice wether or not to share the knowledge of using something as simple as a massager.
                            For all those wondering at this point YES I do have problems with dominant femles. It makes me sick.
                            It makes me sick to think of guys getting hammered by girls with strap ons and It makes me even sicker to think of guys using an aneros thinking of a woman overcomming them.
                            Good Bye~

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by buttercup
                              bonerowner-as I mentioned above, the Peridise is definitely on my list to buy for both of us. I'm still trying to figure out how it will benefit me other than medically, but even if that's the only benefit it will be worth it.
                              Buttercup - The Peridise Unisex Anal PC Toy was originally medically-patented to provide relief from minor hemorrhoids, but it also can be used by either sex as an anal sex toy due to the pleasurable peristaltic responses.

                              From the Peridise instructions (keep in mind, this is not gender specific - it will have the same effect on men and women):
                              1. Relax your PC-sphincter muscles. The PC-sphincter muscles are the muscles used to stop the flow of urine.
                              2. Slowly insert the Peridise up to only its neck. Do not use force; allow it to glide in gently. *The purpose of this is to fit the first part of the Peridise into the intermuscular groove of the anal canal, which is located between the internal and external sphincter. Both the intermuscular groove and the adjacent area (a common site of exterior hemorrhoids), are rich in (pudendal) nerve endings.
                              3. With a moderately strong contraction, gradually tighten the PC-sphincter muscles and your body will naturally pull the Peridise deeper inside the anal canal. In instances of a weaker PC-sphincter, it may be necessary to lightly support the base/foot of the Peridise with your finger.
                              4. Relax and remain still for a roughly 5 to 10 minutes, allowing your body to accommodate the presence of the Peridise. Focus on relaxing your entire body and releasing any tension that may be held in the anal region. Deep breathing and a tranquil setting are recommended. You may start to feel tingling or moving sensations inside the anal canal. You may even notice that the Peridise moves by itself. This is desirable.
                              5. Begin contractions of your PC-sphincter muscles again, experimenting with different strengths, durations and eventually different body positions. During this process, the anal canal and the rectum will begin to contract, creating a “push-pull” effect with the Peridise alternately being pushed out then drawn deeper into the anal canal. These exercises continuously place the device in an unstable position, instigating Peristaltic motions inside the anal canal and generating blood circulation and warmth to the region.
                              6. When the Peridise stops its movement or when the pleasurable sensation diminishes, contract your PC-sphincter to draw the Peridise forward or add rectal pressure to push the Peridise outward, returning it to an unstable position inside the anal canal. Steps 5 and 6 can be repeated as desired.
                              Peristalsis is the key. In sex, a peristaltic reaction is a series of involuntary (yet pleasurable) muscle contractions that sweep through body. The smooth muscle contractions are peristaltic contractions that occur during orgasm. Women and men are both capable of having anal-based orgasms.

                              Tiphereth - the aneros can be used as a solo device, but it is also used by many couples, so there is no reason to exclude anyone from learning about the pleasures that can be achieved. It is also interesting to get a woman's viewpoint, IMO. If you really don't want to read any posts from women (or anyone else), for whatever reason, you simply don't have to read them.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X