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Aneros Blogs > DarkEngine's blog (by DarkEngine)

Life in the Endgame

That's that, I suppose. I've come as far as I'll get.
Super-O's don't seem all that amazing to me, but I'm still holding onto the possibility that these amazing orgies haven't truly occurred yet. Perhaps I haven't fully let myself go in sessions.

It's been mentioned before, but my 'depression' doesn't help with the Aneros, MMO as a whole. Or vice versa!

Even then, the session last night was great. I've had pretty strong build-up to it after the past few nights - and that time I just went for it. What a great time! The weird fluttering in my stomach was strong, and my prostate went nuts. I found a position that worked great was kneeling on the bed, with the body (and sometimes femur) being upright. The p-waves grow very strong in the abdomen and pelvis.

In fact, my abdomen aches somewhat from all the tensing it has been doing! Or it could be mattress and sleeping positions causing it. I still have sexual energy flowing around me and erections will occur on a hairpin.

Great session - though these days I'm still fairly irregular on Aneros usage. Will use it maybe once every four weeks - which is a change from using it for a week and then going off it for over a month. Again, the device feels like it stirs depression as well as arousal.

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Super-O: Kind of, sort of, maybe?

* Continuos, building orgasm
* Arching back up non-stop
* Moaning is genuine now, and not 'acting'
* Rectal muscles & prostate pulsate upon possible orgasm - similar to Super-T
* First wet-dream
* Similar orgasm outside of sessions
* Still picky/reluctant to actually use Aneros

The decision was made: the next time I have a session, it would be with the Progasm and nothing else. It's too bad my sphincter muscles haven't been comfortable with it since this time last year (read: ring of fire) - though recently on one or two occasions, it settled in fine. So maybe I can take that chance?

That night I dived in, and tried it. Fortunately it wasn't producing searing pain, though still uncomfortable - more so than Progasm should be. After 15 minutes the stress on the sphincter calmed down.

And, oh boy.

Some entries with the Progasm brought up this feeling of huge, imposing orgasm. Like it felt far away, but still gigantic. Those were brief - but that evening, it was constant. That's not to say the distance had shrunk, mind you, but the Progasm's fullness was causing waves of imminent orgies to just surge non-stop.

I should note that these weren't necessarily pleasurable. There weren't tingles, rushes of adrenaline, or sweetness in the abdomen. It was just a truck ton of arousal and what felt like an incoming of a huge orgasm that never happens. But that's not bad! And actually, that's how orgasms have felt in general recently, anyway - pale, and numb. Maybe I'm so use to hands-feee orgasms by now that I've been desensitised? There isn't the "Holy crap, what is happening??" excitement.

It was still enjoyable, and got me really aroused. I was breathing and panting, my legs were twitching, my hips grinding. My abdomen was quivering with each exhale too.

And something new, too: When my arousal hit such a high, my abdomen tensed into a rock-solid state for the longest I've known. During this point, my ass did too. Then eventually, the Progasm was gently being pushed out - but gradually absorbed in. How to describe it? It's corny, but it felt like the prostate was accepting the Aneros - becoming one. As it sinked in, the prostate (and rectum) both engorged and softened up; like when the Jellyfish's body pushes water to propel forward, I suppose.

The whole event feels almost the same to ejaculating with the Aneros in - it's drawn into the glands, they soften up, and bam. So maybe I was right last year, the whole journey was about reaching that point of orgasm hands-free.

The session ended because gas was building. Anything like this is enough to warrant pulling it out. But was this a Super-O? Did I finally reach that far? Who knows. Again, it didn't feel like "OMG, THIS IS SO AMAZING!!" but it certainly felt strong.

In other news, I was up in London this past week - partly to visit my father. Getting away from my current abode did me great for stress relief! And these past few days, bursts of arousal were crazy. Today, after waking up from a siesta at 5:00pm, I had a crazy erection and felt super horny out of no where. Also, yesterday I hit an orgasm nearly as strong as the Progasm session. Damn!

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Chemistry of the Mind

* Sensations specific to anus within first minute of insertion
* Most sensations weren't Aneros exclusive until later
* Faint Out-of-Body moment early in session
* Involuntary Tug-of-War generated pleasure in anus/PC muscles
* Frequent practice still needed on sensing Aneros

That Aneros itch. I don't know about you, but it's always a source of slight distress for me. Self-inflicted distress, that is. The backbone behind it all is the best time to use the massager, specifically:
1. If my mind is sound, and I am happy enough
2. When I, and everyone else, is in bed
3. I'm in the mood for Aneros

As you'd expect, all three are situational. Waiting for everyone to go to bed is awkward since they can be up as late as 2:00am - and my happiness dips in and out. Saying that, my happiness is spent too much on arousal which obviously needs to change. Happiness is not all about sex and orgies, unless you're a University fresher.

But regardless, I should stop scheduling my Aneros sessions so damn much. It's just not working - it builds up too much anticipation, therefor expectation, and induces stress for the right time and setup to fall into place. Quite often I postpone a session by a night because I happen to loose interest, or because one of the above three doesn't occur. Boiling all these points down: I should stop caring so much about what day and time to use the Aneros. No thought or mind should be placed in it until I feel like doing so. It doesn't HAVE to be at night, after all.

But even then, I've already 'scheduled' in my brain to definitely use it on Monday. What's the point? To be fair, I am afraid my arousal might die off soon - but it's not like my arousal HAS to be in on-and-off chunks. Generally, 24 hours off is my minimum before using Aneros again. Just need to stop making such a big deal out of it.

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Should Really Take a Break

Nothing says Super-O desperation like three devices in one session!

I'm really kind of fed up right now, and it's effecting my sessions and overall attitude towards Aneros. Graduated from university this summer and I'm in that sickening, sludgy void of being unemployed. Want to be out of it as soon as I can.

And then in terms of Aneros, now I have this weird tinge that I've been relying on it too much as a source of my happiness or joy. Those new sensations, however brief, were incredible and unforgettable. There's always that itch of needing more. And boy, it's really opened up my senses to MMO in general. Even outside of sessions I can have bouts of pleasure in the abdomen.

At this point however, there are two layers of reality that have finally surfaced: a. I'm bored of Aneros/MMO
b. I've forgotten all the progress I've made, and ignore all the great vibes.

With the latter's meaning, great pleasures before DO still happen often during session. These were pleasures that, when starting off on the journey, made me consider the session a huge success. Now, though, I think...I take them for granted.

Before I thought "amazing!" and now I think "Meh, okay"

Ouch. It's really a stinker reflecting on my outlook over this. Although nice, pleasure waves of that magnitude don't feel like enough. I want stronger than before! But that's unrealistic and unaccepting <sp> of everything I achieved.

That seems to be an issue with sessions I have. The second I get the Aneros out the box, I'm at least subconsciously rooting for huge success. I'm hoping for a Super-O, no matter how little. That sucks, it's not what I should be entering these sessions thinking. But I can't help that! At least right now.

So I should take a break. Before, these somewhat happened anyway from stress over projects. It'd be a natural cycle. Now I need to make this happen voluntarily, maybe doing no MMO for three months or so. As it stands, I want huge orgasms to take my away from reality - to take my mind off things and give it something to obsess over. No way. I want a real job, and to be independent. To put my time in University to some real use.

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Dirty talking helped!?

* Session had vague sensations but wasn't going anywhere
* Semi-forced anal contractions 2 hours in began creating sensations
* When a lot of arousal built up, began dirty talk began happening in my mind
* Out of body experience occurred when dirty talk kept going
* Sweet vibes in abdomen and anus afterwards

The session clarified some loose ends on how the Aneros works, though I say this in loose a way as possible. I'd like to think I'm inching ever closer towards understanding how the device works, but I frankly just do not know anymore at this stage.

Jumping into the session, I worked on understanding the unique feelings I get with the Aneros. On a semi-conscious level I do this every time, but that night I wanted to try and define the two separate aspects of MMO: general and Aneros. Anyone reading this will already state that MMO and Aneros go hand-in-hand. Yeah, I guess - but it's been a sticking point to me that a lot of great developments I achieve with the Aneros are actually pleasures that can be replicated outside of sessions. To me, this does not ring any bells that I'm utilising the Aneros for what it's worth.

Digression aside, I wasn't hitting any of the same sensations before like the blog entry a week or so ago. This wasn't going to put me off, though. Whatever sensations I could get, I'd relax and enjoy. But then another layer of disconcertion had suddenly sunk in; maybe I'm not feeling any pleasures of last year because my body adapted to them? They have numbed away, so to speak - with my internal senses now use to them. It'd explain the instances of duds and plateaus that users can run into. Even the latter can occur in body building when the body adapts to the stress and tension subjected to the person. Saying this, some nice feelings did occur when trying some new positions like standing or kneeling upright.

When the clocked ticked in at 1:30am, I was dozy, floating through bouts of sleep. By 3:10am it was time to call it a night. I wasn't going to bother removing the Aneros since my eyes were so heavy, but decided it was for the best. As I was standing, though, the faint pleasures from before were still emanating. Pausing, the brain pondered on whether or not to see if things could still develop. Often the Aneros comes out regardless. But there were still some distinct feelings, albeit weak, strangely had enough presence to warrant some more time - and chance.

I let the sensations carry themselves yet accepted the fact it'll peter out in seconds as tonight was showing. They carried on, staying within level. They were diminishing slower by the minute. Something was clicking now, but what was it? What's happening that's causing this? My brain began thinking back to previous sessions for any clues - mood, weariness, arousal, strokes, anything.

Impatient, one last approach was made to developing arousal and making the Aneros do its magic: I somewhat forced large strokes. And that did it - it was working! Slowly and surely, arousal was building. I focused on the warm, encompassing feelings of the strokes. Strong anal contractions must of helped me become aware once more of the Aneros movements like before - normal, involuntary ones weren't cutting the mustard.

Climbed back onto the bed, now breathless from the surges of fiery pleasure building within my abdomen. And now something occurred that has happened three times before, and all three lead to thunderstorms of p-waves; my arousal got so high that dirty talk began kicking in again. I began imagining that someone )-thing?( was inducing all the sensations to me, and speaking to me in a seductive way what she/it/he was doing. It was erotic fantasy pushed to a whole new level. My mind just did this without me having to make it - it was somewhat involuntary, and I failed to note this last time.

The dirty talk built the pleasure so much, an anal contraction of maximum strength was held for a good 30 seconds - the body squirming and rattling like mad. Then for the next 10 seconds, it was nuts. Gradually…I felt disconnected from my body. My mind felt as if it was outside of it. Seriously! The feelings all swelled into my pelvic region, everything else in my body was numb for those 10 seconds. It was genuinely magic, and fucking horny. Pleasure waves kept on coalescing like an energy-generator going out of control. I wouldn't mind if the whole thing went off, of course.

I've heard users mention that odd 'floating' experience before, though I never thought I'd experience it too. After it subsided, the first thought to hit me was "Yup, okay, that was nearly a Super-O" It felt like floating up near the gates of heaven. Given the numbing effect, I sure hope I wasn't actually dying.

It WAS the dirty talk, though. I blogged about this back in December, where it wasn't even in a session - nor was there any erogenous touching. Back then, I didn't know that was even dirty talking - but ever since I frequently used aspects of it to no avail. I can't believe this, in any case. As effective as that was, I'm assuming it's something that occurs as a result of arousal already built up. Dirty talk doesn't provide arousal, it's the result of. I can't just use it to sprint back to this point. However, it still does seem to be the bridge that carries my arousal to the next level rather than plateauing it.

The feelings in my stomach are sweet and warm though - just like how I felt the following day in December. It's too bad I'll be having some crazy-mad refractory periods now.

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2nd stage of prostate awakening...?

* Tingles of pleasure in anus for first time.
* Genuinely felt the Aneros.
* Prostate engorging in sensation.
* Strong p-waves.
* Refractory period: sad, tense and desperate.

Maybe part of the fun in these sessions is never quite knowing what to expect?

I anticipated a mediocre time, but it was quite an experience. My mind wasn't feeling up for it that night but my body said so otherwise. I've partly forgotten part of what the whole thing felt like, as I usually write these entries asap, when the memory is still hot. It's too bad our internet was down these past few days.

From what I remember, the usual pleasure was all there: trickles of adrenaline, paced breathing, tense abdomen and the occasional stiff. But early into it...I felt the Aneros inside me. Well, that's a given actually. But I actually felt pleasure from its movements. When people say they felt their anus, rectum and such tingle - that MUST of been it. I'm not sure how I can explain it, especially now my memory has faded a little.

Basically, an image in my subconscious )?( sprung up. Fingering. Then I could feel sensations - albeit vague, develop down there in the anus. This must of been the bridge between my body and the Aneros, since after a bit I could genuinely feel pleasure coming from each stroke, and the prostate responding to it. Before long, it felt like the Aneros was doing this on its own accord - and I couldn't stop it unless I actually tried to.

The basic notion seemed to be this: by focusing my attention on the anus specifically, and how the Aneros felt in there, pleasures developed. Mental imagery played it's important role too, of course. But all of this seemed to of awoken my prostate further. Until recently, no amount of focusing 'down' there made any difference. The Aneros was just there and that's that.

I wanted to drop asleep with the Aneros still in, but I pulled out. Can't remember why, actually. Maybe too much itching, or the fact I had to go to the bathroom for the 5th time. In any case, there is this weird 'refractory' period and it lingers even now. The day following the session, I felt these tense, desperate vibes around me. Sometimes it felt like I wanted to cry in frustration, figuratively speaking. They weren't nice. I'm confident these come from wanting to the use the Aneros more but I held off a session until at least a day's break.

Last night should of been the time to use the Aneros again but I ditched it - eyes felt sore from doziness and just didn't really feel like it.

Tried again that night. Think I was too excited, aroused and impatient, so called it off with a Super-T. Damn, strongest T I've ever had though.

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Yup, I thought so.

So my previous entry praised and raved over the great new experiences from Monday night. Turns out they weren't discoveries with a permanent effect. I tried the MGX again tonight primarily to see if what I had uncovered in the previous session can happen again - either voluntarily or involuntarily. Nope.

It's nothing unusual though - a lot of the time I like to figure out the science of why sensations can and can't happen. It's why I started this blog after all - and why I specifically document great sessions over the norm.

Back to the topic: from what I can gather, it's being in the right state of mind. I did get nice sensations from this session, make no mistake. There were tingles and jolts that were typically enough to make me consider it great progress back last summer. And they only happened once every session or so. But this time, checking on the former entry's bullet points, almost none of that happened again. Why, I wonder? Surely I knew what to look for now, what areas to focus my mind on? How could these not repeat...?

Try as they might, it just didn't seem to click like last time. My mind was focused on what was occurring inside the anus - nothing. I sat in the same position as before, nope. I kept my breathing up - zero. Again, nice sensations were there but the problem is they never progressed forward like last time. They just sort of plateaued. Perhaps I'm just not appreciating what I have achieved in rewiring at this stage, and my mind is glutton for new discoveries? It feels like the case, admittedly, so I need to respect what I have.

Having mentioned state of mind, I'm inclined to believe it may ring home on the old issue of expectation. Indeed, it cannot be a coincidence that my best sessions were when new pleasures arose - but one key aspect, I think, was I just wasn't fussed with Aneros at the time. There wasn't any plan ahead of the day to use it, and I wasn't particularly horny before use. This hasn't always been the case though - sometimes duds still happen, but generally this is the precursor.

So then maybe there in lies a clue: expectation. It anchors my mind on one place and so I can't be swept off by the currents of pleasure. I WANT to relive the same tingles and excitement from before, but they came because I wasn't thinking about them. I let new ones take their place. (Albeit a lot of the time, they also come because I happened to of experimented or tried something new - but again, I think this is a precursor to that)
It is that naivety that ends up sweeping me off my feet.

But what other circumstance was I in last time and before that helped? As roundabout an answer as it is, it may simply be that my body was ready for it. Recalling times of sensing my prostate being massaged - this may be beyond simple mentality. It is luck of the draw and I think this is what keeps me coming back to the Aneros. With all the standard sessions (that I shouldn't call duds, but alas) I'm always confident that I will strike lucky and hit the right time with the right mood. This explains why most of my big progress has been outside of sessions - but at the same time, I know I have come a long way from starting off. Now the Aneros isn't some plastic mold shoved up my ass, feeling like there is crap stuck up there. It generates waves of pleasures I couldn't possibly get without it.

So again, I should be thankful. Ultimately, I have to just not give a care in the world on what happens or what I want in each session. Just accept what comes and be happy with it.

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Odd new involuntary massaging

* Sensations flow naturally - doing nothing or contracting.
* Pleasure builds up quite easily now.
* First time arousal from anal contracting.
* Built up pleasure quickly, and felt wormy involuntary contractions.

I thought I hit the peak of my Aneros journey for a month or two, assuming that the reality should of accepted of what I'm experiencing as being end-game - that my pleasure wouldn't be all that cracked up. Well, nope, last night's session promptly popped that plane of thought.

The few sessions before in July/August were standard for me, last night was worth blogging based on a number of new experiences. As per usual with the onset of these firework sessions, I didn't really feel in the mood for the Aneros. Nonetheless, arousal was still evident in me so I wanted to give this session a go. Originally going for the Progasm, I stumbled upon my old MGX and pondered giving that a try instead. One forum poster mentioned switching up models as being effective means for getting the ball rolling.

I went for it and it admittedly didn't really feel great. Even recall wanting to just take it out within the first 10-12 minutes or so. Things fell into place after quarter of an hour though. I could feel pleasures building, especially with deep and focused breathing. Think I just limped there and 'surrendered' myself to the nice vibes washing in - felt great. Some positions worked great this time, especially lying to my left with my right leg upright. Could feel tingling adrenaline rush around my abdomen when doing so.

Another aspect I think made a good difference is my erect dick, which I typically keep the excessive foreskin over - this time I peeled it back down to reveal the head. I don't typically do this due to a case of paraphimosis. However, some help from a brand of steroid cream did the trick, so I had little to no pain this time. That said, it felt like the erection and head allowed the pleasures to properly travel to where they should of been in a weird way. Almost as if traffic congestion no one knew about was finally sorted. Along with building arousal, it really worked wonders.

The most memorable aspect of that night, however, was the involuntary contractions. While they have always happened for as long as I used the Aneros, they didn't really provide anything. They were just there, and happened. However, last night I finally managed to hit on the sensations of the prostate and anus - I finally 'felt' them. Again, I think the erect penis helped because it wasn't kidnapping any pleasures or stealing the show for once. Anyway, I felt great sensations there and concentrated on them. Shortly, I could feel the MGX move around inside. It was weird - but new and refreshing. It was almost like it was moving by itself which given the scenario makes sense. I could even hear awkward squishes as the Aneros slid in and out.

I genuinely felt like I nearing a different orgasm - probably an anal/prostate sort. As always though, the whole thing was quite brief and for the rest of the session didn't reoccur. Maybe a prolonged refectory stage? Nonetheless, yet another odd experience occurred later. Often when my sessions reach roughly 40 minutes in, and it's going well, I get damn aroused. This time, for some random reason, dirty talk began sprouting in my mind out of the darkness. My arousal sky-rocketed at that moment however, and I had never felt my penis get so solid and tense before. It felt like it was going to burst. (All in a good way, of course) If I had been the sort to precum at all, I probably would made a hellish mess.

Well in any case, good evening. Glad I finally touched on new sensations and experiences - had doubts that I would. Trying new things led to new things. I should keep this in mind.

My refractory stages in arousal have been pretty tense as of recent though. I probably won't be using the Aneros again for weeks now.

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Prostate discovery

* Prostate finally felt - warm and tingly.
* No touching or erotic audio/visuals.
* Letting the body naturally shake engorges the sensations.
* Realising and understanding the unique feelings when Aneros is in, as opposed to out.
* Some positions worked better than others )Durr...(
* Shaking my right leg 'released' some pleasures, odd.

The session last night uncovered a few things that, while obvious, helped me to get proper usage out of the Aneros. Saying that, this is what virtually every entry goes into )if it isn't sulking(

Feeling perked by my project finally moving forward, I felt I could sleep for once that night. Some insecurities were dealt with and fear levels were down. My arousal took a flying leap from this, though. Maybe it was pent up by the stress all this time.

So I thought maybe giving the Aneros another go might give something worthwhile. It sure did. Putting it in I remembered to take note of what feelings I was getting in session. Within half an hour in - it occurred to me that the Aneros is generating pleasures from the prostate. Typically in sessions I use imagery and nipples to progress things, but this was the wrong way of doing it. This time I just let the Helix sit in there and do nothing else.

By 1:00am I was quivering and shaking my lower regions frantically, with heavy breathing pushing things further. Eventually I sat on the floor with my body over the bed like my previous entry and things progressed similarly.

Throughout the whole session I focused purely on the sensations that were developing within the anus and at some points, even for a brief moment, I'm certain I felt the warm tingle of the prostate. In fact, I think I felt the approaching of the Super-O. It was an overbearing and powerful feeling, even if the distance to it still felt far away, metaphorically speaking.

Some other points to mention is my right thigh which interestingly had some pleasurable aching, like an itch. I felt this before numerous times in previous sessions yet brushed it off as one of those oddities when on the journey. This time it dawned on me that I might get something out of putting the thigh to some work. I deliberately shook it and my arousal grew.

At that time a memory sprung to me, no doubt a missing puzzle piece: during my first Super-T last year, as I grew towards it my right leg shook frantically - my ankle tapping the ground. It was peculiar but semi-natural too. That muscle helps to pump the pleasure or something? It worked well regardless.

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Powerful session

* MGX provided new sensations
* P-Tab was still too tough
* Mass itching nearly broke the night
* Progasm settled in nicely
* Feeling of 'fullness' developed and bolstered arousal
* Tug-of-War gave Progasm large strokes
* Plus, rocking back and fourth with strokes gave large orgasms

The itching and pains around my lower regions have settled down quite a bit now - great! And the irritations in my anus have almost disappeared - save for the occasional itch here and there. The cream I use must have helped more than I realise.

Been wanting to use the Aneros again these past few weeks - the culprit working against the intention was a sore sphincter. Thankfully that's passed and now only itches once in a while during the day. Yesterday I planned to give the device a round in the evening - it was worth it in the end.

Starting off I decided to roll with the MGX, partly in that I felt the prostate was being overshot by the length of the other models. That, and a change in models would help shift things around. Slipping the MGX in was discomforting at first but it calmed down after a few minutes. Pleasures and whatnot were standard and good, but trying to develop arousal would cause my anus and balls to itch like [i]crazy[/i] - the aches of the p-tab shoving against a swelling prostate didn't help. By about 1:40am I threw in the towel and took out the MGX.

That's where I typically call it a night, yet in a new twist, my mind felt confident that something better could still come of the evening. Bringing out the Progasm, I nervously inserted it. Starting back in October, my previous attempts to use the model ended in an agonising sphincter. I was prepared for the same outcome despite my belief that things improved.

Though there were initial bursts of soreness, it eased down enough after around 15 minutes, and the discomfort was virtually gone after fifteen more. Quickly the arousal built from how large the Progasm was; said arousal felt large and foreboding )-in a good way!(, a sensations unique to that particular Aneros. While not a whole lot developed for the next 30 minutes, it wasn't until I tried the Tug-of-War that things clicked into perspective.

Kneeling on the floor, upper body on the bed, I let the PC and sphincter interchange between one another and kept my mind on this. Arousal began firing up. Soon after, I almost involuntarily started rocking my body back and fourth, and could feel the Progasm make surprisingly huge strokes. My breathing began faster and deeper, and my abdomen would tense and crunch like crazy. Before long I was being struck by one large orgasm after another, with my dick doing dry ejaculations again and again. This mass tingling in my stomach, followed by a wash of adrenaline. Felt really good!

Unfortunately, as is the case with the Progasm, flatulence built up and I had to quickly end the session from discomfort. Ran to the bathroom to eject the device, and my roommates would have to deal with non-stop farting for a few minutes. It's a bummer, as things were going so well. Guess next time I just have to make sure flatulence is dealt with beforehand. Then again, it's a running issue since the gas always builds up in me regardless of time passed since eating. Usually I can fart it out with the Aneros in still, but not the Progasm.

Still, I've had a great tickling, almost nauseous feeling in my abdomen this morning and even now - a sign that there was a great session. Still get Mini-O's of sorts even as I write this. Probably won't get the same luck next time but still, was great while it lasted.

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