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an intro, of sorts

On Thanksgiving Day (I live in the U.S.) 2011 I decided to eat some magic mushrooms instead of the traditional turkey. As sometimes happens in such ventures, I got a bit horny at a certain point and decided to pleasure myself while looking at a variety of video erotica. Typically I don't include my ass in such play, not because I don't enjoy it, but because I deemed it more trouble than it was worth. I've certainly had some enjoyable experiences with my butt, prostate, etc. over my 50 years of life. I even had a partner for awhile who was into my ass unlike any woman I had previously known--with lots of rimming and even a bit of pegging...and I really enjoyed that. So I'm no stranger to playing with my backside.

For some reason, on that particularly bemushroomed turkey day, I felt a little tingle in my butt and I thought it could fun to pay some attention to that. But I didn't want to scrounge up some lube and then try to track down a dildo or candle. So I rigged my HItachi wand vibrator such that I could sit on it with pressure towards my prostate through my perineum. It worked pretty well, actually.

Some time later that night, once the fungal fun had subsided somewhat, I got psyched about including my prostate more directly in future self-pleasure sessions. (I don't have a lover right now, so all my pleasuring is self-pleasuring these days.) Somewhere along that Google info super-highway I wound up on, and was very much intrigued.

Within about a week I had ordered and received two different Aneros models, the MGX, and the Progasm. I ordered the MGX by itself, initially, but some things I read suggested I might like the Progasm too.

My first couple sessions were "interesting," but might be classified as "duds" by more experienced Anerosians. But by session #3, which took place within about an 18 hour period that included the first two, some amazing sensations started to happen. I was using some variant of Astroglide for those first sessions because I didn't know any better, and I happened to have some on hand. But I soon learned that I preferred oil-based lubes derived from plants. I had a tub of organic coconut oil in my fridge, and that worked pretty well until I later discovered the joys of shea butter and natural jelly.

My first week with my new toys was pretty intense. I totally understood the warnings about "getting addicted." All I wanted to do was spend more time with my Aneros devices. (Owning my own business, which I run from my home--along with not having a lot of outside commitments including no spouse or children provides a lot of freedom in this regard.) I noted the caution about daily sessions, but I was hungry for more, and so I went at it with as much vigor as my desire could inspire.

At around Day 5 or Day 6 I had my first dry orgasm, it was a distinctly anal orgasm. The sensations leading up to it were delicious in themselves. Even if I had never reached any sort of "O" with the Aneros, those feelings would have been enough to keep me going. So when the anal orgasm hit me for the first time, I was like "YES! THIS IS IT!"

A day or two after those first dry O experiences, I video'd myself using my MGX and caught a few of these on camera. It was prescient that I did this because later I would wonder whether I had dreamed it all, which I will explain shortly.

After about a week I was noticing a diminishing sensitivity in "my nethers" and where I was previously starting with the Progasm, but then switching to the MGX for the "real fireworks," I found myself sticking with the Progasm for sessions as I could no longer really feel the MGX. This was probably a warning that I should have heeded, but I was an Aneros slut by that point and wanted to keep pushing and pushing it. Within a day or so of that shift, even the Progasm was losing its previous impact, and I surmised that maybe I just needed something a little bigger. So I tried one of my dildos. This may have been a mistake.

I found that I could easily accommodate a 6.5" member quite comfortably, and I found a good position on my knees where I could fuck myself vigorously with it...and I started having anal-O after anal-O...but it was really hard work. I had to bang my ass pretty hard, to the point where I was working up quite a sweat. I knew that although I was experiencing "orgasmic pleasure levels" that I wasn't quite doing IT right. I had read a fair amount on the Aneros Forum, blogs, and Wiki that the ideal was to be R E L A X E D. My addictive hunger for more anal pleasure got the better of me.

Even before I got to the point of almost abusing my backside, I kind of lost interest in having a traditional orgasm. What I was experiencing was so much more satisfying, I didn't care (at that point) whether I ever had a regular, ejaculatory orgasm again. Despite that, I had gotten a bit "cocky" about my Aneros use. I thought I was one of the lucky few who could rewire easily and quickly. The doldrums that followed my rectal dildo pounding quickly disabused me of that notion.

My innards were a bit sore for a day or so after the dildo madness, and I took at lease a day off from Aneros as a result. But once I started my sessions again, it just wasn't anything close to being what it was that first week. Not even close. After a three or four frustrating days, I decided to take a full week off. I tend to incorporate cannabis with my sessions and since meeting Lady Aneros in late November, I rarely enjoy the Green Goddess without taking the former along for a ride. Conversely, when I am not planning to dance with Lady Aneros, I'm not as interested in the Green Goddess. So I took a week off from her as well.

During that by-week I had ordered and received a Helix model, thinking maybe it might make a difference. But my first session with her was a "dud." It was a little bit disappointing after my accidental successes of my first week, but I understand the "journey" aspect of all this, and along the way I have understood even more how subtle and intricate the process of rewiring is likely to be. So I didn't lose heart, not completely.

And that was a good attitude to have, because even though most of my sessions might be considered "duds," there have been enough stirrings and hints of things to come that assure me I'm not just spinning my wheels with this process. In fact, I had a few sessions this past week with a few involuntaries with p-waves...but I have yet to master the process of conscious/deliberate amplification. So I'm trying to enter each session with a relaxed attitude where I'm grateful for whatever happens.

I got a little preoccupied with lubes early on because at that stage, having the right amount of lube seemed to make a huge difference for me. But I was also over-lubing sometimes, which not only makes a mess but interferes with p-tab action. I've used ID Glide, ID Millenium, Astroglide, shea butter, natural jelly, and even a concoction I mixed up myself inspired by natural jelly using coconut oil, grape seed oil, and beeswax (although I had the beeswax portion too large for the first batch--I was shitting almost intact lube-suppositories after sessions with that mix). I discovered shea butter to be the simplest to use and most effective for the sessions I was having (usually 2-3 hours at a time). I know that my energies would probably be best focused on the "inner training" in terms of attention, sensitivity, and relaxation -- rather than trying to find a "more perfect lube." But as I mentioned in my previous post about my natural jelly experiments, I have a personality defect that sometimes likes to try to trick myself into thinking I'm doing something "positive" and forward-moving, when I'm actually making a lateral that might improve my down-field chances, but not necessarily.

Despite sounding as if I'm really beating myself up over this, I'm not. I find it amusing as it plagues me in other areas of my life.

Anyhow, this brings things (mostly) up-to-date. I'm now averaging around three or four sessions a week, which sometimes involves two sessions within a 24 hour period on the weekends (like late Friday night, and then mid-Saturday morning, for example). Now that I'm better connected to the Aneros Brotherhood I suspect I'll be getting some good advice which will help me re-educate my body-mind and undo some of the damage I may have done when I mistakenly thought I had "figured this thing out" and started "pushing" things...leading up to my dildo madness. I better appreciate the need to relax, and I'm trying to keep that as a primary focus in my sessions these days.

This is more than enough for now, but I intend to share some of the insights I've gained thus far in future blogs--not only around my Aneros use, but also around my sexuality in general, what arouses me, what doesn't, and so forth.