From the Guide to Prostate Sex at:
In the first post in this series, I gave some general advice about how to approach learning to have prostate orgasms and talked about manual stimulation of the prostate. In the second post, I talked about the virtues of probes, prostate massagers, and vibrators. In this, the third and last post, I will discuss the use of dildos.
Dildos and Thrusting
A way of stimulating the prostate that is very different from the other techniques I've discussed is, basically, to fuck yourself. Achieving prostate orgasm this way is something I only learned to do long after I'd learned to do it other ways, though, as always, Your Mileage May Vary. But I'm glad I learned to do it this way. It's a particularly interesting sort of orgasm, since the penetration and thrusting cause so many other sensations at the same time.
The difference between this method and the use of probes, which I described in a previous article, is that, in that case, there is not a lot of thrusting. Much of the time, using the NJoy Pure Wand, for example, I am more rocking it back and forth than moving it in and out, so there is not much stimulation of the sensitive tissues around the anus, but only of the prostate. What I have in mind here, on the other hand, is a form of play that is much more focused on the in-and-out, and so where there will be a lot of stimulation of the anal ring.
Just how much size one wants is very much a personal decision. But here again, it is important to be able to move the dildo in and out in a regular, rhythmic way, so you want something fairly comfortable. And you need a lot of lube, though how much you will need depends very much on what toy you use. More on that in a moment.
Simply inserting a dildo and moving it in and out will not stimulate the prostate very much. The prostate is on the front wall of the rectum, so a dildo that is pointing directly into the rectum is mostly going to miss it. To stimulate the prostate this way, then, you have to get the dildo to rub up against, or back and forth over, the prostate. And to do that, you will usually have to angle the outer end of the dildo away from the front of your body, so that the part of the dildo inside you will be pointed toward the prostate.
This angle can be difficult to get right. If it is too steep, then the front end of the dildo will hit the prostate too directly, which is at best uncomfortable and at worst painful. If the angle is too shallow, then you will not get enough pressure against the prostate. More than with any other technique, then, you will need to experiment, pretty much every time, until you find the correct angle, and it may not always be the same one. What works best for me is when I can find an angle that allows the dildo, with each thrust into me, to sort of bounce off the prostate, the tip of the dildo bumping against it and then the body of the toy gliding along it, and then reversing the process as the dildo moves back out of me.
The right sort of dildo will make all the difference here. I have found silicone dildos generally to be good for this use. On the other hand, I find that silicone toys never get really slippery, even with a great lube. Or, if they do get slippery, they won't stay that way. The most slippery lubes are silicone-based, but of course you cannot use a silicone-based lube with a silicone dildo )unless you want to melt it(. Using a condom on the dildo helps a lot, in my experience, and of course it makes clean up easier, too.
There is no particular need for a silicone dildo to be curved. Too dramatic a curve will interfere with the in-and-out sort of motion you are trying to achieve. Since silicone dildos tend to be flexible, you can aim them right at the prostate, and they will not hit it too hard: They will kind of bump into it, then flex and move along it, and yet they are rigid enough not just to get pushed away from the prostate. But a mild curve can be useful, as can a good-sized handle. Remember, too, that any device used for anal penetration should have some kind of 'flange' at the base so that it does not get lost inside you.
Doing this solo, it can sometimes be difficult to find a comfortable position that will allow me both to achieve the right angle of penetration and to get enough force behind the thrusts to make for a truly satisfying fucking. If I'm lying on my back, it is nearly impossible to reach down far enough to angle the dildo the right way, even if I angle my hips upward using, say, a pillow. Doggy style works a bit better, since, when I put my arm behind myself to grab the dildo, that naturally pulls it up towards my back and so helps achieve the right angle. But with one hand on the dildo, I have only one arm to support myself, which can quickly become tiring. What often works best is if I lie on my side, and then reach around behind myself. This is an easy position to maintain. Prone )that is, simply lying on my stomach( can work well, too.
When I get the rhythm right, this is a wonderful way to play. I can use a shallow angle for a while, just screwing myself without worrying about my prostate. This feels fantastic by itself—as I've mentioned before, the tissues around the anus are exquisitely sensitive—and it increases my arousal until I am ready for an orgasm. At that point, I can change the angle to one that does stimulate my prostate, have an orgasm, go back to screwing myself until I'm ready for another orgasm, and so forth.
I have recently started to use glass dildos as well as silicone ones. I love how solid and weighty they feel, and it doesn't hurt how incredibly beautiful some of them are, either. But the main thing is how smooth and slippery they are, even without a lot of lube )though you will, of course, always need some(. One thing to watch out for here is that you probably don't want a lot of texture on a glass dildo )as with, say the Icicles #5 or #29(. My anus, at least, does not respond well to rough treatment, and while slow movement of something with some texture can feel nice, too much texture is irritating, at best.
A gentle curve, on the other hand, is almost essential with glass toys. The Icicles #22, for example, has a nice "bubble" at the tip, but it can be difficult to get it to contact the prostate in the right way, because it is hard to get the angle of penetration right. And because the dildo is so rigid, if the angle is too deep, then it will hit the prostate too hard. Ouch! That said, if all you want is to get fucked but good, then a nice, straight dildo like the #22 is just the ticket.
Contrast dildos like the Icicles #17 and #21. The curve here makes them almost perfect for prostate stimulation. If you hold the dildo at a natural angle—just as it sits, on its own, in your rectum, with the curve pointing up towards your stomach—and then move it in and out, the curve rocks the head of the dildo back and forth. As it enters you, the bulb at the end of the dildo is forced against the prostate, moving over it as penetration continues, and then it pulls out along the prostate again as the dildo slides out of you, all in all providing quite a wonderful experience. My prostate, at least, especially appreciates the "moving out" part. With many different toys, I find that one of the most pleasurable sensations is when the tip of the toy kind of loops around the posterior portion of the prostate, and then presses against it as the toy is withdrawn, almost as if it is pulling on my prostate.
My only complaint about the #17 is that the ball at the end is almost 1.5" wide, and there is no taper at all, so it can be a bit difficult for me to insert it. I have to warm myself up a fair bit, whereas the #21, though not much smaller, is much easier to insert, due to the tapered tip.
Glass vs silicone involves some trade-offs, and I feel different ways about it different days. Because silicone dildos are flexible, I find that I'm able to fuck myself much harder with them, and still achieve good stimulation of the prostate, than I can with one of the glass ones. It is, as I've already intimated, too easy to hurt yourself with something so hard and rigid. So be careful!
By the way, I should perhaps add that curved dildos have a tendency to want to turn themselves around the wrong way, so that the curve is pointing away from the prostate. So you may sometimes need to check which way around it is.
Finally, much of what I have said about glass dildos should also apply to metal ones, though I have not myself used a metal dildo, so can't speak from first-hand experience.
No doubt, penetrative, thrusting stimulation of the prostate is easier if you have a partner who can manipulate the dildo for you, though I confess I have never had that pleasure. And, obviously, if you have a partner who is prepared to wear a dildo, or one who has a fleshy penis of their own, then you have all kinds of additional possibilities to explore. But I have not had those pleasures, either, so I will not comment on them.
Still, there are other ways to go "hands free". There are plenty of "fucking machines" to which you can mount a dildo, and the machine will then move it back and forth, for automated fucking. Unfortunately, these machines tend to be fairly expensive, as in $500 or more.
I've had some luck, though, mounting a dildo to something rigid and then moving my body. Some years ago, for example, I had a vibrating dildo that had died. So I took out the vibrating mechanism from the base and mounted what was left on the end of a broomstick, or something of the sort, which I then was able to wedge under my mattress firmly enough that it would not move when I did. I could then get on my hands and knees, insert the dildo, and rock myself back and forth so that the dildo would go in and out of me. This is good for simulating intercourse, but it can be hard to get a good angle for stimulation of the prostate.
Similarly, many harnesses can be mounted on pillows, or wrapped around sofa cushions, or what have you, and a dildo can then be attached to them. Harnesses that are designed to mount on the thigh, such as the Outlaw Fix, are a good choice here, and I actually have a "harness", with extremely long straps, that was specifically designed to mount on a couch cushion, or an ottoman, or whatever, but I've not seen such a thing advertised for several years.
There are also various sorts of sex furniture that will accept a dildo, such as the Liberator BonBon, and these can be used as well. The BonBon does not work so well for serious thrusting, however, as there tends to be too much 'play' in this kind of setup. That is, it moves too much when I do, since the BonBon is pretty light, and there is nothing holding it down. )I suspect this is more of a problem when using the BonBon for anal penetration than when using it for vaginal penetration, since most vaginas don't "grip" nearly so firmly as most anuses.( But I have had some luck using rope, or something of the sort, to secure the BonBon to my bed.
Instead of thrusting, there is another technique you might also try, one that has sometimes worked very well for me. Using the BonBon, or a similar setup, I insert the dildo as far as it will go and then rock my hips back and forth over it. This causes some slight in-and-out movement, but mostly it effects a kind of prostate massage, pushing the body of the dildo against the prostate as my hips rock back, then releasing the pressure as they rock forward, and so forth, over and over. This is a nice, 'active' way to play, and it can give your hips quite a workout, as well as lead to some very pleasant orgasms.
Experiment with where your 'resting' position is. If you move your entire body forward a bit, so that the base of the dildo moves back, then the part that is inside you will move toward the front of your body, i.e., towards your prostate. If you move your body back, then the dildo moves away from your prostate. This allows another degree of control over the amount of pressure that will be applied when you rock your hips.
There are several different ways to stimulate the prostate so as to bring about prostate orgasms. Not all of these methods will work for everyone, but all of them have worked for me, at least at some time or other, though even now some of them are more reliable than others. No one can know what will work for you and, as I have said, it will take time to learn how to orgasm in a new way. Only through practice and experimentation can you find what does and does not work for your particular body.
If you're wondering whether to start trying, though, then let me just say this: You do not know what you are missing. If you did, you would not wonder; you would start right now. Prostate stimulation provides a kind and depth of sexual pleasure that is simply not available to people with prostates any other way, so far as I am aware. When was the last time you had fifteen orgasms in an hour?
If you have any questions, please feel free to ask them.