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Session 7

Another spectacular session! I have to be careful, as I told my wife, or I could be doing this all day every day. I set a few goals for today's session. I've been thinking of training as a sexual athlete (maybe I should change that to sexual musician). Whichever. I wanted to stay focused on the breath, stay as relaxed as possible. The goal is to stay relaxed. The goal is to feel no pleasure. In a sense.

As I tuned in to the feeling, just paying attention, trying to do nothing but feel the slightest pulse of blood, there would be a slight contraction that would draw the aneros into me, pressing against the prostate and pressing the p-tab into the acupressure point. Without any effort, not what I would involuntary, but spontaneous. As this happened I very, very subtly tried to stop the contractions, just to relax. It was like I was just pushing back a very small amount. No, that doesn't say it. It's sort of like putting the car in neutral. That little drag on the contractions caused by my intention.

With a clear focus on that, the contraction would build. But at no time did it feel like I was "doing" anything. It was like it was happening to me. I had some "please fuck me" thoughts, followed by "I'm being fucked" thoughts. Like a meditation, when ever the attention is diverted I bring awareness back the breath, and relax all muscles.

I'm pretty sure that experience is called a p-wave. I'm also very sure that I can summon a p-wave at will. Pretty much all I'd have to do is breathe, pay very close attention, and say to myself "no p-wave, please." With the attention placed anywhere in anal, pc region a very very slight movement will occur, and it will feel good. "no p-wave please" Attention reveals that there are all kinds of pulses that will rise in strength and pleasurable sensation. Again saying "no, don't do this to me". At some point the pleasure rises to a level where you are say "yes, do this to me" and you start encouraging things. You contribute to the contractions, holding them, seeking the pleasure. As soon as I catch myself helping I completely relax. That's one p-wave.