(I've been reading Master Mantak Chia's book "Becoming a Multiorgasmic Man" and found this section on sex between men that was so important that I'm quoting him at length here. For more information and to buy his book go to http://www.amazon.com/Mantak-Chia/e/B000APK3LG/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1403538957&sr=8-2-ent)
Yang and Yang For Gay Men
China, like all civilizations, has long acknowledged the practice of homosexuality. Historically it was called lung-yang, after the name of a fourth-century B.c.prince’s male lover, or tuan-hsiu, “the cut sleeve,” recalling an emperor who was said to have cut off his sleeve to avoid waking his sleeping lover. Although sexual relationships between men were at times condoned and at other times discouraged by the imperial court – no doubt depending on who was sleeping in the royal
bed – Taoism has never condemned homosexuality. Taoism avoids condemning any part of human sexual experience, since it is all considered a part of the Tao. Rather, Taoism tries to teach people how to stay healthy, whatever their sexual preferences. Gay men simply need to know the practices that will help them have satisfying and healthy sexual relationships.
Can't Stop Till I Get Enough
A gay writer and activist was doing a radio interview about his book on life in the pre-AIDS bathhouses, where gay men often would have numerous sexual encounters per night. When asked about whether the desire for multiple sexual experiences is characteristic of gay men in general, the author shot back that it is characteristic of all male sexuality, but that straight men are usual y constrained by female sexuality. If, he continued, we really want to see what male sexuality is like, uninfluenced by female sexuality, we just need to look at gay men.
The Taoist understands this characteristic of male sexuality in terms of the properties of masculine energy, or yang (see chapter 5 for an explanation of yin and yang). Yang is active, volatile, and expansive. During heterosexual sex, the woman’s yin receives and balances the man’s yang. (As we mentioned in chapter 5, yin and yang are variable qualities that exist in both men and women. There are some men who are more yin and some women who are more yang. According to the Taoists the universe always seeks balance in relationships as in nature.) In general, when two gay men make love, each man’s yang charges the other’s, increasing rather than diminishing their sexual desire. Gay Healing Tao instructor B. J. Santerre explains the the other’s, increasing rather than diminishing their sexual desire...the value of multiple orgasms for gay men: “Gay men really need multiple orgasms. Most straight men are going to do it once or twice in an evening. For gay men it’s really common that they need more than that in a night. With this practice you are going to be able to fully satisfy this desire whether you have a partner or not.”
The expansiveness of yang energy is hard to contain and often will want to escape through the most direct route – the penis. It is no surprise that the object of much gay male sexuality, according to gay sex educator and healer Joseph Kramer, is “to get it up and off.” This emphasis on ejaculation is understandable because it allows you to satisfy your sexual desire; once a man ejaculates he becomes more yin – in other words, stable, internal, and contractive. To avoid this endless cycle of ejaculation, which is extremely depleting to your body and your immune system, you need to cultivate your own yin energy and to spread your expanding yang energy throughout your body. Channeling this energy and containing it is also, as we explained earlier, the way to become multi-orgasmic and to experience whole-body orgasms that will be more satisfying than the genital “getting off” that most men are accustomed to. As B. J. Santerre explains, “If you conserve your semen, you are going to be able to go back to the heydays when people would go to the bathhouses and have orgasms al night long. When you learn this practice, you are able to do the same thing, but you won’t exhaust yourself and you won’t even need to leave home!”
Cultivating Your Sexual Energy
Gay men, like all men, need to learn to circulate their sexual energy though their body both to expand their orgasms and to benefit from the power and healing potential of their sexual energy. During nonejaculatory sex, it is even more important for men to draw this energy up in order to satisfy their desire and transform the volatile sexual energy (ching-chi) into the more refined and stable chi. We discussed the techniques for circulating your sexual energy and for separating orgasm from ejaculation. Here we just want to describe the importance of these practices for gay men and gay male couples.
One multi-orgasmic gay man described his experience: “I had a lover in New York, and I was so much into the Tao, I said, ‘You have to get into it.’ I didn't give him a choice. When we felt like fooling around, we'd start playing with one another. When each of us would feel ready we would do the Big Draw at our own speed. When we did it together, even if we didn’t circulate the energy at the same time, we would be satisfied at the same point. We would fall asleep in two minutes. That sharing of energy keeps going on as you sleep in one another’s arms, because you are both charged with sexual energy."
As we said these practices can be done on your own or even if your partner is not “into the Tao.” As one multi-orgasmic gay man explained, "After pleasing myself or making love and doing the Big Draw four or five times, I am done. After that if the most gorgeous guy is right in front of me and he says, ‘Let me suck you off,' I’l say, ‘Please, leave me alone.’ I’m satisfied even though I haven't ejaculated.”
If you find you are having difficulty controlling your yang sexual energy, you may be in need of some balancing and calming yin energy. Fortunately, there are many sources of yin energy, since both yin and yang exist in all of nature, from the cosmic (earth and heaven) to the microcosmic (your body). Since each of us has both yin and yang, you can cultivate within yourself the qualities of yin such as gentleness, kindness, and self-respect. (For a ful er discussion of learning how to cultivate these qualities and how to deal with emotional imbalances, see Mantak Chia’s Taoist Ways to Transform Stress into Vitality.) From the environment, you can balance your energy by eating yin foods such as vegetables and fish or by absorbing yin energy directly from the earth. According to Taoism (as well as many other traditions), the earth is feminine (that is, yin). Men can absorb yin energy from the earth simply through spending time in nature and gardening or can absorb it in a more concentrated form by drawing energy up from the earth when practicing the Cool Draw.
Most gay men are aware of the pleasure potential of their prostate and their anus (if you are not, see “Prostate” in chapter 2). Yet some gay men still disparage men who are “bottoms.” This attitude is not surprising given the negative stigma associated with “getting fucked" and the links in Western society between power and being on top. As we mentioned in chapter 5 in regard to heterosexual couples, Taoism sees the person on top not as dominating but as healing his or her partner. The person on top (or the more active partner) gives more sexual energy (and healing) to the person on the bottom (or the more passive partner). According to the Tao, everything that is active must also be passive, and therefore it is recommended that gay men be versatile – both "tops” and “bottoms." As one multi-orgasmic man explained, the sexual benefits are obvious: “A guy who has been both a top and a bottom is a great lover because he knows what it is like to satisfy his partner and to be satisfied. If you are only a top, you know only one version. The same if you are a bottom.” When you are the bottom, you also have the benefit of having your prostate massaged during anal intercourse. According to Stephen T. Chang in his book The Tao of Sexology, gay men who generally are bottoms have far fewer prostate problems than tops and heterosexual men.‘ Nevertheless, most men have their preference and may not want to experiment. If you are a top who is not willing to be a bottom, you can stil benefit from having your anus stimulated and from exercising your anal-sphincter muscle. B. J. Santerre explains: “When people think about penetration, everybody just thinks about a big ten-inch dick or a dildo, but it can be a small finger. Being penetrated needs some practice, like everything else. You need the proper partner to take it easy, and you need to relax those muscles. It’s not on the first day that you are going to get fucked. And if you don’t like to be penetrated, you can stil play with your anus. Even stimulating the outside of the anus is very important because you can strengthen your butt muscles, which are essential for circulating the sexual energy. It is also worth mentioning that bottoms can be active as wel as passive. The more you exercise your PC muscle and your anal sphincter, the more you can massage your partner’s penis and pleasure both of you. B. J. Santerre continues: “If your anus is really strong, you are going to be a great fuck for your partner. You are going to massage his penis as he is penetrating you. You are not totally passive and just waiting for it to happen. You take part in it by contracting and releasing the lower part or the higher part. You can contract it real y fast two or three times in a row or just let your partner get a little bit deeper and surprise him by squeezing it.”
Gay and straight men who are just beginning to experiment with anal stimulation sometimes worry that they may tear the skin of the anus or the colon. The solution here is simply to use enough lubrication and to have a gentle partner. Other gay men worry whether repeated anal sex will weaken their anal sphincter. There is no evidence to suggest that this is the case, and anal sex may in fact strengthen the muscles of your anus. Nonetheless, if you are concerned or feel that your anal muscles are weak, you can try the sphincter exercise to strengthen them.
(The author goes on to write about Monogamy and Multiple Partners and Safer Sex. The whole book is a good read and important for every man. I encourage everyone to read this book. For a detailed description of cultivating your sexual energy, drawing it up your spine and the Big Draw, read my Breathing Meditation blog here below)